Comments: 380 • Responses: 40  • Date: 

nobodyknowens277 karma

What was the hardest part (mental/emotional/physical) of recovering from your injury? Thanks for doing this AMA!

davidfranciscomusic488 karma

part (mental/emotional/physical) of recovering from your inj

Hi! Those are all parts of the journey, I would say at first it was such a sudden shift in my reality that emotionally I was a wreck, crying every day. It was also mental, because I was battling thoughts of depression. Will I ever get married? Will I depend on people forever? etc... The pain was also bad... So I can't really say what was worst, but that they were all very much a part of the journey. Thanks for the question!

claybopenguin267 karma

Hey David! Since your accident has happened, what has been your favorite place to go where you have shared your story?

davidfranciscomusic310 karma

ccident has happened, what has been your favorite plac

Hmm... Probably the Bijou Theatre in Knoxville. It's my hometown, and I knew quite a few people there. It was very special.

spamagnet212 karma

Have you seen Freya Markowski again since April?

davidfranciscomusic214 karma

I just skyped her today!

davidfranciscomusic131 karma

not in person though

spamagnet80 karma

That's awesome. How is she moving ahead in her own life?

davidfranciscomusic299 karma

I don't know what I can really share, but I'll tell you she's doing very well, and feels a lot of peace! Which makes me very happy. Her future is not my responsibility, but I do hope the best for her.

TrashTvQueen124 karma

Where did you learn to be so forgiving? The wonderful article you linked said you forgave her right away. How exactly did that happen for you? I aspire to be as forgiving as you.

davidfranciscomusic399 karma

d you learn to be so forgiving? The wonderful article you linked said you

I live in a community of people who love me... and I knew I was going to be alright. I also knew that it was an accident, meaning she did not intend to hit me, so I knew the best thing for her would be forgiveness. Forgiveness is missing today... and I do hope that whoever reads about this is encouraged to try it as an approach to whatever their facing in their lives, it truly brings so much life to you and the people around you.

TrashTvQueen67 karma

Agreed. You inspire me to be more forgiving already! The next time you're in Nashville I would love to treat both of you to coffee!

davidfranciscomusic83 karma

I'm literally driving away right now (not driving, riding with family)! That sounds great!

snoopcatt8742 karma

Do you think the circumstances would be different if she had been negligent in some way or hadn't taken accountability? I was rear ended by a drunk driver who plead not guilty in court, and I have such an issue forgiving him for the lifelong injuries he has given me. It's been almost 7 years and I'm still struggling to come to terms with all this issues I have with the way he handled the situation. I've heard many preachy people saying forgiveness comes from within but when someone is so blatantly unapologetic for causing you nearly fatal injuries, it's a struggle to not have some complex feelings about the situation.

davidfranciscomusic6 karma

when someone is so blatantly unapologetic for causing you nearly fatal injuries, it's a struggle to not have some complex feelings about the situation.

That's really difficult, and I would say it's definitely different. I think at this point there's no way you can rationalize what they've done in your mind. One way to look at it is pragmatically: I want to feel peace about what happened to me, and so the best I can do is hope that this person improves. Somehow dissociating their problems from you, even if it affected you. Thanks for posting!

Hexxman007-2 karma

but she was negligent, the fact they didnt press charges is disgusting IMO. she ran a red light and almost killed this guy. She got a pass because of the " lets not punish the junkies and mentally ill" bullshit.

davidfranciscomusic11 karma

ould have had to go to inpatient or som

Hi Hexxman. Thanks for the comment. And I totally agree that she doesn't deserve to be let off the hook. My reasoning was NOT because I wanted to be soft on a junkie. My reasoning was to help her, to show her that Love and Forgiveness are real and that she could have another chance. We had her do community service.

I really don't think jail would have been a good option for someone who already felt worthless. I'm not responsible for how she turns out, but I've done what I can to help. (FYI, she has been clean for a year)

Hope this makes a little more sense.

snoopcatt8710 karma

Running a red light can very much be an accident. I get that she was off her meds though. I mean negligent in the sense of she wasn't drunk or high, as that was the situation in which I am in.

davidfranciscomusic4 karma

get that she was off

It's also a really weird light... Right after a bridge, so you can't see it until you're pretty close, unless you notice the guide light on the side of the road. Easy place to make a mistake.

brooklynbotz9 karma

Could you offer me advice on how to forgive those who have intentionally hurt me in the past?

quantasmm24 karma

forgiveness doesn't have to come with reconnecting, especially if there is some kind of danger.

forgive them for yourself. Pick a person you arent emotionally invested with, like Danny Devito. Would you rather spend the next 5 years thinking about Danny Devito six times a day, hating him, hating how he ruined your life, generating bitterness? Or to release him, and to be apathetic towards him and how he turns out. And a year down the line your friend mentions Danny Devito and you think to yourself, well goddamn, Danny Devito, I haven't thought about him in months. Its an obvious call, its just hard to apply it when it isn't hypothetical.

david francisco went a step further and made a friend, but I don't see that as enormously difficult in this case. I treated a red stop light like a stop sign by accident about two years ago. Some guy about 50 yards away slowed down and held down his horn and I apologized with a wave. There but for the grace of God go i, half of us drivers have done similar things and were just lucky enough not to do it with a biker in our blind spot.

davidfranciscomusic3 karma

ld down his horn and I apologized with a wave. There but for the

Thanks for the response! That's great. I think in the analogy it's actually better to see Danny Devito as someone who needs help and has a problem (this puts the situation outside of yourself so you can see it objectively) and hope that he finds help.

And I've run red lights before myself.

SnebivljivaAzdaja4 karma

You are amazing! I am still struggling to forgive the driver who almost ran over me and my daughter...I believe that big thing in your case was that she showed how sorry she is..I wish you all the best in your life. Keep that smile.

davidfranciscomusic3 karma

thank you, and yes. that is a different type of forgiveness. I encourage you to read through this thread, I've certainly been informed!

Radiobrainz118 karma

David, What has helped you heal and forgive? How has your daily routine changed?

davidfranciscomusic196 karma

The forgiveness I've expereienced in my own life, and the love I've received. And my days are actually pretty similar (I go the same places) but I just do things in a different way. Put clothes on a different way, still go to the bathroom a different way, etc... Thanks for the question!

warranty_voids76 karma

Hey David,

Given how you've been injured in a bike accident, do you think there are changes to the infrastructure possible which would help prevent happening this to other people? Greetings from the land of the bikes and the red light district!

davidfranciscomusic130 karma

Great question: I think we should do everything in our power to fix the roads... And the light where the accident happened is actually hidden by a bridge until you're about 100 yards away. There's a light under the bridge on the side of the road as well, it's just weird though. So one thing would be to make that light more obvious.

Regardless, when there are humans involved, accidents will exist. It's our own responsibility to do our best to act in the way we want others to act: if you want safer roads, be an alert, safe driver

Thepaulba73 karma

How has your music changed since the accident?

davidfranciscomusic121 karma

your music ch

Good question! I've written some songs that definitely reflect the accident and what I've been going though (which will be coming out in the next few months (so subscribe ;) )), I didn't write for the first few months after just because I was in so much pain and exhausted.

ShutY0urDickHolster54 karma

Your hair is gorgeous, what conditioner do you use?

davidfranciscomusic5 karma

lol. It tends to do better the less I try to deal with it. but I've tried a bunch of different stuff, and it seems the more expensive stuff is better.

drchopsalot40 karma

Pineapple on pizza or no?

davidfranciscomusic94 karma

Lol I love every ingredient

Souse31 karma

Platt!!! What are biggest hopes and goals now that you have experienced so much healing?

davidfranciscomusic159 karma

I want to tell the world that I AM NOT A VICTIM. The point being that although I was a victim of an accident, if I responded as a victim (complaining, holding resentment, just sitting and being depressed about my legs not moving) I wouldn't be where I am today. I want to encourage others to fight whatever challenges they are up against, and not see themselves as victims, even if they truly are.

claybopenguin4 karma

THIS

ggperson36 karma

I would just like to point out that whether person will be depressed or not is really not up to them.

While I'm sure what u/davidfranciscomusic meant was to give people encouregemnt to fight and find joy in life even in difficult situations, his statement should not be used to shame people who are not able to be emotionally strong and cheerful.

Being proud one's not depressed makes about much sense as being proud for not being in wheelchair.

Ifoughtallama25 karma

Depression is a mood disorder, psychological, social and physiological factors combine to create the illness. There are some bad resistant cases but there are also many effective treatments available. Conquering depression is something to be proud of. Just because there are some who cannot does not mean you should not be proud to have beaten it.

ggperson12 karma

Systemic reviews have shown antidepressants are only slightly better than placebo, with many bad side-effects. Almost half the people treated with anti-depressants don't show any response.

80% of people who "beat" depression will have a recurring episode during their lifetime. If we tell them to be proud they beat it, we are risking they feeling ashamed when they get it again.

My worry is that very often we point to "sucess" cases in order to demand other patients with chronic conditions, be they physical or psychological, to show the same improvement, determination etc.

I've seen this often with multiple sclerosis, and I'm sure it's similar with other conditions "Well he's out and about being all cheerful, why are you sitting on the couch in darkness wasting your life."

And the answer is because people with same disease have different severities, have different genetic predispositions etc.

davidfranciscomusic3 karma

In my experience, Love and support have been the best medicine. You have to have a purpose to live. I'd say that's the most important in fighting depression. I've found mine, and I encourage others to do the same.

Pyrokid24220 karma

How did you find it so easy to forgive? What is your recovery like so far?

davidfranciscomusic66 karma

see my comment to @trashtvqueen above. Recovery is pretty good, I'm walking full-time, even walking unassisted in the house! Very thankful for the recovery of neural pathways in my legs.

Gardnerdort16 karma

Hey David! You can probably guess who this is by my handle! My question is this: has the accident affected how you are physically able to play music, as in mobility?

davidfranciscomusic29 karma

ally able to play

Hey Gardner :) Ironically, I'm touring and playing more than before the accident! Just played last night in Nasvhille! Lots on the horizon as well :) So no. That said, I can't kick a bass drum pedal very hard. But I was never a good drummer ;)

TechnoEnder16 karma

If you don’t mind, are you religious?

davidfranciscomusic46 karma

I believe in God, and I believe it's the God of the Bible. I also think faith is a deep and difficult subject, so I don't know the details. But I believe I have first hand experienced some of God's redemption in my own life.

SameArkGuy13 karma

Is there anything you can't do at the moment that you used to do but are working towards doing again? On a side note, I think it is both courageous and amazing that you were able to forgive so quickly such an inspiring story!

davidfranciscomusic48 karma

Thank you!

I'd love to play soccer/wakeboard/mountain bike. I need quite a bit more strength for that... But I'm working toward it! Who knows at this rate someday I might.

contentzero12 karma

Hi David, I really just want to tell you what an inspiration you are! But, rules are I must ask a question... So here it is: have you done any speaking engagements talking about your accident? If so, what was it like for you? If you could do a TED talk about the power of forgiveness, would you do it? I'd love to see it! (I'm not affiliated with TED or anything remotely similar!)

davidfranciscomusic21 karma

I have played shows where we show a 20 minute documentary of my story, and then I play an hour set and share more of the story. I'd LOVE to do a ted talk

LeeZarock10 karma

Hi David! It's great you forgave her and surely the right thing, but in the process of forgiving, there ever were tiny little moments when you felt anger and/or resentment? If yes, how can you describe them?

Hope the very best for your recovery, from Italy :)

davidfranciscomusic22 karma

Thanks Lee, I always have directed my anger/frustration at my legs, not at the driver. Definitely moments when I wish I could have my legs back to normal. Have a functioning bladder/bowels. But I don't let them linger, and neither do the people around me☺️

bfehderau8 karma

who'a your favourite Canadian?

davidfranciscomusic28 karma

Probably biebs

flynngilmore236 karma

What was your thinking process behind forgiving him?

davidfranciscomusic49 karma

The question in my mind was, what's helpful? What is the best things for this girl and for myself in this situation?

In no way am I saying it's ok to run red lights or use drugs. Forgiveness is giving Grace for the wrong that was done. That's why.

Practically, imagine if I sued her... She'd be in prison with less chance of bettering her life. I think forgiving her, there's a chance it could be contagious, and she may spread light to the others in her life.

deceptivelyelevated8 karma

you can forgive someone and still hold them accountable. this is why insurance exists. You will likely experience many instances where you encounter financial hardship due to this accident. You need a lawyer to protect your interests. IANAL

davidfranciscomusic16 karma

Thanks for the reply. I see your point, in my specific case it was unnecessary. I don't think it's wrong for other people to sue in their circumstances though!

EasyMSP3 karma

Hi David, I have a hereditary muscle wasting disease. It's going to place me in a wheelchair and eventually lead to my death through heart failure or breathing collapse.

I've often thought about whether or not I would be "happy" with my life as things deteriorated. How did you find the psychological difficulty of being paralyzed?

I'm not scared of death, I'm scared of being unable to do things....

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

'm not scared of death, I'm scared of being unable to

Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm sorry about your condition. The phychological part is hard, and I have no idea how to cope with what your struggle will be, I do know that "Man's search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl has meant a lot to me. It's a book by a guy who survived the holocaust, and you should read it for sure. He says that there is a certain kind of purpose you can only find through suffering. I've latched onto that, and It's been quite rewarding.

Make sense?

IanRiosDub2 karma

Are you into gaming?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

I was until I got more into music.

contentzero2 karma

One more, probably stupid. Have you always been a forgiving person? Many people take small sleights against them to heart, and take a while to let them go. Have you always been able to rationalise and forgive? Or was that a conscious decision? I guess I'm asking if you're naturally hyper-empathetic, or if you learned it along the way!

davidfranciscomusic22 karma

Good question: honestly, maybe I've just made the right friends, or maybe it's the way I view people, but I've never been so offended that I couldn't forgive someone. I don't think anyone's done something so bad to me that was truly evil that I couldn't forgive. Closest thing would be the person who stole my laptop from the scene of the accident........ That was low.

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

11stripes1 karma

What's your favorite John Mayer song and album? Mine are Clarity and Room for Squares. Thanks for the AMA!

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

Oooh man. I love the where the light is DVD... Song is hard. Depends on the day. Slow dancing is classic

jacobnazo1 karma

Did you take and courses on or practice any sort of mindfulness exercises to come to terms with everything that had happened and everything you felt/feel?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

songwriting helps. and writing.

ahnalrahpist1 karma

Former Nashvillian - where is your favorite local place to perform?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

I JUST played City Winery two days ago! it was incredible, they feed you and make wine with your label on it :)

kombajndosalatek1 karma

do you follow any religion?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

I believe in God, and believe that the story of Jesus has the most evidence based on my human experience. I don't like to get religious about it, but love people and be practical about it.

parasocks1 karma

Have you read about Larry Flynt? What do you think?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

No i haven't!

shiva4201 karma

just want to thank you for sharing your story, im battling depression and seeing posts like these make me wonder why am i actually depressed for. Thanks friend i wish you all the happiness you can acquire.since i have to ask a question, what is something you wish you did before being paralyzed but wasnt able to do?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

ou did before being paraly

That's so awesome! yeah, I would love to play a soccer game. Snowboard. Wakeboard. Not have pain in my legs/back. Pee/poop normally again. But I can do lots of things!

theantichris1 karma

Hey, David. Been a while since I've seen you. Just wanted to say hi. How's your dog?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

Just wan

Hi!!! He's great :) My parents have been taking care of him.

The_Dabmeister1 karma

How do you process Anger?

davidfranciscomusic2 karma

Don't supress it, but don't let it linger. Honestly it's been less frequent recently.