tyrandan286 karma2013-10-22 14:13:53 UTC
I am so sorry to hear that. It's awesome that the killers were caught. My dad was also murdered. I was 4 at the time and the killers were never jailed, and still walk free today, so reading stories like yours always make me tear up for justice being served. I am also glad to see you are getting through this.
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tyrandan261 karma2013-10-22 15:21:52 UTC
Oh, no! Don't feel that way at all. It just brought back some painful memories, but I am very happy for you that they were caught. I'm not bitter or anything about my dad's killers walking free. I've learned that if I let myself be controlled by what happened, then the killers win. So forgiveness and forgetting is the only option for me, because I want to live a happy, healthy life as a way of proving that their acts ultimately were in vain.
But it has been hard. I have a few very blurry pictures of my dad, but I also try to think of them so I won't forget his face. I lost my mom to cancer last November, so I've been thinking about them both a lot this past year. You post reminded me (when the cops told your mom etc.) of when my family came together and told me about it. My Mom couldn't do it, so my uncle stepped up and told me my dad was gone. I don't remember this too well, but they said I was kind of indifferent, since I didn't understand what that meant. They said I just walked over to my toys, picked out one that my dad gave me, and started playing with it. So I don't know, maybe I did understand it on some level.
But of course, being so young, most of what I know of him is from those blurry pictures and what people have told me. One of the only real memories I have of him is of me and him walking home on a sidewalk. He reached behind my ear and "pulled out" a piece of gum, and then gave it to me. I asked him if he could pull apples out of my ears as well. He said maybe if I put apple seeds in them first. It's a silly little memory, but it's one of the few I have of him. I think the only reason I still remember it is because I was at his viewing/funeral. I watched him in the casket while everyone told me he was just asleep. I turned to my grandma, my aunt and then my mom and asked if they could pull gum out of my ears. They were crying so my grandma just handed me some gum. I think that's when I first realized something was wrong.
Sorry, my post is getting a little long. I didn't mean to make you feel ignorant, but we could all probably use some humbleness. Getting over his death (and especially the circumstances it happened under) took a lot of learning humility, because when I was old enough to understand what happened (I'm 21 now), I immediately felt enraged and wanted revenge. My whole personality changed, and I became almost obsessed with justice and revenge. I felt like I had been dealt a bad hand in life, and it wasn't fair, so I wanted to fix it. I wanted to kill the people that killed my dad. Eventually I realized it wasn't worth it, because by doing that it ensured the killers were still in control. So I decided to try and make myself more humble, and more forgiving. I'm glad I did, because I am a happy person now. The memories are still sad, and painful, but I understand the past is the past.
You're right, ideal would be them coming back. But I've faced the fact that it won't ever happen, both for my dad and my mom. Instead, I try to let them live through me, by respecting the memory of them and living the good things they taught me to be and learning from the mistakes they made throughout their life as well.
Man, I'm sorry again. This is your AMA, not mine, haha. I didn't mean to spill my life's story to you. I think what you are doing is great, there are a lot of people out there who still hurt from their loss, so reading stories like yours help them see that the sorrow doesn't last, and things get better.
tyrandan217 karma2014-01-02 16:03:55 UTC
This isn't unheard of, it is rare but there have been other cases of women not knowing they were pregnant and then giving birth.
tyrandan27 karma2019-02-07 16:32:32 UTC
I hate I missed this earlier, but what kinds of novels do you write?
tyrandan25 karma2014-01-02 16:26:48 UTC
Wow.... TIL. Haha. Seriously though, I don't know why OP is getting so much criticism from people, saying he should have seen the signs. it happened, it's a thing, get over it already.
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