I am Jordan Schlansky, Associate Producer of CONAN. Ask me anything.

As a Late Night intern years ago, I was helping you set up a stereo in Conan's office. You asked me what my career plans were, and I said I wanted to be a TV producer. You then said something like, "well this is what a producer does. Get used to it." It was kind of depressing. Were you purposely trying to kill my hopes and dreams?

No but it was best to be honest with you up front! -JS

Are you aware that your picture is being used for the "Creepy Date Guy" meme? How do you feel about that?

I was not aware, but I suppose that would be an adequate fit. -JS

When Conan bursts into your office to film a segment, are you aware that he is coming or does he really just suddenly show up in your office with a cameraman?

I can assure you I had no idea he was coming when we shot that remote last week. I was innocently typing out an email when a 6'4" man and two bright lights burst into my office. -JS

What exactly do you do at Conan? How do you keep a straight face in all of your skits?

I suppose it's contextual. If someone is using humor in a confrontational circumstance, I typically don't laugh much. -JS

Thank you all for these questions... Please come visit us in LA. -JS

Hey Jordan,

When you had that infamous sketch with Harrison Ford back at the NYC Late Night show, I was actually in the live audience for it. He looked genuinely pissed. Did you guys do that in rehearsal or did you actually spring it on him live?

The segment producer knew that I was familiar with his bullwhip and suggested a trivia question that would be nearly impossible for him to answer. It was definitely not rehearsed and I suppose his answer was the best that could be expected under those circumstances. -JS

Did those bitches really have to die?

I'm happy to admit those girls are likely in some Copenhagen VIP club at the moment and very much alive. -JS

Are you really as erudite and Conan as slovenly as you make yourselves seem on the show?

Whether you like the segments or hate them, the fact of the matter is they are an absolutely accurate representation of our everyday dynamic. -JS

I love the chemistry with you and COCO...Is he really like that around you without the cameras on? you know, saying that he wants to kill you?

Everything that happens on camera happens off camera as well! -JS

When was the first time Conan talked to you and said "This guy...this guy needs to be on the show."?

As many of you guys know, it was during the writers' strike in 2008, and it seemed natural to use the opportunity to incorporate circumstances that we found compelling and funny in our everyday lives. -JS

Why did you learn how to use a bullwhip?

Why not, it's the oldest method to break the speed of sound. -JS

Any funny stories about Conan and the team you'd like to share?

Conan is without a doubt the funniest person I've ever met and too many things come to mind to even attempt to pick one out. I reserve the right to return to this question if I think of anything before we're done! -JS

Hi Jordan, thanks for doing this AMA!

• What are your various duties as an Associate Producer?

• Did you ever get your elitist espresso machine back?

• Lastly, but most importantly, what does Conan O’Brien smell like?

All of the production tasks of the show are divided amongst a number of producers and we each take on different responsibilities. To some extent, they vary from day to day, but the reality is most of them would not be considered the glamorous part of show business. -JS

I've never noticed any scent. -JS

Yes. -JS

Why have you bought a capsule machine... you should have got http://www.lapavoni.it/

that's the real ultimate elitist coffee machine

You would likely enjoy the city of Naples. -JS

I'm going to answer those questions in reverse order...

Has there been a skit that you clearly said no to but you still had to do it?

Edit: Whats your favorite skit of all time?

You're assuming I have been asked in advance!

The dinner remote we shot in New York City was a fantastic night and therefore probably remains my personal favorite.

-JS

Do you still have the Pop Tart can of shame eating in your office?

Unfortunately, the can never made the move out west. -JS

How would you react if someone used the word expresso in front of you. Murder?

That would make me a serial killer. -JS

So Jordan...do you still drink CYTOGAINER?

Yes, but unfortunately they changed the formula and it's no longer 100% whey. -JS

Approximately what % of Late Night staffers made the move to the west coast for The Tonight Show, and subsequently how many stayed onboard when you started Conan on TBS? Did you personally have any doubts about making the move with Conan to the west coast before or after The Tonight Show?

I never tallied it up, but I would loosely guess approximately 80% of the New York staff came to LA, and I'd say most continued onto the current show. I loved living in New York, but I'm always open to experiencing new places. -JS

Why is your office so far away from everyone else?

It's an unfortunate consequence of the real estate here. -JS

My name is Jordan and I like espresso as well. Cheers!

Bravo -JS

Where I work we have a $2000 espresso/coffee machine that grinds the beans fresh before every cup. It is much like the one you have at your office, but better. Recently I was moved downstairs where we are forced to use a Keurig. A fucking Keurig. What would you do if you were put in this situation?

Walk upstairs and use the superautomatic. -JS

Have you ever been in a submarine?

No. -JS

What is your favourite white wine, red wine and Rosé wine?

Definitely depends on the meal, but if money is no object, I'll take a Sassicaia, a San Filippo "Pecorino", and a Castello Di Ama Rosato... but the latter two only on a hot summer night. -JS

Does the foodie mailing list still exist, or did it cease after it was outed on the show? Is there a new secret mailing list?

I don't administer that list, but I'm pretty sure I remember seeing some recent activity -JS

do you still have the red vespa?

I'm convinced I will always have a red Vespa. -JS

It is well known that some of the staffers at Conan have been punching bags for Mr. O'Brien. Have you been one of those?

Yes. -JS

What's your real job for the show?

Please see aforementioned response. -JS

I know that Conan referenced you being from Buffalo, but you weren't wearing jorts and drinking a Labatt's Blue can....what gives?

Conan was mistaken. That said, I recommend everyone try Duff's in Amherst if you ever have the opportunity. -JS

Is your on-air personality similar to your actual personality? If so, don't you realize how you come off, and that the reason we think you're hilarious is not because of your culinary / fashion / etc bravado?

Yes to both. -JS

Rage of 1000 suns

Conan likes to mock his writers: “Conan's Writers - Conan O'Brien, The Boss (Paley Center, 2008)” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-G7figtITM#t=1m32s), attack his employees: “CONAN O'BRIEN & ANDY RICHTER vs Team Nerdist - All Star Celebrity Bowling” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz479KngUys#t=2m7s), and derides his assistant: “Conan and his assistant, Sona” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeGF-A8fB8k&NR).

Conan really takes it to you: “Conan & Jordan - Freak Show ” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6S8QL-JkE0

Everyone else is able to laugh it off, but it seems like you could be prone to holding pent-up anger.

There was a skit where Conan asks the crowd whether they want to give you health insurance, or have an expensive orchestra play for 10 seconds. The crowd repeatedly booed you, kept cutting your plan, and wanted to play the orchestra for another 10 seconds, and the camera kept getting a close-up of your annoyed, yet stern face.

It's just a skit, but a bit of real emotion must be seeping through.

Q: Will you 1 day explode in a fiery fit of rage.

This is a really long question - JS

do you prefer Florence or Rome?

Florence! -JS

Are there any healthy and enjoyable dishes that you recommend people try?

Anything with olive oil -JS

Are you really Italian?

Not at all, but I very much identify with and appreciate Italian culture. -JS

What is your most memorable "diva" moment that Conan has had behind the scenes?

I think one of the reasons I've stuck around here so long is because our talent and staff is incredibly down to earth, and we don't typically have to deal with those issues -JS

If you could switch places with Conan during one show, how would you do things differently?

I would never choose to make that switch. I think Conan does a fantastic job where he is. -JS

Where you at any way involved in the Legally Prohibited tour? I don't remember seeing you in the documentary.

I was not involved, but I thought they did a great job. -JS

What is your all time favorite Rush album?

Presto. -JS

What is you education background?

State University of New York at Buffalo

What's a good dessert wine to pair with tiramisu?

Hold the dessert wine, finish with a Montenegro after. -JS

Hello there, Jordan!

I was wondering what your path to Conan was like. I've been incredibly interested in the whole management and piecing together of television shows and movies, and I was wondering what it takes to break into the business! What steps did you take to lead you to such an awesome job?

Thank you so much! Have a great day. :)

I would definitely recommend an internship - JS

Would you rather fight 100 duck sized Conans or one Conan sized duck?

Definitely 100 duck sized Conans. Evolutionarily speaking, size has always been a critical advantage to survival in confrontational circumstance. -JS

How are you enjoying normal 'Murican coffee?

I have a hard time with an espresso shot that is pulled too long, and the thought of six ounces of drip-brewed coffee seems very unappetizing to me. -JS

From the best of your memory, what was it that you and Conan ordered from that Italian bistro (I can't recall the name) on that night you had dinner together?

Also, I remembered you took part in Conan's adventure through George Lucas's ranch. What was that experience like?

The mixed Antipasto plate, I know at least one of us had the Pollo Contadina, and a chocolate tortino, amongst other things. The wine was a Barolo Preda 2001 -JS

Do you really ride a Vespa to work?

Absolutely, it's sitting in the Warner Bros. parking garage right now. -JS

You lived in the city for a while, I'd imagine, as a Late Night staffer. What's your go to method of seasoning and cooking a steak in a city where grilling is more or less prohibited?

Broiling! - JS

What song do you sing in the shower?

Something from the 80s. -JS

Any advice for someone looking for a career in television?

Internship -JS

I'm going to be having a filet mignon for diner later, what kind of wine would go good with it? I'm not a fan of real dry reds, so anything semi sweet

There are limitless options for red meat. Look at Tuscany, Piemonte, Napa, Argentina, Bordeaux, and Australia to start. -JS

What kind of projects are you currently working on for the show? And if I was in the area, could I get a personal tour of the set :P

We are all working hard for our upcoming week in Atlanta, and if you're in LA I definitely recommend you come see a show taping in person -JS

Jordan, how can I get Conan's autograph? I have a small but growing collection of autographs, and I'd love to add his to my collection.

Thanks!

Write to the show and I'm sure he will be happy to accommodate -JS

The espresso machine segment showed you are a serious Italophile. I'm planning to be there for 2-3 weeks in June, based in Chianti but will travel around a bit. Any sights, experiences, or restaurants that I must not miss?

If you're lucky enough to be in Chianti Classico, you don't need any further advice. You are guaranteed to encounter greatness wherever you turn. -JS

What's your favorite varietal of wine?

I don't have a favorite varietal, all varietals can make great wines and bad ones -JS

What do you miss about working/living in NYC?

I'm interning at 30 Rock, anybody i should say hi to for you? haha.

How did you start in the business and is this the job you thought you would have 10 years ago?

What do you hate about working/living in LA?

Feel free to answer all, some or none of my questions. Cheers

You're on the right track, if the Maison du Chocolat is still there, get yourself a nice merenda right about now. -JS

What coffee do you drink? I'm assuming you buy whole beans. What would you recommend for a coffee enjoyer like myself?

If you truly want my advice, try the Moka bar in the Milan Malpensa Airport! I don't make my own, but some of my favorites are Lavazza, Danesi, and Illy. -JS

Didn't you once call into a radio show and make inane, unsubstantiated claims that we stole material?

No

If you could educate the American public on one thing, what would it be?

Also, you seem to look down on America/Americans. Why not move?

I love the US, that's why I live here... But I ironically learned much about the US from traveling internationally, and my recommendation for anyone from any country would be to travel and see what's out there -JS