whotookthenamezandl

I felt (a) unprepared, (b) underqualified, and (c) unsupported.

(a) The majority of the knowledge I gained during my time in college was of no use to me whatsoever. Most of the focus was on early childhood students and my professors all told me (us, I guess) that all we had to do was trust our students and be there for them and everything else would fall into place. When myself and others in my cohort in school would ask about more 'refined' behavioral issues (for lack of a better term), they'd shrug it off and say "Just do this and you won't have that problem." Everything was so idealistic for them and it became obvious later on how out of touch with teaching they were. So when I landed my job, I was naïve as could be and was overwhelmed from the second it started by student behaviors, shifting policies within the district/state, and the sheer workload.

(b) Beyond just not bracing for a realistic classroom setting, my school was a full inclusion setting, meaning kids in special education attended general education classes as often as possible. I love the system and think it's the way to go, but I had almost no realistic education for how to approach moderate/severe disabilities as a teacher. I didn't really know any of the available accessibility technologies or techniques for actually getting the major points across. Even assessing a student with severe disabilities was an enigma for me. I reached out for help from various sources, but each person told me so many different and conflicting things that I never managed to get it right.

(c) In the two weeks prior to the school year, I discovered I wouldn't have curriculum for my students. That's, like, a big deal. It's the road map of what you teach, and when/how to teach it. There was no mentor from the district that was promised when I was hired earlier in the summer. There were no textbooks or class novels. I had to work in the librarian at my school to apply for a state grant just to BUY THE PREVIOUS YEAR'S NOVELS, as I was then going off of that curriculum. My principal was letting all the 'rough' parents walk all over her when she was supposed to be a barrier between them and us teachers. Upper administration in the district had very little concern for any of my grievances, too, as there were a number of seat swaps in the headquarters and policies changing just as rapidly.

I never claimed to be a great teacher and I do blame much of my hardship on myself, but I was certainly never given an environment to thrive in.

I was a fifth-grade student teacher for a full semester at a public school in a substantially wealthy area of Phoenix. My teacher was a 60-year-old hippie who had been at the school for 20 years, so everybody knew him and respected him before they even met him. It was terrifically simple and straightforward, and there were almost no behavioral issues or students with genuine learning difficulties. The school also had a considerable amount of extra money from outside donations to afford extra paraprofessional staff and technologies/opportunities for the kids. Then I went and took a job at a Title I (low-income area) school with students whose parents were imprisoned or who didn't know where their next meal would come from on the weekends.

Really, though, it wasn't the kids. Any of those kids one-on-one were tremendously self-aware and able to evaluate complex situations/problems. It was the mob mentality during whole-class instruction and less constructive times that was difficult.

Teaching to the test, mostly, and then probably lack of support in state/federal politics, underfunding, and feeling like teachers don't have a voice.

It seemed that every two weeks was another mandated test from either the district, state, or federal level. These tests were also in between my own subject tests and reading level diagnostic exams. I felt so bad for the kids, for how long and how many times they had to sit in the computer lab and click/type away their imaginations and creativity. My two other colleagues in sixth grade decided to take recess out of the school day, too, because there simply was no time to get everything required done. I am a huge proponent of recess time in school (and I think they were, too), but I couldn't disagree with their logic.

Worst moment and best moment revolved around the same incident. It definitely had to be the one regarding a troublesome student who came from a rough background and was consistently having trouble fitting in. He and I were always closer than most other students were to me and, despite his (and my) shortcomings, our relationship grew into a strong trust over time.

During parent/teacher conferences in which us three teachers all met the parents at once (because fuck 90 different meetings for EACH teacher), one of my colleagues mentioned that she saw the student stealing food from another student's lunchbox and bribing another for food. I, personally, had never witnessed this and was honestly a little surprised when I heard it. Well, Mom went home and shamed the kid and he roared in during my first class the next day and shouted me out, screaming that he trusted me and thought I'd be there for him and how I lied just to get him into trouble to keep him under control at home. ... It's tough to even recall the memory as it's still so vivid in my mind. Eventually, he apologized and I did, too, as for all he knew I DID say those things - I couldn't just say the other teacher lied or whatever. We ended the school year amicably with a giant hug and he promised me he'd go on to do good things with his life and help others like himself.

Occasionally. The system is so broken in Arizona, though, that the pay for paraprofessionals is barely above minimum wage and requires a hauntingly minimal amount of certification. This caused us to have somewhat of a revolving door when it came to our para staff, unfortunately. The paras we had were unsupportive, quiet, and would rarely act without being told exactly what to do. A talented para should be taking my cues as a general education teacher and modifying/accommodating off of that. I'm obviously still the teacher for the student receiving extra support, but the para is the bridge on most things.