nickjameswagner

Hi! Thank you for your question. As you note, reductions in children's access to peer interactions is a major concern for parents right now. While not what we're used to, it is possible for children to meaningfully connect with friends online, via zoom or other platforms and games. In fact, my postdoc (Dr. Kelly Smith) has some recent research (not yet published) that examined the quality of interactions between children while playing Minecraft together in the same room vs interacting over the internet while playing together. Those interacting over the internet still had very high quality interactions in terms of their discussions, and reported satisfaction and enjoyment. My kids aren't old enough for X box yet but I am aware that there are games that allow for social interaction while playing. Of course parents should work to oversee these interactions as much as possible (possibly encouraging the use of speakers rather than headphones), and I can't speak to how they're moderated. But, social interaction even over the internet can be very positive. Parents usually have a good sense of how to scaffold these interactions based on children's ages.

Thank you for your question! One thing that hits home for me from your message is that all of the stressors of COVID, staying home, missing out on things we used to do, and the fact that it's lasted so long, has made it hard for me to focus and get motivated on things as well. Seemingly small chores now seem a much heavier lift. Very often our behaviors have other underlying motivations, stress about one thing, or feeling sad about something else, can manifest as an outburst about a seemingly small chore or avoidance of things we didn't mind doing in the past...at least that's been the case for me.

General tips for behavioral modification which may be helpful typically include 1) over praising (like really over praising) behaviors you like and want repeated (so really giving attention when a chore is done or HW is finished - attention and praise is almost always the best reward), 2) scaffolding expectations and focusing on one thing at a time - so when chatting about something you'd like to work on (e.g., chores) try not to also bring in HW or other things to the conversation, 3) you can use consequences as needed but be selective, consistent, and do so (as much as possible) in a calm way - make it clear what needs to be done for the consequence to be lifted and then super-praise when the behavior happens.

​

Here's a link to a post that may be relevant by researchers at FIU on tips for back to school - it's a bit off topic but the points about setting goals and consistency are relevant:

https://news.fiu.edu/2020/a-parents-secret-weapon-for-back-to-school-a-daily-report-card

Thank you for this important question. As we're all aware, research on the implications of COVID-19 for children is necessarily ongoing and ever-changing. But, my read of the medical literature is that COVID does pose meaningful risk to children and that children can spread the virus, including to people who may be potentially high risk (see here for a recent editorial in JAMA Pediatrics: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2771180). My personal opinion is that parents and policy makers should follow the medical science and put their physical health and the health of our children first.

Of course, there is substantial research documenting the critical importance of social interaction for children, particularly young children. The ways in which stress, changes in routine, and the link impact the developing child are also well documented (I discussed these topics here, if you're interested: http://www.bu.edu/articles/2020/how-to-parent-during-a-pandemic/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=link&utm_content=research_socialsciences&utm_campaign=social_experts). Regarding social interactions, playing with similarly aged peers—as opposed to with parents— present children with an opportunity to develop perspective-taking skills, social competence, and advanced moral reasoning in a way that differs from play with parents (all play is good though!). Kids can explore the dynamics of social relationships with other kids in ways that just aren’t possible with adults.

Importantly, I don't think direct comparisons between the direct health risk of COVID and the social/emotional consequences COVID-related changes to our lives are necessary or helpful. We have to do what we can to keep ourselves and our families safe and healthy. Then, we have to work to adapt to our current situation to best support our developing children.

Luckily, we're all in this together. I've been encouraged by the outpouring of information and support from professionals, family members, and friends - our social connections look different but they haven't ceased to exist. For example, I’ve seen teachers and parents alike develop very creative and effective ways of supporting children’s online relationships. Of course these things vary from child to child in terms of what works when it comes to setting up online play dates or other social experiences. For my own young children, I've found it’s best to provide some structured or planned activities, while still leaving space for creativity and exploration.

It's incredibly hard to be a parent right now, and, speaking from my own experiences, I am saddened when I think of all of the opportunities my kids have missed out on since this all started. But, I'm encouraged to know that none of us are in this alone. We're all working to figure out how best to support our kids, and we should not be scared to ask for help. Also, take comfort in the fact that decades of research on children and families unequivocally demonstrates that children are very resilient and can flourish even in changing and difficult circumstances.

In addition to online interactions, depending on the public health considerations in a person's community, parents may also feel comfortable arranging outside playdates for their kids. In my experience, children adapt well to new guidelines around social interactions like mask wearing and social distancing. It's been amazing to see the types of games my four year old has come up with while still (mostly) adhering to our constant reminders to keep distance. Of course, parents should allow for distanced but in-person activities only as they feel safe doing so.

Hi everyone! I'm excited to speak you all today about parenting during the pandemic!