My ex hired someone to kill me, but didn't get away with it. AM(almost)A!

Can you tell the entire story from beginning to end? Even if you don't consider yourself a good storyteller, it will still give us an outline to ask further questions about

For the first year after I left him, he was in pretty much constant contact. He called, texted, or showed up at my house every single day, and it was always constant fighting. He tried every trick he could think of to try and get me to come back to him, and I continued to refuse.

About 6 months before the incident, I completely cut off contact with him, finally realizing that even speaking to him was giving him hope that there was still a chance of getting back together. He continued to follow me around for a while after that, but then stopped suddenly, and I heard nothing else from him.

One morning, after the kids were in school, I got a knock on my door. It was a couple of police officers, and they informed me that he had hired someone to kill me, and they were about to set up a sting, to gather evidence and catch him.

The supposed hitman called him to inform him that the job was done, then a 911 call was made, reporting a possible burglary at my address. Another police officer showed up, then radio'ed for an ambulance. More officers started showing up, then the ambulance arrived (they had no idea it was a sting until they got there). Soon afterward, the coroner was called (he also had no idea).

A couple of detectives left the "scene" to go and inform him that his wife had been murdered and asked him to come to the police station and help them out by answering some questions. He answered their questions (I assume) and then was informed that I wasn't really dead, which is when he went into "panic mode." This is pretty much the only way that his reaction was described to me. Then they arrested him.

Once we knew that they had him in custody, everyone at my house packed up and left. The crime scene tape was taken down, and then everyone was gone. I was asked to go to the police station because my family was waiting there to see me.

Soooo...you're single, huh?

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m48px8LQzG1qii70fo2_250.gif

Hahahaha! Thank you for making me laugh out loud.

Do you think ten years is enough or will you fear for your safety after he is released?

I will definitely be afraid for my safety, and that of my children after his release.

How did the police help you fake your own murder?

The police conducted a sting in which someone called 911 to report a break-in at my home. The officer that responded was in on it, and called for an ambulance when he arrived. Paramedics, and even the coroner showed up at my house, and pretended to be working a crime scene. It's a small town, so word travels quickly, so they knew that he would hear about what was going on and believe that his plan had worked.

Did any of your loved ones think you were dead? What an ordeal!

Yes, they all did. My family (excluding my children) were outside the house, trying to find out what was going on when the coroner arrived at my house.

How long did they think you were dead? 1 hour? 24?

It was about an hour before they were escorted to the police station and informed of what was really happening.

Where were you and your children during the fake murder?

I was in the house, staying away from the doors and windows, so that I couldn't be seen. My kids were at school, and the whole thing was over before school was out.

[deleted]

Those would reveal her town, real name... bad info to spread in this situation.

I'm sure that a few people might be interested enough to find out who I am from this. It's not like I'm completely anonymous, everyone in my town knows all about it, and if one of them stumbles across it, they will know it's me. I just don't want this AMA to be the first thing to show up if someone happens to google me.

Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Don't they just need him on record hiring someone to kill him for an arrest? What does the fake death accomplish?

I honestly can not answer this question, because it was never fully answered for me. The call he received saying that it was done, and his reaction were entered as evidence, and I assume that his answers to the police's initial questions, after he thought I was dead, were used as evidence.

How did you find out that he was trying to get you killed?

I found out about it when the police showed up at my door to inform me that he was attempting to hire someone to kill me, and that they were about to conduct a sting to catch him. I had no idea before that.

That's interesting, how did the police find out? Did he pick one of those hitmans who are actually undercover cops or something?

He asked his friends if anyone knew someone who could do it for him. One of his friends informed the police.

Do you know how he reacted after he was informed of your "murder"?

From what I was told, he played the part of the distraught husband very well, until he found out that I wasn't really dead.

[deleted]

Before this incident, he had stalked me for almost a year, then completely stopped contact for several months, with no explanation. Some people believed that he had finally given up, but I stayed on guard. I knew that he had become unstable, which was a big part of the reason that we separated to begin with, but even I didn't realize how far he was willing to go.

Have you had any contact from his side of the family? What did they say?

I'm close with several members of his family. They have been very supportive of me through everything.

How did you first meet? Were there any warning signs along the way?

We met at work. We worked for the same company, although not the same location. Our work brought us to the same location at least a couple of times a week. There were lots of warning signs the last couple of years that we were together, which is why we were separated.

Are you afraid of what 2024 will bring?

Yes, and I'm afraid that he will be paroled long before he has actually served his 10 year sentence.

Thanks for doing the AmA again! Were you there for the sentencing? Did it feel satisfying or did you feel pity for your ex?

I wasn't there for his sentencing. The detective on the case called me and informed me that he was in court and about to plead guilty, rather than go to trial. I felt nothing but relief. I'm usually a kind-hearted person, but I don't think I have it in me to pity him anymore.

Can you block all visitation to your kids? What have you told them an how are they coping?

He has no visitation with the kids.

I've told them that their father is in jail for trying to hurt Mom. They don't know many of the details, but I couldn't keep the basics from them.

How old are they? Will you eventually tell them the truth, or just let it lie as is?

My children are elementary-school age right now. I will make sure that they know at least most of the truth before he is released.

How did the police find out he hired someone?

Did you get any details of this? Was he just trying to make subtle craigslist ads asking for a hit man?

I don't think he tried craigslist. Instead, he just asked all of his friends if they knew someone who could do it. I get the impression that he only talked about it to people he trusted, but one of his friends informed the police, and then he was introduced to either an informant or an undercover officer who pretended to be the hitman.

Before the police brought this to your attention, did you have any suspicions?

Beforehand, I had a strong suspicion that he was planning something, I just didn't know what. I knew that it wasn't in his nature to just give up on something that he thought he deserved.

Was your ex husband the former vocalist of As I Lay Dying...?

Edit: Thanks for the gold! You rock!

No, but I have heard of that case.

Do you have any advice for people that are currently in an abusive relationship and struggle to get out?

My best advice would be to get out, no matter what you have to do. I understand the fear of having nowhere else to go, the embarrassment of having to admit to your family and friends what your marriage has become, and having to admit that you've lied to hide the abuse from them. All of that is difficult, but staying is always worse.

Do you think you'll ever trust someone else enough to have a relationship?

I think it might be possible, although difficult. But I'm not really looking for that at the moment.

So what was the contract amount he paid to take your life?

I believe that the highest amount he offered was $5000.

Wait, is he the father of your children? Did he ever give an explanation as to why he did it?

He is the father of my children. The only reason that he ever gave, which I think he gave to the supposed hitman, was that he wanted custody of the kids, and that would be a lot easier if I was out of the way.

Have you had any communication with him since his arrest?

No, I haven't, and I hope that I don't have to.

I'm so sorry something like that happened to you. I'm sure I would be truly terrified if I were in your position.

You've mentioned in a couple other comments that you have children and that you won't feel safe when he's released. I'm assuming the children are his, so my question is: did he ever threaten the kids? And what do the kids think of their father now?

He used the kids as a weapon against me. He was constantly threatening to take them away, or run away with them, and I would never see them again. He even had the kids begging me to give him another chance, because "Daddy really has changed, and he's nice now."

Has he ever seen you in person since the fake murder (in court, perhaps)? If so, would you kindly describe the look on that bastard's face?

No, he hasn't seen me, and I haven't seen him. Although I've heard that the look on his face when he found out that I wasn't actually dead was total shock.

How long did you have to "play dead"? Did you warn your close friends and family ahead of time that this was going to happen so they wouldn't freak out?

I was only give a few minutes' warning myself, and was not allowed to contact anyone, for fear that somehow it would get back to him. The whole thing only lasted 3 or 4 hours, but it seemed like a very long time.

Why fake the murder? That seems unnecessary.

It seemed a bit unnecessary to me too, and believe me, it wasn't my idea. From what I've gathered, they did the entire sting to make sure that they had enough evidence to guarantee his conviction.

What changed him pursuing you and stalking for a year after your divorce, to him hiring somebody to murder you? Surely something must have set him off on that tangent, or did he purely do it out of frustration? Also, do you have any kids with him?

I completely cut off communication with him. Before, I had still been talking to him, constantly fighting with him, and trying to get it through his head that we were absolutely not getting back together. I eventually realized that as long as I was still speaking to him, he would never give up. He still followed me around for a while after that, but then he just stopped.

What inspired you to post this AMA?

To me, it's kind of therapeutic. In a way, I'm getting it all of my chest. Also, may of the questions make me think about things that I never put a lot of thought into before. So far, it's kind of helping me wrap my mind around the whole thing, and accept it as something that happened to me.

The whole thing is still surreal, even in my memory.

How has his family treated you through all this? Do they stand behind the court decision to lock him up?

He doesn't have many family members nearby, but those that I know are supportive of me, and completely agree with the decision to lock him up. Although some aren't satisfied with the length of his sentence.

Why did you separate? And if he was always a psychopath, why did you get married?

We separated (rather, I escaped) because he had become abusive and extremely possessive. By the time I left, I was no longer allowed to speak to any of my friends or family, I couldn't even leave the house without his permission.

How did you feel after you were informed that he was trying to get you killed?

Anger? Sadness? Both? Something else?

At first, I was just in shock. I can't really tell you how I felt at first, because I don't think I even knew what I was feeling. The first thing I can really remember feeling was worry about my family, knowing what they were seeing from the outside of the situation, and imagining what they were feeling, thinking that I was dead. After that, it was anger at him for putting all of us through such an ordeal.

Is there a potential for him to get out on good behavior? If so does the victim have the right to protest an early release?

There is always a chance that he could be paroled before he serves his entire sentence. And yes, I believe that I will be able to testify at his parole hearing.

Hi thanks for doing this AMA.

My question is what was your first warning sign he was becoming crazy and you knew he was never going to be that same man you married? Do you think there was anything that could have been done to change the course he was headed?

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you're okay though!

I can't honestly say that there was at first sign. It was more like one day, I just realized that things had gotten way out of control. It started with something like "I don't like that friend, I'd prefer we not have her to the house" and ended up with me having literally hundreds of rules to follow on a daily basis. And if I ever complained about something, the solution was always another new rule.

What kind of reaction did your ex-husband get once the "job/murder" was done? What was your reaction to his reaction?

It was chilling to realize that he spent several hours going about his workday as normal, believing that I was dead and just waiting to be "officially" notified.

Were drugs or alcohol a factor in the situation?

I don't think so. Neither of us has ever been a drug user. I know that he was drinking pretty heavily after I left, but I don't know for sure if he was still doing so when he made these plans.

If you could ask your ex any question regarding the incident, what would what it be?

I would ask him if he honestly though that he could get away with it.

Thanks for doing this AMA!

During the sting, when you were inside your house and having to stay away from the windows, what was going through your head? How did you feel?

Also, how are your kids doing with all this madness? Are they old enough to "get it," and if so, do they? It can't be easy, but I hope it's not too hard on them.

All that was really going through my head at the time was my family. Once I had been assured that my kids were safe at school and would not hear anything about what was going on, I thought about my relatives and friends on the outside. I asked every few minutes if my mom was outside yet, if she had been told that I was OK, how she was doing, etc. I just kept imagining their feelings, as they watched everything from the outside.

My kids are actually handling it all quite well. They have been disappointed that they weren't allowed to get their stuff from their father's house, and they miss their friends from his neighborhood. But they understand that he did something bad and that is why they can't see him anymore.

Overall, they're doing better now than they were when he was still seeing them regularly. I always believed it was wrong to trash-talk their father to them, so for a while, they never really understood the whole separation from my point of view. All they ever saw was their father crying, telling them how sad he was that "mommy broke up our family and won't come back."

How did the police know that he was hiring a hitman? Was the hitman an undercover cop?

One of his friends told them that he had been asking people, trying to find someone who would do it. The supposed hitman was either an informant or an undercover officer (I haven't been given al of the details).

Your ex's actions leading up to the breakup are horrifyingly similar to what my sister's husband is doing. I'm so sorry.

I have to ask a question, so I guess it's, would you do anything in my position? It's a fine line where I can't just jump out and say he's a danger.

Just make sure she knows that you are there to support her in any way necessary, when she is ready to get out. Knowing that I had the support of my friends and family was what finally gave me the courage to leave.

Is your husband named Tim Lambesis? If not, are you familiar with that case?

No, but I have heard of the case.

What did you do to him that made him want to kill you?

I refused to go back to him, no matter how many different ways he tried to convince me to, or scare me into it.