Comments: 1734 • Responses: 89  • Date: 

sjhill961 karma


dan42183886 karma

I went to Costco one day and bought a family pack of it. I felt great after I ate a bunch of it, over then ext couple of days I couldn't think of anything but eating oatmeal. I was at work thinking of eating oatmeal, I was on the computer thinking of eating oatmeal, I was dreaming about eating oatmeal. I will eat something else tomorrow, but I wanted to see how long I could eat it after that intense desire to put oatmeal inside my body.

boner_fide451 karma

Sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger in POMPING IRON. I feel like I am cumming all day. In the morning I am cumming, at lunch I am cumming, in my oatmeal I am cumming. I am cumming all the time in my cinnamon oatmeal. The consistency is reaally amazing. Wanna bite?

dan42183305 karma

Maybe this was all a reaction to some latent-homosexual desire I have to put hot creamy things in my mouth? I dunno, maybe it's just because oatmeal is as good as, or better than, most sex I have had in my life.

Emprise32176 karma

You have bad sex dude.

EDIT: I read the whole thread and realized that OP is just trolling us. No way he can actually believe oatmeal is better than sex.

dan42183148 karma

I said most sex.

bahgelovich4 karma

I just woke up the entire house, thank you so much

dan421834 karma

No problem.

dan4218332 karma

Also lemme find some pics I actually took one right before I started this, then I can take one now.

Masamune_X677 karma

Ah, the rare batshit crazy AMA.

dan42183928 karma

I know, there are some crazy people asking questions.

CardMoth47 karma

It's not that far fetched.

dan42183116 karma

What exactly does CardMoth mean?

iplayedbassforthem84 karma

No fucking seriously what does cardmoth mean dont you fucking dare die until you tell us.

dan4218379 karma

CardMoth reminds me of something that would have been in my grandparent's closet.

dan42183359 karma

Roughly 90 minutes until 100 days. Time enough for one more bowl of Oatmeal.

Then it's off to Woodstocks Pizza.

dan4218327 karma

Woodstocks near the Vons near SDSU.

Mr24601318 karma

This is one of my favorite AMAs ever. OP is hilarious.

dan42183300 karma

Thank you, not a question, but an admirable comment.

hotre_editor183 karma

how are your poops?

dan42183420 karma

My poops have been vigorous, they smell very bad, but they have given me lots of pleasure over the holiday season. Pics coming now, uploading them currently.

dave138h48 karma

You're uploading pics...of your poop? Why?

dan42183115 karma

I could upload a pic of my first poop after I eat real food again.

dan42183259 karma

This was one of my favorite web sites when I still used AOL dial-up.

Kyacky172 karma

That must have been the cheapest 100 days of food possible.

dan42183309 karma

Definitely light on the budget. You can get 80 servings at Costco in CA for $6.

DanifC171 karma

After reading this thread I have confirmed that oatmeal makes you freaking hilarious.

dan42183140 karma

Thank you, I appreciate the support.

ExchangeTradedFungus157 karma

Were you ever tempted to sneak in a non-oatmeal snack? How did you keep sinful non-oatmeal urges at bay?

dan42183533 karma

Chronic masturbation.

Cawdor131 karma

Now we know how you lost the 12 lbs

dan42183259 karma

Or at least the last 11.

supermav27147 karma

You must've really devOATed your lifestyle to eating oatmeal. That sounds MEALly hard to do.

dan42183209 karma

It seemed like an OATragious idea for the first few days, but after I got into the swing of things it just became inGRAINed in my routine.

supermav2760 karma

You must be craving lot's of other foods. But I bet it was worth the WHEATing time of 100 days.

dan4218394 karma

We'll just have to be really FLAX about what we let fly in this threat because Oatmeal is not Wheat.

packos13082 karma

Really, guys? Puns? You're gonna make me mad enough to become a cereal killer.

H20prototype14982 karma

You're suppOATS to capitOATlize the punny part.

HasFuckedYourMom128 karma

Fuck all of you.

dan42183117 karma

We have a hOATer in the thread.

mynamewasfuck144 karma

Can you poop?

dan42183488 karma

I actually pooped in my pants twice after about 2 weeks of the diet, I ruined my chili pepper pajamas and my Big Dog shorts, both irreplacable, but it was worth it overall.

dan42183254 karma

Once I was alseep though.

HasFuckedYourMom208 karma

Fuck. Not the Big Dogs.

Thank you to whoever gave me reddit gold! Never expected to get it while talking about Big Dog and shitting your pants but hey, whatever.

dan42183128 karma

I know, if there was one item of clothing I never planned on throwing out it was my last pair of Big Dogs. People on Reddit try to act like they've loved some piece of crap that looks good in a picture all their lives and they submit it like it's art. I truely loved my Big Dogs and I know how jelly they made everyone. Give me a pair of double mesh Big Dog shorts over skinny jeans any day of the week.

noyoureadumpster139 karma

greatest. ama. ever.

dan42183131 karma

That's more of a comment than a question, but I appreciate it all the same.

HopelessSky7128 karma

All I have to ask is why?

dan42183338 karma

All I have to ask is why not?

ericfig206 karma

I find this strangely profound

dan42183591 karma

I find this profoundly strange.

total_sound115 karma

Do you eat it plain (with water) or do you add salt, milk, brown sugar, or cinnamon?

dan42183244 karma

I eat it with soy milk and nothing else, I looked up if I could do it with only water or only milk and it was suggested that I may develop scurvy, so I used soy milk which has vitamin C in it.

Lexpar106 karma

Yeah getting scurvy would be a real concern, wouldn't it?

dan42183225 karma

Yeah I dunno why but scurvy has been a going concern for me throughout my life. when I was a kid my Dad would make jokes about people getting scurvy and it sank in real deep. Now every once in a while I notice I haven't had any vitamin C in a while and I run out and eat an orange. This has been quite a test for me and my scurvy phobia.

probably_has_herpes112 karma

Honestly, how is your sex drive? I mean, a lack of complete proteins, "good" cholesterol, zinc, etc. should be thwarting any erections that may want to happen..

dan42183318 karma

It took me like 25 minutes to masturbate last night.

probably_has_herpes109 karma

By gosh, eat some oysters, man! Not even kidding, I can masturbate twice in 25 minutes.

dan42183125 karma

I might get some oysters if the Japanese food place is still open at about 11, I don't like the raw ones, they remind me of fishy oatmeal, but I do love me some kake(fried oysters)!

bensuave26104 karma

So, you don't like oysters... because they remind you of the food you're so in love with that you've eaten nothing but that for the past 3 months?

dan42183161 karma

They remind me of fish plavored Oatmeal, I've heard when fish tastes like fish that the fish is n ot good, if the Oatmeal tastes like fish, it's definitely bad.

probably_has_herpes9 karma

Avoid fried foods. It may not matter as much when you're younger, but it certainly affects things when you get older. Something to keep in mind.

dan4218327 karma

I'm sure my heart can handle it after nearly a killogram of soluble fiber over the past season.

Pirate20125 karma

complete proteins, "good" cholesterol

What are some examples of foods with the above in them? (asked seriously)

probably_has_herpes20 karma

Eggs (with yolk), salmon, shellfish, and citrus fruits mixed in. Red meat is ok in the short term but I believe it will cause more problems to you cardiovascular health over time than its worth. Avoid excessive carbs, avoid soy-based foods (especially "fake" vegetarian option meats), abstain from alcohol and smoking, excercise regularly (yoga is great). Also, learn to manage stress and anxiety as these are over-looked boner-killers. Again, yoga. If you are on anti-depressants, your libido may be affected (except for Welbutrin;) ). And don't jerk off too much. Allow your penis to be naturally aroused by actual intimacy. Stay hydrated. Stay positive. And use a condom.

dan4218324 karma

Also, try not to get herpes.

dan421839 karma

Avacado and Tuna.

kiaha97 karma

Did you do anything creative with the oatmeal?

dan42183699 karma

You mean like pour it out onto a cookie-sheet and form it into the shape of a woman when I didn't want to eat any more Oatmeal? Then making the voice of the woman saying, Dan, Dan please come eat me, I need to be in your mouth? No, not at all.

warpaint93 karma

nigga is u srs

dan4218383 karma

Ain't nobody got time for that.

caveseed91 karma


dan42183254 karma


Trolls-Gone-Wild87 karma

You seem strangely obsessed with oatmeal. Have you gone through any major life changes in the past few years?

dan42183397 karma

A few close family members died, my significant other left me out of no where and all three of my hampsters died this year, but it's nothing that the power of oatmeal hasn't been able to help me cope with.

This_is_4_you87 karma

Have you gain/lost weight from this? What's your favorite type of oatmeal

dan42183169 karma

I've lost 12 pounds.

Mayor_Of_Boston55 karma

did you change your exercise habits.. or was it simply the power of oatmeal?

dan42183161 karma

I actually started to do the olympic rings in November, so I guess the power of oatmeal?

textanddrive85 karma

I take it that you don't lift.

dan42183392 karma

I'll fight you IRL.

textanddrive60 karma

Cool. I don't know if your oatmeal body can do any damage, but I'm sure it will be a blast.

dan42183193 karma

I'm like the wind son! It'll be like trying to get your hands on a steaming bowl of oatmeal, it'll only hurt to touch me and I'll be through your hands as fast as you can grab hold of me.

Calipup44 karma


dan42183274 karma

I don't even know who you are, but I'll bet you play Taric.

potato_rapist83 karma

I'm pretty open-minded but 100 days is too long...

dan42183274 karma

You're missing out, just submit to the oatmeal.

HonziPonzi103 karma

I subscribe to the oatmeal, does that count?

dan42183118 karma

There is only one Oatmeal and if you take it into your heart then it does count.

TheDeathSaint76 karma

before-after pics???

dan42183218 karma

Day 99 nothing but Oatmeal


pinklady123316 karma

You have great eyes. So dreamy.

dan42183239 karma

Thanks, everyone says I have my grandpa's eyes.

JazielLandrie164 karma

Does he miss them?

dan42183295 karma

No, he's dead, but my grandma misses hers.

NavySeals49 karma

A beautiful smile too

dan42183143 karma

I'm shy because of my teeth.

Jddevos126 karma

Are they covered in oatmeal?

dan4218370 karma

Nah oatmeal doesn't stick to your teeth like other foods do. But I do have "oatmeal teeth".

d1sturb4nc335 karma

What is "oatmeal teeth"?

dan42183105 karma


spitfire910736 karma

how many calories of oat meal did you eat. Seems like your weight is about the same but body fat percent went down

dan4218371 karma

Anywhere from about 2500 with soymilk in it, to like 800 on days when I was REALLY sick of oatmeal.

dan4218395 karma

Day 1 nothing but Oatmeal.


Dothelokipokie40 karma

Well hello there.

dan42183314 karma

Hi, could I interest you in a nice hot bowl of oatmeal?

everythingsweetnsour73 karma

I make my oatmeal from scratch. Apple juice instead of water, and topped with toasted coconut... mm mm.

dan42183122 karma

That's good.

mikedabossss72 karma

If you eat sam adams and pizza i bet you will puke

dan42183193 karma

I'm not sure what else you'd suggest me eating? Oatmeal squares? That would be ludicrous.

Internationalhomeboy66 karma

How did you not get tired of oatmeal?

dan42183344 karma

I am very sick of oatmeal, at some point I just kind of went on auto-pilot mode. I got to a point after about 40 days where not getting to 100 days just seemed commical. There were a number of days where I ate one a day because I couldn't imagine eating any more oatmeal, but when you get hungry enough, and all you have is oatmeal, you'll eat oatmeal.

JVani49 karma

You must have the willpower of a god. Hearing your story makes me want to do something similar myself but I can already see myself starting on a Wednesday and sitting by the bar with a basket of wings in front of me with my friends on Friday.

dan42183115 karma

That's a horrible attitude and you have horrible friends, don't let them hold you back, submit to the Oatmeal, 100 days of only Oatmeal and you'll be a new man, capable of anything you want to do.

sledge0764 karma

Do this for health reasons?

dan42183623 karma

Yes, my tatse buds were lacking in oatmeal.

iamaredditer64 karma

What is your next meal going to be?

dan42183265 karma

Sam Adams and pizza

mattymogue62 karma

Any particular flavors you indulged in? Apple cinnamon? Brown sugar? Plain? Sampler pack?

dan42183190 karma


wordsarelouder277 karma

Oh you know what, I played along with this shit for awhile in this AMA but this is where I cross the god damn line.

I am calling a big plain bullshit right here.

dan42183166 karma

If you eat nothing but sugary cereal for 100 days you will have no taste buds at all.

dotspace59 karma

I ate oatmeal for most meals during a summer when I was doing a start-up. I ate it raw - just like cereal. Sometimes I just poured water on it. Sometimes milk. I remember after a long day of work, I expected to have oatmeal and water. When I got home to my kitchen I saw that my girlfriend had dropped off milk, Corn Flakes, and sugar. Seriously, that was a memorable meal.

Oatmeal is the shit. I had a big-ass bowl yesterday.

dan4218391 karma

A clever entrepreneur indulging in Oats. Who's crazy now?

girlnononono53 karma


dan42183159 karma

I find Turkey disgusting, I had an experience as a child where I bit into a sandwich loaded with Turkey lunch-meat. What I bit into was a "pocket" of Turkey-Fat in the lunch-meat. Now whenever I think of Turkey I think of "lunch-meat fat-pockets". My family found it quite strange, my Mother was clearly bothered by it but refused to even aknowledge that it was weird because I think if she did she would have over-reacted. My brother's 5 year old daughter thought it was pretty cool.

HasFuckedYourMom49 karma

Do you plan on eating oatmeal in the future, or are you calling it quits?

dan42183202 karma

I plan on taking a break from Oatmeal, but everyone once in a while a person must induldge in the creamy joy that is Oatmeal. My largest fear right now is that the first "hard" substance I eat will cut the now tender roof of my mouth.

SovetskyWalruz47 karma

How much has your squat increased by?

dan4218350 karma

Box squat or deep squat?

imatechguy29 karma

Box squat?! The only real squats are below parallel and do not involve boxes!

dan4218351 karma

Below parallel box squats to kill the momentum, wouldn't want my massively muscular claves to bounce my hammies right back up.

woofer21247 karma

how much more toilet paper did you use?

dan42183274 karma

So much that I started hiding it from my room mates for fear of running out. I literally have half used toilet paper rolls hidden around the house like an acoholic house wife has Vodka bottles.

blackcongee46 karma

How did you poo look like

dan42183285 karma

It has becoming really unique, I'd equate it to something like a heirloom poop, to use a food reference. You can tell it's poop, but it has almost a mustard yellow tinge to it and it ALWAYS comes out as one solid piece surrounded by a mucosy membrane. Sort of like an egg. It's kind of like I lay a soft slimmy egg everytime I poop.

njmalone110 karma


dan42183164 karma

Yeah soon I'll be back to eating pizza and fried foods and they'll be able to sell me cholesterol medicine and Viagra someday.

jo3ly39 karma

What food did you crave the most whilst only eating oatmeal?

dan42183161 karma

By far Pizza and avacados, I had dreams about both many times. I woke up with my pillow in my mouth one night, half dead from losing all of my liquid through my touge as I tried to eat my "pizza pillow".

Insufferable_Dalek38 karma

How soon is it going to be before you feel like eating oatmeal again? Never? Soon?

dan42183118 karma

I'll try to keep eating it once a day for a while to avoid shocking my system too much.

cheebromeej38 karma

What did you do with the other food in your house? Did lots of it expire during your oatmeal spree?

dan4218382 karma

I have four room-mates so they got a good deal of free food.

TheRedGoblin38 karma

Why didn't you go for the world record for number of days just eating oatmeal?

dan42183118 karma

I don't know, I just don't have a real desire to. This was more a self-fulfilling thing than a grab at glorious oatmeal fame.

andicotsteel37 karma

How is your cholesterol?

dan42183167 karma

It's like Mitton's chance of winning in 2016, low.

rainnice37 karma

Has your health improved? How are you getting all your vitamins?

dan42183116 karma

My health has not improved, I have lost some weight and my hair is surprisingly healthy, but my skin is not doing well at all and my joints hurt.

hungryhungryhippooo58 karma

Maybe it's time to rethink your diet...

dan42183170 karma

The diet is over in 3 hours.

beanfiend33 karma

Is it worth it?

dan42183124 karma

The joy of oatmeal is surpassed by very few things in this world. Given the chance to do it again I would.

I know my time with nothing but oatmeal is coming to a close and can not go on forever, but it was amazing.

chocolate_eclare18 karma

How many oatmeals do you eat a day?

dan4218340 karma

one to five or six.

askthattomy27016 karma

Do you know if you lost mostly muscle or mostly fat?

dan4218325 karma

I'm actually stornger now than I was 100 days ago, but my joints don't feel good. I feel like maybe a 50 day Oatmeal only diet would have made me really strong and not taken such a toll on my aching back and knees.

F-Minus16 karma

How much weight have you lost? Your Colon must be polished to a fine luster by now, do you plan on having it photographed?

dan4218313 karma

12 pounds, hadn't thought about it until now, maybe.

dan4218315 karma

This pizza is better than Jesus.

dan4218312 karma

28 Minutes to pizza!

swangPANDAswang5 karma

would you like some dhaansaak?

dan4218314 karma

Ain't nobody got time for that.

sharkuppercut2 karma

Did you lose any significant amount of weight because of it?

dan421836 karma

I lost 12 pounds.

skweezyjibbs91 karma

What type of oatmeal?

dan421833 karma

Plain, but I ate it with Soymilk to avoid getting scurvy since Soy Milk has vitamin C in it.