Hi, I'm new to Reddit, I'll do my best to do things right around here. I'm making this because I feel inclined to tell about a significant part of my life, I just need to express myself since I feel as if I have to keep it all inside; what I have is a bit extreme and hard to imagine, it's just something you can't tell people you just met and it brings up many questions that have answers that are hard to understand. Plus, I like being a man of mystery sometimes.

I was diagnosed with open-angle glaucoma(which runs in the family, my mom had it when she was 15) at the age 18 in December of 2012, 6 months after I graduated high school. It's an eye disease that usually affects older people, perhaps I'm just an old soul? The gist of it is the pressure in the eye becomes too high, kind of like a sink filling up with water, and it causes permanent damage and vision loss if left untreated.

After neglecting my doctors advice, and neglecting the eye drops I was given to take, I continued to work as a cook at a well known semi-fast food restaurant cause I was so hung up on the idea of a promotion and not going to college. Besides, I'd grown comfortable. Albeit in a place where I (And the rest of my high school aged workers) were treated horribly. This continued despite pleas from my mother and my doctor to take time off from work to see an ophthalmologist (advanced eye dr). I always ignored it because I was training for that promotion, I'd invested too much time and energy to give up (I was a stubborn dumbass).

By May 2013, I noticed missing vision in the top right hand corner of my left eye and decided I needed to go to the dr. straight away. Turns out I couldn't even read or drive with that eye because the central vision had deteriorated, and I was diagnosed legally blind. That May, I turned 19 and my medicaid expired, so I had to apply for public health insurance etc for treatment at a local hospital. This sucked to say the least, I was under the impression that because I was now legally blind in my left eye and losing major vision, going to the ER would set me up for immediate treatment, I was wrong. It took a long time, my first surgery on the left eye was scheduled for July 31st, and a surgery was also scheduled for my right eye on the 14th of August. These were filtration surgeries called trabeculectomys that reduced my IOP (eye pressure) from a bizarrely high 50s to 6s and 8s. My mom and my (ex)gf of 7 mos were both there for me both times.

I'm also night-blind now, which sucks especially since I liked going to movies by myself and whatever. Me and my gf at the time broke up about a year and 2 months later in September 14'. I've also had literally 9 jobs since. It took me 8 months for my doctor to say that I could go ahead and be physical/exercise. I'm also semi-cross eyed since I can't completely control my eyeballs, which I'm self conscious about. I also now walk looking down because I lost some vision on the bottom left of my right eye (See? hard to understand) (no pun intended) or else I'd kick a kid 3ft and under or trip on something. Anyways it's been a long road of adjusting and living differently. I've had bouts of negative thoughts but still a delusional optimism saves the day most of the time.

Excuse my long post, it just feels good to type all that out and get it off my chest. Feel free to ask any questions, I won't be offended by any, thanks for reading.

MrThink2Much

My Proof: Picture of how the top part of my eyeball looks 24/7 since that surgery, MIGHT GROSS YOU OUT.http://imgur.com/o4B9a7H

Comments: 336 • Responses: 40  • Date: 

Leopardslikeboxestoo99 karma

Seeing as there isn't a question, or comment currently posted after ten minutes, let's kick off the ama as best as possible.

As you said it's been a long road of adjusting to being legally blind, what were some of the initial adjustments you had to get use to? What happened to the job you were training for, were you dropped or fired for the loss of vision?

MrThink2Much69 karma

It's ok I'm just chillin'.

Right after the bandages were taken off of my eyes, I saw a constant flashing. My dr. told me it was probably from the eye medication, but it just never went away. After some online research I figured it was my neurons, something along the lines of remembering there should be something there but there's not. It was annoying at first, as if someone just kept waving something in your face, but I'm very much used to it now. The best way to describe it is to look at the gray black and white static on a TV that doesn't work. That's what I see along with things that normal people see.

I had to start driving only when it's not too bright outside since the glare of the sun blinds me at the moment of shine + for a couple more seconds. It got a bit dangerous and I had to pull over and just chill or call someone to pick me up. I also had to adjust to night-time, I literally can't see at all when it's dark unless there's a street light or something. I "kissed" many-a-curb and have had about 6-7 flat ties (once I popped the rear and front at the same "kiss"), broke the axle of my car etc all at night-time. I am also blinded at night momentarily from the light of cars driving the opposite way.

I just never came back, too many bad times for $8 an hour. I wanted to blame that job for my vision loss, but deep down I know it's cause I was a stubborn kid who chose money over his health.

I was never fired for my vision per se, I never let my future employers knew what was up. But I got two more jobs as a cook, both ended up with me not being able to read tickets for orders, recipes, and just plain being slow. On the brightside I still have a couple recipe books. (That I can read :) ) Great questions.

crackacola20 karma

I have visual snow too. I notice it more in the dark. I don't know if it's related but I also have level 4 closed eye hallucinations.

MrThink2Much12 karma

Oh wow, that does explain it. Do you have blindness as well? I've enver heard of the closed eye hallucinations but it seems pretty amazing and sort of like the movie Inception.

SuperAwesomeNinjaGuy63 karma

How many fingers am I holding up?

MrThink2Much50 karma

This has gotta be a trick question.

Freddy216b2 karma

I appreciate your joke and all but in all seriousness this is the most annoying question for someone who is visually impaired. I too am legally blind with ocular albinism and nistagmus. When I tell people what my vision is like so they can be aware of my disability (especially without glasses) they always ask this question jokingly. I know it isn't asked maliciously or anything but it's just so patronizing and belittling as it accomplishes nothing. The person doesn't understand you sight capabilities any better if you answer them or you look like a jerk for not playing along with the joke if you don't. My response to this question has become "I don't think you've ever counted to a number that high before so my answer will mean nothing to you" or something like that.

MrThink2Much2 karma

Haha honestly, I hate that question. It's what I get from close friends. But hey, what can you do? People joke, laugh, and make fun of what they don't understand.

Sometimes it's fear. Maybe looking at me sometimes brings out deep rooted fear inside of them, the truth is that they're as fragile as I. Stay strong my fellow legally blind friend. Don't take it personal, people can be assholes but you can be the bigger man. or woman. redditor.

JosephTakagi42 karma

How long do you think it will take until you are ready to take down Walter Fisk and rid Hell's Kitchen of his tyranny?

Even just a ballpark figure?

MrThink2Much2 karma

Lol.

Clay_Statue33 karma

I have exactly the same thing. I've lost 40% vision in my right eye before initially getting diagnosed, while my left eye remained fine for many years before the doctor decided to begin treating it as well. I've now had laser surgery in both my eyes and follow my eye-drop/appointment schedule religiously. I got it about 10 years ago in my early twenties and my pressures have been stable ever since, so I haven't had any further vision loss.

Considering that treatment was available to you, wtf did you ignore your doctors advice and not take your drops?!

Secondly: Technology keeps marching on. You are young enough now that you will probably die an old man with bionic eyeballs. You will regain your sight somebody, it is just a question of when.

MrThink2Much30 karma

Wow. Glad to see (hehe) you're doing good!

:( I was a selfish, greedy, stubborn kid with a kitchen manager position on my plate. I was working 45-50hrs a week just trying to get this promotion. Money money money. It's all I wanted. I didn't realize the consequences, I didn't care that I wasn't able to take breaks or eat. I didn't care about my health no longer. Perhaps it's just life/God whatever you want to call it, a way of teaching me a lesson. Albeit a very hard lesson.

I hope so. You have an idea of how happy I'd be if I could just see the world in it's wholeness once again. I'd cry my eyes out. I've done some reading on stem cell treatment for glaucoma patients, still in the testing process though so you're right. Hopefully someday soon. Thanks for posting, stay strong.

Clay_Statue11 karma

The weird thing is that we're both fucking young. My doctor said he was discussing me at a regional conference just because it is so weird to see a patient get it so young.

I'm surprised you didn't get the pressurized eyeballs feeling driving you nuts, maybe you did but you shrugged it off due to the intensity of the environment you were in. I can actually remember the day I probably lost my vision because I had this weird feeling in my eyeball. I was working as a bike courier going through downtown traffic and my vision was blurred like when you contact lens dries out. I closed my eyes and felt them with my fingertips and the right was definitely larger then the left by a small amount. Told my optometrist, he booked me with the ophthalmologist later that week. He gave me drops and I had surgery like a week or two later with the old school big laser in the hospital (new laser fits in a suitcase).

Perhaps it's just life/God whatever you want to call it, a way of teaching me a lesson. Albeit a very hard lesson.

Basically my philosophy towards these types of things. If it wasn't this it could have been cancer or brain injured or what have you. Could've been something worse, that's how I like to look at it when something shitty happens to me. I believe in karma so in my view its past life deeds coming back at us. I pray for my past life enemies to forgive my bad deeds against them now; pressure went down 4 points since I started doing that. Could be just random coincidence, but I don't believe in those anymore.

Good luck dude. You'll see again one day, never doubt this is temporary.

MrThink2Much2 karma

I didn't feel any pain, nor migraines whatsoever. I'm glad you were able to catch it and brought yourself to the doc.

It's weird we share the same beliefs, perhaps it's just apart of the human psyche. Yep, it could've been much worse, I just can't imagine. Everything that happens, every mistake I make it's just lessons to me. In time I start to view them as blessings. I'm awfully glad I don't work there anymore. Down 4 points? That's incredible, I'm practicing meditation right now, I wonder how much it's gone down if any. Thank you for the kind words and input friend, good luck to you as well, I know you'll make it. And yes, it's only temporary. It's a blessing to see, even if it's only a little bit.

Snow-jizz22 karma

What's your favorite color?

MrThink2Much36 karma

Red.

GameofCheese16 karma

Have you reached out to other people with loss of vision for support? I used to work for an Opthalmology clinic, and I saw a lot of the emotions that I'm sure you are dealing with. It seems like finding support from other people would be really beneficial.

MrThink2Much16 karma

I haven't. I don't know who else goes through this at my age but I know there are others out there.

BUTTER_TACO21 karma

[deleted]

MrThink2Much11 karma

Hey friend, thanks for chiming in. With others coming into this thread with a similar story, I don't feel so alone. And you're right, there's always someone out there who can.

Simikiel14 karma

Hi! Going blind has always been my greatest fear. Everything I do in life revolves around it. Art, youtube, tv, video games, just everything. I personally don't think I could cope with it.

So my question is simply, how do you cope with it? If I or a friend were to lose sight, what should I tell them?

MrThink2Much30 karma

Hmm. Cope. You just do. There's no way out of it, it's real, it's already here and it's going to happen. It just is and you just do. I wonder the same thing about cancer patients, the terminally ill etc and the only thing I can think of is they just do cause they have to.

But I don't know if I would have been as strong if my family wasn't there to cope with me. A strong support is absolutely instrumental for these types of situations. Seriously, nothing could've made me feel so much better, so much safer. If a friend were to lose sight, tell them you'd be there for them. Hold their hand and help them walk, read things for them. We're meant to handle difficult situations, that's really all I can say.

smileedude13 karma

How do you read reddit?

Brewe17 karma

I can't answer for him, but from what I could understand from the wall of text, we're talking about portions of his vision that has been compromised/deteriorated, enough that he could be declared legally blind (it's important to understand that legally blind does not necessarily equal total darkness). So he probably reads Reddit like the rest of us, but maybe with his head a bit askew if his central vision has been affected.

MrThink2Much14 karma

You're absolutely correct.

MrThink2Much16 karma

I'm legally blind in my left eye, my right eye has slight blindness on the inside peripheral but I still have the central vision in it.

OneRedSent11 karma

Do you use a screen reader or are you able to see the computer screen well enough to read it?

MrThink2Much16 karma

I see it well enough to read it. My mouse is a bit hard to find at times on other computers, I made my mouse bigger and bolder just to find it easier.

zecrissverbum11 karma

Do you have many blind friends?

MrThink2Much13 karma

Yeah, my mom who is blind in her left eye as well. Other friends just don't understand, even the ones I grew up with.

abuden9 karma

Do you hold it down? #POP

MrThink2Much4 karma

Momma I luh you

bombsquad909 karma

Have you been prescribed anything to keep the symptoms under control after the surgery?

MrThink2Much12 karma

Yes I have, Dorzolamide (blue top) twice a day and Xalatan (refrigerated) every night for the rest of my life. The recipe will change from time to time as I grow older I'm sure. It's already changed about 5 times.

stevep986 karma

What's your thinking about girlfriend/boyfriend now - Is attractiveness a consideration now? Do you ask your friends if a person is attractive? Do you care?

MrThink2Much19 karma

In terms of physical attraction, I can still see someones body if they're far enough. But attraction, at least to me, is more than that. I never ask my friends if they think a girl is hot or not, if I like her then that's really all that matters.

kollerq6 karma

Can your eyes be cured´╝č

MrThink2Much9 karma

Not yet. Maybe someday. Glaucomas damage is permanent. (for now)

double--a6 karma

Are there someone beside you right now to read and write to keep this reddit post going ?

MrThink2Much10 karma

No I can read it. Perhaps my title is misleading

DrMody5 karma

You seem like you've been taking this pretty casually.

Are your friends and family taking it the same way?

Have they started making any blind jokes?

MrThink2Much8 karma

Thank you. A lot of negative thoughts ran through my mind when I realized I was legally blind and whatnot, it was an emotional time for me, my mom, and my ex. But I guess you could say I'm kind of ok now. Laughing > Crying

My family still worries for me when I'm driving and it's raining and stuff. But they seem ok about it. I'm staying strong for all of us y'know?

Yes, I get blind jokes on the regular from my childhood friends. Especially since I can't ball on em' like I used to. "MT2M can't catch! How many fingers am I holding up? You blind?" You know, tasteless kid insults like that. lol. They don't really know the extent of what happened,so every now and then I get "You ok now? Is it getting better?" etc.

Sin535 karma

Is their any type of procedure that could correct this?

MrThink2Much8 karma

Blindness from glaucoma? No, not at the moment.

SurfeitOfLampreys5 karma

Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

MrThink2Much9 karma

Err, it's got the tan lines?

Just kidding, it's cause of artificial sugars. ;)

fatmanyolo4 karma

What do you miss the most about being able to see?

MrThink2Much21 karma

Oh God. What don't I miss? Walking through the forest at night, being able to trust my steps, seeing people in their wholeness. Nature is still beautiful to me, but I remember it's wholeness as well. I miss looking up the sky and actually being able to make out stars. I miss basketball. I miss making complete direct eye contact with people, I miss looking at my loved ones up close. The bottom half of peoples faces just disappear when I'm talking to them close. I can't see their facial expression if they smile etc. Yet I don't wanna break eye contact. Just the small things we can take for granted.

Fidesphilio4 karma

Do glasses help at all with your condition? Do you have a service dog?

MrThink2Much10 karma

My glasses help me see 100x better. I am very, very, very near sighted without them. Been wearing them for 2 years, they're apart of me now.

I do not have a service dog as I don't need one, having one would be sweet though.

GamerInTrance444 karma

Don't you get access to medical* marijuana for glaucoma? :)

MrThink2Much5 karma

Lol. I actually quit smoking weed when I graduated then I was diagnosed 6 months later. I smoked from 13-18.

But no, I'm in TX.

dustballer3 karma

What's your view of possibly never driving again? That'd be hell for me, I drive to relax.

MrThink2Much1 karma

That'd suck because

  1. Driving is a form of independence.
  2. I'd have to bother people I love just to get around with my life, I'd hate to be a burden. People have their own lives to live.
  3. I already refrain from driving mostly at night, no parties or clubs or movies (sometimes) it's just not as fun bumping into people and poking around trying to find my way.

I totally understand driving to relax, I recall cruising around at night whenever something was on my mind. Now I just walk to relax.

Aurorastar9873 karma

Can't you sue your employer for not allowing you the time to visit the doctor?

MrThink2Much7 karma

I don't know. If I did sue I would sue for not allowing breaks, not being allowed to eat and stuff. I try to put it behind me. I've learned alot and I don't wanna re-visit a negative in my life.

Malkalack2 karma

You poor, poor soul...

How long have you been blind in your left eye for?

MrThink2Much7 karma

Lol you're not being sarcastic right? I'm kinda jaded since I don't like pity parties and people always like to play the my life is harder than yours game.

2 years.

FireFartFTW2 karma

Is it wierd to taste new foods because you're blind on your left eye and you can't see how it looks like that well?

MrThink2Much1 karma

Lol not at all. I have my taste buds, and I examine things and their details before I eat. I can still tell apart foods.

Epic_Cheese1352 karma

Have you ever embarrassed yourself (or someone else) by walking into something/someone in public?

MrThink2Much2 karma

Oh yeah definitely. Just 3 weeks ago I go to a restaurant that me and my pops always eat at, I knock over a tray of someones food right when I got in, in front of everybody. Still sat down and ate though, I didn't really feel sorry myself till I got home.

There are times I've bumped into people, and been met with animosity. I bumped into this chick while in line for some yogurt one time with my ex, she goes "You better watch out." ok.jpg

I kick my cat and step on his tail all the time, he forgives me though. In a more light-hearted way, I recall walking straight into a trashcan that was as tall as my chest height, and I'm 5'8. Nearly knocked the thing over, I looked around and there was no one in sight (as far as I could see.) and I just had to laugh at that.

RusskiEnigma1 karma

From what I understand you're only blind in your one eye, have you ever thought about going all out pirate and just wearing an eye patch? Also, do you go as a pirate for halloween? because that would be my go-to if I was blind in one eye. Hell, even if I wasn't blind in one eye (Which I'm not) I'd totally go as a pirate anyway. Pirates are cool.

MrThink2Much2 karma

Lol, yeah but it's so cliche. I'm gonna be a certain North Korean dictator this halloween cause I can grow the hair out, that's just more fun and less predictable.

RangerBob191 karma

I'm 16 right now and have an elevated risk of glaucoma due to high ocular pressure and unusually thick corneas. My question is: why would you skip the eye drops? They could have completely reverted your condition!

MrThink2Much2 karma

Hi there. Glad you're not a stubborn, delusional kid like I was. I did use the eyedrops, but once it was gone I never went back for more.

Yeah, I could've easily avoided all this bs, but I kind of like who I've become. Please listen to your doctor, stay strong my fellow young glaucoma warrior.

Mrmyke001 karma

How often do you worry about your mum catching you masturbating ?

MrThink2Much2 karma

All the time. But it wouldn't be the first time. LOL

cutdownthere1 karma

Are you sure you are not legally blind and female (P.O.P Hold it down) ?

MrThink2Much2 karma

For the 5th time, Momma i luh you

hankthespaceman1 karma

Is there a difference between being legally blind and illegally blind?

MrThink2Much2 karma

You can go to jail for the latter.

hughkenyon1 karma

If you hadn't neglected the issues, could your vision have been saved? Do you regret not taking action sooner?

MrThink2Much2 karma

Yes I could've lead a normal life and had normal problems.

I know it sounds strange but I don't regret it. Yes I could've been "ok" but I wouldn't be who I am today, and I like who I'm becoming. Oh, and I know who my real friends are and who really loves me. it's everyone that was there for me at my darkest time.

mustluke1 karma

Have the way you dream at night changed?

MrThink2Much3 karma

Good question, yes it has. I've noticed dreams where I have my current vision.

[deleted]1 karma

[deleted]

MrThink2Much3 karma

Sorry I googled this but still don't understand. I don't know how to read braille, though I probably will have to learn when I'm older.

ihatedisney1 karma

Would you rather fight a single horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?

Twist: In both scenarios your opponent(s) is equally blind as you. No glasses allowed.

MrThink2Much2 karma

Lol, I feel like 100 small horses would be easier to defeat than one horse sized duck. All it takes is one peck to get my good eye.