sarahforest

Hi Tak, what advice will you give someone who has been single for a long time? YEARS I mean. I'm quite conventionally good looking, my friends can't explain it (I have many friends!), and I've met people with bad intentions, people who tried to scam me etc while on the journey looking for love. With covid, my hopes are even lower now. So close to giving up...

Thank you in advance! :)

Thanks Tak, really appreciate such a thorough response from you. Thank you for taking the time!!

For me it seems like during this covid times, the first stage is more of a problem. But in the past, I’ve been on dates but same as the “Rachel” in your example, they didn’t take off.

I’ve met many people from online apps, and seem to meet people who are just interested in sex. My pictures are not revealing at all though. So I thought, hm maybe where I’m looking for men is wrong. So I got off the apps and moved onto irl interactions.

So fast forward to joining more meet up events and sports classes. I was pretty active, but one of the meet up apps was a scam. And started harassing me and tried to extort money from me. So taking advantage of my desire to expand my social network.

But I’ll reflect again on your points. And maybe just keep trudging on this path... :)

I’m luckier in other aspects of life, but this particular one is like navigating a troll filled swamp. 😂

Thank you once again!

"The market is LITTERED with bad potential partners. I read a book on attachment styles and it just clicked as to why. The good potential partners are already in a relationship, and they stay there for a long time/forever. So what's the singles market littered with? All of the perpetually single types and a handful of the type you're looking for. So our perceptions are skewed.But guess what? The type you are looking for are snatched up VERY quickly OR give up very quickly because they can't tolerate the sea of crappy people...Especially if they are doing the online thing."

- I felt that!!! so I ended up closing the door on online channels. Too little filter, its like opening a flood gate to this sea of crappy people.

Thank you for your comments computerguy0-0. I think I got affected by past failures and for a long time I believed all guys were jerks and after one thing and one thing only. (sorry!) But now I see the whole issue about the disproportionate representation of fkbois/perpetually singles in the dating pool.

Good news is though, I'm consistently trying to improve myself. Went for therapy, read books, hitting the gym (I'm quite fit), optimizing my health and energy levels, working on my career (I also have a good career and financial standing, no debt and decent net worth), building my social network...

So thanks, I'll be heeding your and OP's advice. Don't give up, jump back in, keep trying. Consistency is key. Right?

Though as a girl, I feel like it might be better to let the guy do the chasing and show his intentions. But I'll be consistent with showing up and accepting him I suppose?

Had one short-lived "in between/dating" relationship (in which the other party was just looking for something casual it turns out), so I have been pretty cautious. I go on dates in public places. No sexual activity until I know the guy is at least a bit more genuine, and not just looking to score.

I'm really not sure if I tend to incite sexual thoughts in men... I received comments like, "you look like Mulan" (the new movie), "you look like a geisha" etc. When I'm usually just wearing a normal dress (not showing chest) or jeans and a nice top. Again, not revealing.

I am a person and have thoughts and feelings too! Not just a body or a face gosh hahahah