sarah_spaz

It’s on that end of the life spectrum, yeah. Imagine that you’ve accepted your role as a parent to a baby. Your mind and body are both going through intensive changes (moms and dads alike) to prepare for this miracle that will be the most challenging thing you’ll ever do in your life. A masterpiece if you will. This will be you attempting to show a little tiny helpless thing, how to be a human. And a good human at that! Most of us don’t feel like we’re up to the job but we stand at that moment and say bring it on. We get excited even! You have dedicated your life and strength to the survival of this beautiful little idea that’s blossoming in a perfect belly! Oh my god do we get excited!

But then one day at a routine visit to the doctor, you see the look change on your nurses face as she’s looking at a sonogram screen. Her brows knit and her eyes cloud as she tries another spot because she says she’s “not quite getting... hmm... Let me see if the doctor is busy. I don’t want to worry you, but I need her to verify something. Sit tight honey.” Then the doctor comes and nods and smiles at you, setting to work finding that pesky heartbeat. After a few different positions, she pulls her stethoscope off her neck and places the cold larger surface against your belly. Now her face is darkening too. You look at your partner. They’re scared, they see you looking and smile (what they hope is) reassuringly, squeezing your hand as if to say “no worries, just weird machine, right?” The doctor starts the next sentence with your first name, then your partners, and continues with “I’m so sorry... there’s no more heartbeat”. At that moment it feels as if your soul has left your body, and somehow your consciousness stuck around to record the whole thing. You might feel faint and far away while she’s talking to you about the necessary procedure that has to happen for your safety. The procedure that’s still referred to on some medical paperwork as an abortion. The next week passes in a disturbing fog of medical terminology and “sorry for your loss” and sometimes less sympathetic notions that you didn’t really have a baby yet so it’s ok. Those people become former friends. Your friends with new babies stay away for fear of hurting the raw place they’re afraid to talk about. You and your partner might hold each other quietly a lot. You might fight over who to blame. You might not survive the trauma as anything but best friends with no sex life. You will likely watch people with their children, a sick envy deep in your broken heart. You may judge their child’s behavior as a reflection of parenting skill, or just hate them for having a living child. You might wake up sobbing a couple months later, only to get up and go to work, wanting to be done with the grieving. But you will never look at life the same way again.

It's an amazing world that transcends culture. ^{_^}

As always, I love your incredible descriptions.

How did you break into ghost writing? Please feel free to ignore if someone asked and I'm being repetitive.

Thank you for answering, I appreciate this! Makes perfect sense. I'm honestly just wanting to make some extra cash now and then for doing something that's legal. lol Are there sites or anything you can recommend for work?