throwaway_am1113

I don't think I've ever heard someone speak so bluntly about pretty privilege (that's a good thing)! Are there any resources about it that you'd recommend?

I see how what I said was phrased in a contradictory way. What I meant was that pretty privilege is consistent while it lasts - a conventionally attractive person is still attractive if they wear an unflattering outfit, and will be treated as such.

I don't feel bad or guilty about my privilege. The problem is that it's an easy self-esteem/confidence fix which I want to stop relying on before I lose access to it. I want my acceptance of my own atypicality to NOT be dependent on the knowledge that it will generally be received as "cute" and "quirky" by others.

However, I think focusing on the power in privilege could be very helpful here - using it as a weapon rather than a shield, so to speak. It's hard to hide behind a sword XD

Thanks for the answer!

(throwaway because...masking 😅)

Hi Devon!

I'm in the process of unmasking, and have run into a problem which I can't seem to find any other perspectives on. I'd appreciate any thoughts or related stories you have on it :)

I realise that having this problem in the first place requires massive privilege, but how might a person avoid relying on their conventional physical attractiveness as "compensation" for existing in an atypical way? This thought process looks like: "it's okay if other people think I'm strange because of my autism - I will still be accepted BECAUSE I am conventionally attractive". This leaves self-esteem as an unmasked autistic at the mercy of weight gain, ageing, or a bad hair day.

A person can resist "compensating" for their autism through other conventionally-idealised traits by allowing themselves to behave in ways which contradict those traits. For example, compensation through intelligence might be challenged by being honest about what you don't know, or taking up a hobby which you're not naturally good at. However, conventional attractiveness is relatively static, so compensating through it cannot be resisted in the same way.

This layer of my "mask" may make life much easier now, but it will fade away as I age and bite me in the ass if I don't deal with it, so...yeah.

Btw, I love your Instagram/Medium content and started reading your new book today! I think you're a rad person B-)