not_your_normal_girl

I won't call you an asshole. It seems like your questions in an honest question, and I don't mind it. When you find out that someone is lying to you about something, what do you do? I like to go back to the beginning of what they told me and look at everything for myself, and that's what I have done and continue to do with the Bible and my belief in God. I've found that what these cult leaders, and many religious leaders the world over, do is add or take away things from the Scripture and teach their ideas about God as fact. These cult leaders twisted Scripture to make it say things it never said and taught as fact ideas about God that are not found in Scripture. So, I rejected everything that was not found or based in Scripture and I have based my belief in God only on what I have found to be true. I hope that answers your questions.

I tried to get out when I was 19 but I was talked in to returning. They use a lot of manipulation techniques, make promises they don't intend to keep. They told us that if we left God was going to kill us. We were raised in fear and completely surrounded with fear constantly. As a result I grew up very fearful of just about everything. We were also taught that the leader was God's anointed and we could never question her or her teachings or we would be killed. This was reinforced by stories from the Bible where people questioned authority and God punished them. There were several really bad things that happened when I was in my mid-twenties that culminated in my leaving. One of these things was the pastor trying to have an affair with one of my older sisters. When she refused him, his wife and other leaders painted my sister out to be a whore and told the church that she had tried to seduce the pastor. I watched them drive my sister into deep depression and break her as a person. Every time I tried to say something or talk about the truth I was punished or told I didn't know what was really going on. Eventually I had to get a job, met a guy who became my best friend and husband, and together we talked through many things, studied the Bible together, and prayed that I would know what the truth of my situation was. I actually had a day when I had an absolute revelation of what was happening and what that place was, so I left.

I had to sneak out. If you told anyone you were leaving they would throw you out on the street with nothing and not allow you to get your things. Also, I knew my family would try really hard to talk me into staying, and because I love them so much, it would be hard to resist their pleas. So, I packed 4 bags with as many important things/necessities as I could and took everything to work with me that day. Actually, I took 2 bags with on the bus that morning, returned around lunch time and took the other 2 with me when I went back to work that afternoon, lol. After I got to work, I called my oldest sister to tell her that I was not coming home and that the only reason I was calling was so they wouldn't worry about me. I then told her that I didn't want anyone trying to contact me for a few weeks while I sorted everything out. I then had my co-worker drive me to a friend's house. I had met this girl in college and we had staid friends, how I'm not sure. Fortunately (Providentially?) for me, she owned a house and had a free room that had just become available. She let me stay with her for 6 months until I could find my own place.
Thank you for all the comments! :)

Well, there were a lot of reports of child molestation and growing up, I had to sit in a lot of "meetings" where they made adults confess all their sexual sins to the group. It was really hard to hear people you were taught to respect tell everyone that they wanted to rape young girls or sleep with other people's spouses. All the girls in the group were constantly made to feel that they were sluts and were being accused of trying to have sex with just about every guy around. There was a lot of emotional and psychological abuse around sex and they tried their hardest to demonize it as much as possible.

I am currently trying to repay my loans. It's a very daunting task and it is hard not to be bitter about it. But, bitterness never helped anyone succeed in life, so I am doing my best to eat the whale one bite at a time. Thank you for the suggestion, but my experience with banks has been that they couldn't care less about the how's and why's of you loan, just that they get repaid. I will look into it though.