tastycat

Dissolve Styrofoam in gasoline. Drink juice.

Seized?

Statistically, hundreds of millions of Mandarin-speakers have below average intelligence (for Mandarin-speakers).

Usually AMAs don't make me laugh this much but I like your style.
I've chuckled at a few things you've written but "walking around and talking about objects like a child with a learning impediment" is the best so far.

You should never take anyone's first offer.