I'm Nick Kroll. I am here to answer the questions that are nice to me. Ask me anything.

Are Ruxin's vinegar strokes a good representation of your real life vinegar strokes?

yes everytime i have had a vinegar stroke on the League it has been real.

What's your favorite scene that you've done on The League?

Also, love you on Parks & Rec. Douche nation.

oh i love/hate doing scenes with jason who plays raffi because i can't keep a straight face with him.

that's right! DOUCHE NATION indeed.

Are we going to see Jon Hamm this season as El Chupacabra's brother?

i hope that one day El chupacabro will be able to do the show. Juan Jamon is one of the great spanish improvisers.

gary update: sick, he said if i weren't driving i'd harass, say dorky gamer shit with cats.

What was the most difficult scene of The League to shoot because it was just too funny to get through?

there's a scene of me and Jason where i'm trying to tell him that whitney houston died and he didn't know it, and then he asks me what michael Jackson thinks about it and there's a gif of us breaking. someone made it from the dvd extras but i literally couldn't do the scene.

How much tuna is too much?

it depends on the tuna. if you are eating deli tuna, any tuna is too much tuna. deli tuna gives me immediate diarrhea. if it's premium line caught high end sushi tuna, then some tuna is enough tuna, but if it's tuna that's been soaked in japanese earthquake radiation, then nuclear tuna is too much tuna.

gary update! i asked for a gary update, he told me real stuff about his life, and what i wanted was an update as to what he was doing right now. he said his penis is the same, maybe a new vein (read "girth")

How much Liz and Liz can we expect to see in the new season of Kroll Show? I seriously couldn't get enough in season 1. Your drag reminds me of the genius of the Kids in the Hall guys.

i love kids in the hall! bruce mcculloch actually came in and did an extension of wheels ontario this year with a talent show called Show us your songs Toronto. So it was pretty amazing to have a canadian comedy god be in one of our sketches about comedy.

Mark Duplass, Steve Rannazzizi, Paul Scheer.

Fuck, Marry, Kill?

i would marry all of them. and then fuck them to death.

Will we see the return Wheels Ontario this season??

PS: You are the greatest!! Thanks for doing this AMA!

yes more wheels ontario!! a lot more. there is sex. also we will meet the actors who play the characters in Wheels ontario in episode 2.

thank you, my existence is based on your approval and excitement.

What was your favorite moment of the Franco Roast? Do you enjoy doing those?

i enjoyed being a part of the roast because i think it was really good television. it was however kind of stressful to do. my favorite moment was making Seth Rogen laugh when i made fun of how unattractive his writing partner Evan Goldberg be to make Seth the face of the operation and then talking to Evan afterwards who really seemed to enjoy the joke.

How did you get so good at speaking spanish?

Also, what does Paul Scheer smell like?

Paul scheer smells great. he is a very clean,very nice, very well liked young man. he is nothing like Andre except for his unbelievable knowledge of bad pop culture.

i got good at speaking spanish because i was a nazi war criminal who had to move to Argentina to escape the nuremberg trials.

What's your home wireless network called?

curiositykilledthecat

How's the ghost bouncing industry going?

you know like the ghost busters, it's possible that bobby and peter bounced all the ghosts. so now they have to become gigolos.

Do you think Mel Gibson has nightmares about you?

i think Mel Gibson has nightmares about his own upbringing because i bet it was actually quite sad. and i think he probably has dreams about bottles of vodka chasing him in a hot tub.

Who are some of the coolest, or funniest, or most interesting athletes you've met through The League? Anybody surprise you, or let you down?

i met rg3 before his rookie season and was really impressed by him, thought he was really smart and funny. jj watt was on the show this season and i thought he was really impressive. ryan fitzpatrick is known for being smart and was. chad ochocinco had 4 different cell phones when he did the show

1 for phone, 1 for twitter, 1 for email and 1 for terrell owens

Hey Nick, are you and the guys from the league in an actual fantasy football league outside the show? And who has the Shiva right now if you do?

we are in a league. and I lost in the finals this year to Mark duplass, who cheated by beating me.

the trophy in our league is called the Aselton cup because Katie Aselton (who plays Jenny on the show) won the first year.

How do you like your steak cooked?

myself and C-zar like our steaks cooked medium rurr.

Is there ever a way to clean yourself out of being forever unclean, or is it truly forever?

Forever Unclean is a state of mind. but i always think it is helpful to find a chinatown urinal and really soak your skin in there.

Who is someone you would love to get on Kroll Show that you haven't gotten yet?

we got Laura Dern this year to play C-zar's mom. I would really like alan Alda to be in an oh hello sketch.

Okay so you already have said your favorite character is the one you're doing at the time, but when you go back and watch, which do you think it's the funniest? Love you!!!

I love you too, whoever you are, wherever you are you are the love of my life. which goes for my characters as well. they are all the love of my life, and i feel like i am having an affair with all of them whenever i am doing another one of them, but that's love!!

I still paraphrase the quote to this day (referring to an Ed Hardy t-shirt) “a dragon f***ing a tiger riding a skateboard.” Am I correct in remembering that was a Bobby Bottleservice quote?

it was and someone actually got a tattoo of that!

Proof; http://instagram.com/p/jAcQNEOUu3/

Has Raffi ever carried on any of his on-stage antics to cast members off-stage? Because that would make my life.

Jason is a real sweetheart, one of my dear dear friends, and i hate to disappoint you to let you know that he is anything but a psychopath. except when it comes to shitting while he comes. THAT is true.

Will Gil & George ever bring their NYC walking tour to the TV show?

i would love that. they're no longer allowed to walk the streets because of various criminal charges of indecent exposure and stalking and various restraining orders that have been filed against them. so being on the streets and in public is very difficult for them.

Hey Nick, saw you at San Diego Comic Con at a comedy show with Ron Funches, Jonah Ray, Paul F. Tompkins and Hannibal Burress.

I was with a friend and you called us both hipsters from Salt Lake. I don't have a question, I just wanted to thank you. There was a point during that show I was sure I was going to suffocate and die from laughing so hard.

Huge fan and can't wait for the new season of Kroll Show! Keep up the great work! Also, I quote your german impressions from Spotted Ox Hostel and Community at least once a week.

i remember you guys from that show! you were polite like people from Utah, and hip like people from not-San-Diego!

Hey Nick, what's your favorite memory of your time at Georgetown?

doing improv with amazing people who i'm still friends with was really helpful. Like Mike Birbiglia, John Mulaney, allson becker, ed herro, Brian donovan, Conrad Mulcahy, and every other irish catholic person i met.

My wife (who works in a kitchen) came home with a very minor burn blister on her finger.

My reaction?

I turned to the imaginary camera and said 'her skin bubbled' a la Bobby B

I crack myself up

Thanks for the ameezing comedy, Kroll

this is an amazingly gratifying story to hear. truly. i hope your wife is fine and that she continues to have minor burns for many years to come.

Is Gary impressed yet?

i don't know i'm going to text him right now to make sure he's on reddit. i will let you guys know when i know more. i will be giving you gary updates throughout this ama.

Was the James Franco Roast nerve racking? Were you afraid that people would be offended by some of your material?

yes and yes. im very glad to have been a part of it though.

thanks for being here. big fan of your work on Kroll Show and The League.

question about my favorite Kroll Show sketch: how did the drone pilot sketch come about?

we were just sort of talking about the drone stuff that was starting to come out in the news and we were interested in that world and then thought it would be funny to do almost a top Gun excitement parody of something that is just a weird office desk job.

How close are you and Jeff goldblum?

i got to perform Me and My Shadow with Jeff Goldblum as jeff Goldblum. It was awesome. He does a slightly better Jeff goldblum than i do, but mine is close.

Even though it was an act, how scary was it having JJ Watt pretend to be angry at you? And how is it getting to work with the NFL players who come on The League?

one of the most fun things on the show is being able to talk shit to absolutely huge men who can't do anything about it except perhaps talk shit back.

[deleted]

thank you. fabrice says 'get bent.' he doesnt take compliments well.

What do you think will be the viewing audience's favorite sketch in season 2?

i think people will be really psyched to see more Wheels Ontario, which is a parody of all those canadian degrassi shows. But i also think people will also like gigolo house with bobby bottleservice and hopefully all the other sketches too.

Who are/were your biggest comedic influences?

Mel Brooks, SNL obviously, i watched Eddie Murphy's delirious a million times as a kid, i watched the movie Wayne's world 2 million times and the jon stewart and the daily show came out when i was in college and i thought it was so funny and smart.

As someone who hasn't seen the Kroll Show yet, what's the best reason you can think of for me to start watching it?

if you know me from The League, then just picture that Ruxin is one of many characters that i do that are awful and funny at the same time. i improvise a lot of the stuff on the League that i say, and i have a similar process for Kroll show, and i think my friends are hilarious and they're all over it like Jenny Slate, John Mulaney, Chelsea Peretti and many many more.

If you did drag in real life, not just on Kroll Show, what would your drag name be?

it would be French Fry.

My husband is in a fantasy football league deigned around the league in the show. Any advice on where they should go for their next draft?

to their wives' book club. and then they should all switch and the men should talk about the bridges of Madison county and the women should fight about who gets Peyton Manning.

Would you rather tongue-kiss Jon Daly or have a green card marriage with Scott Aukerman? (both result in a love-child)

last i checked Scott aukerman is from America and so he would not require a green card marriage. And Jon daly's tongue is made of delicious swedish fish so it's a win win either way. plus i have already had sex with both of them.

what is the strangest dream that you've ever had? asking for a friend....

I barely ever remember my dreams. but the strangest dream i ever had was where i was Martin Luther King speaking at the lincoln memorial.

If Bobby Bottleservice had his own cologne what would it smell like?

we had an idea that Bobby bottleservice have a cologne/energy drink called Sweat. so you would drink the energy drink and that would start to leave your pores and start to create a cologne effect. i think it would smell like someone blended up bull's balls and pennies. with a just a hint of zokka.

What is the best position from which to view the Kroll Show?

the Lotus position. or the pole position.

Ok, this might seem weird, is Fabrice Fabrice male or female? and what is the inspiration for that character? I almost pissed myself when I saw the character on John Oliver's New York Standup Show, been a massive fan ever since, would love some back-story,

Fabrice Fabrice is a male. the inspiration is kids i used to see in New York on Christopher street and then all the awful things and judgements that i have in my head that i can't say as myself.

What would you say your most rewarding job was throughout your years struggling to make a living as an actor?

I taught at an after school program standup to kids. and it helped me distill what was funny but also realize that i just wanted to act and make comedy and that kids could go fuck themselves.

How many writers do you have on the show?

Jon Daly as a writer and producer, he plays wendy in Rich Dicks and peter paparazzo and many other characters. John Levenstein is our showrunner and executive producer. Johnathan Kraisel is our director and they are all producers and writers. and there are 4 or 5 other writers like Gabe Liedeman and Joe wengert and Seth morris and Chrstine Nangle and Ron Funches and some other writers who have written for the show over the last couple of years.

What's your favorite scene or episode in The League?

let's see. the finale for season 2 when Ruxin wins the shiva and there is a solar eclipse, we had like many scenes the structure but basically improvised all the jokes and it felt really organic and fun to do and was the best version of when our show is clicking.

What are Consuelo's rates?

a lot higher now that she is the made on DADS.

Did anyone ever respond to that craigslist ad you mentioned in the "I AM COMIC" doc?

i don't remember. but people never respond to my Craigslist ads because they are usually asking if anyone wants me to cum on their food.

Okay, So you've won an all expense trip to go to the moon and do research, and you have to pick your co-captain; Daniel Day Lewis, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, or Billiam H. Macy. Shoot.

is this P.T. Anderson asking this question? if so I love your films!!

p.ps. i don't believe in the moon!

Oh man I hope you see this. My friends drove down to a casino in,..oh god, I wanna say near Seattle, but no - it was just this weird isolated Casino, to see you about a month ago. A bunch of us were going to go down but the roads were horrifyingly bad from BC to there. Basically, two of them risked their lives to see you. (Edit: It was Talulip.)

They said that you were hilarious but also that they felt awful for you because drunk people kept yelling out your characters name from The League, and that you were clearly annoyed by that. Does that happen a lot? Or just in shitty casinos in the middle of nowhere?

They also said that there was some lights malfunctioning above you and making weird whirring noises while you were on, if that clears up where it was up at all?

Also - please pass along my message to Mark Duplass that he can be all over my body any time he wants. And I thought you were absolutely amazing on the James Franco Roast. Love you, Boo.

im honored your friends drove so far risking their lives to see me deal with drunk ppl and weird lighting. the drunk ppl can happen anywhere. the nice thing is they're nice, they just wanna participate. its annoying when it breaks the rhythm of a joke but its fine and i would rather have ppl shouting ruxin than 'you suck' although that can be more fun to play with.

Any plans on going back on How Did This Get Made podcast? I started listening because of you on the first episode. I still listen because it is amazing, but I keep hoping you will come back. Also, love the tunatini bit with John Mulaney on Thank You Very Cool. You're my favorite.

thank you! i love that podcast. 3 of the funniest smartest ppl i know - scheer mantzoukas and june. always fun to do.

How do you make speaking such utter gibberish as Bobby Bottleservice (hahalol, very funny joke, VERY funny joke) come off as so seamless? Trying to talk nonsense, first and firstmostly, in my personal experience (and especially in an improv context), is almost harder than putting together, if you will such as such in, a real sentence.

Also, you're a true talent and a huge influence on to me personally as an aspiring comic. I wish you nothing but longevity and immense success in your career.

that's very nice of you to say. i love to hear that fellow comedians like my work. and it sounds cheezy but I try as much as possible to fully enter the mind of whatever character it is and let their way of speaking take over. sometimes the first time around it comes out clunky and i refine it on further takes. but some days it's really easy and sometimes it's harder. it helps to have a line or two the character says to say outloud to help me get back inside their head. For Bobby I will say very cool or for Liz I will say that's ameeezing, something like that.

How are you today?

I'm pretty good. i'm doing a screening of Kroll show tonight, a premiere at Lacma with Elvis Mitchell which i am excited and nervous about (i'm excited because a bunch of my friends and fans will be able to see the show for the first time. we've been done with the show for many months and it's great to be able to finally show it to people.) I can't wait to see what happens to all these characters.

I hope the characters are not angry with me about how we edited them.

Do you want to get into the movie scene or is TV and stand up very much good for you?

everyone wants to be in movies. they just dont make many of them. im about to make a movie ive been working on for a long time. mark duplass is producing it. im very excited to get it going!

Nicky Kroll, huge fan. Your intertwining plots to the sketches on your show are so brilliant.

What are your favorite books and or podcasts?

I am reading a book about podcasts and i like podcasts about books.

honestly, I do love listening to Radiolab and this American life and i'm reading a swedish book about a 100 year old man right now but really i just sit on the toilet and scroll through twitter most of the day.

When you're on shows (other than the league) how much input do you have in designing your character? I hear you're good at improv and I've always thought you were great at different characters since the funnyordie skits.

depends on teh show, the amount of time they have and other factors. for the most part, though, people hire me because of how i do comedy adn that usually involves some of my ideas about how a character could be. that said, i always try and be respectful of the ppl making their show or movie since they know a lot more about it and what works than i do.

Love ya, Nick!

Can we expect more interactions between you and Jeff Goldblum in the future?

I sure hope so! i hope that Jeff goldblum will interact with me in the future as long as he does not become an insect again. LOL!!!!!!!

Do you feel that Adult Swim would be a better fit for your style than Comedy Central? Or, rather, do you have any skits you wish you could do that you don't think would float that well with CC?

Comedy Central has literally let us do whatever we have wanted. they have been the absolute ideal folks for us to collaborate with to make the show we want to make.

I love it when my boyfriend does Baby. Mm-hm! SO FUCKING CUTE AND FUNNY. How did the Baby come into your brain?

for those who don't know, the Baby is one of the characters that el Chupacabra does. and i think that the baby is largely the voice of reason as most babies are.

Who was the man of mystery behind Jennifer Business? I've been trying to figure it out for months, it haunts me.

it's my friend Seth Morris who was Rennick in ponytales last year and is in hippie fights this year. he is also a character Bob Ducca which you should google and listen to because it's one of the funniest characters anyone has ever done.

Did Ken Marino really get arrested on the set for punching you?

he did not. that was a bit and we had no idea ppl were going to actually believe it. also, ken was arrested for exposing himself to a group of co-eds at a mini mall.

are you still here?

barely

The show premieres on my 23rd birthday! I love you man. You're seriously hilarious. If you replied to this just saying Happy Birthday, I would be happy. Thanks!

happy birthday yamohasclap!

DOUUUUUUUUUCHE, you're funny as fuck on parks and rec. Thank you.

douche nation

What kind if vacuum do you have?

i have a Regina steamer carpet cleaner. which is not true but the only one i can remember.

wait whatever vacuum cleaner the vacuum cleaner repairman recommends!

Hey what's up were you excited when asked to go on jimmy kimmel live?

i was indeed. jimmy has been very good to comedians over the years. and to be that close to guillermo was thrilling

Were you funny in high school?

i thought so but dunno if my family and friends did

Any new guest appearances in the next season of Kroll Show?

so many its bananas. theres a montage on line where you can see some of them.