IamA Window Cleaner from the UK AMA!

are you sure you're not an IT tech support employee?

But window cleaning is a noble profession

meaning of noble =having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles. yep thats me to a t

i wish id be a darn sight warmer in winter ;)

Did you know that having a window-cleaner's mop suddenly attack your bedroom window is absolutely terrifying as a small child?

That is not a problem as I use a brush

I love your replies.

i love your compliments ;)

My friend's Dad is a window cleaner and he's one of the nicest chaps I know, from your sense of humour you seem very similar to the guy!

gotta have a sense of humour to be a window cleaner rule 1

must remember to take him off the end of the mop them ;)

Weirdest thing ever seen in a house while cleaning the window?A workmen doing some built in cupboards in my house found my vibrator an underwear.

nothing that exciting though when i was a ladder user a young female gave me a long flash of her thong , never did get to finish the window by my own high standards

Have you ever used two squeegees whilst jumping through the air?

Is it true that there's a point on a window where if you clean it, it will blow up?

i'm guessing you like hot fuzz too ;)

How big is your pole?

i think tomasz is a touch over 6 feet although not sure, i do look up to him though

EDIT: thankyou for the reddit gold, kind anonymous redditor!

Why was George Formby such a great influence in your life?

think it was because like me he had a great singing voice and became a worldwide superstar ;)

What's the tallest building you've ever done?

Dont know the exact height but would say 40 feet plus using a water fed pole could only be cleaned on a sunday when it was pedestrianised as I had to stand in the middle of the road A fellow window cleaner I know holds the record cleaning at 80 feet !

Soooo do you ever look down or..?

I try to but cant see anything my belly gets in the way ;)

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id tell them they need glasses

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yawn

Is it a satisfying job? Do you get a lot of work?

dont know about satisfying it is a means to an end however you are your own boss and dont have to work for people you may not like and meet some interesting and very nice people and will never be without work like all jobs it has its pros and cons

Are you based in Bath?

no im on laptop in living room why do I smell

You're a funny guy.

wish my missus thought so

She laughs when you get your kit off

nice one ouch

Never thought a window cleaner would make me laugh my ass off.

Kudos, sir.

gracias

Sooo.... What's the wierdes thing you ever seen through the window?

my reflection

through, never seen everything wired?

cant bring anything to mind although one very large property that I cleaned had a stack of unopened presents stashed behind the settee for well over a year never did get to find out why didnt have the nerve to ask same property when i looked thro another window whilst cleaning saw myself on a giant multiscreen on the wall on cttv very unnerving

How much do you make?

How much do you forget to tell the tax man about? :D

Enough to pay the bills and subsidise my champagne lifestyle what is a taxman ?

What's the longest time you've ever worked in a day?

Hi Loopy probably about 10 hours, if im on a large job I will work till i finish light permitting

I love that your son is interested in this. :) You say you're in a soft water area, so there's no way you're near me. We could use a window cleaner; bloody woman next door seems to leave a loaf of bread out every other day which attracts seagulls. Which is odd because we're about as landlocked as you can be on this island nation.

So um, what brought you to the window cleaning business?

them darned seagulls get everywhere dont envy you worked in an office for 20+ years ill health made me evaluate things unskilled so my options were limited chose window cleaning wish id found it from the beginning the great outdoors and all that

I miss window cleaners in the UK. Since moving here I have tried getting my windows cleaned here in the US but it costs about $400! They don't realize that over in the UK people get it done monthly for much less.

yes I have heard this does it not take them a long time tho they have to remove the screens first before they can clean the windows also the water fed pole method has taken off in the usa in recent years ironic really because the first pole system was manufactured in america by tucker

Anything to confess?

I forgot to flush

How do I get water spots off glass

sounds like someone has got a bit excited with the garden hose you could try cillit bang lime and grime or mister muscle do a spray or another alternatve is a magic pad eraser white ,wilkos or poundstretcher sell them and probably your big supermarkets may do also should do the trick

Sprinklers man.I'm in Southern California and when the wind blows it will drift over your car and bake on leaving dried water spots.have you used any of these?do they scratch the glass? Thanks!

no im quite lucky in that respect i live in the uk and am in a soft water area generally I have used the magic eraser on upvc to get rid of stubborn fly poo and the black marks that are ground in with success

Magic erasers are okay for glass as long as it doesn't have a coating on it, but don't use them on the paint. You'll end up with a dull car. Wander over to /r/autodetailing if you've got stubborn stuff on the paint, they'll fix you up.

Thanks!

very true would not recommend using them on any vehicle as they are very slightly abrasive was thinking in window mode

What's your secret to a squeaky clean window?

get me to clean it and no one else

Good answer! I'm afraid you probably wouldn't come all the way to N Ireland just to clean some windows, though!

have got relations in the south

have got relations in the south

Does it run in the family

no link whatsoever but trying to get my son to help unsuccessfully in the school holidays

Do you ever war with with the chimney sweeps or the roof thatchers?

no i cant reach, why would I we are offering completely different services

Is there some sort of homemade glass cleaner that cleans better than Windex?

not sure what windex is but i find ecover washing up liquid excellent which I use with purified water along with mop and squeegee and microfibre for detailing hth

When I was younger in my mother's office, I used to dance around like a fool and try to get a reaction from the window cleaners on the other side? You ever see any people doing any funny or peculiar things to you while your working?

can only think of mundane stuff like waving a cup or making the letter t with their fingers do get offered alcohol occasionly on hot days which i only accept if it is the last job of the day when I clean a childrens pre school nusery they normally wave or put their face up against the glass the little darlings and ask me what im doing !

you're a rose among thorns

thanks petal

Do you enjoy ammonia?

only with my jd

how do you clean without having this stripes .

if you mean lines make sure the rubber in your squegee is not worn i use the s stroke myself so hopefully dont get that problem but a clean scrim or microfibre can tidy up any little flaws in your technique

Do you mostly clean large corporate buildings or private residences? Do you use those long poles and stand on the other side of the road while cleaning the windows on the fourth floor? What's the greatest height one can reach with that method?

please see post by random mistakes for the height question I clean a variation of both domestic and commercial although I would say the split is minimum 80% domestic my chosen method is water fed pole for exterior cleaning but can also use traditional tools for interior when needed

As an industry insider, can you tell me if that "confessions of.." documentary, I saw on Channel five, was an accurate portrayal of the madcap and zany adventures of your average everyday window cleaner?

cant tell you id have to shoot you then ;)

Do you know that film from the 70s 'the ups and downs of ebing a window cleaner' is it anything at all like that?

think there were many confessions of films take it with a pinch of salt like the rest, dont forget its entertainment why your husbands not a window cleaner is he ;)

How many naked people have you accidentally seen?

does that include myself

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love to know what a squidger is btw if you mean squeegee that is for removing the cleaning solution i have a brush on the end of my pole, the water is pumped up to the brush by a diaphragm pump powered by a battery other than bird muck you cant really see what is on the window so the higher you go you rely on your technique so no complaints means your doing your job properly

Ever cleaned a famous persons house?

yes clean a millionaires house only has it done every quarter obviously struggling to make ends meet !

How many naked woman have you seen while doing your job?

Was this you?

I work from the ground so dont see much action some ladies have come to their front door with very little on tho, so the answer is no

Does it scare you to be up high? Personally I would be terrified lol

not really a ladder user work from the ground using a purified water fed pole

had a lot of questions like this on the same theme which i've answered previously suprisingly considering what I do I am not comfortable with heights

biggest job you've ever done? ie: cleaned a whole skyscraper?

also, is there anything that non-window-cleaning-folk should do to make your job a little easier?

no not really into that field of work believe it can be profitable, yes try paying me for the services i've completed

if there were some way to identify that you're the window cleaner from reddit , I wouldn't only pay you but I'd tip you generously after cleaning my windows.

and I love the way you comment. <3

tips are a nice bonus just like to get paid. I offer the following as options cash on the day, cheques, payment on line, direct debit as options still cant get payment out of some customers ! thanks for your reply appreciated

Have you been caught out by this scam before?

Hi no thankfully not happened to me remember seeing that some time ago would not be happy I have been scammed by customers done a runner without paying ,hiding behind curtains when I know there in, sending their young children to the door telling them to say their not in really feel like calling social services when they say that ! All in all the majority of my customer base are great payers

My uncle is a window cleaner. Considering he has his hands in water all day why is he so fucking manky?

maybe thats his look

How do you take your coffee?

Normally by the handle if i'm drinking out my bone china cup ;)

My apologies, possible translation issue but what I meant was do you take your coffee just straight black? Cream and sugar? Just sugar? And please post a picture of your bone china cup.

sorry dont like cofee, well instant anyway so like a true englishman I take tea. why do you want to see my cup do you want to be me

'ere, where's me tiger's 'ead?

hi thought i should let you know the alphabet has a h in it

do you also own a really intelligent dog without a mouth?

yes hes a labradoodle defInitely cleverer than me, judging by the condition of slippers in the home he certainly has got a mouth

Have you got a long-suffering dog who does most of the work while you flirt with the customers?

i am the long suffering dog aint got time to flirt love the link

What is the golden rule, or at least some tips to avoid streaks?

do not work in direct sunlight your supposedly clean window wont be when you look from the other side make sure all your cloths are clean a little tip look at the glass from the side to see any errors or spots youve missed youd be suprised that you did not see them looking straight on

Ever encounter any housewives looking to pay for your services using their body?

some of them would have to get the iron out first before offering their body

why which other body would they use

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are you offering

You should become a comedian, you'd be able to deal with hecklers like a boss.

no cant even deal with the hecklers at home ;)

Are there really no dentists in the UK?

no try china i believe you can get an appointment at two thirty ;)