IAMA man who was convicted of 2nd-degree murder and served my time in a penitentiary. AMA

Full story: I was 22 at the time. My sister (27 or so at the time) had a beautiful baby girl right around age 3. Since she was born I was in love. Buying her outfits and toys and watching tv with her all day. One of my fondest memories was helping her eat Cheerios one morning and her wrapping her hand around my finger and just giggling. My sister had a scumbag boyfriend of 2 years, who went to college with the real father of my niece. I always knew there was something odd about him. My niece started acting real funny and one day when my sister was dressing her she noticed something wrong with her private area. She took her to the doctor and they said there was evidence of wrong-doing (swelling etc) but no penetration. We immediately went to the police and they launched a full investigation. CPS took my niece while the investigation was underway. Towards the end, I was sure that my sisters boyfriend had done it. I was at the club with my buddies and when it was almost last call I decided to walk back to one of my friends house to crash. Behind this grocery store parking lot on the way home I saw the piece of shit walking under the street light. I was tipsy and just went off on him. He got in my personal space so I pushed him and followed that with a punch. He fell backwards and hit his head on a stone slab (at the end of a parking space) and didnt get up. I remember it so clearly. I immediately got to my friends house where I was parked and instead of crashing drove the couple miles home.

Over the years I've went over this night a thousand times.

Shit I hate this kind of stories, always unsure whether you can justify a murder.

So you killed him by accident? Like, you didn't really mean to do it?

I didn't intend to kill him. There was malice and intent to harm though which is all that matters.

That is actually a heartbreaking story, to me.

Have you seen your niece?

Answered in the comments :)

How awesome was it to open a door whenever you wanted the first week you got out? Oh, and real razors and a shower? And if it means anything, I'm sure they're plenty of people including myself that wouldn't look down on you or think you're a bad person. Fuck that guy.

I can't even describe the feeling of freedom. If I knew you I'd buy you a beer

Thanks for posting . Do you think your sentence fit the crime? I no you punched the guy and he subsequently hit his head and died from his injuries , going by your story. I know here in Ireland similar things have happened and these people have been done for manslaughter and got at most 5 years . Our prisons have tvs and even one inmate ( a huge drug dealer) had a fucking parrot as a pet. (Only in Ireland)

My sentence was pretty harsh in my eyes.

Harsh?

You killed a man and only served 18 years.

You lost 18 years but you took 40+ away from this man.

He robbed my niece's innocence.

You think he did.

We have a justice system to determine if that is accurate or not.

You don't get to make that decision.

I fully understand that now. My family, friends etc. were convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was him.

Well, has your niece stopped being molested? Sorry if this is an offensive question but if its stopped it seems like the boyfriend was the one who did it.

Nothing unusual like that ever happened again so it would seem so

The little girl is now a grown woman, right? How did things turn out for her? What is your relationship with her now? Did your sister and her daughter visit you in prison? Did your sister wind up raising her?

She's a well-rounded smart and amazing young woman. My sister is happily married to her husband who I approve of and is an outstanding guy. I told everybody I didn't want visited in prison. Prison is no place to be for a little girl or my parents.

Did he say anything when you attacked him? Did he knew why? Was it really just a punch? What happened to your sister?

It was really just a rough shove and a hard punch. My sister was questioned too.

How hard is it to find a job now that you're out?

Extremely.

What is the most violent thing you witnessed in jail?

Also, what is the funniest?

One violent thing will always stand out to me. There was a smaller guy, kept to himself, real quiet guy. One day he accidentally messed with the wrong person. At meal time somebody picked him up and slammed him. It felt like it happened in slow-motion and I froze because it was so loud. The thing that sticks out the most is the noise, the sound of his head cracking. Blood leaked out slowly then it came faster. That was the day I really realize that you can't fuck with these people. Surprisingly there wasnt an extreme amount of really violent things that happened.

The funniest thing was when this buddy of mine stole one of the guards caps when he took it off and marched around imitating him. We all got sent to the hole for 2 weeks for that.

does the 'hole' still look like it looked in Shawshank Redemption?

Most of the time the hole is just solitary confinement to a small cell 23 hours a day. Its torture. Imagine being stuck in a tiny room with nothing to do but stare at walls. its worse than torture.

Perfect description. You feel like you're suffocating.

Do you still talk to your sister / niece?

Answered in the comments below.

The last time I saw her was when we went to the movies together with my sister last weekend. I cherish the "Family Funday Sundays" as we call them where we play games and watch TV all day. I do the things I couldn't for almost 19 years :)

Did you turn yourself in? Did you admit your guilt? Plead guilty? Or did you go the other route? Wait to be caught, lie when you did, plead innocent? If so if you had plead guilty would you have received a lesser sentence? Do you regret that decision?

I didn't sleep that night or leave my house the next day or sleep that night. The morning after that night I had to go to the station and I was questioned for hours. I had a really good lawyer but I had no alibi and was seen in the area. I plead guilty (as my lawyer advised me) and I believe my sentence would have been longer if I hadn't.

Did you know he had died right then and there? Would calling for help possibly have saved him?

I didn't know. I knew he was at least hurt pretty bad. I think about that every day.

Why were the charged not manslaughter and why didn't you lawyer recommend a plea for that

I showed malice and intent to do serious bodily harm. No intent to kill but that doesn't matter.

You seem to have a healthy point of view after leaving prison about what took you there and where you are now. Do you think the majority of felons are like that or do you feel different?

There's two sides to the spectrum. I gravitated towards the group of people who knew they fucked up which in turn molded be as a better person.

What was your sister's reaction when she found out about the murder? Did she keep in contact with you and whats your relationship with her like now?

Shocked. Complete shock. She wrote to me. We were in contact. She backed me up and was on my side. I still think she was heart broken though. Our relationship is different for sure, but still solid. I love my family more than anything else in the entire world.

What was your first thought after the murder, and what did you do?

I knew I was going to be caught. I drove home and threw up. I've only cried a handful of times in my life and that was one of the times. I was scared. For years after I was indignant and bitter.

My question is, if you knew you were going to be caught, why didn't you run? Dissappear. Go to Russia or South America or something?

If, god forbid, I did something that would result in a 10+ year sentence, and I if knew that I would be likely convicted, I'd run and keep on running. Staying in prison until I'm 40? To pay off a debt to a society that wouldn't allow me even the hope of a decent job after getting out? How about f*cking no.

I thought about that a LOT. Given the chance again I number one wouldn't do it at all but I'd take the next flight to Portugal and live the remainder of my life working at a mom and pop diner and write home every once in a while. As I said I've though about it a lot haha

OK, I'll ask it.

Whats your race?

Caucasian male haha

What were the best times in jail? Times that, if taken out of context, could make jail sound like a not-so-bad place?

Great question. There's a real sense of comraderie. Reminiscent of playing high school football and going to war with the other team. Hope I answered your question.

I really hope this makes front page..people need to see this.

I agree. I hope nobody makes the mistake I have

Are you going to tell your niece what happened?

Maybe someday. We don't talk about it in depth. Whether or not she will know the circumstances (the molestation) ill leave up to her mother.

• Who'd you kill (In relation to you, we dont want names)?

• Why did you do it?

• How long did you serve in prison?

• Have any remorse?

• Would you change anything if you had a time machine?

My sisters piece of shit boyfriend.

Full story posted in the comments.

Yes I have a lot of remorse.

If I could go back, I would let the system take care of him. His fate would have been far worse than death if he would have been sent to jail for his crime.

Close to 19 years. 18 and 8 months

Were you involved in my prison gangs? What did you do most of the time? Are you employed?

Nope. After I got out I watched a lot of films such as American History X and realized how much different the depiction and reality of prison is. I can't find employment anywhere. Nowhere wants to hire a felon. I read a lot and spent time writing an autobiography. I knew I was most likely never going to publish it but it was eye-opening to do. I remembered a lot of things that I had previously suppressed.

Do you believe prison has made you a better person?

No. But it's made me more cautious and thoughtful

That's interesting (sorry if I offended you by the way, my last post sounded a little patronising). I've currently become interested in different prison systems around the world. Norway has almost hotel-standard prisons and yet a very low reoffending rate, even for murder. What is your opinion on this treatment?

Incarceration should be about reformation not punishment.

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Nope, clean record. Not even a traffic ticket. Also no convictions since.

is rape as common as a lot of stories/jokes make it out to be?

Nope

I always figured this was the case, but American History X can make a man question some things

Great film, but not very accurate.

What were some of the comforts during your time in prison?

What do you think of the prisoner-penpal organisations? It is something that appeals to me, although at the moment I can't make the commitment.

Do it. You'll learn so much.

how old are you now?

43 and feel like I'm 83

Food : good or bad? Water : do they give you enough? Showers : how often? good soap or bad soap? labor : where you forced to do any kind of labor? also what was the most fucked up thing you saw in their?

You never have enough anything. Never enough food, water, rec. time etc. showers once every 2 days. The food was bad, the soap was generic bar soap as far as I could tell.

Was there any use for money? If so, what could you buy?

There was commissary that you could buy small things such as candy or ramen noodles but it was expensive

How long did you spend in prison?

Also, was your crime something you regret, or do you feel justified somehow.

(eg. Took the law into your own hands)

I ended up serving 18 years and just shy of 8 months at Forrest State Correctional. I do regret it although at the time and for years afterward I was bitter because I believed it was deserved. If this gets more attention ill post the full story.

This might seem weird, but what kind of background do you have?

A better way to put it would be... Were you the stereotypical kind of person to do something like this (although it was an accident to actually kill)?

Middle-class white kid who lived in a city of 12,000. Average. Played sports. Everybody was shocked.

Were you in general population most of the time? did you spend time in solitary? if so, for how long, and what was that like?

Also, how did you do it? Was it easy?

Most of the time yes. I don't know if this is the case at all facilities but any time there was a big incident I was sent to solitary, as were most people I believe. We'd get sent to the hole for weeks at a time for things such as something being found in your room or getting into a fight. Usually for 2 or 3 weeks.

okay, thanks for the answer, have another question, is there really an abundance of drugs, violent crime, rapes etc..? is it as bad as is made out ?

From my experience, drugs yes. Violence yes but not as bad as you would imagine. Not as bad as depicted in movies. I've never heard of anyone being raped in prison.

So, did you get a DUI too?

Nope but I should have. Stupid young kids make mistakes, I'd never do it again.

How do those dudes get so huge lifting when the nutrition sucks. Are roids and whey protein smuggled in?

I've never heard of roids getting snuck in but I'm sure it happened. A lot of the guys are huge when they get there. I was lucky to be one of the bigger guys

How different was it coming out?

How do people treat you?

How is it to find a job/live a normal life now?

It was like stepping into the twilight zone. Completely different.

Strangers treat me normally. You can't differentiate between a doctor or a child molestor or an astronaut on the streets.

I can't live a normal life but I try. I can't find a job although I am a good candidate.

In honesty, would you rather be back in jail sometimes? After being there for so long?

Hell no. I was never really the bad or troubled type

How hard was it to adapt to life in prison? Was was the most challenging or scary thing about it?

You never really adapt to life in prison. At least I never did. It becomes more normal but you'll always wake up wondering why you're not at home in your own bed.

What was going through your head as you killed that person? Or was it spur of the moment or moment of anger?

Rage. Raw anger. It was spur of the moment in the sense that I didn't go looking for him.

Did u make any friends in prison that u look on to keep contact with?

Believe it or not, a lot of the guys I met there aren't horrible people. I was just a young kid who made a mistake myself. I only keep in contact with 2 of the guys I met there.

What's the first thing you ate when you got out? What was it like to have something different?

My old favorite, macaroni and cheese mixed with mashed potatoes and hamburger meat. It was life changing

How come you didn't bother getting an elaborate set of tattoos done prior to being put in prison and then breaking outta that hell hole?

Hahahahahaha that genuinely made me laugh. I have two tattoos, one of my niece's name on my bicep and my last name on my other shoulder

How are you doing today? Jobs etc? whats the status of ur sister and her daughter? Are you surprised at all the technology stuff? How long did it take you to honestly adjust? Whats your new favourite movie that you missed when u were in prison>? did u like iron maN>?

I do odd jobs. I get by comfortably enough. I work a lot for my old high school teacher's husband's construction company but I'm not employed anywhere. I'm somewhat of a cinephile. I see every new movie that comes out. My favorites that I can remember seeing recently were Act of Valor and Mt. Olympus. I haven't seen Iron Man 3 yet but I definitely am.

Technology is just awesome. I'm typing all of this on my iphone. I've embraced it and its a normal part of my life now. It was shocking when I got out.

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Hell no