pushygalore

I can speak of my experience in NJ. I have paid child support and alimony every other week to my ex from the time we were separated in 2007. I am in Financial Services which got killed when the economy went down in 2008 and have been accruing arrears since. My wages are garnished and right now my ex gets 100% of my paycheck from my regular job. I have to take "cash" on the side just to make money to live. I have field motions every year since 2009 for a reduction of my A&C support and have been denied every year even though I have provided the court with bona fide proof that my income has gone down by over 60%. In my last filing of a motion, my ex to punish me filed a cross motion for parenting tiime mediation. She claimed I was abusive to her and the children even though there is no evidence at all to prove that is the case. The mediator recommended to the judge that my parenting time be suspended and the judge ruled in my ex spouses favor with no due process, no discovery, nothing! Just worte a judgement saying that I am not allowed to see my children. I do not have any criminal background at all, have held the same occupation for 22 years, have not had a moving violation in over 5 years. Have been trying to go through the court system to get relief and have been repeatedly denied. I am financially bankrupt and I am not even allowed to see my children. If you think the courts are these hallowed hallways of justice then think again. I used to read about "Dead beat dads" and thought F them they deserve to be in jail. Well I have seen how the system punishes those men as I have been incarcerated for short periods of time for "willful non support" even though there is nothing willful about it. The entire A&C system is broken when men who have committed no crime are being put behind bars because they cannot meet thier obligation because they lost a job or were downsized. In my opinion alimony should be rehabilitatiive only and last no more than 5 years. If you want to know more of my story I am glad to tell it as a warning of what can happen in NJ when you are divorced.

This has been my experience in NJ. Ex claims I abused her and the children with no evidence and the judge suspends my parenting time. No due process, no discovery just all based on the allegation of abuse by the ex and a recommendation of the mediator. It is a complete abuse of non custodial fathers that goes on all the time. Its disgusting!

Yes they are! I have expereinced it first hand and it sucks. I love my children just as much as my ex but because she cannot move on after the divorce just out of spite she coerced the court into suspending my parenting time all based on her allegation nothing more. I am too broke to fight it and it is killing me.

Mainlysane,

first let me say thank you for doing this AMA. I was going to do one myself but because my case is still in active litigation I decided against it for right now! It is important that we get stories like yours out there in the public. I feel bad for you! Two years in prison for non support is Abuse by the state! And I bet all that time you were accruing arrears while the state took away your ability to earn a living and your freedom! Here in NJ I have been subject to regular DL suspensions and warrrants for my arrest. I turn myself in to purge the warrants. Again all the burden is placed on the paying party to prove thier case not the other way around! I could go on and on about all the injustices of the divorce laws but then I will not be working to support my spouse. Good luck to you and lets try to get these unjust laws changed nationwide.

I am prefectly metally stable and my ex filed a TRO against me. Anyone can file a TRO against anyone else and it will be heard! I have been to jail too for non support even though I have paid my ex something evey other week since the first days of our separation. The system is stacked against you if you are a man. It took my first hand experience to become a believer of how stacked the system is against men.