soyougottoletmeknow

I'm an Israeli Jew, my grandparents are both holocaust survivors. I've been very patriotic for my first ~25 years in Israel, but as a dad in my thirties I feel disillusioned and cheated by Israel. Every terrible country is terrible in its own way, and comparisons hardly serve the discussion because so much is different, and of course Israel is nowhere like Nazi Germany at the height of the holocaust - but Israel is doing terrible things to my mind. We're not the victim anymore, we're a nuclear superpower controlling a population as big as our own with military might; we told ourselves our imaginary friend gave us our land, and completely ignore the people who were already there.

I often felt there like a decent German in the early 1930s, like a decent white South African in the 1980s. So I left. My small family moved to Europe about two years ago. I'm a decently successful lawyer, did well in Israel and in Europe. My English is splendid, my manners are half-European, my wife and daughter are happy here. But I'm homesick like I can't describe. I miss my friends, I miss my country, I miss my language, I miss the beach. I feel like I've given up and ran away, which is sort of what I did. In my twenties I spent so much time trying to help my country in the army (I was an officer, served eight years), and in hindsight all I did was wrong, or, at least, just didn't help.

I want to go home. Life in Israel is, indeed, reasonably good. The economy is OK if you're upper middle class, Tel-Aviv is such a wonderful city (other than during the biennial war on Gaza, when you suddenly discover how racist very nice people can be). I'll devote half my work to pro-bono cases, I'll send my kids to one of the very few Israel-Arab schools, I'll do what I can to shield them from the fascism and racism encroaching on Israel. But my taxes will still fund the occupation of Gaza.

I desperately want to hear your grandmas advice. What does she think? And, to clarify, I'm not asking her for personal advice, to go back or not. I want to know what does she thinks decent Germans should have done in her times. I understand she didn't know about a lot of things. Had she known, and was able to leave... would she?

EDIT: tried to make things brief; feel free to summarise the background as necessary in order to ask her. And thank you. And tell her, if she cares, that I think nothing bad of her or her generation, certainly not those actively involved in the genocide itself
EDIT2: I guess in Israel I'd be considered extreme-left, parties reflecting my opinions are virtually nonexistent. I guess about 5% of the voting population thinks like me, maybe less. Many Israelis would probably be very angry I dare make even a tenuous comparison between Israel and South Africa, let alone Germany in the thirties. If people care enough, I can do an AMA. EDIT3 (and last): Yay, gold! :) I get all these messages and comments and whatnot, I really want to do reply to everyone and even do an AMA right now, but I can't (real life...). I'll try to pull one off in the coming week or so. I've been a lurker so far and opened a throwaway for this message, it suddenly blew out of proportion. Can someone message me about how should I do it (just post in /r/ama?), what are the best times, how much time to set aside for it, other advice?

Thank you, /u/samuirai. Spend a lot of your time with your granny, she saw more in her lifetime than you and me combined.