IamA 22 year old guy who went through electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) 6 times, AMA!

Were you able to watch videos of yourself when you were going through an episode? If yes, do you recall the experience and was it different from what you see on the recording?

There was this one time where mum video taped me singing into the ground (Pretty much being a psychotic wierdo) and I looked up and saw her recording it on her phone. I actually haven't ever seen the video or any other video's and would be pretty thrown off if I were to ever see any such videos... It's like seeing a completely different other person you know what I mean? Somebody who isn't you. I could probably relate it to somebody seeing a video of themselves when they were drunk, I could imagine it would be a very embarrassing experience.

Did anything traumatic happen in your life to set off the first stages of bipolar? Something similar happened to my sister and it seemed to come from nowhere.

Every one of your symptoms matches her's.

And did you admit yourself because you knew something was wrong or did your family & friends push you in that direction?

Nothing traumatic whatsoever happened for this to occur. It's very simillar to your sister's case it just happened. It's like it just struck me and happened all of a sudden. I was admitted by my brother and a close family friend. They both drove me to the hospital, if it were my choice I would've never admitted myself (at the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, I had no perspective on the whole thing)

Thanks for the reply. Exact same thing as her. Had her admitted through the courts but got out after 72 hours. Now she's back in a psych hospital but no one knows how she got there and she won't tell us how she got there.

The only 2 way's I can think of are either she's self admitted herself, or the police have admitted her. It's unforunante in these sorts of circumstances, especially when you feel like it's out of your control and there's nothing you can do about it, but hopefully she will come around and is receiving the right medical care she needs.

The only 2 way's I can think of are either she's self admitted herself, or the police have admitted her.

I figured that, but it's just weird that she ended up in a city fifty miles away in a mental health facility. Only thing she told our family is to pick her vehicle up, but she didn't know where she parked it. So yea, that's gone.

It's been a mess for the past eight months since it started. Especially meeting some of the whack jobs she's been hanging with while trying to retrace her steps.

Were you ever under the impression you worked for FBI or CIA or even paranoid about being watched by them while you were ill?

Yep! That actually happened paranoia is a real big deal with mania, and psychosis. I thought my uncle and my brother were FBI agents and were telling me things to do and shit like that, very intense halucination type things it's very common I hope she is ok.

Any negative lasting effects of the ECT?

Glad you're doing well now, all the best to you!

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it!

And no luckily there's no long lasting effects at all :) only small term effects on the day of the opperation like head aches and stuff like that. Some people have memory loss issues but I haven't experienced any of it luckily.

My sister had more treatments of ECT than you and had serious memory issues.

Thats a shame I hope it gets better for her.

You haven't experienced any memory loss....That you can remember...

No, I actually remember going through most of the process. I have quite a good memory.

How long since the treatments? Are you worried that after some time the effects from the treatment will wear off?

What was the event that led to your hospitalization?

The treatments were last november, and went for a couple of weeks. I'm not so much warried that it will 'wear off' because I'm on a medication that works miracles for so many people. So I would only be worried to go off the medication.

The event's that lead to my hospitalisation: Pretty much me going on about a whole lot of random shit, talking about quantum pysics, saying that Einstein was wrong and I could disprove his theories, I was staying up all night writing a book that would make me famous (In my mind) ... Actually look back and that book is a rambelling pile of shit haha. And just talking really really fast, not making sense to anybody, saying wierd things and acting boarderline psychotic.

Were you drinking alcohol or taking drugs before the mania set in?

Not drugs at all, I had a friends 21st a few days prior and remember having a few drinks there, but no drugs at all.

I've read up that drugs can induce mania and psychosis, it did for my brother. That synthetic marijuana, never touch that shit.

Interesting your brother has had mental health issues in the past too - is there any other family history? My layman understanding is that cannabis can awaken symptoms of psychosis if you have a predisposition to it, but won't cause it in someone who has no underlying problem. Happened with my sister in law, she's had psychotic schizophrenia for a number of years now, although her psychosis seems to have abated and is a lot better in the last year or so. And she smoked a lot as a teen.

Never been that aware of synthetic weed though, but I can imagine it's not going to be any better.

How is your brother doing now?

Yeah my brother's experiences with mental health issues were quite different because his were drug-induced. he smoked weed for about a year straight and ended up getting on that synthetic marijuhana in miama. He didn't even smoke it, it's in liquid form that he put into his tea and drank. So dodgy. See the problem is common weed has low amounts of THC like at least under 20% but synthetic THC has upwards of 90% THC so it would put it more into the category of a high-end hallucigent/psychedelic drug.

As for family history, mum has depression, dad had scitzopherina (But yet again- I think that was drug induced, by smoking weed). Hahha by the sounds of this I swear I sound like I have the most messed up family, I swear, we're not that bad :)

What's the medication you're currently taking?

Lithium :)

I've been on a lot of MH meds and I've never been told about Lithium being a proposed treatment for it. Were you on this only after your ECT treatment?

It was after the ECT treatments. The best thing about this medication (for me) is it has no side effects at all. No zombie-like feeling, drowziness or other bullshit you get with MH meds. I don't know your condition or situation but it works for a lot of people with Bipolar thats for sure.

Did you just wake up and start acting manic or were you feeling odd a few days before? Did you know something was different too?

Good question! It was actually a slow progession over the course of about a week. Things just started to speed out and eventually got out of control. For me it was like seeing 'signs' this might be hard to understand, but there's a thing called 'delusions of grandeur' where you believe you are supreme, or Godlike, so slowly but surely I started seeing sings, that I was a big deal. Eventually ended up thinking I was the Buddah or a prophet of christ and shit like that, it was really messed up. Still bathells me today, you know? That I could be that fucked up yet right now I'm just like everybody else going by my business from day-to-day!

Very odd indeed. It would be interesting to know what caused that sudden change in just a week.

I have no idea but I often think about it. I'll never have the answers and it will be on my mind for a long, long time.

It's interesting to note, that in that week leading up I also has psychic experiences, just getting all this information put into my head (while meditating) about people and things, places and names that were happening in their life, I would get in touch with them and speak to them yet to find out I was 100% right about it.

Don't worry I'm not some new-age hippy but it was truely a mystical experience, still freaks me and the people out to this day haha.

My wife worked with a schizophrenic man and he also had several instances of predicting the future. For the most part he was incoherent but then he would just make statements out of nowhere and end up being correct. She came out of the experience absolutely convinced that psychic ability is real.

Wow! That is so mind blowing!! I don't see why this isn't studied further? It's incredible that these sorts of things happen alot and don't get much coverage or study. I mean it's not like we're talking about ghosts and monsters here it's a believable and interesting concept which I am also absolutely convinced is real.

Wow, that's very interesting - do you have any theories that could account for it? Feeling psychic whilst manic is understandable, but riding you were actually correct much have been pretty creepy.

No theories whatsoever! And yes it was really creepy!!! Hahaha.

It's funny because right now I'm reading a book by Carl Sagan which is called 'A demon-haunted world- science as a candle in the dark' and it teaches you about critical thinking and proper scepticism, it dismisses people's common superstitions like Angels, Demons, Ghosts, Witches, spiritual healers, psychics and anything pseudoscience natured. But I'm telling you I believe in psychics and psychic ability after what I experienced that time (And having gone to a psychic before who knew everything down to a T about me). Given they recently scientifically sent brain messages from one person to another, I believe this is a phenomena science has yet to step it's foot into. We may know alot about the mind, not little about the human Psyche :)

Like how specific were your predictions? Vague like so and so is having financial struggles in their life and relationship is in shambles? Or more specific like so and so just got a $350 raise and Bob in accounting is giving a hard time for it because he wants the raise.

Idk I've always wanted to get a psychic reading thing. It intrigues me but I feel it's more of an understanding where a person is in their life and predicting the most probable thing the person will end up doing based on their personality and how it will effect them emotionally, which is still really cool.

Very, very specific. Happened to know my brother has business meeting the very next day, and it was either gonna fuck things up, or make the biggest deal ever. I knew the name of his business associate's and the person he was going to have a meeting with and gave him advice on not to doubt himself.

There was another example which was much more specific than that, which involved 2 people, a particular car, at a particular place with a certain argument that took place resulting in a broken hand. I knew all these details somehow- got a vivid vision of it all. Very creepy.

Has this changed your perspective on religion? How many prophets and incarnates have been medicated back to regular people?

The whole experience flipped me around abit in regards to religion. I'm a spiritual person and always have been, but religion came up alot when I was psychotic, freaked me out.

What do you mean by the prophets and incarnates part?

Still bathells me today, you know? That I could be that fucked up

yet right now I'm just like everybody else going by my business from day-to-day!

A lot of "everybody else" type people go through the same thing.

Why are we so quick to label ourselves as different and so desperate to be like the 'normal' people we are already alike?

I never tried to discriminate in this sense, although there is quite a difference between running around saying your Jesus in a psychiatric facility- to working and studying like the 'average' person does...

Were any of the nurses hot? And did you have the type of mania that makes you have sex a lot? or the other one that doesn't?

Omg yes! 3 of them all around my age as well. So sexy I even remember there names Hayley, Ciersely and I forgot the other haha. Not bad to look at, at all :)

And as for the mania, I didn't experience hypersexuality although it is common. My mania mainly consisted of racing thoughts, speedy talking, flight of idea's and not being able to sleep haha.

Sounds like it would be almost fun... Like say if mania came in pill form and last 3-6 hours on the weekends. It's probs suck if you couldn't controle it tho =/

I'll be quite honest with you... Mania (at its best) is the most powerful, intense and euphoric experience one may feel in their lives. At the time I reffered to it as an 'Englightenment' or, spiritual awakening.

Bad thing is what goes up must come down... Been told by social workers that people with Bipolar try to chase that feeling so hard that they turn to recreactional drugs, or even at most intense cases commit suicide, because they know they will ever reach that high again. Funny world with we live in...

As someone who has lived with a manic person, it is not fun for us. But good on you for getting better!

I'm sorry for your burden, would not be easy.
And thank you!

Glad you are doing better. Did the ECT change your personality at all?

A few years ago I had a Psychiatrist try to talk me into ECT for chronic depression. My depression is due to severe chronic pain and since he couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't be right back to being depressed in a few months I said no. Pissed him off big time. We couldn't have done it anyway because of 2 medical devices that I have implanted in my body. The ECT would likely have damaged them.

Thanks! Nah it never changed my personality, although the whole experience left me feeling a littler weiry for a few months after, just due to how intense everything was.

That is so annoying Psychiatrists can be so arrogant they piss me off. They think it's their way or the highway it's your choice to do what you wanna do!

Hey, my 26 year old cousin is about to go through ECT starting tomorrow and I was wondering if there was anything important about it he should know that they won't tell him ahead of time?

Thank you for doing this AMA, I was actually quite scared for him but this made me feel a bit better. He had been going through this since he was 12 (maybe even before) and I just want him to get better.

It it his first ECT? Tell him not to worry because it's for his well-being and will inevitably make him much better! It may not completely cure him straight away, but it does work wonders and worked for me.

The nurses and doctors told me that it's like a 'zap' that shakes up the chemicles in your brain and almost resets your brain like resetting a computer. Things he should be aware of are only really the general anesthetic, it's not plesent being knocked up alot, and sometimes people wake up with head-aches or body cramps and feel really uncomfortable it happened to me alot. It may be a daunting experience but its for the benifit of his wellbeing.

I'm not a doctor but I would strongly reccomend he looks into Lithium as a drug treatment after his ECT. It's a miracle for alot of people and has kept alot of people well they call it the 'wonder drug'. Also another good thing to reccomend is r/bipolar its a community where people ask questions and talk about things relevent to the illness. Give it time, he will be better and I'm glad this AMA has helped out abit!

Let me know how it goes!

The ama I've secretly been hoping for. I understand my situation is different, as its not bipolar, but I'm more wondering about the ECT itself.

So I've been dealing with depression and anxiety, particularly on the social front. To the point where I dropped college and its not realistic for me to get a job, even in the family business, due to panic attacks. Meds don't work, ages in therapy, suicidal plans, etc etc. My doc suggested ECT and several opinions later, there's no consensus on the best plan, and I've got an irritating decision. And as fun as reading proper papers is, it really doesn't describe much unfortunately.

So the the actual question. Feel free to not answer if you don't want to. What was the experience like? What side effects did you notice and how bad? Anything else?

Hey that's fine I'm happy to answer these for you..

The experience is a little daunting because you go through alot. The experience of being knocked out by the anesthetic is very unplesant and caused head-aches and body cramps but it's just one of those things you push on with because it needs to get done. There are litteraly no side effects with me at all, some people have short or long term memory loss but I haven;'t experienced that at all. Each to their own I guess. But I wouldn't let any of this stop you , if you think its what you should do then go for it.

Have you heard of CBT (Cognitive behavoural therapy)? This may be able to help you with your depresion and anxiety, because ECT is usually for extreme cases (Not saying yours isnt). But I hope things go well for you give it a good think and PM if you ever need to know anything else.

As someone with epilepsy, I find this very interesting. Do you need to take seizure medication?

No, but it's funny you ask because prior to this happening I got taken to get tested for epilepsy (I don't really understand why?).

Some epilepsies, migraine headaches, and certain mental disorders (including bipolar disorder) seem to have a similar root cause and respond to the same medications.

Oh wow I totally never knew that! Thanks for letting me know.

Have you experienced any side-effects from your 6 ECT's? (Currently going through my second series of ECT's myself, just curious how it impacts others).

None at all. Only the reactions short term from the anesthetic like head aches and stuff. Hope it all goes well for you!

Good to hear, thanks for the quick response!

All good, just remember your not alone with this one. Keep pushing through it and best of luck to you :)

How's your short term and long term memory since the treatment?

Glad to see you're doing well.

Completely fine! Hasnt effected me at all :) so I'm really lucky in that respect.

Thank you very much!

This is super interesting:o I'm happy to hear that you're doing well now!

do you remember any part of the ECT? do they put you under for it?

Thanks! Helps alot!

I don't remember any of it at all, only beforehand when they are preparing everything, they put me out under general anesthetic, and it was really uncomforatble being knocked out alot and I woke up with headaches and body cramps alot!

Thanks for the AMA, its really insightful! In your main post you said that you're future is going to be scary, why's that?

No problem! Just the simple fact that I live life full of uncertainty. Not sure if I'm going to have a relapse or onset of the illness again. I'm powering along with work and study at the moment and I'd hate for something to happen again. But I guess I gotta remain positive :)

You're quite young to have ECT, how do you feel about that?

Also how old were you when you first became unwell? Did they try other options, medication, lithium etc? (edit: i should specify 3 months in hospital seems a quick turnaround to decide to give a 22yo a round of ect)

Further question did you have both hemispheres zapped or just the one?

I was quite young as 21 to go through what I went through but there were no other alternatives. I was moving objects and making things straight and blessing people and doctors in the hospital for God sake. My mental state, my health and my reality and psyche were all deteriating so it was the only option, medication never worked for me, it only made it worse (especially those fucking sedating ones, like sereque/Risperidone etc).

What REALLY annoyed me was they made me feel like a criminal. I had to have a video conference with my parent's and 2 psychiatrists, with 3 government officals on the other line to justify my case to them so I could undergo the treatments, it all seemed very over the top for me at the time and made me feel as if I had done something wrong?

I'm not sure about the hemisohere's part I can remember them putting shit all around my head they must had done everywhere.

I'd assume they were trying to prove you were not competent to make your own healthcare decisions. I'm not sure what state you are in or how they handle such things there.

But yeah, I can only imagine how surreal and uncomfortable that must have been for you.

Yeah that sounds about right. I'm in NSW Australia and the healthcare system here is really strict, regulated and by the books. Only good part is it's all free... (Hehe sorry if that pissed off any Americans!)

Has the lithium caused any weird symptoms like unexplainable depression or anything like that? I know my grandfather was medicated with it as an antidepressant, but since he wasn't depressed, it had the opposite effect.

Nope, haven't had any bad side effects whatsoever. Doesn't even feel like I'm on medication it's that good. Win win situation!

So, what is electroconvulsive therapy?

To be more accurate, they put you under full anesthesia, paralyze you with drugs and then run electricity through your brain until you experience a grand mal seizure. The seizure lasts for a couple minutes and then you're placed in recovery for the anesthesia and paralytic to wear off. They don't let you drive yourself or take a cab home as your cognitive impairment is fairly severe immediately afterwards. Then you have a day or two to rest, depending on how fast you recover, and then they do it again. 12 sessions is most common. Unilateral (half the brain) is used in most cases, but in more serious and/or immediate needs, bilateral is implemented. Unilateral has a lower incidence of long term cognitive impairment.

Thanks for clearing that up! I was scheduled for 12 sessions but only needed 6.

It's when they strap gear to your head and run electricity (a small amount) through your head, it is meant to shake up the chemicals in your brain, which is like resetting a computer.

What was the process of ECT? What does it feel like and how did you feel while doing it?

They brought me to the room where they conduct it, the nurse and doctors and psychiatrists are all present , they put small things all over my body and head, those rounded medical straps, then put this glue liquid paste on my head and the nurse prepares the anesthetic then lights out, I'm out for the whole show haha

Just so you're aware, it's a doctor that drifts you off. An anaesthetist.

I remember her saying "hi, I'm going to be your anashetitc nurse today"

Hey, a little late to the party but....

I'm a psych major, graduating in a few weeks (woohoo!). One of the things they talk about as issues in treating bipolar patients is dealing with life being dulled down. Obviously the lows are lessened which is good, but the mania is gone too. How do you deal with not getting that rush of "I feel fucking awesome and can do everything"? Or is it really not like they describe it to us.

Thanks for doing this, very interesting. Wish you all the best!

It is a shame that I don't experience that form of mania anymore. But in some way's I'm glad because I know what that can lead to. It's destructive and not good at all! I used to wanna go for walks at night, exploring and shit like that I thought I was indestructable!

I never know what the future holds, but it may arise again, in that case I'll be more prepared and know what is happening. Mania is one of those things that you can't live and can't live without. It sucks because you crash after it, and sucks when you don't experience it. Big tease to be honest haha.

Hello! I'm from Russia and have Bipolar disorder too. I saw that you delete your post but I have a few questions could you please leave your contacts or allow me to ask you some really important things for me?

Yeah sure! I'm still able to answer some question's what is it you wanted to know? Feel free to PM me if you want.

What is your favorite movie?

Oh tough question! Can I give you my top 6?

• Good will hunting
  
• The shawshank redemption
  
• Avatar
  
• Interstellar
  
• Titanic
  
• The life of pie
  

What's your favourite movie?

Interstellar is my favorite as well. I bought the BluRay for the film frame.

Yeah It's awesome hey. The time-reletivety/time dialiation part confuses me a little bit, especially that it's based on real relativity laws. But after watching it a few time's it makes abit more sense haha.

What medication did you get?

In hospital or right now?

In hospital, gosh every medication under the son. As for now- Lithium, which works great.

Have you seen the musical Next to Normal? Mother battles bipolar episodes and goes through ECT. It's one of the few musicals to win a Pulitzer -- wondering what your thoughts are.

No I actually haven't. I'll look into it.

Thank you very much for doing this AMA. Do you remember the feeling of your thoughts racing all these ideas flooding in? How does it feel? Did you feel you can do anything and was willing to put yourself at risk?

Yeah I definitely do remember all of it!

Imagine having your brain feel like a major highway, and cars are just driving so incredibally fast through it you're brain can't keep up with whats going on. Thats kind of what it's like, just one thought after another after another and so on, but at like a million miles an hour.

Never taken it, but I can imgaine it's what it's like to take speed, or escatsy (alot of it). It felt foriegn and a little bit strange but I never said anything about it or did anything to stop it, kind of just went with it.

I did things a little risky, Like went on treks in the mountains by myself and talked to random people and go on walks at night and stuff like that, but I live in safe place so I was going to be ok.

Have you been able to figure out what the, well, real you is like now that you're cured? Compared to all the changes in mental state you went through before, are you a different person now, or were those just different effects on the same person?

If that didn't make sense, sorry.

No this makes sense to me, I've always been me- but when I went through that psychotic/manic phase it was not me. I would often talk about strange stuff and think wierd stuff and do strange stuff.
So it's almost like a bump in the road along my long journey of life, but now I'm back on the road and the steering wheel is in my control :)