tossawayforeasons

40 year old guy here. I was just lamenting how hard my life's been and now seeing a new perspective of hardship. I don't often read whole long posts like this, but I read your whole story here and a lot of your replies.

I'm sorry life is hard. It's some real shit, and just when you get a handle on the previous shit, new shit happens. Over and over.

Your story is brutally honest and you have a warrior-poet spirit to be able to recount it all with the attitude you have. I scrolled down and was taken back at how young and full of life you look.

I'll try a little harder. If you can do it, so can I.

For me the turning point was when I started actually imagining and "planning" how I could end my life.

It's fine to wish you don't exist and don't have to deal with life's shit, but once you start actively thinking about how to end your own life, that's the time that you need help.

When I realized I was having those thoughts I had to do some serious soul-searching to decide if I actually wanted to live and see the upcoming movies and take care of my wife and experience this amazing world, or check out and face the unknown.

I called a local mental health clinic the next day, they accepted my insurance and set me up to meet a psychiatrist and a therapist. I got on meds and learned some tricks to keep from going to that dark place, and it turned my life around.

Seriously, if anyone out there is having these thoughts, you're not alone and you're not defective or stupid or broken beyond repair. Send me a PM if you need to talk about it, I've been there and I came out of it, you can too.