Sorry for re-posting, but I wanted to make sure my comment went through...
I'm a 26 year old male, who has a couple of experiences that have been hard for me to get over, but I would love to have a professional's opinion.
When I was a small child, I remember my my mom kissing me all over my body then I pointed to my "weiney," which she then kissed. That was a really awkward moment because I liked it and asked her to do it again, she asked why then didn't... but still, that memory had been burned into my brain and has been very awkward to deal with. ... anytime I receive oral pleasure from a partner, that memory pops up and it's incredibly off-putting. How do I get through this loop??!
Also, when I was 20, my older male homosexual boss invited me over to have a tour of his house. When we got to the last room, he stood there... then, ... I took off my shirt. I have no idea what prompted me to do this. He did not ask for this, but there was a tense quiet moment, so for whatever reason that's what I did. I had a beautiful girlfriend at the time. He then pushed me on the bed and proceeded to put my penis in his mouth... but I purposefully did not come. I zoned out, trying my best to ignore what was happening. After he jerked himself off to orgasm, I got dressed and left.
Was this rape? I always felt terrible because felt I initiated it, even though this was NOT something I was okay with.
I am straight (and know this because I have consensually experimented previously, and did not like the result).
Also, my father committed suicide when I was 15. and I am not sure if I was trying to get a male father-like figure to love me or something.
I feel incredibly fucked up sexually and have not been able to maintain a relationship for over a year since that time.
throw_auway92978 karma
Sorry for re-posting, but I wanted to make sure my comment went through...
I'm a 26 year old male, who has a couple of experiences that have been hard for me to get over, but I would love to have a professional's opinion. When I was a small child, I remember my my mom kissing me all over my body then I pointed to my "weiney," which she then kissed. That was a really awkward moment because I liked it and asked her to do it again, she asked why then didn't... but still, that memory had been burned into my brain and has been very awkward to deal with. ... anytime I receive oral pleasure from a partner, that memory pops up and it's incredibly off-putting. How do I get through this loop??!
Also, when I was 20, my older male homosexual boss invited me over to have a tour of his house. When we got to the last room, he stood there... then, ... I took off my shirt. I have no idea what prompted me to do this. He did not ask for this, but there was a tense quiet moment, so for whatever reason that's what I did. I had a beautiful girlfriend at the time. He then pushed me on the bed and proceeded to put my penis in his mouth... but I purposefully did not come. I zoned out, trying my best to ignore what was happening. After he jerked himself off to orgasm, I got dressed and left.
Was this rape? I always felt terrible because felt I initiated it, even though this was NOT something I was okay with.
I am straight (and know this because I have consensually experimented previously, and did not like the result).
Also, my father committed suicide when I was 15. and I am not sure if I was trying to get a male father-like figure to love me or something.
I feel incredibly fucked up sexually and have not been able to maintain a relationship for over a year since that time.
Thanks for your help...
:/
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