IamA Prison Guard at a maximum security prison, AmA, though you may not like what you hear.

Have you had any genuine success stories, where someone has turned their life around?

Not where I work, no.

edit: Since that was a rather depressing answer, here is something to cheer you all up. Enjoy

What is, in your opinion, the worst crime and/or strangest crime committed by one of the inmates?

The inmate who would ejaculate into his infant niece's baby bottles and feed them to her with her milk.

edit: To clarify, no, that was not his only charge because that charge alone is not enough to land you in Max.

What is the one event you have witnessed or been part of that made you doubt your career path, and possibly the value of humanity?

Anything to do with child molesters. They are very narcissistic and believe in what they do. 9 out of 10 openly admit that they see nothing wrong with what they do and admit they will do it again.

What kind of Child Molester makes it to Maximum Security?

Is it true they have to be separated from general population, since the other inmates see them as trash and easy pickings?

Federally indited CMs. Taking kids across state lines, number of victims, violence regarding their cases, etc.

Is it true child offenders are hated by the General population?

Yes, but believe it or not, some are so beloved by the others because of what they can make happen on a block that they leave them alone, sometimes even work for them.

Whoa. Can you expound on that?

What do you mean by 'make happen'?

Most molesters have the "gift of gab" and are able to swindle other inmates very well, which makes them very good for controlling deals.

edit: Most of our CM's are able to articulate between other inmates very well. Sadly, they are usually the most educated.

They can get drugs, or anything really, inside the jail to inmates. Or get letters and other communication out.

They tend to work the nurses over the most. The nurses are by far the biggest culprits bringing tobacco, monies, or handing out extra medication from their carts. Lets say one inmate refuses his medication for the day, the nurse will give it out to their favorites, which just adds to the ever flowing network of "black market" deals

Is there one situation that comes to mind that you had to deal with that made you very uncomfortable? And if there is, how did it impact you?

When I first started, there was a mentally challenged man who was in prison for sexually assaulting his room mate at the center he was at. He would frequently cover himself in feces and masturbate through the pie slot on his door and try to throw it at us. Albeit now, I am rather desensitized, but watching him shove silverware in his rectum and eat his own feces was...unsettling.

Why was he not put in a psych ward if he's mentally unstable?

He was put in segregation after a few mishaps, but all in all, if an inmate is deemed "stable" enough at commitment, they go right in with everyone else.

how often does rape occur. (how has this not been asked yet)

Not as often as you'd think. I've only known of 4 or so. All I have to say about that is its one thing to see rape...its another to hear it...but its a whole other thing to smell it.

Yes....smell it

what kind of smell is it?

A really fat guy sweating profusely in a gym mixed with diarrhea.

Do you know of any of your fellow prison guards who are involved in illicit activities. Including but not limited to having sex with inmates or providing inmates with cigarettes, drugs, candy? Idk other things they want that they can't get.

[deleted]

Does the upper management encourage this candy work trade?

Not particularly, but they don't discourage it either.

Have you ever seen someone get stabbed? Or worse?

Yes. Stabbings are rough to watch. Even after the nurses get them stable enough to move out of the block to go to the hospital, the amount of blood is always unnerving.

Candy is negligible. Guards often hand out hard candies for extra jobs the inmates do. I can have my whole unit cleaned, scrubbed, windows done, floors mopped and every cell cleaned for 10 pieces of candy.

So, essentially, it's an elementary school.

Yes...Its a big giant day care center. Im not being sarcastic either. Thats how I feel about it most days. Too much childish bullshit going on.

What is the closest you have seen someone get to escaping?

There have been 2 escapes while I was there...No one ever made it more than a mile.

How did the recapture go? I'm thinking dogs and 'copters with spotlights and the dude just running through streams before being clotheslined by you - you were hiding just ahead round a corner you sneaky guard you. Well you got me good, back to the slammer.

Both of them were run downs by the guards. They both didnt make it more than a mile.

But how did they get out?

Outside work crew members who took off running.

Maximum security... outside?

The inmates maintain the prison entirely. Some get outside clearances to work around the jail, like cutting the grass, painting, shoveling in winter, etc.

what happened to the ones that ran

They served a year in the hole and got escape charges, so another 1-3 years.

What is the most gruesome thing you've witnessed during your time there?

Fights can get pretty brutal. A 25 year old stabbed a 41 year old man in the head with a piece of his bed frame over a game of Risk.

The women's wards are where the most fights happen, but the guys definitely are more savage.

Why would you let potential murderers play risk together?

When on a cell block, inmates have free movement to go and do almost anything they want. Most keep to themselves and watch TV, but gambling brings them to the games.

Gambling on Risk?

I've been doing it wrong my entire life!

"I bet you red can't take Central America."

"$50 on red! I got $50 on red!"

Taking countries are $5 each

Yeah. Settlers is a far more peaceful game.

I feel like they should play Life

Most are

Did the 41 year old make it or was he a goner?

He lived...He lost all his teeth though after he was slammed off the edge of a table a few times.

What a wholesome rehabilitation process.

I gum it all up to the fact he was an asshole

Rough estimate: What percentage of the inmates are not evil but just mentally ill and probably need high-quality psychological treatment and/or medication instead of incarceration?

Sad to say, but.....10? Maybe?

What is to prevent retaliation directed at the guards on an inmates release (or while incarcerated). In other words, have you or any of your co-workers ever had a run in with some bad people (outside of the job) as a result of your work?

I have run in to 1 inmate outside of work and he shook my hand and thanked me for being respectable to him inside. He said that I was "honorable" and thats why I have the respect from them I do.

What was the weirdest or most surprising thing you found in an inmate's cell?

Paper mache dildo made from newspapers, in a male inmates cell.

In Prison Break ,besides the breaking out part, how realistic would you say the prison environment that they are in is?

The environment is done very well, but not the "prison politics". Far more deals go on than they ever could show.

Could you elaborate on this "prison politics"? Is there a hierarchic structure? What kind of deals go on?

There defiantly is. There are far more under workings than I could even begin to talk about. Lets just say that deals and the prisoners keeping to their own orders of business keep the prison running. The inmate to guard ratio there is 9 to 1. Believe me, the inmates run the jail.

Do you have co-workers that are just real assholes, like something out of the movie The Green Mile?

Percy would account for 30% of them. Most of them are very respectable which the inmates obviously will adapt to better, but the 30% that are dickheads come around eventually. If not, they are let go for creating too hostile of an environment.

What, if any, television show (fictional) is closest to replicating what life is like in prison?

The HBO lockup. Nothing else comes close.

edit: Lockup: The Prisoners of Rikers Island is the name of it. Couldn't remember.

Whenever I watch documentaries or read about the prison system, a general trend is the forming of cliques or prison gangs.

Is there anything that is being done to prevent the forming of such cliques, such as isolation of key members (leaders, perhaps?) or something similar?

Do you yourself feel that eliminating such an aspect of the prison system would lower the amount of inmate violence?

There are some inmates who actually keep the blocks running more smoothly than any guard ever could. A drug kingpin keeps one of our blocks so hush hush and quiet, you wouldn't think you are in prison at all. His philosophy is to keep things quiet and do their dealings and not attract attention to him or his "soldiers".

Sometimes we have to keep dangerous "leaders" in Admin Segregation because If not, there would be a lot more problems.

I have a pack of Marlboro red's, what can I get for them?

You could get sexual services for 3 days per cigarette, from others guys though

Are there any "feminized" inmates that work doing this? I've seen several depictions of jails in Brazil where this is common

Prison Bikes?

Do you ever see guys that are in prison that you think may in fact be innocent?

The people in my prison have been tried and retried over and over. I detach myself from them as best I can. I can't care why they are in jail, I'd go crazy.

If I, as a white nerdy guy, got sent to prision, what would be the best way to avoid any trouble from any of the other prisioners? Did Office Space get it right when they said to become someone elses bitch or knock out the biggest guy there?

Trouble finds you in prison, so either keep busy so you dont appear complacent or take protective custody. Thats about it.

If you could change one thing about how the prison you are at is run what would it be?

I wouldn't want to walk the cell block openly while the inmates are out.

Wht are most people there for?

Literally everything. Murder, drug dealers, child molesters, thieves, illegal immigrants, rapists. With the exception of terrorists, you name it, we've got em.

Wait. Illegal immigrants go to maximum security? What are they going to do, escape to Mexico?

My guess is that they're only held there until the paperwork is ready to deport them - as they're going to try to escape from anywhere else to avoid deportation.

At least, I hope that's the reason.

Yup

Being an illegal immigrant puts you in a maximum security prison?

They are easiest for the feds to extradite there, they are already in the federal system then.

Have you ever formed any kind of relationship with any of your inmates?

We have a "boss" relationship with almost all of them. I went from being a 25 year old college grad to having to be the boss of 130 people overnight, so to speak.

Has someone asked you to do something on the outside for them unrelated to breaking a crime, or sneaking something in?

Bring drugs in or put money on their account. I'm not giving up my job for any of them though.

Do you have any serial killers in your prison and if so how do they behave?

A few. They are the most reclusive, scary, disturbing people Ive ever met. I've heard one of them speak One time and all he said was "No"

I've been watching Beyond Scared Straight (mostly for the humour side) and was wondering how the prisoners REALLY act. Would you ever allow 'kids-at-risk' to even get into any proximity with your prisoners? Also what do you think of the show?

They are much more intense when we get visitors in. They like to show off and scare them for sure. We run sort of a "scared straight" program but for adults as well. Lots of people leave crying.

What parts of your job do you like and dislike the most? Why? Thanks :)

Like-Being my own boss sort of. I Run a group of 80 to 120 people every day and things work smoothly for me because I treat them with respect.

Dislike- Fighting and the cleanup afterward. Some injuries are pure nightmare fuel. The image I that disturbed me the longest was the inmate with a broom handle shoved up his ass. /shudder

You may have answered this already, but what do you do to escape the prison world at the end of the day? How can you relax after seeing everything you see day in and day out?

Video games and my kids.

Do any of the inmates go by Batman plausible nicknames? Can you list any of these interesting nicknames and why the inmate refers to themselves by said name (preferrably disturbing backstories)?

The best nickname I ever heard was for a 45 year old African American who "ran the unit". He was "The AlphaNigger"