Hi, we are Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein from Portlandia. AUA.

Of course. Fred Armisen is doing an AMA and I can't think of anything to ask. Shiiit.

Well now I can't think of anything to answer. Dammit.

First of all, I love you guys. Portlandia is great. Both of you are great. Wild Flag is great. The Creepy Italian Guy from Eurotrip is great.

But you know what's not great?

The fact that the Cinetopia sketch from last season opened with the location being established as "North Portland," when Cinetopia (particularly that one) is actually located in the suburb of Vancouver, WA, my hometown. We had one cool thing going for us, and you presented it to the world as your own.

Care to explain your web of lies?

Good eye. Sometimes we have to change locations for legal reasons.

Is that true?

Sometimes we have to change. We can't give real addresses for some reason. But I might be wrong about that.

How much of the show is scripted and how much is improvised?

90% improvised and about 10% scripted.

we sort of write out a storyline, and then we do our own dialogue.

Peter and Nancy are my favorite characters on the show. What was the inspiration for Peter's pasta addiction and will they go anymore adventures like starting a B&B??

That came from a real dinner that Carrie and I had in Los Angeles. And we were looking at the menu, and we just thought "well obviously we can't order pasta, so I guess we have to order this." So we started talking about, why do we have to avoid pasta so much? So it was more that we were weighing the difference between the difference between enjoying life and really living, or ordering salmon.

or salad.

And we talked about how, on our deathbeds, we aren't going to say "I'm so glad I ate so many salads." And then we watched jealously while this hearty Australian couple at a giant bowl of pasta. And were really unhappy.

I forgot about that.

We sat and watched it like porn.

what's the longest you've ever waited for brunch?

probably 45 really angry minutes.

Same, probably the same brunch as Carrie.

I've been so angry that I've left to go get food at diners.

Will there be a dream of the 1790s?

That's not a bad idea.

I don't think they had dreams in the 1790s.

It was a very transitional time. They were just getting over the revolutionary war.

Carrie--You've tweeted out some photos of you at dinner with Amy Poheler, Aimee Mann & Kim Gordon, basically the Mt. Olympus of badass white women. What do you guys talk about, world domination? Also, are you accepting applications for new best friends?

Yes, we do talk about world domination. And I'm always accepting applications. Send them by carrier pigeon! Or via cute puppies.

Did you guys just tell Kyle MacLachlan to improvise literally ANYTHING for the "anthem of portland"
*Edit here is video link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZqB5R8afjw

Yes, that's true. We played him a backing track that was already recorded, and we gave him direction on the spirit of it, but told him to come up with his own lyrics.

From a friend of mine who is redditless and a big fan,

Fred, have you ever "touched Bill Hader's butt?"

I think the question is, have I ever NOT touched Bill Hader's butt?

Frequently, often, and SNL can often be stressful, so a good butt massage...

My question is: Cheeks, crack or anus?

My question is: Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday? Any day will do.

You guys have had some fantastic guest stars on the show, who is still on your list of people you’d love to have appear? I am envisioning maybe Kate McKinnon being a rival feminist bookstore owner/scorned lover. GOLD.

Kate is brilliant, we've known her a long time and would love to have her on.

Did you ever figure out what A-O River! meant?

It's almost like "attention! This way! I'm here! This is my location!"

Carrie made it up.

My dream is that a river rafting guide uses it in their prep talk.

Or that somebody announces that before they start their period.

Was that chicken's name actually Collin or was that just a stage name?

The chicken is in CAG (the Chicken Actor's Guild) so… we can only use his legal name for credit.

Fred and I both dated Colin for a bit.

And please, nobody freak out about this. It's 2014, love is love, we're not marrying Colin, we didn't have any babies, but it's modern times.

You guys are awesome, never cacao what you're doing.

My question:

Should I put a bird on it?

Put a bird on everything you can. Put a bird on little things. Put a bird on big things. Put a bird in your thoughts.

Put a bird on a bird.

AMA's are OVERRRR!!!!

not this one!

Fred, any tips on avoiding long bathroom lines?

Absolutely.

Pee outside the bathroom.

I just want to leave that as-is.

Fred, has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?

All the time! All the time people do!

That's why he had to start wearing glasses, because it was distracting people. Imagine two unicorns walking around. That's what Fred's eyes are like.

My eyes are like two unicorns tied together.

All the time! All the time people do!

I got the new portland monthly today... did you read it? Its crazy

I haven't seen it yet.

What haven't you pickled yet?

Pickles. We haven't done a double pickle yet. Like we've never gotten a jar of pickles and picked that. Brand-new concept.

I'm not a huge fan of pickles.

But I would be interested in pickling pizza. I would just take an entire pizza and pickle it.

That's one of the most disgusting things I can think of.

You would need a big, huge, flat jar.

Are you guys in the same room right now?

Yes.

yes.

proof: https://twitter.com/reddit_AMA/status/438397216395640833

First off: you two are brilliant, I love the show!

Two questions:

How are you able to maintain such an intimate friendship while doing something as stressful as Portlandia?

And for Fred: is the gig with Seth Meyers going to affect Portlandia negatively in any way?

It's because of our friendship that we are able to work easily.

And never. All experiences are positive. Because any negative experience I've had in my life has led to Portlandia, so therefore, they all benefit the show, and schedule-wise, when we're ready to start writing in May or maybe even April, then I'll focus on Portlandia. So it all helps it out.

Carrie - What is your favorite track on "Good Kid/m.a.a.d. City"?
Fred - What is your favorite track or album released in 1977?

My favorite albums from 1977 would be Never Mind the Bollocks, Talking Heads 77, and the Clash's first album. And the Damned.

Oh, the Kendrick album?

Backseat freestyle.

What is the dream of the 90s?

Lollapalooza for ever, and ever and ever. Mainstage, side stage, all of it.

I think the 90s had this...monolithic quality to them. Because it was pre-9/11, and everybody thought we were veering towards the Millenium, with all of these institutions in place, and the notion of the future was that it was going to keep getting bigger and better. It seems like a pre-anxiety decade to me.

Hey guys! How do you react to criticism of Portlandia that comments on how the show is inspiring people to move to Portland, therefore contributing to gentrification issue and population issues in the city?

I don't think a TV show has that big of an impact on migratory patterns. It's just a TV show.

I love the show - you guys are fantastic!

How is Matt Berry in person? I saw him on the IT Crowd and he's hilarious. Was the Squiggleman episode as much fun to film as it is to watch?

Stay on the air forever!

He is a comedy hero of ours, we really wanted him to be on the show. It was a lot of fun because he actually spent some time BEFORE shooting that episode recording the song, so that was also fun. We really love him a lot.

what does bruce willis' armpit smell like?

Really nice. I really enjoyed working with him. He was nice.

No, he was great! It was just the two of us that whole day and we had a really great time. And I like him as a person.

I concur. You know what? After Fred worked with Bruce, he called me afterwards and said "You know whose armpits smelled better than yours? Bruce Willis'."

Carrie's armpits smell like cinnamon.

And Bruce's smell like cinnamon gum.

Hey Carrie and Fred! Love Portlandia! I especially love Candace and Toni of the Women and Women First sketches. What inspired those characters ( or are they just general caricatures)? What about Peter and Nance (love them too!)?

The Feminist bookstore characters were inspired by feminist heroes that Fred and I have. By rule-breakers, smartie pants, punk rockers, misfits, and people who embody and embrace contradictions. they are very real to us.

We're inspired by a real place, so the signage and everything around it really inspires them as well.

Fred, Can I borrow 20 bucks?

Thanks

I'm sorry Fred, I wrote that in.

I put that in your ATM. Go to your ATM and withdraw $20. That $20 is from me.

Hey, you two. I love your show, thanks for the laughs & for making celery sexy again.

If you kept a packed suitcase under your bed for an easy escape at any time, what item(s) would you pack it with?

Passport, toothpaste, toothbrush

Maps. Toiletry bag for said toiletries. I would go with iPad and phone for quick getaway.

Me too. And cash.

I would say underwear, floss, running shoes...

Finger nail clippers, phone charger

Flashlight.

Please tell me Cat Nap is going to reunite on the new season.

We should reunite at some point.

Yes, we will.

My gf and I absolutely love Portlandia! What is your favorite sketch that you have done from the show? 'Vagina pillows' and the 'cacao' one are my two favorite.

That tells us a lot about you. And we like you.

Did you ever get to try Crazy Craigs Guac Tac's?

I'm allergic to avocado.

This is true. You should see his business card.

I do showings. Tonight at the 92nd street Y, $70 a pop just to look at it.

What's one role you wish you'd gotten at the time but looking back are glad you didn't?

Mad TV. I auditioned for Mad TV and I didn't it. Although I'm not GLAD I didn't get it, but I auditioned for it and it just didn't happen.

I don't know. I'm sure there's some childhood play I auditioned for that I didn't get.

what made you choose portland?

It was because Carrie lived in Portland, and we were already shooting videos there, and it just seemed like the right frame for what we wanted to do.

I think Portland is a great microcosm for the themes on the show, and I think there's a version of Portland in almost any city in the US. Also Portland is more of a mindset than a city, so there's a slight transcendent quality.

What TV shows are you two currently binge watching?

Girls and True Detective.

House of Cards, Walking Dead, and when Game of Thrones comes back, I can't wait.

I'm late for work. What excuse should I use?

Be honest. When you get into work, address that you're late, don't pretend that you're not late, and whatever reason that you're late, admit what it was.

Hello! You guys are da best. 1. Do you have favorite characters to play on Portlandia? 2. Has the show taken you places you weren't expecting to go?

Yes. We went to the DMV in suburban Portland, which is someplace I never expected to be.

It changes but sometimes it's fun to play Spike and Iris, but his girlfriend is also sort of righteous. So those can be fun, because for that workday, we get to be really aggressive.

I'm still astounded that we get to take over City Hall every year and go into the mayor's office and we're left completely to our own devices, there's no security, and also one time Fred and I sat in a cop car while a cop stood 20 feet away talking to a bunch of skaters. I'm always amazed how friendly the city of Portland is.

I'm really drawn to Kath, and Nance, and Toni, all the women who wear comfortable clothes but act like they are wearing really uncomfortable attire.

Love Portlandia! Who's idea was it to have the mayor join a reggae band? Loved it! Keep up the good work Carrie and Fred!

We don't recall who specifically came up with that idea, so many of our ideas are collective or go through the process of one idea that is transformed and added upon by the other writers. But we were basing it loosely on the fact that Portland, at the time, had a gay mayor, and we liked the notion that someone could be a closeted reggae player. I should say that the Portland mayor was out, and was a wonderful mayor, and is routinely on our show.

He plays the mayor's assistant.

He's been on every season.

Do you consider a hamburger to be a type of sandwich, or an entity of its own?

That's a good question.

One time I was playing the game 20 questions, and the answer was "a hamburger" and the clue kept being sandwich, and I never guessed hamburger.

Because the proper name of any sandwich has the word sandwich in it. The Hamburger has its own name. Therefore, it's its own category. Because it does not have the word sandwich in it. Just because it has a bread type and something in between does not mean it's a sandwich.

Would you like to double down on your meal?

Yes, we're starving!

do you guys happen to drive Subarus?

I don't. They're great cars. I'll say this: My sister does. And she has kids, and lives in Northern California. And she has a station wagon that she likes very much.

I drive two motorcycles tied together.

I do not.

If you were an animal, what would you be and why? Also, do you have any pets. If so, tell me about them!

I would be a raven. They look great, I feel like they have a pretty safe environment. They are the smartest birds.

If you needed a place to rest, I would let you rest on my giraffe head.

Look for our children's book, The Raven Who Rested on the Giraffe's Head.

I would be a giraffe.

I had 2 dogs.

Pancakes or Waffles?

Pancakes.

Pancakes as well, because they lend themselves more to the ingredients that can be worked into the actual pancake. You don't see it as much with waffles. You know? Like you'll get wheat waffles. But there's only so much you can do with waffles.

Carrie, out of all the stuff you have released musically, whether it be Sleater- Kinney, Excuse 17, or Wild Flag which album are you most proud of?

I think my favorites are Dig Me Out, and One Beat.

What about the Hot Rock? It's just one of the best albums I've ever heard.