IamA Men's Dating Coach. I travel to various cities and teach men how to approach women without creeping them out. The women tend to enjoy meeting my students. Most of them find dates shortly after my program. AMA!
My blog is www.absoluteability.com
I came from the pick up artist scene, but don't identify with them anymore.
I just released a book on http://www.amazon.com/Tony-D/e/B00F206ZMU/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
I'm from Vancouver BC, but I travel extensively for clients who hire me.
My method is based on learned confidence, charm, and boldness. I don't teach manipulation and I'm not a chick bangin douche.
Many men are too intimidated or too shy to approach girls. They live lonely, miserable lives. Think of all your friends who are perpetually single and depressed, even though they look alright, are smart and have decent jobs. These are the guys that hire me. I help them become more attractive, and it works.
My Proof: I'll post on my Twitter at www.twitter.com/tonydabsolute
I also have a sub. It's new. http://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePill/
Haha. Every time. I think Hitch is great because it makes Internet people hate me less. Oh, he's like Hitch! People fear what they don't understand, so anything helps.
Hitch teaches guys how to get one girl. I teach guys how to be more attractive to all women.
I have terrible approach anxiety which pretty much limits the scope of my conversations with new girls I meet. I am a good looking guy, so I can hold their attention for a bit, but then my conversations bore them.
Any tips on how to change this?
I did a seminar on this. Check it out. It's free. www.soundcloud.com/zardoz1
Verbal game is the number one problem most men THINK that they have. In fact, if you can entertain a good friend with your conversation skills, you could entertain any intelligent woman. It's your nerves and self-consciousness that keep you stifled and in your head.
This stifledness manifests in your body language and vocal tonality. You stutter, sweat, mumble, chirp, beg, plead.
So you need to desensitize yourself, like someone jumping off a diving board many, many times. Until the fear is gone, your verbal charm will be stifled.
How do you know they are bored? Could this be a manifestation of your own insecure thought patterns? Try changing the process. Tell yourself that all of your conversation are witty, fun and interesting. If you believe in yourself, others will believe in you. Sounds cheesy, but there's a very practical way to implement this.
Talk to the next woman you meet about anything. The weather, your vintage gaming device, your office job. But talk about it with the utmost enthusiasm. You'll see, they will be very interested in your excitement.
Take improv classes. They will help you access that creative side, the emotional conversationalist. It will help you develop humor, wit and creativity. Which is what you should develop if you want to charm ladies.
I am pretty sure I bore them since they don't really reciprocate or continue the conversations too well. I assume it is because they find me boring.
I mean I've had girls straight up tell my friends they want to meet me, my sister's friends have all told her they want to meet me (for example), hwever after some convesations their interest sort of dies out. I am convinced it's because I am not that interesting.
Could this be a manifestation of your own insecure thought patterns?
There's always the possibility it's me.
I think you are right overall though. My mind may effects the way I manifest myself. It's probably it. I'll look into your seminar though! Sounds like it will help me a bit.
Read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It will help you to quiet the chatter in your head. That's the ego, comparing, judging, whining. Shut that fucker up. Get out of your head and think positively. That's step one to becoming a sexy man.
I will do that
That's just sociopathic. I have integrity. My version of it at least. I don't know who does that and I don't care. Maybe they figured they were helping people. It's not professional. Too many weirdos give the industry a bad name. Maybe I'm one too. Yes. Most likely. But I'm a good teacher.
Pua has broken into so many schools of thought. The men's rights, the red pills, the manosphere. I've never been dogmatic. But most men want the same thing. They want to be intimate with beautiful women. I teach that. I just use pua as an internet search phrase. Sure, I'm a pickup artist. Pua no longer means Pickup Artist. It's more a label, like Democrat, or Nike, or The Beatles. It means nothing.
There are some great people in that scene, but the mainstream is always looking for a few "douchebags" to wave their pitchforks at, thanks to some idiot, parroting bad dating advice whilst wearing Ed Hardy.
Pua is just a men's self improvement scene. Because we improve, we get laid. And we don't need good looks or lots of money to do so.
Old pua is associated with memorized lines and manipulative tactics, which many guys still play with. But our fears make it appear evil, like black magic or some shit. That's the mainstream, the majority view of pua. Sounds creepy.
Pua is your little brother wanting a girlfriend. He's the lawyer that wants his ex back. He's the insecure cripple and the shy body builder. They need something to search for in Google. Pua works for now.
Any advice for women who want to girl chase themselves? ;)
Google Arden Leigh
All of this information is on my blog, starting back four years ago. But I also have a new book out.
Pm me and I will send you a copy of my book for free. For the next several days anyway. It's called, "I hope it's Sunny Out."
If anyone would like a free copy, pm me.
Ok due to the overwhelming number of you that want a free ebook, here you go. The free coupon expires at midnight. You have to register for Smashwords. It's easy. Please leave a review on Smashwords! Or you could slip me a donation on my blog. Or just use the information to improve your life. Actually take action.
Do you think cheeky pick up lines actually work on women?
When I say them, yes.
The key is to be self-amusing, and not self-serving. If I say something lame like, "Ooooh girl, your legs must be long, cuz you been runnin through my mind all night long!" women will laugh.
This is because I'm a white hipster looking dude, talking like he's black. But when they see my body language and realize I'm just teasing them, it's ironic and funny.
Guys sometimes think lines work because women react to them. But they aren't always reacting to the words, they're reacting to the man's confidence in using the words. The words are like a magic sword to swing. But take away the sword, and they feel naked and lost.
That's why I teach natural, improvisational flirtation. It's not so contrived, even though it does have purpose, which is to charm women into flirting back, reciprocating, dancing with them.
What advice can you give women in general?
Read books. Work out. Be happy. Approach if you want to.
I'm a deaf guy, with a cochlear implant. Now, I don't think I have problem carrying on a conversation or anything, but I feel slightly insecure about starting up conversations at first because I get worried about talking to a girl, but then have to go "What? What?" Then having them say "Never mind" and then the conversation gets awkward. Had this happen a couple of times, gets inside my mind. Would you have any tips on how to break this pattern?
Communication is key. You have to confident, even though you feel insecure. You must LOOK confident.
What would your alpha male hero do if he had this issue. Imagine James bond. He would just say, "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm a bit hard of hearing dear. Speak up, will you?"
Or you could go more bad boy, like Vin Diesel, lol. "Yo, I ain't dat good at hearing things yo. Speak da fuck up."
is it advisable to just bullshit girls to get their attention? going up to them and saying something completely ridiculous?
That's what I do. Sometimes I make clients say really dumb stuff, just to show them it doesn't matter.
Once I made a student approach his first girl of the night and say, "Bald Eagles. Yes or no?"
They dated for three months.
so you're saying to just not give a flying fuck about what you say to a girl because either way, you have nothing to lose. but there is a difference between picking up a chick at a bar to fuck them for the night, and finding a significant other. the two are entirely different ballgames.
Why are they different ballgames? You put one girl on a pedestal because she's "girlfriend material" and not the type that might WANT to have a one night stand?
It's up to you how you want to be, what sort of women you want to date. People change their personalities all the time. Sometimes three times a week? Sexy slut one week, good girl the next. Player douche today, philosophy major the next.
I'm short and chubby. While I think my conversational skills and game are half decent I have no self-esteem and immediately assume ill fail. This lack of confidence radiates from me and the girls pick up on it.
Simply put I'm afraid I can't meet a girl and fits my standards that will also like me as long as I'm chubby. Is this a ridiculous idea?
Completely ridiculous. I have a friend who is short, bald and chubby. He got into girl chasing with me six years ago. He's a real charmer that guy. A standup comedian now and self-help seminar speaker. He did eventually lose the weight though, but only recently. I asked him how much it helped, and he said, "A lot." That's reality. Get your butt to the gym and count your cals. And start approaching girls. It will take a few years. That's ok.
Your lack of self-esteem is because you don't do anything. How do you know girls don't like you? Have you ever asked? Try it. Ask a chick what you can do better. Ask a chick for help. Or a big muscley dude. Or your local ladies man. Get up and make something. Turn off the Internet, your games, and get your shit together, pussy.
My question has a few parts
1) How often do you get people that do want to learn how to manipulate women or be a chick bangin douche attempting to contract your service?
2) How do you realize that is their intent?
3) How do you deal with them?
4) What is the worst/best store you have with those type of people?
Good question. I'll answer all the questions with one reply.
Most men just want a girfriend. Most men are not evil, manipulative, womanizing douchebags. This guy is a meme. You can picture him in your minds eye, but few of us actually know this guy. Grrr...the douchebag! He never calls girls back!
What we fail to see is the guy isn't calling her back because she doesn't meet his standards. Whatever delusional standard that is. But really, does that make him bad? Because he wants to sleep with more than one woman? Or he figures he can attract a better woman? Whatever that is. Women do it too. Doesn't make them evil. Just picky, or horny.
Just like some women are gold diggers. The term gold digger could be rephrased as, "An attractive woman looking for a successful partner."
I interview my clients over skype and ask them what they're looking for. If they seem unbalanced or angry, I direct them towards other services, like psychologists and inner game experts.
It's my job to deal with men's fears and insecurities. It's not that hard for me to cut through their bullshit and find out what they really want.
And most, 95% of men, just want a cool, attractive girlfriend. Or the option of choice. I provide that.
That looks like a club extraction, escaping an amog. Lol.
5'7" 175 pounds. A bit overweight. Workin on it.
Picture an average/good looking guy approaching a woman in the same "league" as him. What's the best conversation starter you can think of off the top of your head?
You are asking me what the best conversation "opener" is. An opener is any statement that starts an interaction. Truth is, there is no "best" opener. It could range from "Hi, I'm Tony." or "Can I ask you girls something?" to "Hey! Come here you! (playfully) to "Do you think chocolate is better than banana?"
It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you approach them, and open your mouth, and see what happens.
There is a conversational method to be more interesting. Check this out www.absoluteability.com/zardoz1
Good for them. That's not my reality. So I don't care.
Most of my clients are quite normal actually. The more awkward guys tend to have deep rooted insecurities, which are often best left to psychologists. I try to help them though.
Since I'm still in touch with most students, I can't talk shit about them. Ynow, not too professional. But it's funny I get that question every time I do an iamA. Mostly the "weird" guys are just way too in their head, or brainwashed by bad pua advice, or socially awkward. They don't understand how to read body language, and lack social experience. I teach them this. It's slow going, but after several years of work and education, these guys improve themselves and reap the benefits. Just takes a bit more work and self-awareness.
I've slept with plenty. I use condoms, and I'm picky with the women I date. I have open relationships and don't lie about my weird lifestyle. Most chicks think I'm a nice guy. But I don't care to share that information as it might bite me in the ass if future gf's read this.
Why don't you publish your book through CreateSpace on Amazon? It'd give you a lot more exposure to have it available in print and on Kindle.
I will after I get my w7 and w8 forms. I'm a Canadian and they take 30% of my 9.99 before I get that dealt with.
As a relatively athletic guy with a good job, I seem to have a crappy time getting the girl I want (she usually has the same characteristics). I just wish you were in Dubai at some point to give a couple of pointers. I do great in having enjoyable conversations in the beginning, but can't seem to pull them in for dates/ heavy flirting.
In addition, the dating scene here is tough as the guy:girl ratio is 1.6:1 and competition is tough.
That's too bad. I usually see other men as non-entities. I don't even consider competition as there are plenty of women around. They're not always easy to get dates with, but if you try enough times you will succeed based on numbers alone.
I'd like to go to Dubai. It would be quite expensive though to fly there.
So, what do you think about the brouhaha about the redditor from /r/seduction who used kickstarter to get funding for a book about "pickup"/"seduction" (can't remember the term he used, it was probably the s word)? The feminists and white knights got their panties in a twist over it, and kickstarter changed its policies to specifically ban anything related to those 2 words...
He is now quite famous, and a successful self-published author. Good for him. The people that freaked out did so over poor use of language. I wholeheartedly agree with the information in his book.
Rape culture. Shut the fuck up. Stupid media. Try critical thought.
I have grey hair and I'm short (5'4"). I'm hideous to women. You couldn't possibly help me. Women say they want an honest guy, but to color my hair is to me a lie. To walk around in stilts is a lie.
That's too bad. I guess you're destined for failure.
Man the fuck up. Napolean did.
Napoleon was taller than you are. That he was short is a myth. Thanks for playing the bullshit game.
What did you think of the movie Hitch?
Also, how tired are you of people asking you about Hitch?
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