IAmA the daughter of a convicted serial rapist.

Not to be offensive but are you the product of one of his crimes?

No. This is probably the most common question of my life.

Do you have siblings because of his crimes?

Not that I know of.

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where this is even possible. "I think I'll find that man who raped me and give him my baby!"

Did she say that the father had custody?

He ended up getting joint custody which eventually just became visitation, and he eventually lost that and a no contact order was put in place for me and my mom.

How long ago was he convicted? Surely he did time?

He was convicted in 2003. He was in and out of jail my entire life. I was actually born in Idaho when there car while my parents were on there way to Washington so my mom could go to school and he could avoid going back to jail on a bench warrant. He was arrested for a lot of things prior to the rape charges mostly for stealing and some other things I am not to clear on and a lot of parole violation arrests.

Do you have family get togethers? What are they like? Why do you still keep in contact? Not judging, just curious on the last question.

We don't have family get togethers Ive never really met any of his family, my mom left him when I was really little and began fighting for custody. To answer the last question he writes to me. I replied to the first few letters and then stopped but his kept coming.

Did your mom have a sit down with you? Did she say something along the lines of "I knew it" or have any experiences where she felt like she though he might be the one that was committing the crimes?

We've talked about it a few times, she can see it in hindsight but never would have guessed he would do something that disturbing at the time it was going on.

What's your reason for not replying? Do you just feel that it's not worth your time?

I didn't care enough to take the time to sit down and write anything to him. He also began to tell me things that had happened between him and my mom trying to make her look bad but I had already lived threw it I didn't need to respond to his side of the story.

How were your dad's crimes explained to you or where you not told at a young age?

I wasn't actually told. I found out from a magazine when I was 12, a year after he had been charged. He had been in prison when they linked him to the rapes threw DNA collected when he was in imprisoned. since he was already locked up for violating parole my mom just never told me.

Holy shit.

What was that like, finding out at age 12 from a magazine?

The best way I can describe it is surreal and kind of nauseating.

Was he a suspect in Ramsey's murder?

He was briefly.

child abuser too?

From what I remember he raped a 15-17yr old runaway. So child abuser.

i think he meant 'did he abuse you?'

For some reason I thought I already answered that question guess I didn't. No he never abused me.

Have you had trouble trusting men in your life now? A boyfriend etc?

Yes I am not sure if I can place all the blame on my dad though.

If it's not too personal, where else would you put the blame?

On my entire life I don't think I could pin point any one thing that's happened. My ability to trust people has improved drastically over the past few years though but its something I've worked hard to achieve.

Well, that's good. I hope your life continues to get better. :)

Why thank you. Hope you have a happy life as well!

do you think you can ever forgive him

No even if I thought I could I wouldn't want to.

I once met a guy who was the son of a convicted serial killer. He told me that people used to come all the time to him and say things like "They should do to you what your father did to those poor victims." Has anything like that ever happened to you?

No thankfully I moved to a different state the same year. I would have been an entirely different person if I had been forced to endure something like that.

And when you moved, did any of your classmates in your new school found out about your father and revealed that information? Also, have you told who your father is to the important people of your life, like your best friend, or your SO? How did they react? Thanks for doing this AMA, by the way.

Nobody found out once I moved I have my moms last name and was also going by a different first name at school ( my first names Alex I never liked it very much ) my SO knows and a few of my friends know. People first reaction is always silence followed by "oh" and then just normal question pretty much along the lines of most of these AmA questions. I enjoy answering these questions I don't normal talk about it. :)

Do you still love him?

I honestly don't know.

It must be difficult, but I could never find a bone in my body to love a man who's done what he has.

To me hes two different people. half my life he was this great guy I was young and he was my dad and gave me everything I ever wanted (granted he stole everything he ever gave me). Then there's the other side. Sometimes its hard to mesh them into the same person in my head.

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Not really it probably would be weird if I still had any of the stuff but I got rid of it or lost it moving over time.

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Ahh I get it. No not weird I knew he loved me but didn't have the mean to buy me nice things but he got them for me anyway. I was also a kid so my views on stealing were a little bit different. I've never thought about it like that before, interesting question.

Can you elaborate on what he stole from you?

One I remember is we went to Target and I wanted a really big teddy bear, like 3-4ft teddy bear, so he stuffed it in a trash can box and bought the trash can then put the teddy bear in the car and went inside and returned the trash can.

He stole things to give to her, not stole from her

Correct. I probably could have worded that differently.

How did he treat your mother? How did they get to know each other?

I don't think Ive ever asked how they met, I will do that later. He treated her really well until she got tired of dealing with all his other illegal activities. I remember him stalking us when she started dating someone else and he would come by and throw rocks threw our windows. He would show up anywhere he could find us trying to get her to go back to him or trying to take me from her.

I know this is off topic, but still a question I'd like to ask. You said in a previous post you went to school with Jonbenet Ramsey. Could you elaborate on how her murder affected you and your family?

I was only 5 so I don't remember much about her, I do remember my parents an all my friends parents wouldn't let us go anywhere for months except school and home. I didn't really understand the concept of death yet so it didn't start to affect me till I was older. Our class planted a tree in her memory and I remember everyone standing outside being confused whi8le our teacher cried for a long time. A drunk driver ran over the tree when I was in 3rd grade and that's when I started to really realize she had died and everyone had stopped talking about her and and people had mostly forgotten. Sorry for the run on.

Wow that just got more and more sad, almost comically. :-/

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you sad that's just how I remember it.

Random: If it makes you happy I just watched the news about a bunch of fuzzy baby owl get rescued after falling out of a tree. People built a nest out of a laundry basket and put them back and now the babies are with there parents :)

Do you personally know any of the victims or their family? If so, do they treat you poorly?

I don't.

Did he explain to you why he did it?

Hes tried. All excuses on how he was treated badly as a kid. his mother never loved him. Ive got a lot of letters and they all say different things on why.

Can you describe the day he was caught?

The day he was caught no, the day I found out however I was at Safeway getting candy with a few of my friends, we were reading a magazine about Jonbenet Ramsey and there were a few names of people they were looking at who had been charged with other crimes in the area and my dads name was in there. So I started looking online and found out hes a sick disgusting person.

Did people in your community find out? Did they start treating you differently?

My mom finally got full custody of me when the DNA linked him to the rapes, she moved me out of the state the same year i had a few friends from boulder call and ask me about it, but that was pretty much the extent of it.

has he ever expressed remorse to you for what he's done? if so, does it just seem manipulative and self-serving? Also, how many victims are verified to consider him a "serial" rapist?

Hes currently serving his sentence for 4 different women. My Grandparents who follow everything hes every done, Told me hes been court for 13 different women and won a lot of them to victims not testifying it was him. Ive he told me he was only tried in 8 cases. So I am not %100 sure how many women he victimized

Are there any other kids that were produced as a result of his crime, and if so, do you know them?

This is the first time Ive even thought about that. So I don't know.

Shiiiiiiiit.

Fuck.

This might be an insensitive question, but how has this affected your romantic relationships?

I know it probably affected everything in my life but i would be able to pinpoint how or why. I am in a very happy healthy relationship now and have been for a while so I don't think it had to many negative affects.

where is he incarcerated? sidenote: i live in Golden colorado

Colorado Territorial Correctional Facility in Canon City if I am remembering correct. You just made me miss Colorado I moved to California about 10 years ago. Go find some snow and send it to me.

How convenient it just snowed 8 inches here, ill FedEx it to ya! thanks for answering my question! :)

You are so lucky! Ive seen 5inches in 10 years and had to drive 4 hours to see it

What are your grandparents (his parents) like? Often such mental illness comes from some place. Do you know if your father was beaten, abused, etc. as a child from his parents, coaches, teachers, somebody?

He was born due to his mother being raped or at least that's the story his family goes with. I have spoken to his mother his brother and his sister. They all seem entirely scary and mentally unstable. I am sure he was abused in many ways as a child but ill never know to what extent. mostly because I don't care to know and I don't think he should use it as an excuse

Do you believe your dad was guilty?

He plead guilty and has never to my knowledge said he didn't do it.

Do you recall the time frame and how it affected him at home/around the house? Or do others in your household, like a mom or other close individual?

I recall some of the time frame pretty well, My mom was always very suspicious of him. Its probably said to often of criminals but, everyone liked my dad he was incredibly good at telling lies and manipulating any situation to make him look like the best person in the world.

Do you remember a time where he was nice to your mom and they got along good?

I can't. I can barely remember a time they were in the same place for longer than 20 mins together. Even still my mom face shows how she feels pretty well and I could always tell she was never happy or comfortable being around him.

Did you know any of the victims? You said one case was a teenage runaway so were the crimes more of an opportunity arose and he would act on it or were they planned?

I don't know any of the victims I know who some of them are but have never tried to contact them. In the beginning they seemed to just be by opportunity but when he started breaking in and bringing things like rope and tape and a knife I don't think they became a little bit more planned and thought out.

What exactly did he do? Im having trouble reading the picture

He would break into women apartments threw sliding glass doors, tie them up, rape them, and rob them at knife point. Pretty much sums it up

How is your mother handling all this ?

what is your relationship like with her ?

Me and my mom have an amazing relationship now it wasnt always that way but now its really great. It was a lot harder for her to handle things having to do with him before anyone knew he was out raping people. I think a lot of it was because pretty much everyone lipoved him and nobody could understand why she was fighting to have full custody of me, even the judges loved him nobody could see past his fake smile. Everyone thought she was the bad guy trying to ruin his life.

How integral was she in the trials that convicted him?

I don't remember her being involved in any of them.

In your first post, you say you still keep in contact with him, but in one of your answers you say you stopped replying to his letters.

Do you have any contact with him still? Do you ever visit him? Does he try to apologize to you for the things he did?

I guess it would be better put as he still keeps in contact with me, I still read the letters and think about writing him back but they only thing left to tell him are about how happy I am with my life. Id rather let him sit in jail feeling guilty because he believes he ruined my life and that i spent my childhood angry and missing him. He has apologized many times in his letters but I don't believe you can apologize for something like that and be forgiven. I doubt I would ever visit him.

I apologize if this has already been answered - almost late for work! I'm curious if he strikes you as a sociopath. While all serial rapists certainly aren't sociopaths it could be argued that very large portion are. Also, if so, what in particular brought you to that conclusion?

Possibly my mom thinks everyone in his family is a sociopath. At the very least I think he has some sort of antisocial personality disorder.

How long is his sentence?

release date is 2032. his parole keeps getting pushed farther and farther back so I am guessing he will be in till his release date.

Wait, why was the AMA removed?

i dont know im confused

Have you been to a therapist? If so, what was discussed?

I have I had a really bad panic anxiety as a kid that still lasts to this day. I saw multiple therapists and psychiatrists when I was 5-15yr. Some helped a little some made things worse they all put me on crazy mood stabilizer drugs. Everything was discussed, once a week I would go in they would talk about every bad thing that was currently happening in my life and I would leave upset. I eventually stopped going and taking medication and it was one of the best decisions Ive ever made. Anyone I know would tell you I am much happier and a lot more stable dealing with everything my own way and not being forced to talk about it.

Therapy does however help A LOT of people it helped my mom threw all of the bad stuff it just didn't work well for me.

Thank you for concluding with this reply. For many years I had negative feelings about therapy, but finally going when I myself wanted to go and no one was making me because I knew I had a problem with my anxiety was the best decision I ever made.

therapy when your doing it for yourself and no one else is the only way Ive ever seen it work. Its can drastically improve someones life. I am glad it worked for you :)

Do you normally tell people? Boyfriends? Does it make people nervous to be around you?

People close to me know I don't tend to bring it up very often though. Though I have been known to use it to shut someone up who wont stop complaining about there family. Having someone blank face tell you "my dads a serial rapist" does have good shock value.

From what I understand, you weren't aware of his crimes at the time your mother was fighting for full custody of you. Were you angry or resentful towards her at that point? Has your mother been able to heal successfully from the emotional trauma that she went through?

In guess i was angry its hard to say. I was always excited to see him when I was younger but I don't remember blaming my mom very much for him not being around a lot. As for my mom she had a really hard time with everything on top of trying to support me and go to school at the same time but I think shes a stronger person now because of it.

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They were never married.

Do people treat YOU differently if they know about your father? Or do not many people know?

Not many people know only close friends who have known me long enough that they don't treat me differently. I've only gone into detail about him to maybe 2 people,my best friend and boyfriend of almost 7 years.

do you support the death penalty and if your father got it would you feel he deserved it? i know this is a heavy question so if your not comfortable answering just ignore it. :/

I do and I don't. I am not sure how to explain it though :(

Is he very charismatic?

Very.

How did you come to be living with him?

Knowing him as you do, can you detect any connection between his daily, "front" personality and his crimes?

He was really good at getting people to like him including the judges in all my custody cases.

Who was/is more scared of your father. Your mom or yourself?

My mom but I wouldn't really say she scared of him. It helps that his release date isn't until 2032 though.

Would you say that your life right now is normal? What do you do?

As normal as it could be I'm happy I have people around me who love me and I have a job at a non profit organization that's makes me happy. So I'd say its pretty normal.

When was the last time you saw him? Would you forgive him with enough time?

In 2002

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A long time ago I realized he's my dad but that I would never want him to be more than letters he wrote to me. I wouldn't be able to believe he had changed.

How does having a father convicted of rape affect your views on rape culture, if at all?

If anything it makes me hate rapists even more and anyone who sides with them. Most people think only one person gets hurt in a rape but that's untrue it eats at everyone around them.