IAmA 18 year old female burn survivor, AMA.

I am also a female burn survivor. Every time I try to get with a female, I get burned.

HAHAHAHAHAH. This was prettay prettay good, sir.

What does being on fire feel like? I can't imagine it feeling very pleasant.

In all honesty, I was on fire for a good amount of time. Since your body goes into shock, and if it burns your nerves, you don't feel it at all. All I felt was afterwards them throwing freezing cold water on me, that hurt the most out of it all.

I managed to have my right hand covered in molten (and burning) plastic when I was younger, and all I can recall from that experience was an initial "uh, my hand is on fire" followed by my brain vapor-locking on the whole concept of "hand on fire". Did that happen to you at all? I mean, you obviously realise at some point you're burning, but did it register instantly or did it actually take a bit to process through it?

It registered pretty instantly. I kindof just stood there in shock though, and was like "oh fuck, I'm on fire stop drop and roll!" Which didnt help either way, but I knew, I just didn't process what to do about it. I could see the fire burning on me even though my eyes were closed which was crazy weird

I can also confirm this. As a child I was burnt on my face, and the only parts I remember actually hurting was contact with anything wet or moist (water, silvadene cream, ect). Aside from that, recovery is a bitch.

Silvadene and mesalt were the worst...

Do you remember your thought process while it was happening? I'm a huge wuss with bonfires, if the wind changes slightly I fully expect sparks to land in my hair and engulf me in flames. I can't imagine going through what you went though, I don't feel like I'd be one of those optimistic survivors, I'd just go into a deep depression and isolate myself and waste away. Or does an experience like this make you a fighter and completely change your outlook on life?

I do, I remember everything about that night. After stop dropping and rolling and getting stuck under a porch all i could think was "I am going to die here, this will be my death.. what will my family think, what will my friends think, what will my boyfriend think?"

I thought I would go into that state of depression but once I finally got home from the hospital and realized hey, this being depressed bullshit isn't getting me anywhere its time to get up and get out and go have fun, and I did.

I did infact change my views, I am a much happier better person now, as weird as that sounds; Ive learned to forgive and forget, and even though I'm still angry sometimes I get over it. I go out and live life like i would have if this never happened.

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They ran away, according to the police report. But thank you so much, that's honestly what I've been trying to do, hoping maybe someday it will help someone I never knew, either be confident after something terrible like this, or to help it never happen!

They ran away?! I really hope if I ever experience anything like this (I really hope not) that I'd go into superhuman hero autopilot mode and have the courage to act fast. I think I'd rather risk my own safety than see someone burn to death and live my life wondering if I could have helped, i HOPE in any event like this the adrenaline rush would spur me into action before the panic hits.

Yeah, my "friends" actually tried telling me different stories, but Im going to trust the fire reports cause none of their stores matched.

I'm glad to hear your recovery is going well! I'll ask an entirely different question, what are you going to study in college?

I'm actually going to study, Biology, Sociology, and Psych. I aspire to be a Psychopharmacologist!

May I suggest a double major to become both an analyst and a therapist.

Why the analyst exactly?

It's a gag from Arrested Development... Tobias Funke was the world's first "Analrapist".

I should have caught that...I've been watching that show so much lately I'm on the third season,end of it ATLEAST. Still need to watch the fourth season.

Or I can be a filamtrapist.

(Always sunny gag, full-on-rapist)

Hehe, I've seen all of Arrested Development about nine million times (still getting through the fourth season), but have only seen a couple of episodes of Always Sunny... I should really get on it!

I was just introduced to it recently and I love it, I don't know how I never watched it before. But always sunny is my favorite, watched it since season one and I'm totally in love with Charlie day. So horrible bosses was great for me, arrested development and always sunny!

It's a reference to a Netflix show.

I get that now, don't know why it went over my head, I've watched almost every episode but the new ones within the past month or so but for some reason that just went right over my head. Haha

That's an awesome combination, good for you! Not sure if anyone's told you this yet, but being disabled myself and in college, make sure you sign up with the disability program there. At the least, you can get extended time for tests (in a quiet environment, no less) which is fantastic no matter how you look at it. They also can help with books and tons of other things. Of course help varies but trust me, signing up with them is great and will make your life easier. Best of luck to you!

Thank you! Yeah Ive already talked to disability about it. and having extended times on turning things in because of surgery is going to be nice

The biopsychology program at UC Santa Barbara is AMAZING!! Lots of people go from that program to grad programs in psychopharmacology

I will defiantly look into it! The only thing with me is I want to go to Boston, I just want cold.

HI Aubry,

Do you have contact with the person who dropped the fuel on the fire? What is that like, if so, for you two to process this?

When in public/new people, would you prefer people feel free to ask you what happened or have them let you blend into the crowd like anyone else?

What is a burn unit like? I cant imagine dressing changes is a very pleasant experience, etc?

I sortof do, not exactly. I'm not really pressed over it though, it was an accident and a 16 year old being stupid. So I basically just put it behind us.

I actually enjoy getting asked questions, id much rather them ask me question then just sit there and stare. As long as its not like "Damn gurl wut happened 2 yu?" because thats annoying. Ive met alot of new friends from the experience and I doubt If it would have never happened I would have met the guy I am currently with.

Uhm, the burn unit i rarely remember, I was In johns Hopkins bayview (One of the best burn centers in the world.) My nurses were amazing, I am actually friends with alot of them now and talk to them alot/ visit them. Most of the painful dressing changes i was unconscious, (i was in an induced coma for a month and a half) but the ones I slightly remember were horrific and painful. I remember before they amputated my finger tips they would peel the skin away from the bone, and even though i was drugged up, I think the visual of it was horrific.

Not to take away from your own pain, of course, but my sister the nurse tells me that working on a burn unit was the worst part of her training, particularly when they had to do the debridement.

That's what my nurses would say. It's kindof like a horror film, they scream and cry, but you really can't do anything.

Tell me about your friends. Are they cool? I bet they're cool.

Well theres this guy named dan... yeah hes the worst of all my friends. I hate him.

:)

Dan is such an ugly name. He sounds like a complete tool. I bet he has horrible taste in music. You should stop being his friend.

hes pretty sucky, i just might... or ill just ask him what hes doing tonight and maybe we can hangout.

• how long was the recovery time?

I'm actually still recovering. They say anywhere from 2-10 years. I have many more reconstructive surgeries so I probably have around 2 more years of recover. But so far, its only been a year and about 6 months.

I hope you have great doctors! I has 2nd and 3rd degree burns to 20% of my body and the first three plastic surgeons I saw told me I didn't need skin grafts. Fourth plastic surgeon was pissed because I should have had them. I'm nearly 3 years into my recovery now! I wish you the best and you look great so far!

I had the best doctors in the country, and I'm pretty sure the world. Johns Hopkins bay view is one of the best burn centers in the world!

I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that shit up every day.

Step brothers reference?

have you been treated differently by your peers?

Not at all, everyone knew me as the same person as I am now, and they still look at me that way.

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Well, back when I was first in the hospital the guy of two years I was with was cheating on me, and left me the day I got out of the hospital. I was pretty broken over that. But Ive actually dated after that and I've been with the guy I'm with now three months and couldnt be happier.

I actually dont talk to many friends from before i was burned, I've made new friends (who occasionally make burn jokes because i make them myself) but thats about it.

My parents actually got a divorce around my 18th birthday, ( a year after my accident) I try not to think it was because the stress of my accident, but my dad basically hit a midlife crisis and i rareley talk to him anymore. My mom, well shes just basically turned crazy and over protective. Its whatever though I will be leaving for college soon and not have to deal with the stress at home.

What a terrible guy to cheat on you in those circumstances—any circumstances, really. Good riddance. I really admire your positive attitude and the way you've dealt with the situation, especially making your friends comfortable with making burn jokes by making them yourself. Clearly you're doing something (many things) right in your life to have such great spirits despite your misfortunes. Your boyfriend is a lucky guy!

Well thank you! I try really hard, and when people are like "Youre not deppressed? I would be!" well I have great reasons not to be depressed I get to live another day, I get to live my whole life. Yeah with some complications, but who cares I could be dead right now not informing other people of the dangers in gasoline, or helping them get past accidents.

My boyfriend says "I know." :P

That boyfriend of yours is pretty handsome, I don't know him or anything but he looks like someone I'd want to have sex with.

Well that girlfriend of yours, damn she's just the fucking sexiest thing alive, you should be lucky to have such an amazing inspiring beautiful intelligent girl in your life, with the best music taste around. (May I add she has nice tits and a rocking ass. she's also great in bed)

I think I can see what's going on here...

Well, you know.

Was the girl arrested?

No, because it was an accident. (of stupidity)

Wow I thought negligence like that would lead to an arrest. Does she seem sincerely sorry?

I dont exactly talk to her anymore. But when she visited me in the hospital she seemed sorry. She tried committing suicide and wouldnt leave her house for weeks, for school friends or anything.

you know, we all have problems, and sometimes it takes someone like you to put other peoples problems, including my own, into perspective. With that being said, thank you and good luck with everything.

Thank you, really. I did not expect to get this much feedback. It's really great to tell people about it and actually have them listen.

I was trying to think in my head how this happened because I have poured tons of gasoline and other flammable liquids on bonfires and even made flamethrowers/blowtorches etc and coudlnt get how it happened but that "blowtorch" phenomenon is quite the thing. I learned something today.

You learn something new every day! It's VERY dangerous. My story actual went viral around the world warning people about it. It was top on their website for three months.

More people should know!

Do you really find it unfortunate that you were the only one getting severely burned? Also, do you believe that the others didn't back away due to lack of intelligence?

As cocky as it sounds to say, yes. My dad is a firefighter so I was taught alot more about fire safety growing up.

I do feel sorry about your burns, but you should really work on your attitude towards that.

How's that a bad thing? I knew more fire saftey then them making me more intelligent in fire saftey. No attitude just truth.

Thanks for sharing this. I hope your recovery goes well. I burnt my forearm a burn about the size of 2 bananas a couple of years ago and I can relate to feeling no pain.

It's way better than feeling it, cause that would suck.

You'd think they could have used the parts of that interview where you weren't looking at you phone.

Hey! The second one I wasn't haha.

Are you comfortable being touched, hugged or kissed by your boyfriend, your family or friends? Is there pain or discomfort?

Since you're 18, I guess I can ask this as well: How's the sex life and intimacy in your relationship?

Well, not to brag... But it's pretty great. I just recently got intimate with the guy I'm currently with, to say the least were both extremely kinky, well I mean if you consider the whole, hair pulling, spanking, restraint thing kinky. I have no pain from the burns at all... Just my sexual pleasures. I'm only burned from the chest up, and I just recently got my nipples pierced so I don't go through much pain lol.

Do you have any animosity (?) towards your friends who threw gasoline on the fire?

No, I don't. Everything is pretty much in the past.

Wow I can only say I'm sorry about what happened and I feel for you. I was also burned when I was 8, mine was grease burn (3rd degree) entire left arm/portion of leg. I assume by now you're done with the physical therapy part and are just having to lotion a lot etc? Anyways just wanted to drop in and say I know what its like and I hope all is well!

I'm supposed to, but I'm kindof weird about lotion, I really hate the feeling of it and I always would feel dirty when pt put it on me.

No question, just good on you for this AMA and good on you for working so hard to get better. :) I wish you all the best!

Thank you so much! :)

They threw cold water on you, that's just crazy, i don't even want to think of that pain :(

Yeah I mean, it felt cold it could have been normal temp but since I was so hot it was cold, but I'm pretty sure it was cooler water xD

I notice in one of the videos that you have trach! I was curious how having a trach treated you? I'm having a crappy time with mine, I gag constantly! Also, do you still have a trach? Mine is permanent and I'm curious how it has been?

Mines pretty fine, I just cough alot. Mine is not permanent though, just for surgery. I just hate that I can't swim or shower properly and etc. I had it taken out but my throat closed up in surgery, so I had to get it again.

I assume you have had yours for a while so that is something I'm glad to hear. I just got mine at the beginning of the month and I haven't even been weaned off of my ventilator yet. But when I'm suctioned I just gag and cough, or when I move my head and it's horrible!!! I really hope this trach will get better..

I've had mine for a year. I was on the ventalator and when I was/right after I was I would gag alot but now I'm just kind of used to it

alot

Hardy har har

I'm sorry to hear that, it seems like you're handling it well.

This made me laugh..."unfortunately I was the only one burned severely"

as for a question...what's your all time favorite HBO series?

I haven't really watched any, a little of true blood. I watch more showtime. Dexter, and shameless.

What is your PT schedule like and how painful is it?

I'm currently not in pt, untill I have more surgerys. It was 5 days a week, for 4 hours, and it was terribly painful.

Congrats on your recovery so far! Is there a moment when you realized you were going to be ok after the fire?

Do you mean like after I got out of the hospital, or after I was done burning?

More at some point in your recovery, not so much at the moment you knew the fire had stopped.

Well, I'm a pretty optimistic and stuff... So once I woke up I basically just thought, hey you're going to be fine! You just have to work for it.

How often do you relive that day/night?

Uhm, I think about it alot but I never really relive it.

What was your reaction to seeing the flame jet recreated at the lab? The video said you got to see it in person but they don't talk about your thoughts on it.

Uhm, they asked me before they did it if I was okay with them doing it, which I was. It's a scary thing, and it was exactly how I remember it. The only thing is, I'm not scared of fire, but gasoline is terrifying.

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Thank you :)

did it make you think twice about where you will go after you die?

Of course, no where besides in the ground.

You don't think that God had anything to do with you living? If not, did you contemplate that at any point?

No, I think doctors had to do with me living. I think good health and young age kept me from dying. This question makes my skin crawl because those doctors have gotten no credit for my life, it's all just god this god that. No. Those doctors workd days to repair me, and I had strength to live through that night wheni wasn't supposed to. I will thank everyone who helped, in and out. And I will not say "god" helped me, because he did not (if he exists, which I believe in science, not god..so..)

My uncle does that all the time even makes the fire so you can't roast a marshmallow on a ten foot pole. But anyway on to my question. Was it a flash burn or wrud it set you on fire?

It set me on fire!

That sucks but at least from the photo you didn't lookthat bad at all.

Well currently, yeah. At first I did. In about 2 years ill look 80-90% like I used to.

What kind of limitations do you have due to the accident? My father was a firefighter before he became a police officer. He fell through a barn and had significant 3rd degree burns that required a very rigorous cleaning and bandage reapplication routine. As a result, he was not able to work few a few months.

Uhm, well I have slight movement in my left hand, and my right hand functions fine besides my finger tips being amputated. I have a few limitations, and things take a little longer than Id like, but over all its not that bad. I have alot of caring friends and family that help me with alot of it. I cant swim, because I have a treach so if its submerged in water i could drown, I also cant shower normally but i manage my way around it. Cutting up food is a bit difficult, most of the time other help me. Opening cans are hard, also because no fingertips on my right hand. I can tie my shoes but it takes longer than usual... I cant really think of anything super hard to do besides lifting stuff. But I am an artist still,

Heres a picture I drew recently: http://i.imgur.com/jB2x9b6.jpg

Heres some shoes Ive painted recently: http://i.imgur.com/BcN8tyw.jpg

ahhh! I saw you on /r/blink182! a fellow blink fan :D

I've been a blink fan since... I can think if. :p I have seen them and AVA live!

With everything you've been through, I'm glad you're powering through it. Great artwork, also! :D

Thank you! :D I'm working on more at the moment.

You're an excellent artist.

Thank you so much!

what is a treach? or did you mean trach? if trach, a cap on it would not allow you to swim?

I meant a trach. I dont think so. Ive never actually talked to the doctors about it but my parents just automatically assume. I dont think so though, because i think it could leak in through the actual hole. It will be removed soon though, its only for surgery so my throat doesnt close up.

MD represent!

We're the coolest of people.

So glad things are going well for you now! I am a female burn survivor also, though our stories differ, and I am guessing I am luckier than you because I can't recall my fire. I was 2 when I was in the house fire, so I don't remember the actual fire itself, I just remember having all of the graft surgeries up until I was 23, so 21 years of grafts, ugh. I'm curious how far burn treatment has come and improved compared to 20 years ago. Do you fear fire now, does it make you uncomfortable? I must admit I love setting shit on fire haha, and my friends can't understand why.

I love fire, I still want to be a fire fighter. I'm not scared if fire, I'm just terrified of gasoline. Fire is oddly great though.

Amazing how it can take a toll on certain mundane, everyday things in life. I commend you still wanting to be a firefighter. That's incredible. I can't stand to wear rights if any kind because of all the compression suits I had to wear throughout life. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl, and makes me want to upchuck.

Ugh yes, I hate the compression garments, they were the worst. I had to wear a face mask at some point, and honestly, I slacked a lot wearing. But my face is fine so I'm okay hah

So do you have problems with filling up your tank now?

Yep, luckly I normally have someone with me.

Were you mad at your friend after it happened? Did you forgive her?

I was but forgave her.

When I first read the title, I thought about insults between women. "Becky isn't even hot"

Hahahahaha, well I mean its possible. I survived an insult, ask me anything!

I am now imagining how awkward it would be if your name is Becky. You know, since you caught on fire. Well, of course you know but you know what I mean. Hm, this isn't going very well. This morning I had buttered toast. I toasted it on medium for about 2 minutes and the toast came out golden-brown and crispy. I think I used land o lakes butter but I could be wrong. I'm not exactly a butter connoisseur. Did you have breakfast today? If so, what was it?

Hahah luckly its not becky. and I had a doughnut after picking my boyfriend up from work... it was a boston creme, it was delicious. then i went to sleep and just woke up around 8:00.

I looked at "8:00" and saw a face. I've concluded that the 8 is a bow tie, the : are eyes, and debating if the 00 shoild be a nose and an agape mouth or two lips. Your opinion on this?

I instantly thought of an alien with two mouths.

That just brings up more questions. What purpose do the 2 mouths serve? If both are for eating and assuming that the alien has 2 hands, is it ambidextrious and able to feed both mouths at once? Are the 2 mouths connected? (like our nose and mouth are with our throat)

well, kindof. maybe he shits out of his second mouth because he doesnt have a butt.

Sorry if this is offensive but was the burn/staying in the hospital so long the cause of the weight gain?

I actually lost 60 pounds, it's probably the picture/angles. I weighed 206 before the burns, 140 after, and I weigh 160 now. And am 5'6.

Burn patients have such an increase in metabolic demands that they need many more calories than you or I would on a daily basis. In addition to regular meals, most burn patients take supplemental feeds.

I actually wouldn't eat for months, they had to tube feed me. And once I was off of the tube I would only take bites of food and I was extremely skinny, my doctors would complain. But luckily I'm at a normal weight now.