Hi. My name is Mike Burns, the creator of @DadBoner and Karl Welzein, the author of "Power Moves." Available at www.karlwelzein.com Ask me anything.

Mike, I just want to let you know that Dadboner is unquestionably the funniest, most creative account I follow on Twitter. You never fail to make me laugh, or think. Thank You.

Thank you so much for liking it. It never stops being flattering when people say that.

How far ahead do you typically plan storylines for Karl? Days? Months?

None. It's improvised 99% of the time.

RIP peanut

never forget.

The speed of this page loading is super sucking my dick right now. Sorry.

No question - but congrats on creating the funniest character on the internet. I hope you an parlay this into a lot of other funny shit that makes you a ton of money.

Thanks man. I'm just happy with funny shit though.

Did you get your 'Maro yet?

No. Karl has not. And that's not going to stop until one of us has one.

Peanut was also the name of the dude on a bike who stole Karl and Dave's money when they were trying to buy Tigers tickets in Detroit. Was it the same guy? If so, why didn't they recognize him? What, do Karl and Dave think all soul brothers look alike?

Also: best Seger moment? It's the bridge between Travelin' Man and Beautiful Loser on Live Bullet, isn't it? I bet it is.

Holy shit, that's one of THE most superfan facts to know about the whole feed. Well done, sir. Most impressive.

I just love the Bo Diddley studio version off O.P.'s so much.

How did the character of Karl change after you were "outed."

It really hasn't, except for things like this. If anything the story's been more filthy than before.

Did you run the @AnnWelzein twitter account? It seemed to mostly just respond to what was going on at @DadBoner but I thought they captured her personality decently.

https://twitter.com/AnnWelzein

Also, I own both a Kindle and real versions of your book due to a wishlist mix up, but I ain't even mad.

nope. i do not. don't know who does.

one for on the go? thanks brother!

Do you have a real life arch-nemesis named Doug Carlson?

we all do.

Which celebrity (besides Kate Upton) has the best chest beefers and when was the 1st time you put your peener and veggies inside of a smokin' hot babe?

That brunette from the Blurred Lines video is just killin' me.

Smokin hot? I don't know. Mediocre? 17.

That brunette from the Blurred Lines video is just killin' me.

Smokin hot? I don't know. Mediocre? 17.

No question, but echoing what others have said - thank you. Fucking thank you. I've enjoyed reading DadBoner and talking and speculating over DadBoner more than virtually anything else on the Internet for over two years now. In that time I have introduced a couple dozen people to your creation and they've enjoyed it as much as I have. We've all purchased the book in the hopes that you, Mike, do well with it. Again, fucking thank you and keep up the great work, USA style.

Thank you brother. This whole thing is for good people like you who "get it." It's all fun. I like fun. I like shit like Transformers movies and wrestling. And Chili's. And people who aren't too good for shit that's just fun for fun's sake. I surround myself with them. It makes for a happy life.

Hey Mike. I was wondering if you have plans or if you've ever had ideas to use Karl in another form of media, like a cartoon or a movie. Who would voice / play Karl?

I'd love a cartoon so he can get away with more.

My dream voice was James Gandolfini. So fucking sad he died.

How many beers did you drink last night?

I was sober last night. Went too hard Tuesday and Wednesday. I like beer, but also scotch. Dewar's and ice is just fine for me.

Got 2 questions for you Karl, hope that's okay.

How's Bean Tooth's bean tooth?

Are you kinda concerned that your new camaro's trunk isn't as big as the 'bring? Seems like less space for liquor, Kemosabe.

Karl knocked out Bean Tooth's bean tooth with a Stone Cold Stunner.

I hadn't thought about trunk space. Fuck.

How many pizza rolls do you think you could eat in one sitting?

i've eaten the whole big bag from costco multiple times. you can never stop.

seriously, i fucking love pizza rolls.

You have a surprisingly large regime of fans in Oklahoma City. Have you pondered the idea of bringing your bold flavored book tour to the Great Plains? A Mike Burns standup would suffice as well...

Thank you for the unending amount of laughs!

OKC is on the wishlist, yes. Go Thunder. Big fan.

Thank you brother.

Hey Mike. Saw your show in Chicago a few weeks ago. Great times. Couple questions for ya: 1. whose picture was originally on K-Money's profile? And why was it removed? 2. Who does the drawings in the book? I picked it up the other day and haven't put it down yet. So money.

1. it was a random from google.
2. twitter took it down.
3. i do all of the artwork in what i think would be karl's hand, except for the cover.
4. thank you so much, im glad you like it.

Sorry, I just got that triple triple from in & out. Let me shovel some in like a fatso.

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i love to go ape shit and get the apps at happy hour. you can make your table look like something from a king's feast and get shithoused for like 30 bucks for 6 people.

love those sliders.

what the fuck is "error occurred status 403" that is super sucking my dick right now.

long time reader of the feed, also read the deadspin interview. don't have a question, just wanted to thank you for your desire to keep Karl 'authentic'. when I first heard about the upcoming book I wondered how this was all going to play out for this fictitious character. would he loose his appeal upon on the advent of being exposed to the masses in another medium? would he "sell out" so to speak? you've thoroughly quelled my concerns--the feed is as great as ever, the way you've handled the promotion and release of the book as Karl has been flawless, in my opinion. thanks for maintaining that creative integrity and authenticity. I would imagine I speak for a lot of long time fans when I say we really appreciate that.

Thanks man. I appreciate it. I really do make every effort. And when this book promo all blows over, it will be back to business as usual.

Thing is, I personally am entertained by the feed, so I'll write it whether people like it or not. That's why I started.

At first, I was bummed when you started shilling the book on the twitter feed. I'm glad it became part of the character. Makes me feel better about buying the book now.

Is there any chance Ann is going to come around on Karls bad boy persona and accept him for who he really is? Take him back all the way, even?

Oh, just wait. No free lunch in this world. I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but something big is going to.

WHY DID YOU KILL PEANUT?!

Warning shot to Drew Magary at Deadspin. He wrote an article about me that benefitted him, by causing harm to something I did for free. No free lunch in this world.

I almost killed Dave. Tweet was written and ready to send.

Where would you suggest I get a burger at?

In & Out. My roommate is on his way there to pick me up a triple triple, animal style, with raw onions.

i'd go there if it wasn't hundreds of miles away :(

fuck, i don't know man? wendy's?

Just want you to know that I joined twitter 2 years ago to follow you. Never laughed so hard in my life. How upset were you when the deadspin article ran?

i was upset for a little while, but then me and my buddies got a dirty 30 and had fun with it. fuck it. it worked out in the end.

Hi mike. What was the creation process for Karl like? Did you intentionally set out to have him on a deep downward slide?

sometimes it reflects my life or my life in the past. ill have him get angry when im angry, elated with i am, etc. but there are always consequences.

Do you spend time writing story arcs offline before tweeting through them? How much (if any) is stuff made up on the spot?

99% of it is in the moment.

How do you define the American dream?

cold bud heavy cans out of an ice filled cooler, brats on the grill, horse shoes, your buddies, and a girl to take you home.

Why Grand Blanc? Are you from Grand Blanc?

Karl seems like more of a downriver kind of guy. I always figured that Grand Blanc was sort of upscale.

I'm Saginaw. I needed Karl to start stable and upscale, then slip down the river.

I'm from grand blanc and I'm proud to be a fellow resident. I wonder if he's in the city or township.

His family home was about a half mile from The Jewel.

Dude - don't lie. You're lying there with mega butt cheeks right now aren't you? She was based on real life, right? Kinda concerning?

i've made mistakes.

but i'm still working my way through this in & out burger at the dining room table in a come n get it dog food tshirt with the sleeves cut off.

second favorite wrestler after stone cold?

1. Flair 3. Macho

What ever happened to Gina, the waitress, from Paddy's?

Don't know. Might still work there.

Why has Dave been such a boner lately? Has he given up on living the American Dream, USA Style?

I don't think we've seen the last of Dave. But he just doesn't have the love for the game like Karl does. He's such a lazy piece of shit.

How the hell do you keep track of all the small/minor details of the @dadboner saga?

It's just become so real to me in my head, that I don't have to really make an effort at it. No different than how you know what kind of car your parents drive.

Does Karl sleep in the front or back seat of the 'bring?

front. "ease the seat back"

I was the guy who tweet-reminded you it was Seger's b-day that one time. You're welcome.

Thank you brother.

when are you going to publish a cookbook?

when they let me. it's on the wishlist.

what's the closest you've ever come to drinkin a 1000 beers (you guys)?

high 60s.

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Mostly, other way around. I don't know man, I used to get fucked up alot and my wife left me.

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No idea.

I look at Guy Fieri as a wrestling character. Just like Hulk Hogan

I've seen every episode of DDD, and sometimes will watch it for 6 hrs in a row. I admire the pageantry.

What's the closest you've ever gotten to drinking a thousand beers?

I counted my intake in New York one night. My 24 hr. daily count was around 68 drinks. That's not bullshit. Still was KIND OF functional.

Why haven't you written your monthly article for Vice in a while? Missing out some real bad boy stories to read on the john. Might have to start doing more shups instead.

I can only write so much. And it kind of served its purpose. If you didn't notice, the feed kind of suffered while i was writing those. it was also on top of finishing the book, and writing full time at ridiculousness on mtv.

Do you ever catch yourself talking like Karl when you should be talking like Mike?

My friends and I talk like Karl, WAY more than we should. Somehow, it makes doing things you're not supposed to, totally ok.

Thought your Tumblr was great. Loved the Cosby recaps and the essay about why every dude should suck a dick. I shared it with everyone. Is more stuff outside of the dadboner universe on the horizon?

Thank you! I forgot about those. There's TONS of shit out there. I'm generally a TV comedy writer, Dadboner is just the most popular.

How 'bout this? http://tomberenger.tumblr.com/

Thanks for doing the AMA Mike, reading DadBoner has really improved my time on the toilet. Two questions for you...

1. Have you had any sort of response or acknowledgement from Guy Fieri?

2. What sets "Power Moves" apart from the rest of the DadBoner saga, why should we all go and get it?

Thanks for all the laughs!

RIP Peanut.

1. yes. that's all i can say. and it wasn't bad.

2. it's what you already liked in the first place, but better. no different than buying a movie you love on to own the ray and watch the extended version/extras. the hardcover is so fucking boss.

So have you done anything worth mentioning?

Your mom.

I gotta say one of my favorite times was when Karl was going no-carb.

If you had to guess, how much does Karl weigh?

I loved that too. 240?

RIP Peanut.

never forget

Where can I find the boldest of flavors?

anything chipotle flavored.

How long did you struggle with idea of monetizing Dadboner? Ill give you kudos to doing it in a pretty organic and unobtrusive way but that must have been a big decision for you.

also, how long did you have the feed going before you were offered your book deal? was it based on time or followers?

thanks it was really gut wrenching. but, holding the book in my hands makes me remember why i did it. karl welzein is an author for harper collins now. holy fuck how hilarious is that?

when karl pitches the book, in the book, that's when the book was pitched.

Guy Fieri would be the best pro wrestler of all time, no?

i'd KILL to see it.

Just remembered another question. In a Deadspin article a few days you talked about having to do your AMA as Karl in a somewhat negative light (you wanted to throw a chair through a window). Do you not enjoy doing these? If so, I'm sorry.

SAUCE

i don't not enjoy it. i just struggle with breaking character.

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

I don't feel guilty for liking things that don't harm others.

How did you get DadBoner to first catch on? I'm sure after a critical mass of followers, then it can take off, I just wonder how you first got to that critical mass.

Luck. Pretty sure some writers at Fallon found it and shared it around when it was around a thousand followers. Also, superjacket EP Shane Nickerson gave it a push before I knew him.

Hey Karl,

Long-time follower, first time reader of Power Moves. I just wanted to see how you been feeling since the mighty BLACKHAWKS took down your red wings?

Patty Kane probably drank like a thousand beers that night, you guys.

I was so fucking sad and pissed off. I like the Hawks though, lived in Chicago for 7 years, but it took me half way through the kings series to support them again. even got to go to a game at staples.

Didn't you just do one of these? Can't you get those grubby book people off your back?

those "grubby book people" work their asses off for a fake character named karl. i fucking love each and every one of them.

If Karl was making a mix tape, what would be the first 5 tracks on it?

ramblin gamblin, still of the night, metal health, somebody's gotta feel this, knock em dead kid

Once Karl gets his 'Maro, which seems inevitable, will he go back to show it off at his old job? Really rub it in Nosey Lady's face. Man.

if he got one, probably.

You ever pound a couple cold ones and wonder how Big J is doing?

i do think about big j, yes. is that weird? probably.

I see you are a WWE fan. Do you still get together for PPVs? MITB possibly or just the big ones?

i'm out of town for money, but yeah, we get it. and i'll be at slam in person.

I haven't finished Power Moves because I preordered on Amazon and just received it yesterday but does the story of Karl continue, assuming Power Moves is successful? Could he gain the world from the sale of the book only to lose everything again and get back to livin' the dream in the 'Bring?

you don't get rich from books. and yes, it continues.