I've been window cleaning for ten years and I thought(my son) it'd be interesting to see what people want to ask about my job! :)

My Proof: http://i.imgur.com/lYLNkwb.jpg

No WUM's! Thankyou!

Comments: 138 • Responses: 62  • Date: 

luckyvb34 karma

are you sure you're not an IT tech support employee?

tgame1411 karma

But window cleaning is a noble profession

crystalclear5610 karma

meaning of noble =having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles. yep thats me to a t

crystalclear5611 karma

i wish id be a darn sight warmer in winter ;)

Steampunk_Moustache27 karma

Did you know that having a window-cleaner's mop suddenly attack your bedroom window is absolutely terrifying as a small child?

crystalclear5624 karma

That is not a problem as I use a brush

BMan30007 karma

I love your replies.

crystalclear5611 karma

i love your compliments ;)

BMan30004 karma

My friend's Dad is a window cleaner and he's one of the nicest chaps I know, from your sense of humour you seem very similar to the guy!

crystalclear569 karma

gotta have a sense of humour to be a window cleaner rule 1

crystalclear567 karma

must remember to take him off the end of the mop them ;)

violawinter13 karma

Weirdest thing ever seen in a house while cleaning the window?A workmen doing some built in cupboards in my house found my vibrator an underwear.

crystalclear5628 karma

nothing that exciting though when i was a ladder user a young female gave me a long flash of her thong , never did get to finish the window by my own high standards

Applekami13 karma

Have you ever used two squeegees whilst jumping through the air?

Is it true that there's a point on a window where if you clean it, it will blow up?

crystalclear5611 karma

i'm guessing you like hot fuzz too ;)

Daft_Hunk11 karma

How big is your pole?

crystalclear5681 karma

i think tomasz is a touch over 6 feet although not sure, i do look up to him though

EDIT: thankyou for the reddit gold, kind anonymous redditor!

r33v01v311 karma

Why was George Formby such a great influence in your life?

crystalclear5610 karma

think it was because like me he had a great singing voice and became a worldwide superstar ;)

RandomMistakes10 karma

What's the tallest building you've ever done?

crystalclear5616 karma

Dont know the exact height but would say 40 feet plus using a water fed pole could only be cleaned on a sunday when it was pedestrianised as I had to stand in the middle of the road A fellow window cleaner I know holds the record cleaning at 80 feet !

ClutchHunter5 karma

Soooo do you ever look down or..?

crystalclear5649 karma

I try to but cant see anything my belly gets in the way ;)

thorchan8 karma


crystalclear5636 karma

id tell them they need glasses

BelialTempter6 karma


crystalclear562 karma


Javanz6 karma

Is it a satisfying job? Do you get a lot of work?

crystalclear5616 karma

dont know about satisfying it is a means to an end however you are your own boss and dont have to work for people you may not like and meet some interesting and very nice people and will never be without work like all jobs it has its pros and cons

TropicalUnicornSong6 karma

Are you based in Bath?

crystalclear5631 karma

no im on laptop in living room why do I smell

TropicalUnicornSong12 karma

You're a funny guy.

crystalclear5624 karma

wish my missus thought so

RGWPG20 karma

She laughs when you get your kit off

crystalclear5616 karma

nice one ouch

EnglishGamer16 karma

Never thought a window cleaner would make me laugh my ass off.

Kudos, sir.

crystalclear563 karma


dafaqau5 karma

Sooo.... What's the wierdes thing you ever seen through the window?

crystalclear5623 karma

my reflection

dafaqau1 karma

through, never seen everything wired?

crystalclear569 karma

cant bring anything to mind although one very large property that I cleaned had a stack of unopened presents stashed behind the settee for well over a year never did get to find out why didnt have the nerve to ask same property when i looked thro another window whilst cleaning saw myself on a giant multiscreen on the wall on cttv very unnerving

Bat_turd4 karma

How much do you make?

How much do you forget to tell the tax man about? :D

crystalclear5621 karma

Enough to pay the bills and subsidise my champagne lifestyle what is a taxman ?

lupus813 karma

What's the longest time you've ever worked in a day?

crystalclear569 karma

Hi Loopy probably about 10 hours, if im on a large job I will work till i finish light permitting

cakewench3 karma

I love that your son is interested in this. :) You say you're in a soft water area, so there's no way you're near me. We could use a window cleaner; bloody woman next door seems to leave a loaf of bread out every other day which attracts seagulls. Which is odd because we're about as landlocked as you can be on this island nation.

So um, what brought you to the window cleaning business?

crystalclear565 karma

them darned seagulls get everywhere dont envy you worked in an office for 20+ years ill health made me evaluate things unskilled so my options were limited chose window cleaning wish id found it from the beginning the great outdoors and all that

purpleevilt3 karma

I miss window cleaners in the UK. Since moving here I have tried getting my windows cleaned here in the US but it costs about $400! They don't realize that over in the UK people get it done monthly for much less.

crystalclear563 karma

yes I have heard this does it not take them a long time tho they have to remove the screens first before they can clean the windows also the water fed pole method has taken off in the usa in recent years ironic really because the first pole system was manufactured in america by tucker

thetoastmonster3 karma

Anything to confess?

crystalclear568 karma

I forgot to flush

Illbjammin3 karma

How do I get water spots off glass

crystalclear566 karma

sounds like someone has got a bit excited with the garden hose you could try cillit bang lime and grime or mister muscle do a spray or another alternatve is a magic pad eraser white ,wilkos or poundstretcher sell them and probably your big supermarkets may do also should do the trick

Illbjammin2 karma

Sprinklers man.I'm in Southern California and when the wind blows it will drift over your car and bake on leaving dried water spots.have you used any of these?do they scratch the glass? Thanks!

crystalclear566 karma

no im quite lucky in that respect i live in the uk and am in a soft water area generally I have used the magic eraser on upvc to get rid of stubborn fly poo and the black marks that are ground in with success

LogicalTimber2 karma

Magic erasers are okay for glass as long as it doesn't have a coating on it, but don't use them on the paint. You'll end up with a dull car. Wander over to /r/autodetailing if you've got stubborn stuff on the paint, they'll fix you up.

Illbjammin2 karma


crystalclear562 karma

very true would not recommend using them on any vehicle as they are very slightly abrasive was thinking in window mode

demboots2 karma

What's your secret to a squeaky clean window?

crystalclear566 karma

get me to clean it and no one else

demboots3 karma

Good answer! I'm afraid you probably wouldn't come all the way to N Ireland just to clean some windows, though!

crystalclear564 karma

have got relations in the south

tomtheimpaler1 karma

have got relations in the south

Does it run in the family

crystalclear561 karma

no link whatsoever but trying to get my son to help unsuccessfully in the school holidays

JustDoc2 karma

Do you ever war with with the chimney sweeps or the roof thatchers?

crystalclear5611 karma

no i cant reach, why would I we are offering completely different services

RandomMistakes2 karma

Is there some sort of homemade glass cleaner that cleans better than Windex?

crystalclear567 karma

not sure what windex is but i find ecover washing up liquid excellent which I use with purified water along with mop and squeegee and microfibre for detailing hth

r1ch13b0n3z2 karma

When I was younger in my mother's office, I used to dance around like a fool and try to get a reaction from the window cleaners on the other side? You ever see any people doing any funny or peculiar things to you while your working?

crystalclear569 karma

can only think of mundane stuff like waving a cup or making the letter t with their fingers do get offered alcohol occasionly on hot days which i only accept if it is the last job of the day when I clean a childrens pre school nusery they normally wave or put their face up against the glass the little darlings and ask me what im doing !

r1ch13b0n3z10 karma

you're a rose among thorns

crystalclear5617 karma

thanks petal

SomeRandomGoat2 karma

Do you enjoy ammonia?

crystalclear5613 karma

only with my jd

oison2 karma

how do you clean without having this stripes .

crystalclear563 karma

if you mean lines make sure the rubber in your squegee is not worn i use the s stroke myself so hopefully dont get that problem but a clean scrim or microfibre can tidy up any little flaws in your technique

plonspfetew2 karma

Do you mostly clean large corporate buildings or private residences? Do you use those long poles and stand on the other side of the road while cleaning the windows on the fourth floor? What's the greatest height one can reach with that method?

crystalclear563 karma

please see post by random mistakes for the height question I clean a variation of both domestic and commercial although I would say the split is minimum 80% domestic my chosen method is water fed pole for exterior cleaning but can also use traditional tools for interior when needed

RedKyote2 karma

As an industry insider, can you tell me if that "confessions of.." documentary, I saw on Channel five, was an accurate portrayal of the madcap and zany adventures of your average everyday window cleaner?

crystalclear563 karma

cant tell you id have to shoot you then ;)

coffee_knight2 karma

Do you know that film from the 70s 'the ups and downs of ebing a window cleaner' is it anything at all like that?

crystalclear562 karma

think there were many confessions of films take it with a pinch of salt like the rest, dont forget its entertainment why your husbands not a window cleaner is he ;)

RandomGeordie2 karma

How many naked people have you accidentally seen?

crystalclear5611 karma

does that include myself

toothl3ss2 karma


crystalclear564 karma

love to know what a squidger is btw if you mean squeegee that is for removing the cleaning solution i have a brush on the end of my pole, the water is pumped up to the brush by a diaphragm pump powered by a battery other than bird muck you cant really see what is on the window so the higher you go you rely on your technique so no complaints means your doing your job properly

lupus812 karma

Ever cleaned a famous persons house?

crystalclear564 karma

yes clean a millionaires house only has it done every quarter obviously struggling to make ends meet !

abelcc2 karma

How many naked woman have you seen while doing your job?

Was this you?

crystalclear563 karma

I work from the ground so dont see much action some ladies have come to their front door with very little on tho, so the answer is no

leo05_2 karma

Does it scare you to be up high? Personally I would be terrified lol

crystalclear563 karma

not really a ladder user work from the ground using a purified water fed pole

crystalclear562 karma

had a lot of questions like this on the same theme which i've answered previously suprisingly considering what I do I am not comfortable with heights

horrible_jokes2 karma

biggest job you've ever done? ie: cleaned a whole skyscraper?

also, is there anything that non-window-cleaning-folk should do to make your job a little easier?

crystalclear562 karma

no not really into that field of work believe it can be profitable, yes try paying me for the services i've completed

horrible_jokes3 karma

if there were some way to identify that you're the window cleaner from reddit , I wouldn't only pay you but I'd tip you generously after cleaning my windows.

and I love the way you comment. <3

crystalclear562 karma

tips are a nice bonus just like to get paid. I offer the following as options cash on the day, cheques, payment on line, direct debit as options still cant get payment out of some customers ! thanks for your reply appreciated

JorgeJuarez2 karma

Have you been caught out by this scam before?

crystalclear563 karma

Hi no thankfully not happened to me remember seeing that some time ago would not be happy I have been scammed by customers done a runner without paying ,hiding behind curtains when I know there in, sending their young children to the door telling them to say their not in really feel like calling social services when they say that ! All in all the majority of my customer base are great payers

RGWPG2 karma

My uncle is a window cleaner. Considering he has his hands in water all day why is he so fucking manky?

crystalclear563 karma

maybe thats his look

tehdslayer2 karma

How do you take your coffee?

crystalclear5618 karma

Normally by the handle if i'm drinking out my bone china cup ;)

tehdslayer-7 karma

My apologies, possible translation issue but what I meant was do you take your coffee just straight black? Cream and sugar? Just sugar? And please post a picture of your bone china cup.

crystalclear5613 karma

sorry dont like cofee, well instant anyway so like a true englishman I take tea. why do you want to see my cup do you want to be me


'ere, where's me tiger's 'ead?

crystalclear565 karma

hi thought i should let you know the alphabet has a h in it

frozen_peace1 karma

do you also own a really intelligent dog without a mouth?

crystalclear562 karma

yes hes a labradoodle defInitely cleverer than me, judging by the condition of slippers in the home he certainly has got a mouth

greenighs1 karma

Have you got a long-suffering dog who does most of the work while you flirt with the customers?

crystalclear563 karma

i am the long suffering dog aint got time to flirt love the link


What is the golden rule, or at least some tips to avoid streaks?

crystalclear563 karma

do not work in direct sunlight your supposedly clean window wont be when you look from the other side make sure all your cloths are clean a little tip look at the glass from the side to see any errors or spots youve missed youd be suprised that you did not see them looking straight on

indeeds0 karma

Ever encounter any housewives looking to pay for your services using their body?

crystalclear563 karma

some of them would have to get the iron out first before offering their body

crystalclear562 karma

why which other body would they use

0ty-2 karma


crystalclear5625 karma

are you offering

EnglishGamer12 karma

You should become a comedian, you'd be able to deal with hecklers like a boss.

crystalclear562 karma

no cant even deal with the hecklers at home ;)

sprintcanada-3 karma

Are there really no dentists in the UK?

crystalclear5611 karma

no try china i believe you can get an appointment at two thirty ;)