IamA(n) ER Janitor. I clean the entire ER including the rooms and often communicate with the nursing staff about the (sometimes crazy) patients. Ask me anything!

Why were you so mean to JD?

He put that penny in the door. I know he did it.

Now that this question appears.. How often do people compare you to him or make jokes about you being him? Is it something you encounter often and is more annoying to you? Or do you want to be like him?

It's pretty hard talking about somebody who doesn't have a name..

Nobody ever makes the comparison outside of the internet.

No questions but just want to say thank you.

Not sure why you were downvoted. You're welcome!

What do you reckon is best to clean out blood stains? I'm asking for..... a friend.

Try peroxide. We don't have very many stain-able surfaces in our ER other than the curtains. Be sure to clean the blood up ASAP.

As a nurse, what's one thing I could do to make your job easier?

If you aren't already, treat EVS with respect. We're people.

This is probably one of the best questions here. I work at a major University hospital in L.A. and it's pretty upsetting to see how some of the EVS personnel get treated. I'm fairly low on the pole as well, university security, sometimes people in a position of power forget that we all get busy and can't always tend to every matter at the drop of a dime.

My hat off to all EVS personnel everywhere because they do have to deal with some gnarly stuff.

Thanks! Security has it's problems, too. Be safe!

Most funny story on the job?

We had a gay african man come into our ER with one half of a nun-chuck lodged in his anus so far up that he couldn't get it out by himself. I guess he broke the chain off and used the one half as a dildo and went a bit too far up. We couldn't get it out for him, so we transferred him to an OR at a nearby hospital for surgery to have it removed. Before he left, he asked a nurse "what do i tell my parents?". The nurses response? "Tell them you were attacked by a ninja".

Also, another one i recall is when a group of four teenagers (two boys, two girls) came in all at once for an STD test. Apparently the four teenagers and one other boy were engaged in an orgy of some kind and after the orgy the fifth kid felt it necessary to mention that he had an STD.

It's not necessarily super funny on it's face, but i like to think that the fifth kid just casually got up after they all finished, told them about his STD, dropped the mic, and walked out like it was nothing.

What is harder to clean up, brains or blood?

Luckily, i've never had to deal with any massive amount of brains. Blood is surprisingly easy to deal with as long as there aren't any clots and you have a strong stomach.

Luckily, i've never had to deal with any massive amount of brains.

So just small amounts of brains?

Yes.

'Massive amounts of brain' to imply that you've had to deal with a little bit of brain? How does one just lose a little bit of their brain (other than reading reddit)?

Through a gun shot wound to the head. Brains and such fall out. Not the entire brain, but bits of it.

What is the weirdest story you have?

We once had a woman who used a lamp to masturbate, and the lightbulb broke inside of her vagina. She came to our facility briefly, but was transferred out to another hospital for surgery shortly after. I don't recall exactly, but i'm sure she was on drugs.

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Truth.

Alright, another weird story; We had a drug overdose come in one night, and while the nurses were tending to that situation his sister arrived in the lobby. She introduced herself as "the woman who put the ice cube up his ass", and not as his sister initially. I didn't know it at the time, but i guess that drug users believe that if somebody overdoses on drugs that shoving an ice cube in their anus will wake them up.

None of the nurses nor myself had ever heard such a thing before that night. Unfortunately for his sister, it doesn't work. The man did not make it. She literally shoved an ice cube into her brothers anus for no reason.

I actually know the reasoning behind this. It's thought that it will drop their internal temp (lots of drugs majorly ramp your internal temperature, often to a fatal point) enough to give them more time till they can get to a hospital. There's also the idea that its a way to hydrate the person without risking them choking/drowning.

Source: I have druggy friends

Maybe let your druggy friends know that it doesn't work. Every time that girl hears "ice ice baby" she is going to flash back to the last moment she shared with her brother.

Have you ever seen other staff do something they shouldn't be doing (sex maybe) during work hours?

We have an infusion unit that is for cancer patients to get Chemo Therapy. Outside of operating hours (8-6) the doors are locked and the only person who can swipe to get into the area is the security officer. Even the EVS staff (janitors) do not have access to this area. I've caught security sneaking our respiratory tech back into that area multiple times. I can't say for sure that they're having sex, but every time they do it they are in there for upwards of an hour.

To clarify, we are a super small facility and our RT(respiratory tech) almost never has any work to do on slow nights. Security is "always doing rounds of the building". So when both of them disappear, nobody notices. I noticed.

Grossest thing you've had to clean up?

The grossest thing i personally have had to deal with was a few months back when a person used his bare hands to rub his feces all over the public bathroom and i didn't find it until hours after he had done it(i work third shift and often don't check these particular bathrooms until later in my shift). The feces were crusty and dry and i had to scrub for over an hour.

Edit: I've dealt with large pools of blood and vomit, but for some reason feces bothers me far more. So i consider this stall to be my worst moment.

I just wanna say, I have tons of respect for people in your position. You are the unsung heroes of the modern world, I will never forget your sacrifice.

Thanks!

WHY do people smear poop all over the walls? It makes no sense. They have get their hands down in there, obviously no one likes it, it is this giant lose -lose, but regardless of culture it is a thing? Why? I feel like someone should get a phd paper out of answering this mystery.

This particular individual was upset that the doctor refused to give him pain meds. He was a drug-seeker.

how did you get this job?

Through a temp agency that a friend of a friend told me about. It's not exactly a hard job to get. I've worked there for two years now, and the pay is about 11.25/hour AFTER shift differential. There is no hazard pay.

There is no hazard pay.

with all the bodily fluids you encounter on a daily basis? do they at least give you a hazmat suit?

We get gloves.

Which offer almost 0 protection if you encounter a needle.

Yep. I've had several close calls with needles before due to staff leaving them laying around in beds and chairs. I've been lucky so far, but there have been several others in my department who haven't been so lucky. Getting stuck is one of my biggest fears. We have a lot of nasty people come through our ER.

What's the most disgusting thing you've smelled?

GI bleed. UGH.

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Between the staff and the patients? None. Making sexual advancements at the patients is strictly forbidden at our facility and nobody wants to lose their job. We do have a doctor who orders a pelvic exam on just about every good looking woman who walks through the ER, though, regardless of why she is there. It's kind of a running gag around the nurses that pretty women can come in for something like an earache and get a pelvic exam!

Umm, if everyone knows it, how is he still working there?

He would probably find a way to justify his orders for the pelvic exams if anybody questioned it, so people just sit back and quietly judge. One of my co-workers once called me to make sure the doctor wasn't working before bringing his girlfriend in for an ER visit.

If you could swap jobs with anyone else you work with (for a week or a day), who would it be and why?

My boss. The guy is a giant asshole, and i'm sure the staff could use a week long break!

Obligatory: naked nurses?

I'm third shift. You wouldn't want to see any of the nurses i work with naked. Unless 60 year old women are kinda your thing.

They aren't; but we take what we can get amiright?

Every holes a goal.

How long have you had this job?
What motivates you to get up and go to work each day?
How does the staff treat you? How do you feel about your health coverage, and how does it compare to what other doctors/nurses are offered?

2 years. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter that i need to support! Staff treats me so-so. It's a 50-50 fold between being looked down on and being treated as an equal. It's on a person-by-person basis.

My health coverage is NON EXISTENT. I live paycheck to paycheck and have no medical coverage whatsoever. Our hospital does offer medical, but it's pretty expensive and i just can't afford it. Me and my daughter were both at one point on a federal medical plan, but they dropped me due to "making too much money". Luckily, my daughter is still covered!

How old are you? What are your hobbies?

22 years old. I'm a computer kind of guy. Big fan of video games and tech. I spend most of my spare time with my daughter/girlfriend or on reddit.

Your daughter/girlfriend? So you're in Appalachia?

Don't judge me!

Do you ever look at the patients charts and try to figure out a diagnosis for fun?

Charts aren't something i get to look at. They're all computerized at our facility. That said, if a nurse lets me know why somebody is there, i'll often try to determine what they have. They often have "i'm-a-drug-seeker-idous".

Do you clean ambulances for side cash?

Nope. Just the ER. Not sure who cleans the EMS and PTS vehicles. We are a stand alone ER facility, so that probably happens at a bigger hospital.

Have you ever had to clean up after a labour and delivery?

The doctors at our facility will do everything in their power to avoid birthing children at our ER facility. The survival rate of the babies at our facility are surprisingly low, we aren't necessarily very well prepared to deliver children!

What are your feelings for the job? Like it, hate it? Do you wish you were doing something else, if so, what?

The job itself is fine. I've got no problem cleaning blood and such, but i am underpaid and i feel like the nurses i work around are in it strictly for the money, and not because they want to help people with their medical issues. It's a mixed bag.

What was it like your first time working there? Is there a strange story to go with it?

The very first day i worked the ER we had a psych patient (a female) who was full blown crazy. She kept screaming "DO YOU WANT TO FUCK ME, VERMIN?" at the security guard. I knew it was going to be an interesting place to work after that.

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When i got the job i had been unemployed for 1.5 years, and the economy was BAD. So, in a way, yes. But not because the qualifications were high. Anybody can be an ER janitor with just an 8th grade education and an application. It's not something you need to go to school for.

What do you tend to use neutral disinfectants or quat disinfectants more often?

We use VIREX to disinfect all surfaces that aren't the floor. We use a neutral cleaner on the floor.