Comments: 1523 • Responses: 32  • Date: 

toobesteak1056 karma

So uh...how did that make you feel?

throwaway1073860 karma

Hahahaha, pretty crappy. I had a secret pen and notebook (you weren't meant to have pens, incase you tried to stab yourself I guess)

The girl I shared a bathroom with never spoke to me once, but I befriended a bipolar man, who played wii tennis with me and told me about his kids who he was trying to get better for. He was an incredible artist and he painted me a bonsai tree with chinese words that I think say 'peace happiness and love' before I finally left. It was sweet.

There was also a girl around my age who escaped with me to the park one day. The doctors told her she had teenage angst as well, but I may have peeked at her diary and she definitely had more problems than that. I think about her sometimes, and I really hope she's getting better. She was lovely.

toobesteak291 karma

What did you do with the pen and notebook?
A. Doodle your days away
B. Write down your inner most thoughts and feelings
C. Fill it with raps like biggy did when he went to prison
D. all of the above

throwaway1073280 karma

Mostly B, but a little of D. Mind you, I can't rap for shit, so it was mostly really depressing attempts of cheering myself up.

BIGGERthanreligion216 karma

Poetry is a great way to express yourself. You might not be Snoop Lion, but don't be ashamed of what you are.

throwaway107377 karma

You are the best person.

mockylock77 karma

Did they have a big table with people drawing things with their fists?

Mind did.

throwaway1073102 karma

We had a big table, but it was mostly people painting or drawing normally. The tv area was full of the silent people who would sit and stare.

luv4ever2258 karma

What kind of problems does she have?

throwaway1073135 karma

I couldn't say for sure, I think there was just a lot in her mind that she wasn't dealing with. From what she told me she took a lot of mind altering drugs as an escape, and from what I read she had such a deep hatred of herself and absolute dependence on others to love her.

mockylock367 karma

I had a breakdown over a chick once and went to the ER for quick help to calm down. They sent me home in a cab and it dropped me off at a psych ward where they took me inside.

Like you, they told me I was fine, but I still couldn't leave. And I had a job that they wouldn't let me call to explain.


throwaway1073199 karma

Haha a lot of my final breakdown had to do with a guy I was seeing, and the demise of the 'relationship' brought out all of the flaws in my life choices, and I couldn't deal with it. Not his fault at all, but definitely an eye opener to me.

Luckily, I was really close with my boss and she was a major part of convincing me to admit myself.

They should have let you call, that's ridiculous. Not sure where you're from, but Australia has a system called 'official visitors' or something like that, who work as advocates for inpatients.

How are you feeling now?

mockylock80 karma

Ah.. that was when I was around 21, I'm 36 now. Since then I've learned how to deal with abuse from women. ;)

But, honestly, I needed someone to talk to that wasn't my friends who heard me whine about it all the time... it was before the whole internet explosion. I do have to say that after the whole incident, I was DAMN sure that I was okay and glad to be out. Was definitely an eye-opener.

throwaway107372 karma

I think that was what pushed me to do it. The idea of having someone who would listen without having their own agenda or wanting gossip. Unfortunately, I was confronted with an environment which was more focused on medicating my problems away.

AllisonChains9022 karma

What kind of breakdown? You took yourself to the ER because of a breakup??

throwaway107345 karma

Not sure who this question was for, but I'll answer it too. No, but the breakup was caused by my ridiculous insecurities and distrust of men. Throughout the breakup process, he messed with my head a lot, and it revealed to me my complete instability.

voiceofnoone234 karma

Are you still there?

edit: Portal Turret is real

throwaway1073136 karma

No, this happened a few months ago, but I haven't really spoken about it, so I thought this might be cathartic.

mbutter32141 karma


throwaway1073297 karma

They gave me no reason. I tried to check out the next day, they told me I had to stay and start taking new medication. I said I wanted to beat this drug free, as a bad reaction to new anti-depressants is what landed me there in the first place.

Then suddenly, my doctor was away and I couldn't see anyone else, then I needed to attend more therapy, then I wasn't doing enough in group sessions, then my doctor was back, but he was too busy to see me, then I had to make peace with my mum before I could leave, then I couldn't leave unless it was into a responsible adults care. (Please note I live in Australia, so by law I was an adult at this stage...)

pizzabyjake117 karma

Sounds like a blatant money grab. This screams scam.

throwaway1073144 karma

It was all paid for by medicare though, that's the thing. I didn't leave a cent out of pocket. (Except for what I should have been earning at work, I guess)

mockylock28 karma

Same here, I don't believe I even received a bill (though I had insurance), as it was run by the state.

throwaway107321 karma

It was weird though, I remember there was a clause that was like, if you use private health care, you can pick your doctor but you have to pay money, and if you just stick to medicare, you cop the doctor they give you and you don't have to pay anything.

mockylock30 karma

They don't think you're wise enough to make the decision to leave, but financial decisions are definitely not off the board. You'd have to be insane to want to pay.... but... maybe it's a test o_O

throwaway107317 karma

I definitely passed that one! Rather, my bank account balance forced me to pass that one.

SeanMoore7 karma

The money comes from somewhere.

throwaway107327 karma

Thanks Julia Gillard, I guess?

mockylock4 karma


throwaway107315 karma

I used to stash all my money in my shoe. Made things awkward when I needed to pay for things and I'd forgotten to take it out prior.

mbutter3227 karma


throwaway107334 karma

I guess. I don't know how keeping the reason from me was meant to help me though.

mangage19 karma

How did you get out?

throwaway107379 karma

In the end, I had a really tearful conversation with my mum, told her where I was and that she had to come and get me so I could leave. She'd always kind of discounted my mental instability, and I think this was a big eye opener for her as well. She had to come up for 3 days and see the doctors separately and together before they would release me completely into her care. We talked about a lot and our relationship is pretty strong now.

meekcarpenter25 karma

How were the patients generally treated? Was the staff made up of complete douche-bags, or did they actually respect the mentally ill?

throwaway107364 karma

There was one nurse, who was the kindest, most caring lady. She and maybe three of the other nurses were so respectful and genuinely wanted to help.

Then there were the bitchy ones who were clearly just trying to get experience, would spend their whole shift watching movies in their locked room and completely ignore everyone else, or the control freaks who would talk down to you, make things up and put them on your file so the doctors thought you weren't complying, etc.

escaped_reddit24 karma

do you regret failing at committing suicide?

throwaway107361 karma


The biggest tipping point of that was my friend succeeded a few weeks later. He was the most incredible person and I was so filled with anger that I'd failed and he'd succeeded when it should have been the other way around. I still regret it sometimes, but so many good things have happened since then that it's become something I've started to see as an important part of my past, but that needs to have no impact on my future.

TacticalHijack9 karma

Wouldn't being held there against your will be considered illegal imprisonment?

throwaway107316 karma

Yeah I guess.

In the long run, I've come to realise that I wouldn't have made such a huge leap in recovery had I left when I wanted to, but at the time it was really scary, and the other patients agreed that something wasn't right.

Flantastic1856 karma

Nothing is ever right in psych wards... atleast the one i went to these people were less qualified to help people than me.

throwaway107311 karma

Totally agree, I had one good nurse, and I dreaded every time she wasn't on. Some of them are absolute control freaks who are convinced everyone in there is a lesser person. Makes me really mad.

TacticalHijack12 karma

Sounds like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

throwaway10737 karma

I never finished reading that book. Maybe I should.

mockylock4 karma

Yeah, it's good in some ways that they force you to really think things over.

throwaway10739 karma

I had so much time to myself with no phone and visiting hours were pretty limited, so there wasn't much else to do but think. I had a notepad and I was able to kind of fashion my mind into the person I wanted to work towards being, as opposed to the jaded, twisted, shadow of a person I was then.

I'm getting there now, which is nice. Off the drugs (both illegal and legal) too, which I think has helped a lot. Forces me to deal with things in reality, stops me from spending so much time trying to escape.

mockylock10 karma

I think they have legal authority as a type of "guardian" at that point, if they have reason to believe you may hurt yourself. They pump you full of drugs and then you really aren't able to make logical decisions if you walk out the door.

TacticalHijack9 karma

That sounds like a horrible Catch 22; that you can't leave because you're you lack the mental faculties, and you lack the mental faculties because you're drugged, and you're drugged because you lack the mental faculties.

throwaway107313 karma

And if you resist the drugs, they find other ways to drug you.

I wouldn't take the anti-depressants, so they demanded I take the sleeping pills, which turned out to be horribly addictive. Spent about a week feeling so sick after I cold turkey stopped them, because nobody told me.

baddspellar4 karma

Jon Ronson talks about a case like this in this Ted Talk. He presents the case of "Tony", who convinced doctors he had a mental illness in order to avoid a prison sentence for fighting. He consequently served an indeterminate sentence at Broadmoor, as he was not able to prove he wasn't really mentally ill and ready for release. It starts at 2:00 in, but the whole talk is so entertaining you might want to listen to the whole thing.

This is one of the many reasons I'm so troubled about the calls to identify and commit the mentally ill following the Newtown tragedy. Pretty much anyone could be diagnosed with some mental illness or another at some point in their life.

throwaway10733 karma

That's cool, I will definitely watch that, I love TED talks.

There's meant to be a ridiculously high rate of mental illness worldwide, but I think just plain sadness gets turned into depression and things spiral onwards from there.

Datsmell-3 karma

Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horse or 1 horse sized duck?

throwaway107332 karma

Hahahaha! That's easy. I'd rather fight neither, but I would prefer to face one horse sized duck, in the hopes of taming it and becoming queen of the pond.

metal_in_my_junk8 karma

Have you ever been attacked by a duck? Sorta unnerving how angry they get and how hard they can hit despite their size.
Swan? Terrifying, just run.
Emu? Fucking forget it. I was just glad I was only taking care of it for my neighbor and it was in it's pen. That's right, it was in it's pen and I was STILL scared of it.
Horse sized duck? Nope.

throwaway107310 karma

I've totally been chased by a duck, it was a scary moment.

There's an emu at taronga zoo in an open enclosure that you can walk through. Everyone ran scared of the emu, and I walked around with it, my hand over it's shoulders. We were the best of friends.

metal_in_my_junk1 karma

I took care of my neighbors birds while they were away for a summer. Ducks, chickens, geese, and two constantly pissed off emus. I tried to be friends, but they would have none of it.

throwaway10731 karma

Hahaha bitchy birds are the worst.