Some of you won't like this. This is not for you then. Go get a burger or something instead.

You can follow me on Twitter @PizzaNachos69. Go Tigers.

Hey, I gotta go to a Dr. appointment right now. Don't want to go into details, but it has to do with my wiener being super awesome so they're taking pictures for some sexual medical journal. I'll answer everything else when I get back, but feel free to keep piling them on. You guys have been fucking great.

And while I'm gone, if you wanna go to and buy a book, that'd be cool. I don't know how much I'm getting paid for these wiener pictures and I'm out of groceries.

Comments: 371 • Responses: 66  • Date: 

jordy132739 karma

Mike, I just want to let you know that Dadboner is unquestionably the funniest, most creative account I follow on Twitter. You never fail to make me laugh, or think. Thank You.

PizzaNachos6918 karma

Thank you so much for liking it. It never stops being flattering when people say that.

ajresch30 karma

How far ahead do you typically plan storylines for Karl? Days? Months?

PizzaNachos6930 karma

None. It's improvised 99% of the time.

kjd21617 karma

RIP peanut

PizzaNachos6919 karma

never forget.

PizzaNachos6916 karma

The speed of this page loading is super sucking my dick right now. Sorry.

dirtysteve7412 karma

No question - but congrats on creating the funniest character on the internet. I hope you an parlay this into a lot of other funny shit that makes you a ton of money.

PizzaNachos6910 karma

Thanks man. I'm just happy with funny shit though.

cool_hand_puke11 karma

Did you get your 'Maro yet?

PizzaNachos6918 karma

No. Karl has not. And that's not going to stop until one of us has one.

Clueheywood10 karma

Peanut was also the name of the dude on a bike who stole Karl and Dave's money when they were trying to buy Tigers tickets in Detroit. Was it the same guy? If so, why didn't they recognize him? What, do Karl and Dave think all soul brothers look alike?

Also: best Seger moment? It's the bridge between Travelin' Man and Beautiful Loser on Live Bullet, isn't it? I bet it is.

PizzaNachos697 karma

Holy shit, that's one of THE most superfan facts to know about the whole feed. Well done, sir. Most impressive.

I just love the Bo Diddley studio version off O.P.'s so much.

firsthour9 karma

Did you run the @AnnWelzein twitter account? It seemed to mostly just respond to what was going on at @DadBoner but I thought they captured her personality decently.

Also, I own both a Kindle and real versions of your book due to a wishlist mix up, but I ain't even mad.

PizzaNachos694 karma

nope. i do not. don't know who does.

one for on the go? thanks brother!

daniel_ohh9 karma

How did the character of Karl change after you were "outed."

PizzaNachos6911 karma

It really hasn't, except for things like this. If anything the story's been more filthy than before.

FezzFezzah8 karma

Do you have a real life arch-nemesis named Doug Carlson?

PizzaNachos6924 karma

we all do.

afterthefire17 karma

Hey Mike. I was wondering if you have plans or if you've ever had ideas to use Karl in another form of media, like a cartoon or a movie. Who would voice / play Karl?

PizzaNachos697 karma

I'd love a cartoon so he can get away with more.

My dream voice was James Gandolfini. So fucking sad he died.

hawks5867 karma

Which celebrity (besides Kate Upton) has the best chest beefers and when was the 1st time you put your peener and veggies inside of a smokin' hot babe?

PizzaNachos6914 karma

That brunette from the Blurred Lines video is just killin' me.

Smokin hot? I don't know. Mediocre? 17.

PizzaNachos696 karma

That brunette from the Blurred Lines video is just killin' me.

Smokin hot? I don't know. Mediocre? 17.

kmm9j7 karma

No question, but echoing what others have said - thank you. Fucking thank you. I've enjoyed reading DadBoner and talking and speculating over DadBoner more than virtually anything else on the Internet for over two years now. In that time I have introduced a couple dozen people to your creation and they've enjoyed it as much as I have. We've all purchased the book in the hopes that you, Mike, do well with it. Again, fucking thank you and keep up the great work, USA style.

PizzaNachos699 karma

Thank you brother. This whole thing is for good people like you who "get it." It's all fun. I like fun. I like shit like Transformers movies and wrestling. And Chili's. And people who aren't too good for shit that's just fun for fun's sake. I surround myself with them. It makes for a happy life.

Upstream156 karma

Got 2 questions for you Karl, hope that's okay.

How's Bean Tooth's bean tooth?

Are you kinda concerned that your new camaro's trunk isn't as big as the 'bring? Seems like less space for liquor, Kemosabe.

PizzaNachos6915 karma

Karl knocked out Bean Tooth's bean tooth with a Stone Cold Stunner.

I hadn't thought about trunk space. Fuck.

blacklinen6 karma

How many beers did you drink last night?

PizzaNachos6911 karma

I was sober last night. Went too hard Tuesday and Wednesday. I like beer, but also scotch. Dewar's and ice is just fine for me.

Hokc5 karma

You have a surprisingly large regime of fans in Oklahoma City. Have you pondered the idea of bringing your bold flavored book tour to the Great Plains? A Mike Burns standup would suffice as well...

Thank you for the unending amount of laughs!

PizzaNachos696 karma

OKC is on the wishlist, yes. Go Thunder. Big fan.

Thank you brother.

commandercacho5 karma

How many pizza rolls do you think you could eat in one sitting?

PizzaNachos6912 karma

i've eaten the whole big bag from costco multiple times. you can never stop.

PizzaNachos6923 karma

seriously, i fucking love pizza rolls.

PizzaNachos695 karma

Sorry, I just got that triple triple from in & out. Let me shovel some in like a fatso.

KoreanBoredom5 karma

Hey Mike. Saw your show in Chicago a few weeks ago. Great times. Couple questions for ya: 1. whose picture was originally on K-Money's profile? And why was it removed? 2. Who does the drawings in the book? I picked it up the other day and haven't put it down yet. So money.

PizzaNachos696 karma

  1. it was a random from google.
  2. twitter took it down.
  3. i do all of the artwork in what i think would be karl's hand, except for the cover.
  4. thank you so much, im glad you like it.

PizzaNachos694 karma

what the fuck is "error occurred status 403" that is super sucking my dick right now.

Lord_Nugget4 karma


PizzaNachos6915 karma

i love to go ape shit and get the apps at happy hour. you can make your table look like something from a king's feast and get shithoused for like 30 bucks for 6 people.

love those sliders.

lowdirt4 karma

long time reader of the feed, also read the deadspin interview. don't have a question, just wanted to thank you for your desire to keep Karl 'authentic'. when I first heard about the upcoming book I wondered how this was all going to play out for this fictitious character. would he loose his appeal upon on the advent of being exposed to the masses in another medium? would he "sell out" so to speak? you've thoroughly quelled my concerns--the feed is as great as ever, the way you've handled the promotion and release of the book as Karl has been flawless, in my opinion. thanks for maintaining that creative integrity and authenticity. I would imagine I speak for a lot of long time fans when I say we really appreciate that.

PizzaNachos696 karma

Thanks man. I appreciate it. I really do make every effort. And when this book promo all blows over, it will be back to business as usual.

Thing is, I personally am entertained by the feed, so I'll write it whether people like it or not. That's why I started.

OutlawJoseyWales3 karma

Hi mike. What was the creation process for Karl like? Did you intentionally set out to have him on a deep downward slide?

PizzaNachos695 karma

sometimes it reflects my life or my life in the past. ill have him get angry when im angry, elated with i am, etc. but there are always consequences.

thegreatwhitenorther3 karma

Does Karl sleep in the front or back seat of the 'bring?

PizzaNachos697 karma

front. "ease the seat back"

TruCon2163 karma

second favorite wrestler after stone cold?

PizzaNachos696 karma

  1. Flair 3. Macho

chaptodd3 karma

when are you going to publish a cookbook?

PizzaNachos692 karma

when they let me. it's on the wishlist.

scheibs143 karma

Do you spend time writing story arcs offline before tweeting through them? How much (if any) is stuff made up on the spot?

PizzaNachos695 karma

99% of it is in the moment.

TruCon2163 karma

what's the closest you've ever come to drinkin a 1000 beers (you guys)?

PizzaNachos692 karma

high 60s.

droste_EFX3 karma

How do you define the American dream?

PizzaNachos6920 karma

cold bud heavy cans out of an ice filled cooler, brats on the grill, horse shoes, your buddies, and a girl to take you home.

cobaltcollapse3 karma

Where would you suggest I get a burger at?

PizzaNachos695 karma

In & Out. My roommate is on his way there to pick me up a triple triple, animal style, with raw onions.

cobaltcollapse2 karma

i'd go there if it wasn't hundreds of miles away :(

PizzaNachos695 karma

fuck, i don't know man? wendy's?

bonerjamz20133 karma

Just want you to know that I joined twitter 2 years ago to follow you. Never laughed so hard in my life. How upset were you when the deadspin article ran?

PizzaNachos696 karma

i was upset for a little while, but then me and my buddies got a dirty 30 and had fun with it. fuck it. it worked out in the end.

Talpostal3 karma

Why Grand Blanc? Are you from Grand Blanc?

Karl seems like more of a downriver kind of guy. I always figured that Grand Blanc was sort of upscale.

PizzaNachos695 karma

I'm Saginaw. I needed Karl to start stable and upscale, then slip down the river.

MkMeatHead2 karma

I'm from grand blanc and I'm proud to be a fellow resident. I wonder if he's in the city or township.

PizzaNachos692 karma

His family home was about a half mile from The Jewel.

spartanjames3 karma

Dude - don't lie. You're lying there with mega butt cheeks right now aren't you? She was based on real life, right? Kinda concerning?

PizzaNachos693 karma

i've made mistakes.

but i'm still working my way through this in & out burger at the dining room table in a come n get it dog food tshirt with the sleeves cut off.

ShovelFace3 karma

Why has Dave been such a boner lately? Has he given up on living the American Dream, USA Style?

PizzaNachos6914 karma

I don't think we've seen the last of Dave. But he just doesn't have the love for the game like Karl does. He's such a lazy piece of shit.

extramask3 karma

What ever happened to Gina, the waitress, from Paddy's?

PizzaNachos693 karma

Don't know. Might still work there.

aacaat3 karma


PizzaNachos6912 karma

Warning shot to Drew Magary at Deadspin. He wrote an article about me that benefitted him, by causing harm to something I did for free. No free lunch in this world.

I almost killed Dave. Tweet was written and ready to send.

extramask3 karma

How the hell do you keep track of all the small/minor details of the @dadboner saga?

PizzaNachos698 karma

It's just become so real to me in my head, that I don't have to really make an effort at it. No different than how you know what kind of car your parents drive.

mannpt3 karma

At first, I was bummed when you started shilling the book on the twitter feed. I'm glad it became part of the character. Makes me feel better about buying the book now.

Is there any chance Ann is going to come around on Karls bad boy persona and accept him for who he really is? Take him back all the way, even?

PizzaNachos694 karma

Oh, just wait. No free lunch in this world. I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but something big is going to.

muchacerveza3 karma

I was the guy who tweet-reminded you it was Seger's b-day that one time. You're welcome.

PizzaNachos693 karma

Thank you brother.

Lord_Nugget2 karma


PizzaNachos695 karma

Mostly, other way around. I don't know man, I used to get fucked up alot and my wife left me.

18wheelsoflove2 karma

Thought your Tumblr was great. Loved the Cosby recaps and the essay about why every dude should suck a dick. I shared it with everyone. Is more stuff outside of the dadboner universe on the horizon?

PizzaNachos692 karma

Thank you! I forgot about those. There's TONS of shit out there. I'm generally a TV comedy writer, Dadboner is just the most popular.

How 'bout this?

burrdoop2 karma

RIP Peanut.

PizzaNachos693 karma

never forget

mrniphty2 karma

I gotta say one of my favorite times was when Karl was going no-carb.

If you had to guess, how much does Karl weigh?

PizzaNachos692 karma

I loved that too. 240?

blastbull2 karma

So have you done anything worth mentioning?

PizzaNachos694 karma

Your mom.

phillyjp2 karma

Guy Fieri would be the best pro wrestler of all time, no?

PizzaNachos692 karma

i'd KILL to see it.

fitnessdbag2 karma

What's the closest you've ever gotten to drinking a thousand beers?

PizzaNachos699 karma

I counted my intake in New York one night. My 24 hr. daily count was around 68 drinks. That's not bullshit. Still was KIND OF functional.

fitnessdbag2 karma

Do you ever catch yourself talking like Karl when you should be talking like Mike?

PizzaNachos699 karma

My friends and I talk like Karl, WAY more than we should. Somehow, it makes doing things you're not supposed to, totally ok.

Lord_Nugget2 karma

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

PizzaNachos693 karma

I don't feel guilty for liking things that don't harm others.

blaqmetal2 karma


PizzaNachos698 karma

No idea.

I look at Guy Fieri as a wrestling character. Just like Hulk Hogan

I've seen every episode of DDD, and sometimes will watch it for 6 hrs in a row. I admire the pageantry.

shaboogabooo2 karma

Thanks for doing the AMA Mike, reading DadBoner has really improved my time on the toilet. Two questions for you...

  1. Have you had any sort of response or acknowledgement from Guy Fieri?

  2. What sets "Power Moves" apart from the rest of the DadBoner saga, why should we all go and get it?

Thanks for all the laughs!

RIP Peanut.

PizzaNachos694 karma

  1. yes. that's all i can say. and it wasn't bad.

  2. it's what you already liked in the first place, but better. no different than buying a movie you love on to own the ray and watch the extended version/extras. the hardcover is so fucking boss.

livefastdiefun2 karma

How long did you struggle with idea of monetizing Dadboner? Ill give you kudos to doing it in a pretty organic and unobtrusive way but that must have been a big decision for you.

also, how long did you have the feed going before you were offered your book deal? was it based on time or followers?

PizzaNachos696 karma

thanks it was really gut wrenching. but, holding the book in my hands makes me remember why i did it. karl welzein is an author for harper collins now. holy fuck how hilarious is that?

when karl pitches the book, in the book, that's when the book was pitched.

SimplyJif2 karma

How did you get DadBoner to first catch on? I'm sure after a critical mass of followers, then it can take off, I just wonder how you first got to that critical mass.

PizzaNachos692 karma

Luck. Pretty sure some writers at Fallon found it and shared it around when it was around a thousand followers. Also, superjacket EP Shane Nickerson gave it a push before I knew him.

aort2372 karma

Where can I find the boldest of flavors?

PizzaNachos693 karma

anything chipotle flavored.

cool_hand_puke2 karma

Why haven't you written your monthly article for Vice in a while? Missing out some real bad boy stories to read on the john. Might have to start doing more shups instead.

PizzaNachos698 karma

I can only write so much. And it kind of served its purpose. If you didn't notice, the feed kind of suffered while i was writing those. it was also on top of finishing the book, and writing full time at ridiculousness on mtv.

StormFreak2 karma

Just remembered another question. In a Deadspin article a few days you talked about having to do your AMA as Karl in a somewhat negative light (you wanted to throw a chair through a window). Do you not enjoy doing these? If so, I'm sorry.


PizzaNachos692 karma

i don't not enjoy it. i just struggle with breaking character.

glotzba11 karma

Hey Karl,

Long-time follower, first time reader of Power Moves. I just wanted to see how you been feeling since the mighty BLACKHAWKS took down your red wings?

Patty Kane probably drank like a thousand beers that night, you guys.

PizzaNachos692 karma

I was so fucking sad and pissed off. I like the Hawks though, lived in Chicago for 7 years, but it took me half way through the kings series to support them again. even got to go to a game at staples.

sudonim871 karma

If Karl was making a mix tape, what would be the first 5 tracks on it?

PizzaNachos692 karma

ramblin gamblin, still of the night, metal health, somebody's gotta feel this, knock em dead kid

dunkelfester1 karma

I haven't finished Power Moves because I preordered on Amazon and just received it yesterday but does the story of Karl continue, assuming Power Moves is successful? Could he gain the world from the sale of the book only to lose everything again and get back to livin' the dream in the 'Bring?

PizzaNachos693 karma

you don't get rich from books. and yes, it continues.

LFCMKE1 karma

You ever pound a couple cold ones and wonder how Big J is doing?

PizzaNachos692 karma

i do think about big j, yes. is that weird? probably.

DSavage11 karma

I see you are a WWE fan. Do you still get together for PPVs? MITB possibly or just the big ones?

PizzaNachos692 karma

i'm out of town for money, but yeah, we get it. and i'll be at slam in person.

TheChalls1 karma

Once Karl gets his 'Maro, which seems inevitable, will he go back to show it off at his old job? Really rub it in Nosey Lady's face. Man.

PizzaNachos693 karma

if he got one, probably.

hurtstobreathe1 karma

Didn't you just do one of these? Can't you get those grubby book people off your back?

PizzaNachos694 karma

those "grubby book people" work their asses off for a fake character named karl. i fucking love each and every one of them.