throwaway-33334

Yeah, no ragrets.

FYI... Dying folks don't all of a sudden become old wise sages on a mountain top. But if I had to cook down my life wisdom, it would be: it's all about human connections. nothing else matters. not money, looks, prestige, job titles, accomplishments, etc.

Look at the 2-10 people closest to you. THEY are the only thing that matter. treat them well. spend time with them. Enjoy them. They are the only "permanent things" in your life. Everything else quickly fades away. Your cool clothes, your fast car, your past glories... it's all shit and nobody cares about them.

Connect with people. your people. Life really is short. hug 'em. talk to em. give em stuff. enjoy their company. talk deep thoughts with them. share with them. learn with them.

Well, that's the rub. Do I stick around my home to get chemo and extend my life (but not extending the quality of life) OR... skip chemo, and travel the world a bit. we're doing pro/con lists right now. still undecided.

You are smart to realize that I use humor as a 'shield' to sometimes gloss over real issues. So, how am I really feeling? I'm scared shitless. I am so sorry and panicked to think about my family that I am leaving behind. I will crosstrain my wife on everything I do (taxes, sprinkler blowouts, unplugging a toilet, car oil change timing systems, etc.) in the time I have left. But she'll be scared, angry, confused, alone... god, typing this out makes me crack (emotionally) to be honest. I'm not ready for this. I'll never be ready. My kids and wife will never be ready.

Thanks for everyone who has asked a question that I've (for now) ignored. I'll circle back to you after a night of rest. No offense intended, but it's after midnight, I've had several beers and I need to sleep. So appreciative of all of you caring about a random redditor like me. Makes me tear up just thinking of this anonymous love I'm feeling. Thank you. Thank you. Really... thank you.