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throwinitallawai63 karma

Yeah exactly. My guitar teacher worked at a local music store at the time and he and some others from his property were frequent customers and he knew the guy by name (though nothing about what went on at the compound; though he’d been invited, he never went).

throwinitallawai22 karma

To add to this, regret and guilt I think can be part of coping. (Granted, they can turn very maladaptive.)

I say this after the loss of a 21 year partnership that happened very suddenly and unexpectedly while I was concurrently hobbled by burnout at work. It created severe grief for me, and my partner took my already enhanced feelings of inadequacy at handling my professional life and turned them on me about my personal life.

It later took a therapist to point out that my going through a hard time, in a loving relationship, was a time for them to reach out and try to help, not to bail. How many times have we all reacted to friends in hard spots with more love and compassion, not leaving?

So I had taken so much more of the focus and responsibility and guilt about our relationship ending than was reasonable, when I was willing to work on things as soon as they were pointed out, etc.

But I heard a piece on NPR by a mother of a terminally ill child who spoke about how much guilt she had about the illness her child had, and how in a way, it was her trying to maintain control.

It was easier to hate herself than to admit the world isn’t fair and we do not control what happens around us most of the time.

I really think that is how the feeling of regret helped me. It did help in the ways of really trying to see what I needed to do differently moving forward.

But also, it was “training wheels” to the larger existential truth of loss of the illusion of control that I needed to face when I was ready.

throwinitallawai10 karma

I mean...Especially in a 2-person race where he obviously believes in his own stance, and can’t possibly “spoil” the establishment candidate, why not?

He’s talked elsewhere about moving the “Overton window.” The only reason Biden has absorbed some of the more progressive ideas he has is because of the popular support they gained during the primaries (as espoused by other candidates, who were more progressive on individual issues by far than the Dem party as an establishment entity).

You have to be willing to push the ideas further, and campaigning is a great way to quickly expose people to new ideas.

When something more progressive starts to circulate, some will gravitate toward it. As it gains more popularity, it makes the other, less progressive (and by definition, more little-c conservative) idea seem much less radical than it had to some, and they start wishing for the platform of the more conservative candidate, when they may not have before.

It’s a incremental ratcheting-forward of the discourse.

It’s not a bad thing, especially in an otherwise-unopposed race.

throwinitallawai9 karma

Devil’s advocate:

How does never having lived there?

That is to say, it may not be full assimilation, but familiarity is better than what most have.
(To be clear, I have no skin in this game; I just think he doesn’t seem like he’s suggesting he’s a foreign affairs expert, just that he has some unique first-hand experiences.)

throwinitallawai3 karma

Yeah having that “soldier on” mentality (not military, but military parent) added with the feeling that I’m the one who helps people, not the one who needs help....

It’s a bad combo that led to years of progressive loss of happiness and ultimately some tangible losses as well.

Glad you have a therapist and it is helping. It is so nice to have someone who knows the tricks minds play to help guide you though your own. Perceived circumstance can be so far off of what’s really happening.