syaaj

I am Hmong myself (and female) and traditionally we find it normal that if a woman is taken into someone's elses home by force or willingly, they can become the man's wife. It's something we grew up to learn and accept but being in America, we don't have to be forced to stay with the abductor because obviously this is America and the police is there to help because this is known as KIDNAPPING. When I say willingly, the man could say "Oh, lets go eat some ice cream" and the girl agrees but the man takes her to his house or his cousin's house. As soon as the girl arrives, the girl's parents would be notified and she wouldn't be welcomed back home since shes the guy's "property" now and as long as he can pay her parents about $5,000 or whatever value her parents place on her.

But at the same time, many women don't deny the abductor because their families deem it OKAY that this happened as long as the man can pay and will devalue the woman if they choose to run back home. So basically, our tradition is that a man is okay to kidnap a girl as long as a they have money. I really hate that idea because not every girl wants to be kidnapped at a young age just to have babies or be there for sex. But when a woman is divorced, runs away, and such, they belittle the woman and word gets around about how he couldn't satisfy the man. Our culture is basically how the man is the head of the household and women are objects. Really sucks but hey, at least in America it is changing and the older generation Hmong's can't do anything to prevent women from being equal to men.

From a males perspective though, if he isn't Americanized, then yea he is totally fine with kidnapping. But here in America it just depends on their perspective since it can be different. Some respect women and say its wrong to kidnap, some don't respect women and treat them below their status.

Edit: I just want to add more input.

Traditionally, when we hold weddings, the man has to pay at least $5000 or more depending on the woman's parents. Even though he pays that much, the woman's family at least has to provide something like cows, pigs, whatever for the wedding feast. Then the mother does a farewell thing for her daughter and then the daughter has to go to the man. Now in America, I am a first generation Hmong meaning my parents moved here from Thailand and had me in America. In the course of the 21 years I've lived, Hmong customs have slowely but not greatly changed. Some of us have converted into Christianity (and the majority don't support kidnapping) and some have stayed traditionally shaminism. I still see older men who couldn't get women or have been divorced go to Vietnam, Laos, or Thailand and buy a wife to bring back here to obviously only have them to have sex with or for the woman to cook for the man and whatever. I know a guy who did that and refused to leave the woman alone by herself when she was around guests and that was to prevent her from trying to escape. He was this old man while the girl he paid for was in her early 20s. Almost everyone knew her because word travels so fast in the Hmong community. We have cousins here and there and word just travels so far and it sounds like everyone is sort of in everyone's business which is VERY annoying. But for me, if I was to get married, my husband would have to give my parents money since they are traditional in that sort of sense.

I totally agree with you. Being Hmong as myself, a lot of Old G's (the older generation) do turn a blind eye when it comes to kidnapping. As soon as you're abducted or step foot on another man's property (such as house) you're all theirs. I'm really glad to live in America and to not go through these things because there are things such as the police we can go to. I do also know that many older Hmong men in USA who cannot find wives tend to go buy them in Vietnam, Thailand or Laos.

What is your favorite food to eat and why?

Haha thank you for the tip but I will be fine. Loving your personality!