I guess this is more about what the betrayed party can do to better “get over it.”
Is it at all healthy to tell the betrayed party that they aren’t allowed to talk about it? There was some lying/betrayal with a third party involved in my previous relationship and once I found out, we talked, I was upset, and a few weeks later her position was that I needed to get over it. It made me feel less over it than ever before and it led to a lot of contempt on her part for my desire to still want to talk about it. I guess it just never felt resolved for me and I have engaged in a lot of self blame because our relationship ended, at least according to her, because of my inability to get over things. “Our problems would not exist if you’d just shut your f***ing mouth and get the hell over it” and so on. Talking about it was not ok with her and if I brought it up at all, a switch would flip and she’d get extremely angry.
Was there some kind of better path we could have taken? I forgave her, but I just didn’t want her to do it again and it felt like it was me who was the problem and that she thought so too.
orbital_mechanix27 karma
I guess this is more about what the betrayed party can do to better “get over it.”
Is it at all healthy to tell the betrayed party that they aren’t allowed to talk about it? There was some lying/betrayal with a third party involved in my previous relationship and once I found out, we talked, I was upset, and a few weeks later her position was that I needed to get over it. It made me feel less over it than ever before and it led to a lot of contempt on her part for my desire to still want to talk about it. I guess it just never felt resolved for me and I have engaged in a lot of self blame because our relationship ended, at least according to her, because of my inability to get over things. “Our problems would not exist if you’d just shut your f***ing mouth and get the hell over it” and so on. Talking about it was not ok with her and if I brought it up at all, a switch would flip and she’d get extremely angry.
Was there some kind of better path we could have taken? I forgave her, but I just didn’t want her to do it again and it felt like it was me who was the problem and that she thought so too.
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