IAMA male who, when I was 16, had my leg and half my pelvis almost completely ripped from my body. I was awake during my first six hour surgery. I really shouldn't have survived. Ask me anything.

If you would have lost just the left half of your body you would be all right at least.

Sadly it was the right side of my body the backhoe was trying to take...

that was horrible, im ashamed, i even laughed

Don't be. I had a nurse tell me one time that most people my age think they can't die, and I must have learned a lot. My reply was, "Well after all I have been through I realize now that I must be invincible since this didn't kill me."

is that blood on your rug in the last picture? if so why

I have a crime scene bath mat and shower curtain. So it's fake blood. Sorry about the mix up.

Does this help you cope?

Well I have a phobia of blood,

Lol. I never considered that.

How is your dick?

amazingly in working order. lol. I have a scar that goes up to my testicles and then moves to the one side just missing them. close call but I am really grateful for that.

Was that or was that not one of your primary concerns throught your ordeal?

Well I was a 16 year old virgin at the time... so yeah, major concern.

this was my first thought upon reading the description. i'm so relieved to hear your junk is in working order. my only question for you would be how did your poor father handle all of this? and what does the rest of your family think about your situation?

My parents are divorced and it took a long time for my mom to forgive my dad, and to be honest my dad and I had a falling out when I was 19, it lasted for 8 years. But me and my father reconnected this year and he still bursts into tears when we talk about it.

this makes me so happy. I had a falling out with my dad and didn't speak to him for 5 years.. Every time I think about the phone call I made to him apologizing for always making him wrong I am overcome with emotion. It's cute when dads cry happy tears. After all you went through with him, that really touches me :)

My dad actually called me. I got this phone call from him crying hysterically and apologize. The first thing that went through my mind was, "oh crap! He must be on his death bed" I never thought I he would reconcile with me.

"so I felt everything" - Oh sweet jesus, what did it feel like? Mind-numbingly painful? Or perhaps the shock took most of the pain?

It was very painful... I remember the wet feeling of my guts against my skin as they pulled them out of the incision. I remember some sort of device they used to that shocked my face... I assumed it had something to do with checking my nerve system. I also remember the nurse that just started that day running her hands through my hair and trying not to cry. I kept wishing that I would pass out because the pain was terrible.

I give mad props to that nurse. Her first day? Yikes.

Actually 3 months later I met her again for the second time. She walked in the room and I looked right at her and said "I remember you". We both broke into tears and hugged each other. apparently I was on of two kids who came in that day in critical condition and I was the one who survived.

Just because noone has answered it, the shocks were from a nerve stimulator, like you said, we use it to check how your muscles are responding to the paralytic. I'm sorry that you are able to remember all of that, do you know if they gave you anything to try to ensure you wouldn't remember? For cases like yours, scopolamine might be given because it has little cardiovascular effect but generally makes it unlikely that you could form memories.

They said later that they were rushed and didn't give me anything, even though they should have. I was told I was bleeding so fast they didn't think I was going to make it off the operating table. I told them I was glad I was able to remember. I learned a lot about myself that day and that was part of what made me who I am.

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I have no idea.

OP has been a friend for years, and I did not even know this about him/you. My gf knew about it, upon immediately asking her about it, so the facts are true. But this is truly an amazing story. I'm sure this will lead to many conversations about it, but I am glad that you are alive today. You're awesome.

Honestly this is one event that if people know it ahead of time it can define who I am. I prefer it better when people like me for who I am, instead of finding out that I almost died then basing that around whether they like me or not. More than anything I what my personality to define who I am instead of what happened to me.

I was split like a wishbone

Who got the wish, the step or the tire?

Glad you are fine!

The step definitely had the bigger half, but a inch more and I probably would have been the loser.

While under the influence of the paralytic drug, how did you reconcile the pain of the procedure(s) without literally dying from the pain? Has that aspect of this trauma affected you now (good or bad) and if so how?

Good question! Honestly at the time I didn't know that the doctors knew I was awake, so I spent my entire time trying to get my left middle finger to move. So I could alert them to the fact I was still awake. They noticed this, but all they did was give me more drugs to paralyze me. I don't know how i was able to make it through it all. I was trapped inside my body, just hoping it would end. I was so relieved when I felt them putting in the sutures.

left middle finger

This AMA is already better than Morgan Freeman's.

You seem like a brave person OP. Glad you are fine now.

Thank you! I am going to forever remember the moment when someone talked about my middle finger, being better than Morgan Freeman and how brave I was.

I actually want to cry reading that. That is so horrifying and terrifying. I'm glad you made it through.

me too. Honestly, the way I look at it is that every day I have from now on is a gift, and I wouldn't change what happened to me. It made me who I am and couldn't enjoy my life if I didn't have this near death experience.

Kudos to you. I had only minor procedures done on my hand without any anesthesia for the pain; apparently the infection wouldn't allow proper local anesthesia and general wasn't an option, so they did neither. Remembering that horrible pain, I don't know if I would be able to have the same strength as you did, in regards to surviving the procedures you had to go through as well as the emotional after math. Kudos, mad props, neither of those adequately explain my regards to you.

As an aside; have you spoken to those emergency doctors since? I can imagine the trauma of having to do such an extreme procedure on a kid knowing you could feel every second of it.

A few months after I recovered I made the effort to come back to the ICU and thank that nurses that took care of me. I made sure I hug and thanked everyone I could.

Were you in "shock", or "drunk" or find any kind of slim, artificial comfort from the paralytic?

Not really. It still felt like someone was slicing open when I was on the operating table.

If they knew that you were conscious and aware, why didn't anyone think to communicate the situation to you?

Just that one nurse that started working that day. She was the only comfort thing in that operating room. She kept stroking my hair and trying not to break down. I remember at one point they had opened my eyes to check them and I could see she had blonde hair but everything was blurry. She asked the doctor why my eyes were twitching and he told her cause I was awake. After that I could hear the shock in her voice.

I figure they were a little busy at the time. Before i got to the hospital one of my doctor was having a meal with his wife when he got the emergency call. He dropped everything and drove over. Later on my parents gave him a gift card for dinner for two, to make up for that. Lol

Did the experience of being awake during surgery leave you with permanent mental scarring?

Well I have a phobia of blood, but other than that i feel like this made me happy to be alive. As weird as it sounds in the end I am glad I went through this all because it makes me realizes what a gift life can be. So as far as I know I don't have mental scaring.

Huh, that's interesting. I've read stories before of people that were awake during surgery, and had permanent mental scarring as a result. Glad to hear that wasn't your case.

I've had over 20 surgeries after that one and every time I get nervous... Honesty I look at it as, I probably hit the low point in my life, so things only get better from here on in. LOL

awake for the first six hours of surgery.

Then what? ""fuck this I'm gonna take a nap" ?

after that they put me on the good meds and the next week is a blur...

Do you still have a dick? Because there was a guy yesterday with no dick.

Besides some scarring it's still there.

I just joined reddit simply to tell you how inspiring you are. Thanks for sharing your story and doing this AMA.

Thank you so much!

You said if your dad didn't have a medical background you would have bled to death. What did he do to prevent that? You are a very strong person. I'm glad you are okay and walking again, 6 months is an amazingly short time to learn to walk again.

My dad is a veterinarian and after the backhoe moved he stuck his hands in the wound to try and stop the bleeding. I was told that it I was bleeding so fast that it looked like when someone puts their finger on a hose.

First of all OP, you are a brave brave person. I am a doctor and I can imagine the hell you went through. So glad you are doing fine now.

I was wondering if the nerves were also cut? And how long did it take for you to get the muscle and sensory functions back?

It's been almost ten years and I still have a lack of sensitivity in some places, but at first I notices a lot of areas on my stomach that didn't have feeling.

Could you write "Hi Reddit" on your stomach and take another picture for proof? Or hold up a sign or something? We've been lied to a lot lately on IAMA.

http://imgur.com/EfDWYKR There you go! Proof that I am Morgan Freeman... I mean... who I say I am... sorry it's backward, I use a mirror

What a horrifying experience it must have been. It's amazing you could learn to walk again, how long did that take?

Modern medical science. Pretty amazing.

I would have to say 6 months. I was learning how to do stairs again when I felt something pop in my leg and had my tendon snap out of place. This meant I had to have another surgery and had to stay off of that leg for a month or so.

There goes my snapping my Achilles story, something that was an inconvenience as part of your recovery from being half mangled to death. Amazing story. Thanks for sharing.

If you don't mind me asking... how did that happen?

Wow, you've been through a lot!

How has this affected your day to day life? Do you have any lasting difficulties from it?

I had some issue with kidney stones and soreness, but I'm doing pretty good for someone who a backhoe tried to have rough sex with.

Thanks for the quick response. :) Glad to hear you're okay. Have the scars or anything else from your accident given you a rough time in relationships at any point?

apparently if you got a good story chicks dig scars.

You've got a good story and a good heart - never really noticed the scars

I'm glad that my to hear that my heart makes more of a impression than my scars.

I'm glad you're around OP.

Sure beats the alternative.

Can you come to Sweden so i can buy you a Beer or something?

I wish! Sadly my studies and job keep me grounded were I am at right now.

Why couldn't they give you a nerve block? Are those newer than 10 years old?

Amazing post. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

To put it simple... they assumed I was going to die so they weren't as worried about keeping me comfortable, and had they known I was going to make it, they may have done more.

Wait wut? They made you feel that pain without worrying too much BECAUSE those could be your last moments alive?

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Yeah I was only moment away from slipping away. The told me later that they could have given me something that would have cause a sort of amnesia, but the I wouldn't have this great story. Lol

Knowing what I know about nerve blocks, they would have wasted a lot of precious time doing the blocks. Plus, I'm not sure they can even do a nerve block on the entire body ??

That makes sense. They told me it was very touch and go and they had no time to waste. They were going to life flight me to one hospital but there was a electrical storm over it so they sent me to another. Apparently the first hospital was 10 minutes farther away and I wouldn't have survived the trip.

Did you watch yourself getting operated on? If so, how was that?

They put cloth up between my head and stomach so I couldn't see, but I could hear what they were saying and they didn't have much hope for me at the time.

For some reason that statement, of knowing they had little hope, is most shocking to me. Knowing they had little hope for your survival, how… I don't know, what was going through your head when you realized death may be imminent?

Honestly from the moment the accident happened until the operation I had something telling me I was going to live. Even when my dad was sticking his hands into the open book fracture wound that I had, I told him I loved him and kept a smile on my face. I don't understand it but I just smiled and told everyone I loved them. Just in case I was wrong.

And this was the comment that brought the tears out. Fuck, you're amazing. Has this accident altered your pain tolerance?

I feel like I have a higher pain tolerance, and I know I have a higher pain killer tolerance.

Open book fracture wound

I can't think of a more accurate or horrifying way to describe what you've described.

Also, I haven't seen this answered yet, but was your leg saved, or do you have a prosthetic one?

They saved it.

Well this beats my knife to the face... glad everything turned out ok for you.

I'm not sure about that... a knife to the face is pretty hardcore.

It was an experience for sure, but not life-threatening. Just a lot of blood.

Did you at least end up with a bad-ass scar?

As a father I have to ask how your Dad took it? Did he blame himself at the time?

It's hard on my dad. Our relationship has had many ups and downs but I feel like my dad carries that burden with him all the time.

Does your family still have the backhoe that did this to you? Is it possessed by demons?

I am not sure if my dad still has it, although I was tempted to have my senior pictures taken on it.

Getting your senior picture on it would have been epic. Did you end up graduating a year later due to the missed time from your injury?

At the time I had some amazing teacher that made sure I graduated on time. My accident happened at the end of summer and my teachers took the time to help me with my course work. I even attended some of my classes over the internet... which at the time was a big deal.

damn I cant imagine going through that :(

I dont even know what to ask you, hopefully everything is alright now!

Thank you! I actually am doing well. My shoe has a lift, but my mental state is still in tact.

wow, I cant imagine what went through your dad's mind at the time, so do you go to school/work and everything normally now?

Yeah, I have a full time job and am currently getting my masters in counseling.

My other foot stayed up on the step and I was split like a wishbone.

http://i.imgur.com/pTixu2V.gif

I felt the imagery gave accurate detail to exactly what happened. :-)

That paragraph made me cringe...

Do you ever brag about having been in this accident? Like "did you almost die? Yeah, didn't think so."

I have had situations were someone was gripping about how much their life sucked and I used it to tell them it could be worse.

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Total was around 1 million dollars. The insurance company covered almost everything, they even gave me a award.

What kind of award?

They called it "the strides in good health award" but I think it should of been the "Biggest bill" award

I'm just sayin, if I was a single lady, I'd hit it. That is a badass story man.

Thanks... if my 16 year old self would have known that I may have told more people about my story, but I'm VERY haply engaged right now. lol

I just want to tell you how amazing I think you are, and how I would totally do you if I knew you.

Just curious, what kind of pain meds did they put you on (after the first six hours of hell) and do you still have pain issues? I have a friend who had her arm pulled off by a car and sewn back on and she has pain issues twenty five years later.

The first week they had me on a morphine drip, then they gave me a button to push for morphine which they quickly took away because I pressed it to much. My second week I had a plastic surgeon come in to do a skin graph. While he was looking over my charts he turn and told my mom, "do you know that your son is on enough morphine to get a 200 pound man addicted?" My mom panicked since at the time I was down to 90 pounds. This doctor ended up staying on for a extra few weeks and slowly helped get me off all the pain meds. He didn't have to do this but I'm really great full he did. I have a little pain now but ibuprofen helps.

Hi! Aspiring trauma surgeon/4th year med student, so please forgive the technical nature of the question.

How did they explain that they knew you weren't anesthetized to you? I understand they knew you were paralyzed, but not "asleep". Did they make any mention of it post-op? Did they discuss why they didn't use any local anesthetic or anything?

I really really appreciate your time and your story. I wish you the best.

I was the one who brought it up and my doctor's got that deer in the headlights look. I guess I could have sued them, but honestly they saved my life, I was to grateful to even consider it.

How do you feel about backhoes ?

I ask because some people develop a fear for objects that injured them, I myself have experienced this, but my injury seems like a paper cut in comparison to your trauma.

I don't fear backhoes but I get dizzy when I see blood, but that might be because I bleed out more than my body should hold in the first 24 hours.

For you ever get almost to have sex with someone until they see your scars, freak out, and run away?

nope. apparently scars are hot.

I imagine the surgery you were awake and fully aware for was easily the most excruciating pain you have ever, and hopefully will ever be in.

Have you ever been through something that came close to matching that level of pain? If so, what was it?

As morbid as this is, at the time of the surgery, did you wish you had died, rather than survived and had to go through that?

actually, when I had contracted c-deff and my intestines swelled shut, I feel that was the most painful thing I had to go through. The surgery was 6 hours long and the c-deff lasted for about 2 weeks... I thought I was going to die that two weeks. I never let go of life during my whole ordeal and in some ways I feel like that's the reason I was able to make it.

I'm glad you survived, and it's legitimately heartwarming to see you being so positive.

So now that my serious questions are taken care of, I have to ask.

Which do you think would hurt worse, the c-deff, or sticking two toothpicks just underneath the toenail of your big toe and then slamming it into a wall?

I'll take the toothpicks any day, in fact I'll put them under all my toenails for good measure.

What do you do for work now?

I currently work with people with autism, but I am in school for counselling.

Did your time in the hospital and therapy course your career choices?

Yup! I learned over time that even though my body could be broken, as long as my mind was in tact I could be happy. That was the point I decided that I wanted to help people in a way that repaired their mind. I started pursuing a degree in psychology.

Did you have any internal organ damage or anything?

When the accident happened my dad told me that he could see my organs while he tried to stop the bleed the best that he could. I had to have a colostomy for several months but right now everything works fine, besides the binge drinking that I did in college my organs seem to be doing fine.

Did telling your story ever get you sex?

No, but maybe I just haven't been telling it right...

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And puppies...

If there was cosmetic surgery to address the scars, and it were offered to you for free, would you do it?

I have been asked this before, and honestly my scars are a reminder of what I went through. I consider them a badge for what I had to endure, and if I wear a t-shirt and pants I can keep them hidden. I would't want to get rid of them.

How well can you run?

Not well. My right leg cramps up pretty quickly.

This is pretty bad-ass. Terrifying, shocking, but bad-ass. Do you have to go get a check-up on the effected areas often or are you safe to be as you are? Do you have a limited range of leg motion, too?

I haven't had a check up for several years, and I don't thing my range is effected to much. I have a few springs in my body apparently my doctor was one of top trauma surgeons in the US at the time and he used them to stop the bleeding in a way that was unorthodox, but since it took three days to stop the bleeding it saved my life.

Wow. When I was 22 it was necessary to get circumcised. The procedure went bad, and afterwards I was forced to walk up stairs, then pee, after 2 stitches had broken, before I was on any pain medication. I tell this story to people all the time to prove to them that there is no amount of pain I can be in without going "Meh, I've had worse." I have actually talked to other men who've had to have this surgery or other surgeries done and the pain we went through during healing, and cried while hugging.

I am humbled by your story. I like to imagine myself quite a badass for experiencing that much pain, and use the memory to withstand further pain. I don't know if I can do that anymore.

I imagine now that, while walking around a dark house at night, if your big toe even thinks about stubbing itself on something, it just goes "Nah man, I don't want to mess with this dude."

It's alway a nice thought to think that the most pain I will ever feel has probably already happened. It's all smooth sailing from now on.

That blows multiple stages of ass. Also, hows your dad?

Our relationship is strained over the years, but things are good now.

It's very nice to hear this. I'm sure it was immensely difficult to reach this point.

Yeah, my relationship with my dad is a whole other unbelievable story.

Do another AMA! IAMA dude who has a tough relationship with my dad! Ask me anything!

Even after the fact that my dad had to put pressure on my wounds to keep me from bleeding to death, three years later we had a falling out and it took 8 years to make up. But it's not as unique as this.

Has your perspective on life changed?

I'm much more optimistic now. It's hard to not love life when you almost lost it. I remember looking at my dad while I slowly bleed out and seeing his face get darker and darker until I couldn't see him anymore. It got harder and harder to breath... then all of the sudden I could breath again and my dad came back into view... I don't know why but I am still here. I think its helps me enjoy life a little more.

I know it's not a question, but I just wanted to say that reading this has inspired me and made me appreciate what I have. Thanks for posting O.P. and glad to hear you recovered so well.

It warms my heart to hear that!

Do you ever have any nightmares about the experience?

Not really. I use to have dreams I was back in the hospital again but I never felt like they were nightmares. I also use to have small panic attacks that I was bleeding again but I think I grew out of those.

You and your dads relationship must have grown a lot after this. Im gonna go call mine. I just googled a Backhoe and holy shit you're a badass for surviving that!

Well if it was a tractor it probably would have ripped my leg all the way off and killed me. A backhoe has stabilizers and my dad used those to lift the tire off my leg instead of backing up which would have killed me.

I myself had an extremely traumatic that required several operations and a long recovery. No where near is bad as what happened to you. But my question to you is, have you struggled with alcohol and drug addiction? Sorry about what happened bud. Thank you for sharing.

I went through withdraw when I was in the hospital and I know I could easily get hooked on pain killers so I try to avoid them. I do drink a little more than I should but I it runs in my family so I think that's unrelated to my accident.

Yikes, is there any way you could get reconstructive surgery on your stomach to make it not look so crazy?

I could, but It wouldn't look as cool.

You have an awkward tummy.

I like it.

I've grown found of it myself.

Do the chicks dig the scar?

No complaints so far.

Do you now or did you ever have prescription orthopedic shoes to compensate for the shorter leg? Were they pimp?

I had to go to a shoe repair store and get a lift installed. The guy running the store was about 80 and he was really nice... I have a problem with finding shoes because I wear a 11 and 1/2 and I need a rubber sole. it's apparently a hard to find size

ITT: a bunch of people asking about scars and how they affect your sex life.

Answer: Chicks dig em.

Wow, that's amazing that you have such a great outlook on everything! I'm glad you made it through it all :) and congrats on being engaged!

I have to ask, do you blame your dad at all for what happened? You mentioned you two had a falling out, was that why?

I don't blame my dad at all. It was a accident, and was nobodies fault. I think if I blamed someone for my accident then I would not be able to maintain my positive disposition.

All I can say is wow. You're a beast for surviving that. Keep on keepin' on!

Thank you!

jesus. sounds like a good case for medical marijuana.

LOL I never thought of that... honestly I don't need it, but if I don't see any reason to turn it down.