I've been on OKCupid for a year or so and while I've been on some cool dates and met some cool girls, a lot of them were disasters. The chicks have boyfriend baggage, or are just looking for macho muscle dudes who make a lot of money, or whatnot. Also, it can be really hard to get a read on someone and figure out what they really like what they just pretend to be into.

So a few months ago, I set up a second profile for a guy who more or less approximates the guy I think most urban single women are hoping to meet. I gave him the job I think they're into, the hobby I know they're into, and a few incongruent facts to mix it up and make him seem more complicated.

For photos, I used three photos from some dude on Facebook I kind of know who's very good looking. One has a photo of him being sporty with a cocky smirk on his face. Another has him making a funny face in the middle of a gaggle of attractive women at a bar somewhere and the third is him skydiving.

Basically, this guy is exactly what my single female friends are all looking for but won't admit they're looking for.

So using this profile, I'll chat up women on OKC who I'm interested in, and they just fucking TELL HIM EVERYTHING. What they like about sex, what they don't. What kind of dates they'd love to go on. What worked in previous relationships. What didn't. This guy gets offered IM-sex on a regular basis. He gets phone numbers thrown at him. He gets asked what he's up to all the time by attractive women.

As a guy who's been on OKC for a year or so and never gotten a single IM response, this has been revelatory and oddly encouraging. Women really aren't all that confusing or different from guys, they just don't open up to guys online who they're not attracted to. I can live with that. It makes sense.

I'm probably a 6 in the looks department whereas this guy's an 8.5 or so, and that really makes a huge difference.

Anyway, with all this admittedly ill-gotten knowledge, I've been able to better screen my real account's OK Cupid dates and save time and embarasment. I know if a girl's the type who puts out or not. I know if she's looking for a boyfriend, or just looking to kill time. I know what she likes to listen to. I know if she's a small town girl or a big city girl. I know all kinds of stuff that can help us both have fun on a first date. I am armed with insider knowledge via this alter ego virtual wingman.

Is this wrong? Yes, very. Do I feel bad about it? Often. Am I also enjoying the monster I created? Yes.

Edit: Ok, am back from a holiday party, that I took a date to, who I didn't meet on OKC and who I had to get to know the normal way. I do that too, these online dates are just so hit or miss though that I got tired of walking into them blind and not knowing a darn thing.

Edit 2: This thread's out of control. I'm trying to find questions to answer as best I can.

Comments: 1795 • Responses: 14  • Date: 

mulletman131059 karma

This seems like a thing George Costanza would do. Bravo.

myownwingman22 karma

This comment, and the thread that followed are all awesome. Thanks for the laughs.

NoahFect310 karma

If you really want enlightenment, do what I did and create a halfway-attractive female "character" on a site like OKCupid or match.com. The responses you get from men will change your entire perspective.

myownwingman114 karma

That's what I hear from my female friends who use the site. Wingman uses it to his advantage by asking for funny stories while chatting. Sure-fire ice-breaker and I hear some real howlers.

Guys, don't send women a picture of your junk.

CunningAllusionment11 karma

I have some friends who requested from craigslist pictures of guy's faces and cocks. They got tons of responses. They made a memory board game out of it called "craigslist casual encounters". It's hilarious.

myownwingman21 karma

Not surprised!

Wingman gets pretty honest feedback from attractive women, and they tell him that pictures of your junk are NOT what they want.

What they want, in my wingman-based opinion, is someone who's not impressed by them, maybe a little bored by them, who's smarter than them, better looking than them, more experienced than them, but who, despite all this, for some reason that they really don't want to think to hard about, wants to talk to THEM.

Wingman is all these things.

air0day237 karma

I'm married, so this is of no use to me as a suggestion or anything like that, and I don't want to get into the morals of this...

But damn, that's fucking brilliant. It seems to obvious, but I don't think I'd ever have thought of it. Genius.

myownwingman26 karma

Thanks man. I agree its a simple idea, but very powerful. I'm learning a lot of very humbling things through wingman. It's been an eye-opener, and like I said, very encouraging too. I've been kind of confused by how some of these dates played out, Wingman can help me get honest feedback.

[deleted]185 karma

I think it's pretty brilliant but it's not cool to use photos of some guy you know without his permission (and it doesn't sound like you have his permission, or at least it's not clear). It could end up creating serious problems for that guy if one of his girlfriend's friends saw it and told her he was on OKcupid or something. I saw a post earlier today where a long-time gf broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years b/c she found out he had an OKcupid profile set up (that was supposedly only for checking things out/entertainment, not dating). Other than that, I see no problems.

myownwingman70 karma

This is a good point. I'll ping him tomorrow. he's a buddy. We'll work it out.

[deleted]153 karma

I dunno man, I think you're trying way too hard. In my early 20's me and my friends would come up with all sorts of schemes like this in order to "beat the system". We used a DENIS clone (before Denis existed), hell I even tried applying game theory to the whole thing.

And while it's fun to analyze systems to get ahead, the reality is that you can only fuck with people for so long before they start to think your some sort of sociopath. Statistical inference breaks down on the individual and no matter how much data you collect, at some point you have be real.

That's the thing about these sites, the fake, vapid assholes will always go for the fake vapid profiles, which is probably what you created. We know the type. You win the game by being real. If sally the gold digger doesn't go for you because you don't own a Lambo-- oh well...

myownwingman61 karma

I hear ya man. Let me say this. Wingman right now is helping me understand this dating thing better. I was in a long-ass relationship with someone that ended a few years ago. Suddenly I had to date and quickly learned that not every woman was as into me as the one I'd dated for three years. So it's been really hit or miss, and I realized it would continue to be like that until I found a way to get honest feedback so I could understand what was happening. Wingman serves that purpose. He'll retire soon, but right now he's helping me not waste people's time and figure out how the heck to deal with these city women.

[deleted]99 karma

Assuming that this technique one day helps you to attract a woman, wouldn't you find it a bit concerning that she opened right up to a man that was totally different than you? Wouldn't you worry that she would up and leave you if she met a man like you portrayed to her to find out about her?

myownwingman88 karma

No, not at all. The other week I set up a date with a cool girl I'd e-mailed with a few times. The night before the date, wingman chatted her up and found out a few things:

  1. She's been looking to meet someone for a while, and has tried several sites.

  2. She had some random hookups in college but has been so stressed out by work lately that she hasn't gotten any action in several months.

  3. She's indeed a really smart, nice, friendly girl.

The date I went on with her was a lot of fun and we made plans to see eachother again after the holidays. Good stuff.

A few hours later, wingman gets an e-mail from her saying "hi, you online?"

I could be jealous of her thinking about another dude a few hours after our date, but that'd be silly. She can think whatever she likes, and it was just a coffee date. I probably think of a few different women in any given day even if I'm into someone.

Plus, it's wingman. EVERYONE's into him. He's awesome. Just like there are some women who any guy would admit are gorgeous and be interested in, Wingman's a good looking dude who's funny, knowing, and has an air of being kind of "done with" stuff. That puts people at ease and makes him fun to chat with. Of course she likes him.

So no, not worried about that.

[deleted]61 karma

All that I take away from this is that you agree, but you justify it because, 'hey, who wouldn't like this guy?'

Also, I'm not an expert, but I would interpret a coffee date the other week, along with plans to meet up after the holidays as a big sign of disinterest. If she's interested, she'll want to see you sooner than a month from the last time.

I feel like you are trying to justify her actions, particularly liking this other guy, and excusing her thinking about him and sending him an IM only because he is actually you.

myownwingman35 karma

I made up all the times. I'm trying to be very careful about how I describe stuff here. Didn't expect this thread to crack the front page!

Look at it this way. Your girlfriend might love you to pieces, but still think Brad Pitt or someone is hot. That's wingman. He's hot. People tell him stuff because they know he's chill enough and cool enough not to give a crap.

Bongofish40 karma

A friend of mine pointed out an interesting dating paradox to me the other day.

We spend all our time trying to appear confident and put together so that we can find the one person we can share our doubts with and be unsure in front of.

myownwingman6 karma


secondpolarbody28 karma

success stories?

[deleted]27 karma

What job does the profile have?

What hobby are the women into?

Just to clarify, are you using the profile to gain general knowledge about women on OKC, or do you approach the girls with your real account after they had been talking with the fake?

myownwingman32 karma

Sorry. Originally I was going to post that, then I realized it was a bad idea.

Wingman started off as me trying to make a new profile with a better user name than my current one (you can't change your name!). He sat, empty for a few months.

Then I got the idea and he started as the personification of everything a specific girl I'd been out with a few times was into. I'd actually asked her why she didn't want to go out anymore and she rattled off a list of things she's into and explained how I didn't have them (it was like the scene in Gladiator with Commodus and his dad a little).

But then I generalized him a bit to make him more mainstream and less on the nose. And he is who he is!

Wingman's attitude and persona are just as important if not more important than his photos. The photos get you responses to your IMs. The persona is what gets you what you want to know.

  • Wingman is so over the whole dating thing. But likes meeting funny weird people on the internet.

  • Wingman enjoys him some sex, but doesn't go looking for it. When it presents itself he doesn't say no.

  • Wingman is proud of his hobby and his ability to separate work and personal stuff.

  • Wingman has lots of female friends.

  • Wingman has dated lots of women.

Etc etc etc. In some ways, he's kind of a personification of what I imagine the pickup dudes try to be (I've not read that stuff), but mostly he's just a cool dude who swears pretty often, isn't great at spelling, enjoys drinking a bit too much, laughs a lot, and has lots of funny stories. And he's really handsome and a good listener. He does alright.

alien13ufo21 karma

has this ever actually landed the real you a date?

has anyone ever found out about this scheme of yours?

myownwingman85 karma

I don't get dates this way. I prepare for them. I get dates on my own ok, but I always fall into whatever traps the girl sets for me. I had three great dates with someone who then wanted to go to a movie. I didn't know she wanted to go so she could test to see if I talk during movies. I said some stuff during whatever we saw and never heard from her again. Weeks later after I created wingman, he had a long chat with her where she told him how much she hates people who talk during movies. Wingman could have saved me there.

Now, with him, I can anticipate the girls tests and pass them with flying colors so we can get past that silly stuff.

JezusGhoti14 karma

What's the craziest info a chick has told you?

myownwingman22 karma

Nothing too crazy. Wingman isn't there to get secrets or anything. He just wants to get the temperature so I can know what sort of weather I'm parachuting into on a date.

sleeeeeeep8 karma

Hey Man,

I fucking love this.


What kind of stuff do you talk about with these girls (with your real account) thats different from what the wingman talks about? I.e. different openers/questions etc?

Do you stick to IM or Email too?

myownwingman5 karma

Just IM. Winks also work surprising well too.

A lot of women post in their profiles about hating getting "winks" from guys. Having seen that, I'd never sent one before. I took them at their word. D'oh.

Wingman sends a lot of winks and always gets a response. Chicks love getting winked at by wingman.