Hi Dingleberries, I'm Michael Ian Black of The State, Stella, Ed, Michael and Michael Have Issues, Wet Hot American Summer. I also have a podcast called "Mike and Tom Eat Snacks," and have written a couple books. My latest is a collaboration with Meghan McCain entitled "America, You Sexy Bitch: A Love Letter to Freedom." http://americayousexybitch.com/ Also, this is me: https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/207196250032979968

Comments: 2422 • Responses: 61  • Date: 

BitchinInTheKitchen918 karma

I have a picture of you sleeping on the floor of the New Orleans airport after Mardi Gras this year.... http://imgur.com/nKTz3

Edit: Also, big fan for like 7 or 8 years now

Edit again: yeah if you can tell i don't post so often...thanks for the help, now i'm less likely to be stalked. And my boyfriend wants you all to know he took the picture. I say his fault sleeping until noon.

michaelianblack470 karma

This is indeed a picture of me sleeping. Not pictured: I was dreaming of these. http://bit.ly/MhKhp6

Benselado362 karma

I just wanted to thank you for getting me laid once. Some drunk girl said I looked like you. Thanks. By the way, I look nothing like you sir.

michaelianblack839 karma

Cool. Can I smell your fingers?

arsenaldb325 karma

MIB, I'd just like to say that your father's day story on This American Life was one of the most moving stories I've ever experienced and resulted in me calling my dad sobbing at 6 in the morning. How difficult was it to perform this story and how were you approached by TAL?

michaelianblack352 karma

Thank you. I really appreciate that. It was kind of tough to perform because I'd never read that out loud before. I kind of knew Ira through a mutual friend, Mike Birbiglia, and he asked to read an early draft of my book, which I showed him. From that he asked me to do the piece for TAL.

Lereas82 karma

I haven't listened to it all that much recently, but have you ever been a panel member on Wait Wait...? You should be.

ThatDinkumThinkum50 karma

This is the greatest bit of brain lightning I've experienced all day. You'd fit in awesome on the panel. I'd love to see the interaction between you and Paula Poundstone. I would vote for this

michaelianblack140 karma

I would just say something filthy and get disinvited. Then I'd feel bad. Then I'd cry. It always ends in tears with me.

Darrian279 karma

I'm in the hospital at the moment on public internet, and link to americayousexybitch.com is blocked for "pornography".

Is this true, and if it is, how urgently should I get this book?

michaelianblack908 karma

Depends how sick you are. If you're really sick, you should get it pretty urgently.

playpretty4baby252 karma

This is my cat Michael Ian Cat http://i.imgur.com/EPHyY.jpg

michaelianblack373 karma

That's a pretty good cat.

GotNoGreenLantern251 karma

if you're in nyc, can we hang out tonight? i have no plans but dont want to stay in. just throwing that out there...

michaelianblack575 karma

Absolutely. Meet me on the corner of 46th and 10th ave. tonight around nine. If I'm not there, it just means I'm running a little late.

I_Are_Brown_Bear215 karma

How much for just a pee-pee touch?

michaelianblack432 karma

I'll let you touch it for $35.00

BasedJesus5150213 karma

Why did they cancel Michael & Michael have issues?

michaelianblack650 karma

The traditional reason: not enough people were watching for their tastes. But fuck them.

sburn212 karma

My friend and I find you insanely attractive. Good on ya Michael.

michaelianblack804 karma

Thanks. I'm okay at boning.

LeFourthAccount205 karma

Why do all of your shows keeping failing when you're so hilarious? You're doing it wrong.

michaelianblack475 karma

You know what? I think maybe I care TOO much? Does that make sense? I think maybe I'm TOO sensitive?

tallandlanky203 karma

Can you tell the difference between Butter and I can't believe it's not Butter?

michaelianblack678 karma

If I can't believe it's not butter, then obviously I believe it to be butter, therefore it would be impossible for me to tell the difference. If I could tell the difference, I would know one of them to be butter and the other to not be butter.

BHutt170 karma

How much of Mike and Tom Eat Snacks is scripted? You and Tom seem to go on such wildly coordinated tangents that are equal parts hilarious and bizarre. Anyway, big fan of all your work and just finished your book about two weeks ago.

michaelianblack296 karma

Scripted: zero. We just turn on the little recording machine and start talking. So glad you like it, Matey.

[deleted]163 karma


michaelianblack591 karma

I wasn't unhappy. If you look at the picture, you will clearly see that I was taking a shit.

Cannibalzz151 karma

Did "the State" ever hear back from Chelsea Clinton when you tried to contact her?

michaelianblack512 karma

We ran a train on her. It was okay.

bulliestogo145 karma

I've long followed your work. I also follow politics. Now that gap is being bridged and it's freaking me out. How closely do you follow politics, what did you learn in writing the book and what does America need at this point?

michaelianblack842 karma

I follow politics pretty closely for a civilian. I learned a lot while writing "America, You Sexy Bitch." Mostly that our system is fucked. The problem, as I (and many, many others) see it, is that the bedrock of our system, representative democracy, has become so corrupted with money that we are slipping from being a democratic nation into being a corporatized nation. Corporations do a lot of things well, but not run nations, for obvious reasons. The first thing we need to do, above all else, is somehow disentangle money from our political process, at least to the extent that a few loud voices are drowning millions of softer voices. How do we do this? I don't know. But Citizens United and the like aren't helping.

geneveve132 karma

between movies, TV, books and podcasts, what medium do you enjoy working on the most?

michaelianblack891 karma

I'm least known for this, but probably my radical feminist poetry.

rochero120 karma

Do you and Bradley Cooper still hook up? Or was that just a beautiful, one time thing?

michaelianblack268 karma

His lawyers have asked me not to talk about this topic.

Mikeaz123118 karma

Did you get excited when Meghan said she was strictly dickly?

michaelianblack209 karma

Emailed her immediately to tell her how much I loved that.

The_Last_Raven92 karma

How was working on "Tom Goes to The Mayor" with Tim and Eric? Are they as ridiculous in real life as they appear to be in their work?

michaelianblack170 karma

They're pretty normal, down-to-earth guys. That's the misconception about comedians: that they're bizarre human beings. They're not. Most of us are pretty quiet and low key.

justkilc91 karma

I have a question for you..... Why do Comedians like yourself give quality jokes away for free on twitter?

michaelianblack563 karma

Because, like oil, there is an endless supply.

menomenaa88 karma

How is your poison ivy doing? How'd you get it? Don't pick your nose or scratch your balls or try to get any ear wax out because I feel like those would be the three shittiest places to have poison ivy.

michaelianblack489 karma

Thank you for asking about my poison ivy. My fingers have now stopped oozing pus and are now just kind of crusted over, which makes them less itchy. That's the good news. The bad news is I have it on my neck. The other bad news is all the massacres in Syria.

ape_cage85 karma

Do you have a feud with Daniel Tosh? I remember one time he made fun of you on his show for having a bunch of cancelled shows.

michaelianblack506 karma

No. I don't know him. I think he was just making a joke at my expense. I didn't get offended or anything, though, because it was true. I do have a lot of cancelled shows under my belt. The belt I have to keep tightening because I cannot afford to feed myself or my family.

nudecelebrities80 karma

Michael Ian Black, you and 'the ole guys' with your shenanigans and hilarity from Stella made my sense of humor more acceptable in public and amongst friends. You are great and awesome for the NY comedy scene!

My question, is there ever any hope of Stella returning? For anything?

michaelianblack147 karma

Thank you. I'm sure Stella will reunite at some point to tour. We all like doing it, so when we all have some time, I'm sure we'll get together and hit the road.

bfunkexperience80 karma

Thanks for doing this, you doing Capt. Monterey Jack is one of my favorite sketches of all time! Before The State, what things did you do to get actively involved in comedy? Any advice for someone interested in comedy writing and performance?

michaelianblack323 karma

I have only one piece of advice, which mimics Nike's advertising slogan: just do it. If you want to make comedy, make comedy. Nobody is stopping you. If you want to write, write. If you want to perform, perform. There are innumerable outlets for comedians, so quit being a little bitch and do it.

rownin79 karma

i love you in the league, taco is so hilarious.

michaelianblack109 karma

Thanks. "The League" is my best work.

You_are_very_dumb76 karma

Dear Michael, I am a boy. I think I am in love with a girl. What should I do? I've already asked her out. We will be going out tonight. How do I M.I.B the shit out of her tonight and see if she feels the same about me. Thank.

michaelianblack370 karma

As you hold the door for her, wait until she is passing in front of you, then whisper the word "Anal?" to her. Frame it as a question. Her response will tell you what to do next.

unequalized76 karma

How did your roadtrip/book project with Meghan McCain come about? Is she as down-to-earth and not-as-nuts-as-her-last-name-implies as she comes across on Twitter? Also, since you were part of MTV in the 90's, what's your take on the shitshow it has become now?

michaelianblack147 karma

One night, I was on Ambien and got on Twitter. Saw that she was on too, and asked her if she wanted to write a book together. (We'd only met, one time, over satellite.) So we didn't know each other before we agreed to write "America, You Sexy Bitch." We just decided to do it on a whim and hit the road together for a month. And yes, she is both as down-to-earth and crazy as you would think.

jerry813572 karma

If you could go back and do one thing over again what would it be?

michaelianblack424 karma

I would probably take a little bit more time to answer this question.

robmandark68 karma

If you were asked to contribute a guest verse for any rapper who would it be and what would the first line be?

michaelianblack313 karma

I would go with Vanilla Ice:

Yo, Ice, let's sing this. I'm gonna melt with you, Like Modern English.

rebeccalmighty67 karma

I'M OVULATING. come over. do me the honor of having sexy children.

michaelianblack173 karma

Thanks, but I already have two VERY sexy children.

dont_be_shitty57 karma

Did you really change your last name from Schwartz to Black?

michaelianblack126 karma


eam42257 karma

Burning Love is amazing! You're my favorite person on that show. I can't wait for more episodes to be posted. Keep up the good work :)

michaelianblack101 karma

"Burning Love" is a new web series created by Ken Marino and Erica Oyama. It's on Yahoo and, I have to say, hilarious. I had nothing to do with it other than show up and say the words they gave me. Glad you enjoy it.

ramanglass54453 karma

I think we all know who you are, but what are you about?

michaelianblack266 karma

WHO I am is a comedian. WHAT I AM ABOUT is respect for women.

DexterHeisenberg52 karma

I just want to say that you were awesome when you eviscerated that audience member who called Obama "Hitler". Did you know that moment went viral?

michaelianblack139 karma

Yeah. I didn't feel good about that. Was not pleased with my own reaction to him. I was immature and let my emotions get the better of me. Even so, I was pretty awesome.

johnnybluejeans51 karma

Oh shit, this may be the only time my username has ever been relevant!

Speaking of my username, I was playing Modern Warfare on Xbox Live recently and some kid kept calling me johnnyqueerfags. I didn't have a comeback. Any advice for the next time someone calls me that?

michaelianblack156 karma

I would say this is probably going to be the only time your user name is relevant, yes.

As far as comebacks go, I would have said, "No YOU are."

FunGuy8450 karma

When hanging out with your friends, what do you guys normally do?

michaelianblack336 karma

This is going to sound weird, but we usually talk about you.

[deleted]49 karma

what's the most you've won in a game of poker?

michaelianblack129 karma

I won $40.00 once.

cartisdm49 karma

How often are you stopped during a normal day? Are people usually polite or are they total douches?

michaelianblack168 karma

People are usually very polite and respectful. I don't get stopped very much because most people do not know who I am. Which is upsetting. Especially because I wear a big pin that reads, "I am Michael Ian Black!!!"

PlayfulPunches46 karma

If you were financially set up for the rest of your life, how would you spend your time?

sierrraa43 karma

Not so much a question, but as someone who transcribes closed captioning for a living, thank you for your ability to finish a thought.

michaelianblack146 karma

This does not sound like a good job to me. Maybe you love it, I don't know, but it sounds tedious. What can I do to help you get a better job? If you need money for tuition or something, let me know. I'm not going to give you any money, but I do want to know if you need it.

JCaliente41 karma

What TV shows do you watch?

michaelianblack164 karma

Mad Men, Game of Thrones, The Killing, Boardwalk Empire, The Yankees.

yourprettylense36 karma

Is Marc Maron as mean to you as it comes across? I'm a big fan of both of you, but every time I've heard the two of you together I've found myself liking him less and less.

michaelianblack111 karma

Marc and I have known each other for twenty years. Our relationship has never been exactly warm and fuzzy but over the years I think we've grown to understand each other a little better. In many ways, we're similar. We're both neurotic, self-hating, depressives. The difference is that he's old and embittered whereas I am young and zestful.

honzoman35 karma

Sir Michael Ian Black, what is your favorite type of cereal?

michaelianblack181 karma

I guess, breakfast cereal?

rclark28135 karma

Just how close were you and the chimp from "Monkey Sports"?

michaelianblack113 karma

That poor chimp. His owners were always yelling at him. His name was Murray.

pgfpo35 karma

Are you working on any film scripts at the moment?

michaelianblack105 karma


jking80034 karma

Any new children's books on the horizon? Do they really take you 90 minutes to write? I always get a kick out of the videos you do for them.

michaelianblack118 karma

Yeah, there's one coming out in September called "I'm Bored." And obviously I was exaggerating when I said they take ninety minutes to write. More like 60.

rclark28132 karma

Other than Ed, everything I've seen you in has been Viacom related. Do they own you like Disney owns Selena Gomez?

michaelianblack115 karma

Ed was also Viacom related. It's not that they own ME so much as they own the world.

ThePhantomTrollbooth28 karma

So sharing an RV with Meghan McCain... would you do it again?

michaelianblack108 karma

Maybe not an RV. Maybe a touring bus. The RV smelled like ass. (My ass.)

cheapthrillsss27 karma

Fact: When I was 14, my AIM screenname was MichaelIanBlkLvr. Can't believe I'm admitting that to anyone, especially Michael Ian Black.

michaelianblack44 karma

Now everybody knows and feels your shame.

distertastin27 karma

How did you meet Tim and Eric - what do you think of their comedy? Also, is this now the preferred form of celebrities to interact with fans, because you can't smell us through the computer AND we won't take cell phone pictures of you?

michaelianblack72 karma

I met them in Philly years ago when Stella was doing a show. They gave us a DVD of their early stuff and we all thought it was amazing. I could not be a bigger fan of those guys.

[deleted]26 karma

What is your favorite sexual position?

michaelianblack137 karma

Dick in pussy.

concretedonkey25 karma

What can we , as fans , do to encourage the state to reunite for a tour?

michaelianblack96 karma


inserthandlehere21 karma

So I just want to appologize for the time I met you at a radio station in Louisville Kentucky and had no idea who you were. It was the second day of my first professional job and I was there assisting someone who was being interviewed. I know you don't remember any of this but you walked in to the reception area and you looked really familiar to me. We chatted breifly and then you went back. That's when the receptionist was like "You know that was Micheal Ian Black" and I was like "Who?" Then I got home and told my roomate who instantly made me watch Wet Hot American Summer... which is now one of my favorite movies ever. My friends and I even had a Wet Hot themed party recently. Hopefully I will meet you again one day and this time I maybe I will get a picture with you.

michaelianblack68 karma

It took me a REALLY long time to get over that and here you go bringing it all back up again. THANKS FOR NOTHING!

meerkatz_17 karma

HI! I read your book "You're not doing it right" and the part in the end where you wrote to Martha made me cry. I heard you on DC 101 on my way to school a couple months ago and have had a crush on you since I was 12 because you were the one that said the funny stuff on I love the... And now I am 20. So if you could just type back a couple of letters...It could even just be ahgakljg it would make my week

michaelianblack47 karma

I will do even better than random letters. I will say "thank you," which could be described as random letters if you didn't read the language. To that person, they would look like random letters. You and I know, however, that they are not random at all. Although, who's to say, ultimately, what's random and what's not? I mean, how random is it that we're even communicating in the first place. Random implies the lack of design, but everything - EVERYTHING - is the product of some other occurrence. Either everything is random or nothing is random. I don't know which. All I know is you are my best friend.

Status-Duck15 karma

I loved run fat boy run, did you go to Simon with the idea or him to you?

michaelianblack41 karma

I wrote the original draft, then he rewrote it to set it in London and also to make it better. We didn't really work together on it, although we did hang out a little in London when they were shooting and I wrote a blurb for his book. Honestly, though, I'm not sure he knows who I am.

impossiblesoul13 karma

One time on twitter you changed your picture and I said your wife had a lazy eye and you told me I only had half a face. Do you remember this? It was September 2009.

michaelianblack48 karma

That is a really good memory for me.

[deleted]13 karma


michaelianblack31 karma

  1. Sure.
  2. I don't watch that much comedy but there's so much great stuff out there. Children's Hospital, Community, Parks and Rec, Girls, etc. etc. etc.

TheFastestHorse12 karma

My fiancee and I have started watching Ed recently. You are really funny in it, good work! Did you have any career experience that helped you play someone who works in a bowling alley?

*fiancee not fiance

michaelianblack24 karma

I've always been good with aerosol.

benny_d1110 karma

What is your view on meadows?

michaelianblack31 karma

About twenty meters away.

CharlesBucket9 karma

Pretty interesting to see your diversity from Fox News early in the week to Reddit later in the week. Big fan ever since "IT"S COLDER THAN A DEAD PIECE OF VAGINA OUT THERE!"

I guess the only question I've really ever wanted to ask you is do you like quacomole? Heard you did.

michaelianblack22 karma

Great question: I DO like guacamole. Thank you for giving me a chance to finally get that out there.