Hi, I'm Todd Glass, standup comedian, author, and host of The Todd Glass Show podcast. Ask Me Anything.

You fuck that shit?

You knows it. (Note- That got a really good snort out of me.)

Do you ever stop in the middle of a meal and say, "the Todd is half empty"?

No, but I will now.

Did you have any idea what you were getting yourself into with U Talkin U2 To Me?

Are you talking about the show I did with Scott Aukerman and Adam Scott?

Howdy Mr. Glass, I love it when you're on Getting Doug with High. You're always hilarious. Do you know if you're going to be on again any time soon?

Howdy to you good sir! I just did my third episode a few weeks ago, so I guess I'm due for another one a few months from now. It is honestly my favorite show to do.

1. Are the rumors that you're the actual father of Zuri Kye Edwards, a love child which resulted from you opening for Patti Labelle in the 1970's?
   
2. Further, is it true that you've used your announcement on WTF to try and shield yourself from back child support payments which the Labelle estate was seeking?

It's true... it's all true.

Has James Adomian's impression of you made you self conscious about asking "What if" questions?

Good question. First of all, I love his impersonation! It makes me giggle like a little kid. I'm a little aware for the first day, then I forget about it.

Have you and Patton Oswalt ever thought about teaming up for some kind of buddy comedy where you played his less-nerdy older brother?

We never talked about it, but I have loved Patton Oswalt for a long time and would be up for it if he was!

Who's your favorite comedian from the past and present?

That’s a hard one to answer, but living legends… Don Rickles. Present Eddie Pepitone.

To George Carlin?

Yes, "to George Carlin." But, it was a close call. To this day, I love everything George Carlin did.

Hi Todd, big fan of your work. Are you going to record an audiobook version of The Todd Glass Situation? If so, can you do a super-unabridged version where you read the same paragraphs 10 to 20 times in a row? You could read the paragraph, then re-read it with reverb, then get Kinno to read the paragraph, then bring in "Jerry Seinfeld" to read the paragraph, get Rory's cat to read the paragraph...

Soooooooooooooooooo fucking funny!!!

I did record an audio version. Unfortunately, my reading skills aren't the best, so it was read by someone els.

Hey Todd! Huge fan here from Philly. You've been cracking me up since the first LCS. Is there anywhere you wont go with a joke? Is there a line? Keep up the good shit

First of all, say hello to Wawa for me. There's not a topic in the world that can't be funny... as dark a some people might perceive it to be. But, but, but... that doesn't mean everyone attempt at talking about certain issues is well executed. I just try to make sure my comedy will be on the right side of history... In other words, I hope I'm making fun of the right people - only time will tell.

Hi Todd. One question: did you fuck that shit?

First of all, that makes me laugh every time. And second of all, you bet!

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Hello to you!

How is it working with Daniel Tosh?

He hits me. Call 911!

He likes doing exactly what I do; doing the shows and then going out to a really nice dinner. I smoke a little pot, he doesn't... but I thoroughly enjoy it. Hope that wasn't too boring of an answer.

Big fan. Two questions: -How manny puppies have you actually bitten?
-Do you have any other music advice (asides from turning up the reverb and hiring a live drummer to play at parties)?

Puppies Bitten – Uncountable. Go all over the place with music; old new, progressive, disco.

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That genially make me laugh every time... You knows it!

Your favourite joke?

There's so, so, so many. But Mitch Hedberg's... "I use to do drugs... I still do... but I use to, too." And while we're quoting Mitch Hedberg jokes here's another one... "I saw a sign that said escalator temporarily broke... shouldn't it have said escalator temporarily stairs."

Hi Todd, big fan of the podcast. First question, do you remember that one episode last year or so where you opened pretending you were talking to, if I'm getting it right, a "Justin" who was wearing a blue shirt while driving to work, just to freak out that one random person out of a million who fit all three criteria? Turns out I was that guy. I'm not complaining, it's just weird to find out I have a psychic stalker and that it turns out to be someone I respect.

Actual question, and I'm sure I'm the only one who still cares, but what happened to Confused-ish? It seemed like you all were on the cusp of working out what that character was, and then just sort of stopped. You had the theme song and everything, and now it's society's loss. What happened?

First of all, I do remember that... I always think it's funny that someone coincidentally will fit the description. "I love it!!" And you're right, I don't know why we dropped the ball on it..... We'll try it again next week!

Do you feel obligated to make podcasts as a comedian or is it something you actually enjoy?

It's something I seriously enjoy. In a way, "it's almost better than hanging out with my friends in real life," because you're being silly and having a good time... but you turn your cell phone off and are 100% committed to bits; without any outside interruptions.

Hey Todd, I loved you on Getting Doug with High because you were extremely stoned. How often do you smoke?

Thank you! About 3 or 4 times a week.

How long did it take for you to be able to support yourself financially doing strictly comedy-related things?

I started comedy when I was 16, so I lived at home and didn't need much money. I could finically support myself 3 years into stand-up.

Hey Todd! You're a funny man you are.

Have you tried to get Tosh on the podcast? Do you think he'll ever do it?

First of all, thank you. Daniel doesn't do any late-night shows or talk shows. Although we're good friends, I try not to bother him with my podcast... considering he let's me do anything on his show.

Sloppy hoppy or rippity dippity?

Best fucking question all day. No brainer - Rippity Dippity

did you blacklist Daniel Kinno?

Absolutely not, he's just extremely busy. He'll be back soon.

What's the most ridiculous thing you've heard a homophobe say after you came out on the WTF podcast?

Besides some random tweet from a somebody... surprisingly nothing. I guess that's a sign of good times, at least within the comedy community.

Hey, Todd. I read your book and i listen to the podcast religiously. You are super funny. I know this is asking a lot but could you please mention me on the podcast and then do that bit where you scream "HONEY!"? that bit makes me laugh every time no matter how many times you do it. just say "Hi RahmEeRoh" and i think I'll die. but if you don't want to it's cool.

Done! Listen to the opening of this weeks show.

Hi Todd, I only recently heard of you, on the WTF Podcast (I'm from the UK, so I'm sure you'll excuse me for not knowing you). Congrats on your coming out - how do you think it's affected / will affect your career? And what's your favourite movie. Cheers.

Even though, I don't talk directly about my relationships on stage yet, it has made me be more honest in other areas of my act. In comedy, truth usually leads to being a better comedian.

My favorite movie... Super Troopers.

Do you like money?

Yes. Yes, I do. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/todd-glass-likes-money

Hey Todd, I really enjoy your unique sense of humor.

Just curious, why did you leave Comedy and Everything Else? They made a big deal over the "reason" for your departure on the podcast, yet it was never actually explained.

Thanks!

It wasn't anything major. I'm sure this is something a lot of people know, but sometimes it's very hard to work with friends.

I've got only 1 question. ...You fuck that shit?

Come on, you know the answer to that.

Todd have you ever had an episode of the podcast that you didnt release?

Not a the studio. But we've done a few after shows at my house, without Aristotle, and they were not recorded properly.

Love the podcast! Regarding that, what do you feel makes for a great guest? Like, I loved when Jimmy Pardo ended his most recent episode with you asking about orange chicken. I keep that episode and listen to it, for the amazing setup that was.

edit: A guy was talking about confused-ish, and I wanted to offer a couple I made up! 1: To the man who worries about every little thing, he must have shrunk himself. 2: Give a man a fish to listen for a day, give a man an instrument to write Phish covers.

What makes a great guest for me, is someone willing to completely be child like and bare their silly soul. And it's a bonus if they don't mind opening the show talking about some social issues.

Hey Todd, thanks for doing this! I don't have any major questions, just wanted to say you're hilarious and an awesome guy. Loved the special, love the podcast and it's always a treat when you're guesting on other people's shows.

Have Wil Anderson back soon, that was excellent.

Pussy?

Appreciate you taking the time to send some very kind words my way... definitely appreciate it. I hope to have Will back very soon, I loved him on every level; silly, deep, serious, political, social!

HON, WHO, HE, HOR!

I love your podcast, one of the highest laughs per minute shows out there. One thing I just can't figure out, is there really a band in there while you're recording, or is it just a joke with music drops you're playing? If there are actual musicians in there, are you able to make a dime off the podcast, or are you strictly using the podcast to get people out to your live shows?

Also, who's the better guest, Kirkman or Tompkins?

I'm not worried about making money on the podcast right now, but like you said, it very much helps the attendance at my comedy shows.... Seriously, Paul and Jen are both awesome! I have great affection from both!

Going on a road trip starting next week. Do you have any suggestions for the "EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LET ME LISTEN TO MY SONG" bit?

Also, just started listening to the show after Staind Glass and I can't get enough. The Walter Matthau bits with James made me cry laughing at the grocery store - a woman stopped to ask me if I was okay. Amazing.

Any children nursery rhymes are really funny. Thanks, Todd!

Todd my girlfriend and I think you're absolutely hilarious. Please keep doing what you're doing. Any plans to come to central florida?

First of all, thank you very much. Appreciate the positive energy. I'm due to come back to Florida. I can visit my friends and the band "Fake Problems."

hey todd, when are you coming to Illinois?

I will be in Chicago on November 20th-22nd at Up Comedy Club.

Were you ever able to satisfy David Cross by listing examples for the full 2 minutes on stage, or did you always bail out before because you were scared of losing the crowd?

Good question - He offered me $2,500 if I could do that bit for 2 1/2 minutes. On the fifth night, I managed to do it. Back on the bus, at the end of the night, his tour manager gave me $2,500 in an envelope.

Be honest - do you really hate dumb-bells? (asking for a friend)

Seriously, no one likes a dumb-bell.

Hi Todd! How many Staind songs do you know? Also, I love you and will give you money by buying your book soon.

No offense to them, but none.

Todd. Two part question.

One: Am I crazy? Or is Rory Scovel so funny that it's kind of not fair, and like, how is he doing it?

Two: Staind Glass was hilarious. Would you consider making that podcast a weekly affair?

Thanks so much, you're a hilarious man.

First of all, great big fat thank you! Rory is crazy funny, and it's because he let's himself be as silly as he wants to be. I've learned a lot by watching him. The answer to your second part, if Scott Aukerman is up to it, I would be, maybe once a month would be easier.

What would your ultimate club look like ?

ACME in Minneapolis or the Laughing Skull in Atlanta.

Do you keep it real?

You knows it.

Todd, I love watching you Get Doug as well as seeing you on Norm's video podcast. Question: Did you write all of the awful pranks in your awful prank show?

To be honest, the first prank I did... but the writers at Tosh.O come up with most of them. I'm always impressed that the writers of Tosh can write for my voice so perfectly. Even though it's just a silly bit, in my mind, they nail it every time!

Hey todd having any luck being like will Ferrell lately? Is that too ambitious of a call back?

You just got a good laugh out of me. Hi, Roman!

How did you and Tosh come up with and shoot Todd Glass' Awful Prank Show?

If I remember correctly, it came from those shitty prank shows where the reveal wasn't any good... somehow that merged with a guy who loves his bits so much, he gets violently angry upon the reveal.

Hi Todd,

2 questions:

What's a show or podcast you haven't appeared on yet that you'd most like to appear on?

Pussy?

Thanks for being awesome and so confidently your singular self (this is a compliment).

Defiantly Howard Stern, Real Time with Bill Maher, and Ellen DeGeneres.

When you open for Louis CK, do you find it easier or harder to follow the "Shut the fuck up" announcement he makes before you go out, which generally riles the crowd (at the prospect of hearing Louis)?

I fucking love that Louis makes the announcement. It might rile up a few people, but overall, it sends a very clear message. I would literally be giggling next to him, every night while he was making the announcement... even if it was some of stuff I've heard before. Especially, when he would say "Don't look at your phones because it lights up your big-bloted face. In the event that there's something you want to yell out, please leave the theater and go back to your shitty apartment and kill yourself."

Do you still try to get into places by saying your Treat Williams?

Holly shit, I haven't done that in a long time!

Hello, Todd.

I recently relistened to your episode of improv4humans. Are you actively pursuing improv or was that just a one off kind of thing? Would you do it again?

I was actually a little nervous doing that. I'm okay at improving, when I have my act to fall back on. Or on my podcast, we have the 'bail out' theme always ready to go. But I did have fun doing that.

Will we get to see new episodes of Todd's Awful Prank Show soon?

We're due for something in a few months. I'm also trying to think of a new running joke to do on Tosh.O.

What has been your worst STD?

Up to this point, never had one.

Hey Mr. Glass. What do you think is the funniest show currently on television? Also what does Conan smell like?

There's so many great shows on television right now! But because I'm basically surfing the channels, I end up watching Family Guy, 30 Rock, Letterman, and Bob's Burger.

Hey Todd, love your standup. You're a funny guy.

One of my favorite bits is your impression of Rodney Dangerfield doing Mitch Hedberg jokes.

What do you think are the hallmarks of your standup that other people could imitate about you?

I guess from watching James Adomian, I preface, don't finish sentences, and say "What if" a lot.

Youre first book is a great read. ive laughed and cried on the same page. any plans for another?

First of all, big, fat, thank you... I don't have any plans for a second book right now, but if I do, the title will be "You're Wrong Get Over It"

Where do you find all the random songs/jingles/soundbites that you play on the show? not the ones jingle joe makes but like, the trumpet kid, or the music that reminded Eddie Peppitone of a mental hospital? Do you make Aristotle browse endlessly for these things?

Actually, I browse the internet for those strange things, while on the treadmill. Jake and I meet every Tuesday at 4, edit, and put them on the soundboard.

Have you met Mel Gibson yet?

No, I have not.

how important is it to go to open mics where the whole crowd is just comedians?

My personal belief... always.

Back when I started, I would always had two set lists... if I went on at the end of the night, when it was just comedians, I would preform all new material.

Who are you?

Todd Glass.

Hey Todd! You're one of the few comedians i respect waaaay more now as a result of trying to write my own material. You're a very smart and very funny man.

When writing, how much do you worry about what the audience will think? Do you know how funny the joke is before you go on stage?

Todd Glass! Woo!

First of all, I genially appreciate the kind words. In answer to your second question, no I don't think of the audience while deciding what is funny. And just because one audience doesn't laugh at a joke, doesn't mean I'll drop it of my act... but after it not being funny 3 or 4 times, I say goodbye to the joke.

Do you enjoy doing the Tosh sketches?

BTW Huge fan...

Yes, I do. But I think I'm ready to come up with something new, besides the prank show.

Hey Todd! I love your comedy and your podcast and pretty much everything you do. My question is: Do you have any bits or jokes that you really love but never go over well?

EDIT: I literally just remembered that we met one time! I recorded your Comedy Attic intro for Jared!

First of all, hi!

... Yeah, that happens every so often. But if I can't get it to work, it's not the audiences fault... I drop it out of the fucking act.

P.S. I'm such a bad typer that I'm actually not typing this, but my friend Nick Lepa is. I wanted to give him a shout out... go follow him on Twitter... @nick_lepa

What inspired to do comedy and how much did Last Comic Standing expose you to the public? Love your sense of humor dude. Keep that shit coming!

First of all, thank ya, thank ya, thank ya. Looking back, I liked comedy when I was 10 years old, I would watch the comedians on The Tonight Show all the time... Then when I went to my first comedy club, I became obssesed with comedy... Last Comic Standing was very helpful. Whenever you're doing television at prime-time, it introduces you to a new audience.

Hi there! Could you share with us the shortest joke you know with the most punch?

My grandfather has two wooden legs - there's a fire at his house and he burnt to the ground.... buy my book "The Todd Glass Situation."

You sir have a sick name! How is life being Todd Glass? Also, who is your favorite late night host?

First of all, thank you. Second of all, I think all the late-night people are doing a great job, at taking an old format and putting a fresh spin on it, making it their own... But if I have to pick, I'd go with Letterman. I fucking love him!

where's the best fresh air?

Wherever Doug Benson is.

Hey Todd, I always listen to Preston and Steve (Philly morning show) and whenever you're on it's always entertaining.

My question, how is it going there compare to other radio shows you do? Do they seem like nice people?

They're hands down one of the most enjoyable morning shows to do. Everyone one that show is so nice, so friendly; it makes you not mind to get up at 6 in the morning to do morning radio.

Tom Leykis or Lisa Leykis?

Lisa Leykis.

Hey Todd as with any profession everyone grows and evolves, what's one thing you've done where you absolutely surprised yourself in seeing how far you've come as a comedian?

In the past 2 years, not lying and saying I have a girlfriend.

Are you related to the composer Philip Glass?

No, I am not.

I think it's fucking ridiculous that the last five AMA's I've clicked on are filled with disrespectful shits asking stupid and pointless questions. Do the mods even moderate?

To be honest, some of the questions might be inside jokes, which understandably would not make sense to you.... I actually thought all the questions were fine. In all fairness, you didn't ask me anything, except if they moderate this page.

Haha. You got me there. But the questions were like "Why is your book so shitty?" or "Why are you even doing an AMA?" I just find it disrespectful, because people ask these people to come here because they are interested. You guys take the time out of your day to answer these questions, for no reason other than public interest. Common decency has decreased in the last 30-40 years, especially the last 10. Some people didn't have good parents raising them, apparently. Lol

I appreciate that your message came from a loving place. Other than a few, I didn't notice any negative massages.... so I guess MAYBE Simon and Schuster are moderating this page and taking out the negative ones.