parikuma

Do you have good recommendations in the vein of the first movement of Edgar's Cello Concerto? (beautifully shown in a masterclass by Benjamin Zander, who perhaps you have met?)

All the best for your performance! Break a leg!

That's one way to experience it, not the only way.
You can get that if you upset staff in any way (which can be a list of variable length and might depend on days), or if you declare that you have mental issues including depression, in which case they'll happily throw you in a box rather than deal with the trouble.

Your fellow citizens from Snake island who lost their lives summed it up well:

Russian military ship, go fuck yourself

This is really on point.
You mention elsewhere that "at the time you thought you were part of the good guys" and I think you were and you are: we need people facing that difficult work. The issue is all too often that before you intervene there's a lot of things that a society could have done (mental health support, social support in difficult areas, integration programs) but really didn't care do to at a significant scale (because it didn't invest in it).
There's been a growing trend across many typically rich democratic countries to completely slash the budget of anything except repression, and I think everyone ends up being a victim of this: people who end up in prison (with mandatory minimums shown to not work, etc), the justice system (overwhelmed), and the Police that is forced to take on tasks of social and mental support that it is absolutely not designed and prepared for.

I hope that in the more recent years of your life you have had the opportunity to get the support you deserve for all you've had to deal with, and I hope all of society will get there someday - so that people in your kind of job have less work and less PTSD to face (and less victims, and less crime..).

While a relationship is essential for therapy to flourish, a relationship with a therapist is not bound by the same terms as long-lasting friendships or family relationships: you don't owe them the same things and things aren't as bilateral.
If they accept treating you, what you owe them is sincerity, respect, and at least a hint of willingness to let the discourse unravel. What they owe you is respect, and doing their best at helping you with the tools they have or can acquire, and to remove their ego from the equation if and when it is helpful to you to do so.

As a corollary to the reply above, if your therapist is reacting with anything but empathy when you respectfully question their choices and words or when you seek additional information, it's a sign to GTFO. True of psychiatrists too - if you need context and understanding of your treatment and you don't get that, someone else can and will offer that to you.
Needless to say that if you, as a patient, are reacting without respect for your therapist, they are also free to sever the relationship. They do what they do for you and others, but they don't exist entirely for you.

And I agree with the "you don't dread visiting them" thing, with the emphasis on them when visiting.
A lot of people might still dread the visit itself, but if it's not about the person then that isn't a problem - and might even be a sign that they put you in a zone of discomfort for growth.