therealthisishannah

This feels like a POV choice between being a realist vs. idealist. In this society, many autistic traits are pathologized, whereas in an ideal society (which we can envision and try to create) all neurotypes would be seen as normal & acceptable. Using idealistic language can help us envision where we hope to go, but it comes at the risk of invalidating people's lived experiences. To use realistic language acknowledges the burden autistic people have had to carry, but can also make the vision of a truly equitable neurodiverse world feel more distant.

Agreed. Maybe a better way to phrase the question is, “if you got the vaccine today, what potential complications would you be concerned about?” or “what will need to happen before you feel safe getting the vaccine yourself and giving it to your loved ones?”

Do you have any advice for self-identified people who have trouble getting others to believe they are autistic? I've only tried disclosing to a few people I'm close to who I believe are capable of understanding, but the most frequent response I get is polite skepticism. Lot's of "if you're autistic" and "maybe it's ADHD + anxiety"

I believe I pass as allistic bc both of my parents are professional actors who coached my behavior as soon as they noticed that I lacked the social instincts common in other kids my age. Also, I've been on a mission to eradicate every blind spot I have about human nature for over a decade via studying psychology/anthropology/hyperfixating on every unfamiliar human behavior I learn about until I feel like I understand it. Every social "instinct" I have was painstakingly learned through trial and error & extensive study.

Maybe my real question is, how do you find the inner resources not to be shattered when people you're close to assume they know you better than you know yourself?

Thank you for this thoughtful response -- my therapist actually just had me read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents & I found it very helpful. Even though my parents value emotional maturity & mental health, they def had some blind spots when bringing me up & that book helped me realize that I took on a lot of responsibility for managing my parents' (and other people's) emotions that never belonged to me.

Looking forward to reading your book and will definitely check out "The Courage to Be Disliked." The process of leaving the "role self" behind is scary as hell, but I can see my admiration for people who've taken great leaps of courage in living authentically as a compass needle for the direction my own growth is trying to take 🙏

Onward to submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known!

I've struggled with imposter syndrome around this as well, and yes the analogy of "you're not really trans unless you get a gender dysphoria diagnosis" & "you're not really bi unless you've slept with both men & women" helped me accept my own internal validation (based on probably hundreds of hours of research & listening to dozens of late/self-diagnosed people tell their stories) as valid. It's still rough when I tell someone I trust about my self-id and they react with skepticism. But I'm working on seeing that skepticism not as a reflection of my self-id's validity but as a reflection of their ignorance on a niche subject matter. Before I had done my research, I also didn't consider the possibility that I could be autistic, so it's no surprise really.

Another perspective that's helped me is that the DSM is constantly being revised, and literally is all made up. People with our neurotype have likely existed as long as human beings have existed and have been conceptualized many different ways and called many different names. Being "diagnosed with autism" just means that you've gone through a lengthy and costly ritual where someone with authority officially certified your inner experience. This tiktok by @ lindsaymakesvideos breaks it down in a way I found helpful.