We're a rock band called We Are Scientists, and what we don't know, we can look up — Ask Us Anything

Dear Keith,

Do you remember getting wasted with me and my friend in Metro Galleries parking lot in Baltimore (October 2010)? Will you ever come back and do that with us again?

I gave you my college ID, we took a photo together on your phone. It was one of the best moments of my life, and the live debut of "Central AC"

-James

K: I do remember that, mainly because I use that ID every time I'm detained by police. Take my advice, James, steer clear of New York State. The cops here are going to have some questions that you do NOT have the answers to.

Why is Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt so damn catchy?

C: we wrote it on crack.

C: Also, the baseline

C:BASSline! Yow! Sp?!??!

K: Too much crack, Cain.

Is this door ALWAYS open? Really?

K: Not the door you're referring to, no. But this door, over here, really is always open.

What was the last fax you sent?

K: I think it must have been from Chris' workplace, back in 2004, which I occasionally illicitly used as my personal office. It was likely pornography.

C: But you receive faxes from me all the time. As recently as this morning. Round 7 am.

K: You sent that one, guy. The last one I sent was that 400-page porno mag, from your office. Right before you got fired. Remember?

C: Only too well! Falsely accused of "disseminating objectionable fax matter," whatever the hell that means!

C: This morning at around 7 a.m. I faxed Keith an interesting story from the newspaper.

What's appropriate attire for your concert? (Business casual, naked, victorian?) Also, do you sign stuff after shows?

K: Probably the best thing you can wear to our show would the seven or eight reasonably-priced WAS t-shirts you bought on the way in.

Which is the best Science?

C: Probably Pseudoscience. It is the only one that is remotely openminded or receptive to the needs of users.

K: Whichever science it was that resulted in Jujyfruits. Marine biology?

TWO PART QUESTION:

1:Rumor has it you've talked to a lady or someone who looks like a lady before, so you're basically experts. What is your top lady advice?

2:Guys, I've been a huge fan since With Love and Squalor came out and I've always had trouble getting to your Texas shows, so to make up for it, I'm coming to your show in Dallas, Tx AND Austin, Tx. Can I buy you a drink in Austin?

K: My top lady advice is to make eye contact early on - before introductions, even - and just never break it, no matter what she does. Keep that dead-eyed lock on her. Works like a charm.

And, yeah, give me that drink!

How did you get in touch with Akiva Schaffer for "Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt"?

My body is your body.

He was a college friend of our manager, and we used to hang out with the Lonely Island guys when we were out in Los Angeles. I think at the time, we were all just really excited to have a guy in a bear costume jump through plate glass.

What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you while on stage performing?

K: One time, I almost flubbed this one note. Super-embarrassing stuff.

C: Falling down. Tripping. It happens every once in a while — you're up there jumping around, having fun, and lights are flashing and/or it's dark, and probably you've had a couple drinks. You're gonna fall down every once in a while. Always stings the pride; every time.

Also why are you guys so devilishly handsome?

K: It's funny you should ask it that way - it's because of a pact we made with the Dark Lord.

C: Clean livin' on our mamas' parts was a big part of it. That and havin' devilishly handsome daddies.

What happened to your original drummer?

K: I was actually the original drummer of We Are Scientists, so, happily, the answer is, "He became an incredible singer and unparalleled songwriter and a hell of a swimmer."

OH WAIT SHIT I HAVE ANOTHER SORRY. Are you guys named after the Cap'n Jazz song? If no, where did your name come from?

C: We're not, no. We chose our name after a Uhaul employee asked us, first, if we were brothers ("no"), and then if we were scientists ("uh, no").

C: Also, we are both accomplished scientists. I don't know why we felt compelled to lie to that Uhaul guy. Highly insecure about our science credentials, I guess.

Got killed by a bear

You're thinking of our second drummer.

What's your favorite type of cheese?

K: I've been going pretty berserk on Humbolt Fog, recently. I'm also crazy about this one soft cheese I keep buying at Milk and Roses in Brooklyn, but I'm pretty sure it's just Philadelphia Cream Cheese, scooped into spheres and lavishly presented.

Government! Government cheese!

You guys finished your gig with the best rendition of 'End of the Road' a good few years ago now.. You should bring it back into your setlist...

K: We got a polite request from Boyz II Men to stop performing it. Frankly, it was making them look atonal. And beefy.

when's your rap album coming out? i haven't seen anything written publicly about it but i know you've thought about it

C: I want to nail down an MC name for myself before starting in on any material. It's important not to put the cart before the horse, with hip hop.

We=MC²

Edit:Holy shit it works on so many levels, even their last times start with M &C. I think I'm on to something

Me and my friend were going to use that name for our rap group.

C: too damn late. You snooze, you lose.

K: Check out my "Rap-Murr-Phobia" or "The Most Beautifullest Thing In The World."

Would you rather fight 1000 duck sized Keith's, or 1 t-rex sized Chris.

K: God, I would give anything just to hang out with 1000 duck-sized Keiths, but I could never ever commit violence against those precious little guys.

How much did your popularity/album sales increase after Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist?

K: It's hard to say. It seems like that was a lot of Americans' first exposure to the band, I guess, but it certainly didn't seem like a seismic shift to us.

Can I make a request to never remove "Lethal Enforcer" from your setlist?

Edit: Also, what's your favorite SNL Digital Short?

K: You can make that request, yeah. Will it be heeded? I doubt it.

Fave Digital Short is maybe "Dear Sister."

Only if I can request "It's A Hit" never be removed. <3

K: You can't make that request. Your request to make that request has been denied.

Can I make a request for the US store to have more stuff and quite possibly thangs available for me to throw my money at?

K: That is actually a good idea.

I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a loser, but my girlfriend is a fan of yours and really likes getting postcards but recently I've exhausted the local lot. Is there any chance if I PM'd you her address you could pop one in the post from the exciting land of the USA?

She's staying at home saving money for college this year and is getting a bit fed up with work so the surprise would really make her day/week/month.

Thank you, and keep making great music.

K: I think that could happen, yeah.

What does it feel like to beat the shit out of a fawn with a guitar?

K: God, it feels really, really good. I'd recommend it to anyone with access to either.

YOU GUYS!

Okay so, for my eighteenth birthday I got to go see Late Night with Conan O' Brien and you guys played 'It's a Hit.' It was so good. I never heard of you guys before, and now I still listen to all your albums. What was playing on Late Night like back then?

Also, thanks for being Scientists.

K: That one was largely memorable because, after our performance, La Bamba came backstage and told us that the Max Weinberg 7 had all been arguing about what the time signature of the song was. We wouldn't tell them.

Given that comedy has been a central part to your band persona for so long (and you're really, really really good at it), is it something that - if the music and the love of your fans/label/whatever dried up - you'd both end up considering as your main gig? Indeed, have you ever been approached to just do laughs on TV, instead of tunes as well?

Oh - and I saw you a few times when I was a teenager. You guys were immensely important to me and when Keith was thrown over Chris' shoulder in Southampton (UK) after your encore, I think I knew love for the first time.

K: We have been approached to solely provide laughs on TV, yeah. You should take a look at Steve Wants His Money. And, yeah, we'd do it again. Do you know anyone with some pull?

What kind of We Are Scientists tattoo should I get?

See you guys in Austin. Making me drive all the way from San antonio to finally see you perform. I planned a Vegas trip around the concert!

K: You should get a temporary WAS tattoo.

You know that Vegas isn't exactly a convenient stop between San Antonio and Austin, right? Or are you just using any flimsy excuse for another of your infamous Vegas tears?

You mean Vegas isn't between San Antonio and Austin? Well, fuck.

C:It's even worse than that: you can't get to Vegas from San Antonio. Or Austin.

C: I'm suggesting a large shield, the kind a knight might use, that covers your back. Get as much detail as you can, so it looks like it's really made of metal and shit. We will know you got that for us.

Have We Are Other Scientists ever been able to replicate your results?

K: Try as they might, they always come up short.

Hey guys! Can't wait for the new album! Im sure its gonna be 80's George Michael Rad. When you played Dublin a few years ago i shouted at Chris as he was leaving the stage for his plec (because im cool like that). You missed when you threw it at me and came down and handed me one yourself. That was awesome, thank you! Also did you guys ever record a studio version of Club Tropicana?

K: No, we never did officially, but I know some British TV station came to the show and filmed it. So, sadly, it does exist somewhere.

Also, I told Chris to give you that pick, so thanks are due to me.

What's your favorite kind of burrito?

C: I sure like a chicken burrito. And I'm a "more is more" guy, not a purist — give me the rice, beans (black and pinto! hell!), cheese, guac, sour cream, salsa (very hot), lettuce, pico de gallo, etc. No nuts. I don't have an allergy, they just aren't that good on a burrito.

K: The "super vegetarian" at Taqueria Cancun in San Francisco is pretty much unbeatable, for my money.

The first time anyone ever touched my penis was while "After Hours" was playing on my girlfriend's stereo. That song def gives me at least a half chub every time I hear it

K: Damn, where was your girlfriend, at the time? That's pretty fucked up, man.

Keith, I thought I saw you at a bar in Brooklyn once. I don't remember which bar. Was it you?

K: If it was a bar, and it was in Brooklyn, then chances are pretty much 100% that I was there.

Are you gonna cover the whole Top Gun soundtrack now?

C: No, that would be cheating. Far too direct and easy a path to multiplatinum sales, that would be. Shortcuts aren't for us; they're not our way. Let Miley Cyrus cover the Top Gun album, in her ruthless quest to obtain and hold onto mega-fame.

Grey hair is now trendy, large black framed glasses are now trendy. How does it feel to have started something and just as important, where does it end?

C: Hey, man, ask Kanye!

If one of you was a zombie, would the other keep you alive but chained up in the hope of a cure, or kill you to prevent the suffering?

K: I think Chris would keep me alive, but I'd definitely destroy his brains the minute I even suspected he'd been bitten.

I think one of you guys went to my Highschool. Cooper City High? :o

K: I did, yeah. I heard that they're tearing the old place down, probably to wipe it clean of the stain that you and I left on its good name.

With Love and Squalor was one of the few albums I listened to daily during my finally year of high school. Some of my more vibrant memories from that time involve those songs - my friends - long drives - cigarettes on a back porch - sleeping under the stars - running away - graduation - the night I sang to them as they cried beside me on the water bed - that trip to the circus - a new friend - a death. All with your words and melodies on repeat in the background.

How does it feel to create something, and have that part of yourself exist, in it's own distinct way, in someone else's life?

Also, I love you.

K: It's a pretty magical and unexpected facet of our already pretty fantastic lucky career as a band. Mainly, though, I just want to hear more about this trip to the circus!

Do you guys realize you are the funniest band to ever exist? Like seriously, from instagram to email newsletters, everything you shits write makes me laugh. Why the fuck else would I sign up for reddit??? Also, bring back the advice column on your website.

K: I realized it one night, while i was trying to fall asleep. "No fuckin' way," I thought to myself, and I tried to conjure a counter-argument, but I knew it was true - we are the funniest band to ever exist. I slept like a damn baby that night.

Whatever happened to Master Swan? Is he still swooping around, snatching hood ornaments and babies eyes?

K: As long as there is breath in his body, that bastard will be pulling swoop-n-snatches all over God's creation.

C: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Keith: I sold him to the Central Park Zoo. You should go see him! God, he'd love to see you.

C: We sold him to the Central Park Zoo for a small fortune! You can visit him during regular hours, although some of the spring has gone out of his step.

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C: Probably not, unfortunately (for the world). Our selfish artistic/creator's prerogative whimsically dictated that the story was "over" (as though stories can ever really end!!! absurd!!!), so no further episodes. Couple of assholes.

Blue Album vs Pinkerton - Which do you prefer?

K: Oh, man. That's making my head hurt. Don't make me choose. I won't do it!

And don't forget about the Green Album.

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London is always fun, obviously, but something about Glasgow really speaks to me. Usually what it says, though, is "Let's get wasted."

Is it hard to be one of the coolest bands around?

K: Nah.

Hello, scientists. I am also a scientist.

K: Get out of here, you!!

still chill with the Arctics?

K: We see them on occasion. We went to their show the last time they played in NYC, but, no lie, their fans kept buying us beers during their set, by the time they arrived at their afterparty, we were both drunk and exhausted and had gone home. Whoops.

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K: Chris focuses on nanoscience, and I conduct sexual research.

If a couple drums and cymbal go buh dum tiss, but no one is around to hear it, do they actually go buh dum tiss?

K: Nobody listens to drum solos.

What does Andy Burrows smell like?

C: It's a mix of cinnamon, fresh mown grass, hint of lilac, and Staropramen.

K: He smells pretty damn good, to be honest. All that hair really retains the floral undertones of whatever shampoo he uses. It's intoxicating, really.

How much of the Dumb Luck video was staged, and how much actually took place? Do you have life-altering injuries as a result?

K: Very nearly all of the video was staged. Sorry to disappoint you. If it helps, though, all of that is based upon events that really happened to us; we just didn't get them all on film, the first time.

Are there many 47 references on the new album?

C: The album is RIFE with "47" references. Indeed, there are 46 of them, that very fact being the 47th. Why not preorder a copy now so you can hunt all 47 down yourself?

K: Guess how many?

Are you guys still "getting along" with tapper?

K: For sure.

How much cat food does a dog eat if it's not hungry?

C: All. He still eats all of it.

K: No matter its hunger level, a dog eats all the cat food.

Question for Keith Murray: what was it like working with Redman and Erick Sermon on the remake of Rappers Delight?

K: It was one of the most beautifullest things in the world.

I saw you at a show where you opened for Kings of Leon in Toronto (KoolHaus). I was impressed that you sold you're own merchandise in a booth at the back corner. Are you still doing this or are you too mainstream now?

C: We still love to sell our own merch, and do it often. And it's not because we "love the face-to-face contact with the fans" or any crap like that — it's that we just fucking LOVE the feeling of all that cash in our hands. Just pure, beautiful cash. That we get to touch.

K: We've hired lookalikes to sell the merch, now. That way, fans still get the thrill of chatting up the guys in the band, while we're busy having a nice hot tub backstage.

It seems you guys write a lot of emotionally vulnerable lyrics but with upbeat songs. Where do you believe that dichotomy comes from? (I identified with that and that drew me towards your music, being a joker but also an emotionally open guy)

Are you trying to veil your emotional expression with a faux carefree happiness or is it something else?

Also, make more videos with Akiva!! :) Ya'll rock, doh, fer reel.

K: I don't think it's any sort of concerted bait-and-switch ploy on our part. I think we just tend to like exuberant music, and, well, lyrically, the heart wants what it wants.

I've always wanted to say hi to We Are Scientists. Please say hi back!

K: Hi, there! We good?

Your show at the Black Cat in DC was the best show I've ever gone to.

Have you always incorporated so much comedy into your shows? How much of it is writing, how much improvised?

edit: gotta include my picture with you

K: None of it is scripted, I assure you. It's just improbably well-crafted improv. Dare I say it? We're a couple of fuckin' geniuses, up there.

Glad you had fun!

One of your songs (lousy reputation) is the reason I started playing Bass guitar, acknowledge my life? Thanks

K: Your life is acknowledged!

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K: There are no plans for anything like that, currently, but we're always open to any offers for funding! Fork it up!

Burnout Revenge.

K: For sure.

I've never listened to your music before. What album would you recommend I listen to first?

I'd vote for Barbara, just because i dont want you to wait until March 4, when our real masterpiece is released.

I would have seen you guys live a few years ago if I didn't have to do a research paper for school. What are you prepared to offer me?

More seriously, can we expect another hilarious booklet insert like was in Barbara? A+ comedy in that thing.

K: Are you asking us to reward you for having chosen your research paper over a WAS show? Okay, we're prepared to offer you the "Numbnuts of the Year" award, with special recognition in the "Misaligned Priorities" category.

Favourite song on TV en Francais? Literally cannot wait to hear the whole thing. PS I'm the one with the car you signed. Keith, you deemed it worthless now it's faded off a fair bit in Preston, it's a shame I can't make it to your March tour to get a top-up :P

K: I think Make It Easy is my favorite, but followed closely by What You Do Best and Slow Down.

Thoughts on Ryan Gosling?

K: He's beautiful and blank, like a wonderful, gorgeous lump of mud.

what's y'all's fav subreddit?

K: What the hell are you talking about?

You are hilarious. Can we make this a video AMA?

K: I got to this request too late to really do anything about it. Whoops.

Will you come and party at my student house in Cambridge when you come down?

C: Smells like a trap…

What are your favorite bands currently touring?

P.s. A tour with youse guise and Foxy Shazam would move mountains.

C: We're great big fans of PAWS, out of Glasgow. Which is why we're bringing them along on the European and North American legs of this spring's touring.

K: I'm really into Skaters, these days.

Loving the new music and really looking forward to seeing you in March! What was it like writing and recording Business Casual? I love that EP - it sounds pretty different from the rest of your stuff.

It was really fun. We knew it was going to take a while to sort everything out for the release of TV En Francais, so we wrote the songs for the EP and the 7" we put out in July really quickly. We recorded everything at our friend Tim Wheeler's studio and in our writing space. We mainly did it for fun, no pressure, which was a nice change of pace.

Me and my friends couldn't get in to your last gig at Manchester (Under 18... we're 18 now) we'll be coming to your next one in March, fancy getting a beer with us after the gig?

K: I was going to ask the same thing, myself.

Would you rather a knitted rabbit or a knitted pig?

C: Is… is this a real offer?

K: Would I rather be one? Or have one? Or something else, more sinister?

You guys have the best music videos. Who usually comes up with the concepts or is there a pow wow of sorts to discuss them?

K: We've come up for the concepts to all of the videos except for the I Don't Bite video, which was conceived and directed by our long-time friend and photographer, Dan Monick. Usually, we ask ourselves what we've always wanted to do, on film. So, for Nobody Move, we satisfied the dream of putting a bear through plate glass. With After Hours, I achieved the goal of breaking a bottle on Chris' head. In Chick Lit, Chris got to strangle a dog - a longtime dream of his.

Is it true that you raised thousands of pounds to buy new uniforms and cloaks for Portsmouth Football Club last July?

C: The money we raised was to be used specifically for new hats and capes, and it was probably more on the order of 13 GBP.

K: It's true, but our stipulation was that the funds be used for capes.
Have they integrated them into their uniform, yet?

I read a story about the origin of your band name online once. It said you got a loan to start the band, but your reason for the loan was that you were scientists, ready to do some science. How true is this?

That's not true at all, but i like it. So, the idea is that we convinced some idiot bank that we were working scientists, and needed our research funded? That doesn't sound like a very solid investment for that dumbass bank.

Did Steve ever get his money?

K: See the final episode of SWHM!

Can we have more German poetry? Like this

Also how did the cats from the With Love and Squalor deal with their fame? Where are they now?

C: Those cats burned out hot and fast. The fame ate them from the inside out. They're buried in Arlington.

K: No. The German's must stop writing poetry and start honing their prose.

One of those cats got really into the Hollywood scene and ODed in 2007. The rest of them invested their income wisely and they now run a successful family deli in Park Slope, despite the health department's qualms about cats handling lunch meats.

1. if the whole world was about to go deaf, and you had the chance to play one of your own songs to be remembered by, what song would it be?

2. now you get to cover any song.

K: I'd probably just try to do a medly of After Hours into Rules Don't Stop into Dumb Luck into Make It Easy, then pretend to fade out but swoop back in and play Return The Favor into Lethal Enforcer into I Don't Bite.

I really, really hate cover songs, in general, but anything off of Weezer's green album is pretty fun to play.