tmkl2678

the short answer is that physical stimulation is only a small part of sex and orgasm. During your everyday life, there is a balance between the brain areas that make you feel turned on (desire...) and those keep you from just having sex all the time (planning areas).

During actual orgasm, far more brain regions are turned off than turned on. so having a good time during sex is all about getting all the parts of your brain that suppress your sexual urges to turn off. That's a much bigger factor for most people than the physical stimulation.

certainly, common suppressors include being worried about body image (very common), performance anxiety (either being 'bad in bed' or ironically being stressed about not being able to orgasm), worried about getting pregnant - really anything that gets her worried about the future or makes her feel self-conscious. Yeah, I realize that could be almost anything, but exploring these ideas in a conversation with her could help identify some potential suppressors.

always love a good sex pun. For most women, whether or not they orgasm has a lot to do with their sexual suppressors (just playing the odds here). And for many women, stress is a big one. Very common is that too much stress will make it hard for a woman to have an orgasm, since she'll be distracted otherwise, and could explain why she sometimes has an orgasm and sometimes doesn't.

interesting question. Activity in a brain region (particularly one related to orgasm) can spread between cells. What we think happens is that once a certain number of cells are activated, they increase the activity of the rest of the cells in that brain area and you get past the point of no return.

the easiest way to keep the brain activity spreading from happening is to slow down your sexual experience. for example, focus on different body areas for stimulation and take turns focusing on one partner or the other (if you have one). A very slow ramp up of brain activity will make the spreading happen more slowly and when you do orgasm it will usually be better.