Thank you for sharing this, your story is incredibly interesting. I've never heard of this article but I think I have experienced similar feelings to what you described, after being attacked and sexually assaulted by a stranger at night (9 years ago).
It was really strange because I happened to be going through an extreme period of depression during the weeks before the attack occurred. I had been contemplating suicide and had gone deep into planning .etc.. I was also drinking to black out almost every night. I remember I had written a suicide note the morning of the date I was attacked.
In the moment that the assault was occurring, I remember very vividly as I lay under the man and he began choking me with his hands. with all these thoughts spinning in my head. I had this feeling of utter annoyance with myself, like I was so angry for wanting to kill myself over petty worldly things like money, a job, or even simply the human feelings of sadness and loneliness. How petty for taking bad days for granted, now my life was going to be over at the hands of this person, I would live a thousand more bad days to not end like this. I thought of my mom and a stupid fight we had the day before, and I began replaying all of these scenarios in my life where I took everything for granted. It was like a slow movie that played out in the span of a minute. I literally felt like I was detaching from the human-ness of these bitter feelings and my old self was falling away.
The story itself is much more than that and fortunately I did survive. But the whole incident created this massive shift in my entire existence and I've never quite thought the same since. I never felt like it traumatized me but more so helped me evolve, if that makes sense. I've never found a way to quite explain this shift but finding this comment and article has really helped me understand a bit more. I appreciate your forthcomingness and sharing your experience which has helped me share mine too
soomanypineapples124 karma
Thank you for sharing this, your story is incredibly interesting. I've never heard of this article but I think I have experienced similar feelings to what you described, after being attacked and sexually assaulted by a stranger at night (9 years ago).
It was really strange because I happened to be going through an extreme period of depression during the weeks before the attack occurred. I had been contemplating suicide and had gone deep into planning .etc.. I was also drinking to black out almost every night. I remember I had written a suicide note the morning of the date I was attacked.
In the moment that the assault was occurring, I remember very vividly as I lay under the man and he began choking me with his hands. with all these thoughts spinning in my head. I had this feeling of utter annoyance with myself, like I was so angry for wanting to kill myself over petty worldly things like money, a job, or even simply the human feelings of sadness and loneliness. How petty for taking bad days for granted, now my life was going to be over at the hands of this person, I would live a thousand more bad days to not end like this. I thought of my mom and a stupid fight we had the day before, and I began replaying all of these scenarios in my life where I took everything for granted. It was like a slow movie that played out in the span of a minute. I literally felt like I was detaching from the human-ness of these bitter feelings and my old self was falling away.
The story itself is much more than that and fortunately I did survive. But the whole incident created this massive shift in my entire existence and I've never quite thought the same since. I never felt like it traumatized me but more so helped me evolve, if that makes sense. I've never found a way to quite explain this shift but finding this comment and article has really helped me understand a bit more. I appreciate your forthcomingness and sharing your experience which has helped me share mine too
View HistoryShare Link