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woden_spoon31 karma

Hi Jason,

I don’t exactly suffer from performance anxiety, but—even after 15 years of marriage to a beautiful woman (out of my league, for sure)—I continue to struggle with initiation anxiety. Once I’m warmed up, or if my wife initiates sex, I have no problem pleasuring and/or being pleasured. But when it comes to initiating sex, I become self-conscious and hyper-aware of my wife’s body-language.

I’ve been to a couple of therapists over the years, partly because of this issue, but I've never gotten past it.

My question: have you suffered from anxiety while initiating sex? If so (or even if not) do you have any wisdom to impart around that?

woden_spoon1 karma

Are these the grandchildren of Devendra Varma? A friend of mine was a student of Varma at Dalhousie in Halifax, and she lent me Varma's book, The Gothic Flame.

I majored in Gothic lit in college, but hadn't read Varma's work until that. What a great book. Varma's enthusiasm for the genre is really contagious.