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Overly Attached Mom

Blender has many addons for specialized items — such as bolts and landscapes. While I haven't actually used it, Sverchok can also be used for parametric item creation.

"It wasn't my fault... this time"

I would, but I'm too lazy.

It would be possible to use Chrome Remote Desktop and run Blender on a remote machine, although that would be a huge hack and there would be network latency problems.

Or you could just install Crouton or Chrubuntu.