zakbroman128 karma2014-01-08 08:57:44 UTC
Be white, jesus pose, Beatport top 100, yell "get the fuck up" repeatedly on the mic before some shitty EDM drop. You are now a successful DJ in Chinar.
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zakbroman82 karma2014-01-08 08:40:05 UTC
Laduzi (read: diarrhea from spicy/oily Chinese food) is a motherfucker. Funny you mention it, it recently happened to me at work. My wife had made some spicy Sichuan hot pot the night before, so at around 10AM, I feel the explosive urge to shit. Initially I tried going to my factory dormitory to laduzi in private, but when I get there I discover the ayi (read: housekeeper) apparently likes to take a shower every morning in my room, so I'm locked out of my own fucking bathroom. There isn't an elevator in my dormitory and I reside on the fifth floor, so with each step I can feel my asshole puckering to contain all of the laduzi as I run around trying to find a bathroom in my factory. What do you know - all of the Western toilet stalls in my department are occupied. I resign to using the factory workers' bathrooms, which consist of a bunch of squat stalls that stop at eye-level, don't have doors (just those small swinging doors you see in saloons, the name escapes me) so I'm assaulted by the sight of a bunch of Chinese dudes squatting, shitting, and smoking while playing on their iPhone 88s as I try to find an empty stall. I finally find an empty one at the end of the bathroom. I discover that this style of Chinese toilet is merely just one long trench running underneath all of the stalls before it, meaning there is actually a river of shit flowing towards the hole in the ground in my stall. I am struggling to squat as I expel the demonic Sichuan hot pot as it mixes in with all of the other shit from the stalls next to me. It was a horrible experience.
But no, I never call out of work when laduzi calls. It is also pretty much impossible to work entirely from home in this type of career. I did call out once for food poisoning, though.
zakbroman64 karma2014-01-08 08:51:42 UTC
You are wrong about 5,000 years of history. It's actually 8,888 years of history and Chairman Mao is the best Chairman of all Chairmans.
zakbroman55 karma2014-01-08 07:59:55 UTC
Heh, I've never really summarized my life until this point. I've come a long way. I almost dropped out of high school, slept in my car for a bit, overcame a drug addiction, almost unintentionally killed myself a few times, worked numerous corporate gigs, studied Chinese at a university, toured nationally as a DJ, spent a few times in jail, etc etc. I'm not proud of my past at some points, but it's something I can't avoid and has shaped me into the person I am today. The best advice I can give to anybody trying to pull off crazy shit like working in China is to just do it - don't try, just tell yourself you're going to do it and then go out and do it. You can't plan on a life in China - you need to just buy a fucking plane ticket and wing it. That's what I did.
zakbroman48 karma2014-01-08 08:43:22 UTC
I come from Boston, I'm 25 years old, I work in shoe development, I'm not at liberty to talk about salary because of my contract (but it's over $60k USD a year), I rent a house for about $600USD a month, I'm looking to buy a car this month, holy shit ratsta you motherfucker pulling a Rainy on me goddamn I hate you
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