tigrrbaby

I wonder if the closeness actually helps, because there's nobody that is closer than siblings and nobody fights better than siblings :)

Kind of two reasons (maybe more).

First of all, the grocery store computer already has things marked as "grocery/non-grocery" for tax purposes. The payment card (SNAP/food stamp) basically will apply its payment to anything that is marked "grocery". If you add any other steps to this, it becomes much less efficient: having to add a yes/no marker for "approved SNAP food item" into the database for every single item that has a bar code would be a huge pain. You can't ask the cashiers to make those judgements, both for their own personal safety and to avoid fraud in both directions ("Hey buddy, yeah, I rang up your cigarettes as food today, swipe your SNAP card" or "Nah man, that cheap bread is not an approved item, but $4/loaf bread is").

Secondly, it is so SO complicated to try and make up rules about what would be allowed and what wouldn't be allowed... Think of the following scenarios:

• I feed my family healthily as I can, and don't waste any money, EVER, and am extremely responsible. My kid won't get any birthday presents, but I wanted to make something special for his birthday, this one day out of the year. I'll bake cupcakes. Wait... if I can buy flour/sugar/eggs/etc and make a cake, why would the government bother to block me from buying a Duncan Hines boxed cake mix? How does the system know whether I'm an unhealthy slob or a responsible, loving parent trying to make a special one-time exception? What about the person in the middle who wishes they could get one box of brownies a month just for their own happiness? Is that not allowed because it's not on the approved health list?
• Where do you draw the line with "healthy-enough" foods and drinks? Is pizza healthy enough? Is a microwave burrito healthy enough? Is any microwave dinner healthy enough? Why that one and not the other five sold by the same company? Wheat bread is healthy, but is white bread healthy enough to qualify? What about cereal? They are often heavily fortified with vitamins, so that they may allow a person to make up nutritional deficits, but they're chock full of sugar. What will your criteria be for healthy vs. unhealthy cereals?
• If you can come up with healthy-enough guidelines, like lean meat is fine but too much sugar and carbs are not, and you give your recipients a dollar limit for the month, they may not be able to buy meals for every day, or they may STILL refuse to buy balanced meals: Since you approved white bread, I'm going to eat a jelly sandwich at every meal for two weeks. I want meat, but it costs 7.99/lb, so I guess I'm not buying any vegetables this week.

So rather than deal with that absolute quagmire of decisions, if it's marked as a grocery item, the SNAP card will cover it.

Probably the most interesting, least repetitive question in the thread

Although, taken with the other items, I agree that these are danger signs, as the mother of a very anxious, perfectionist child, I will also say that the first one is not indicative of abuse by itself.

Our son has extremely high standards of behavior for himself, and adhd which interferes with his focus and impulse control. His self talk got so bad (despite our encouragement and caring) that he was suicidal at age seven. I'm glad to report that the counselor we immediately sought helped significantly... But we still see that hyperbolic verbal self-abuse (i am the worst baseball player ever, i will never hit the ball, i always mess up, i am the worst person in this family, i shouldn't be allowed to be in this family, you shouldn't want to help me) and unfortunately lack of impulse control often means he is screaming it at those who are trying to help him, which makes it look like defiance or aggression.

It is a slow road, and we are supportive and loving, have always tried to set him straight on the hyperbole and never said anything like "you are stupid" etc. He is just like that and we struggle constantly to improve his self image.

So anyhow like i said, single warning signs might be nothing (as far as abuse). Multiple ones, like you mention, support the possibility of each other one being legit.

i really wish they had answered this. it's a good question :/