veitchforthestars

Holy SHIT BALLS I was in Dubai and this guy yelled “Karl” and I was like wtf? And then he was like “Kristmas Karl” and I was still like “wt actual f” and then he said “Khristmas_Karl” and he actually SAID the underscore so then I realised he thought I was you and he then proceeded to bang on about all your equivocating about your Tiaguan 2013 Treadline and how cool your sourdough was and, tbh, I didn’t have the heart to tell him and to this day he still thinks he met you.

they are upstairs in a bag in my bedroom taking up space

Am I LITERALLY HAVING TO RELOAD THE PAGE for more comments?

You're super welcome; and I want you to know I was in no way coerced into doing this by the publishers who are publishing my book which has a few new scams in it from the one before.

I'm gonna use your a, b, c thing but I don't like it one bit.

a) I mean I was performing it at gigs way before the talk so, I don't know, I'd probs performed it about 50 times before then. Honed it down into a polished gem; that's what I do. If you hone something into a polished gem you basically don't have to think creatively again.

b) yes and no. I find when I think about it too much I get tight and tightness is the opposite of what you want when trying to be funny. What I'm saying is you want to be loose. I could have said that far more succinctly but you don't understand what it's like; I'm playing animal crossing and I am having significant problems with diagonal bridges.

c) Ok. Nervousism? I let another guy above get away with "proposterous" but nervousism? Basically, it's not really stuttering; my family does a lot of it. It's like keeping on saying things until the right thing comes out. My sister's called Hannah and, to this day, my mother will say "H'James" bc she was going to say Hannah. I don't know what i'm saying so let me clarify;

I have always spoken like this; I've discovered, though, that allowing it to happen in certain places is funnier than others. Often times it works really well with the slides because I am deliberately preventing myself from saying the thing that I'm meant to be saying so that people are forced to read it for themselves rather than hearing it from me. So I basically heighten it sometimes but I'm always buffering.

Unless you think it's comedic genius in which case it's entirely contrived.

probably fifteen to