zainyogini

The craziest thing I've ever heard... That's a tough one. The other day we had a non-sequitur - "My birthday isn't on the calendar it's July 18th."

"It's August, Anne."
"Oh, well I came here because I wanted to tell you that I want a bag of pretzels."

We have a lot of salad talkers and people that ask for their parents, actually. Once they read late-middle stage, people generally think they are children again and don't believe that their reflection is actually theres. We had a resident that we needed to cover his mirror because he would always try to fight his reflection.

I had a resident tell me she needed to tend to her 12 year old brother and she was 89 at the time.

Generally I have become desensitized to the whole process. In fact, some residents I truly loved as my own family that have come to pass have not phased me, at least not perceptibly. It is almost a "business as usual" type thing. It is a fun job more than depressing, actually. This job has provided me with a more uplifting approach to death. It has taught me that someone could be completely vibrant and vital one day and the next, gone. That spirit doesn't just disappear. It is still out there somewhere.

The youngest patient we have ever had was 69 years old and she was late, late stage. Honestly, it is probably the saddest patient I have seen. She probably could have been diagnosed in her 40s and she was totally gone. She loved babies and you could tell she was a wonderful mom; we would give her a baby doll to hold and she would cradle it and treat it like her own child. She would always shout to call the police whenever we tried to help her with care, getting ready for bed, etc. (I work second shift primarily) She left us about 4 years ago and is now in the skilled unit, which is the last stage in a retirement home. Her husband is completely intact and visits her daily, as do her children and extended family. The whole situation was depressing, when I am generally unaffected by the situations.

Currently, our youngest patient is 80. It's usually 75-97. Our oldest is 97 and she is strong and sharp, can't see her budging anytime soon.

Since I have been working here for 6 years and have had many jobs in between those years and quit, it is a given that I love it. My job is extremely rewarding in so many ways. The residents are like surrogate grandparents. They love you and recognize you, even though they can't say it. One of the best moments of my job is when residents with late stage dementia recognizes me. One day, I was walking with a man that could barely formulate a sentence due to his late stage. He was being bothered and heckled by other residents because of his confusion. We sat at the end of the hallway to avoid the chaos and he looked at me and said, "You know, you're a really good person." I still get chills from that.

From a psychological standpoint, it is interesting to see each personality deteriorate and, because dementia does not have one face, it is different with everyone. you learn a lot about a person this way. But, there is still a human quality and something that keeps them unique to everyone else.

Not to mention, I have so many hilarious stories. Residents peeing in so many places you could never think of. I could go on for hours.

First of all, I can't imagine how difficult that is to handle as a family member. Especially since she has plead to you for help. That must be heart wrenching. Is your grandmother living on her own? Does she still drive? Does family support her and visit often? My recommendation would be to discuss this issue with whoever is her power of attorney, which is typically one of her children, and explain your concern.

In terms of how to deal with her memory issues with her and situations that come up, it depends largely on an individual basis. Is your grandmom the type of person that is used to being active and in control of herself? If so maybe confrontation isn't the best thing. Trial and error is the best way. Sometimes reason or siting past experiences is useless, because they do not remember them. Work at it to the best of your ability in the moment and see how she responds. Every situation may provoke a different response. I recommend talking with everyone in the family, too. Have a family discussion of sorts to keep things consistent across the board. If there is absolutely anything else you are curious and concerned about with this, please do not hesitate to ask. It's a difficult thing and when it's not something you have exposure to, it feels foreign. Best wishes to you and your grandmother. Spend as much time with her as you can.