mrgreyshadow

I am also adopted. My adoptive parents were abusive, and no more competent than the parent(s?) who gave me up.

Please continue to meet the basic standard for a parent. Please do not molest your children or treat them like animals, customers, or foster kids you're babysitting instead of just kids. That artificiality is something we could see, and it made us wish again for "real" parents, you see. And please don't be frustrated that you can't "fix" them overnight from the hangups they are going to have forever. Maintaining an image of a happy family is far less valuable than maintaining trust and safety of your kids.

(I hope none of that is relevant anymore because standards have improved.)

Anyway. In the same limb, I sometimes summarize myself (a public adoptee) as a shelter puppy, rather than one of from a breedist puppy mill. So I was wondering - what are your feelings on overseas adoptions?

Former foster child here.

What do you think? It's exactly like a Lifetime movie, but with no happy endings and the characters have more dimensions and are a lot less pretty. Personally, I hate my life. And I'm 23. I admire how happy Mr. Foster Parent is, though.

Father: Raped older sister over long period of time; kept crazy mother drugged; maintained physically abusive authority over all family members.

Mother: Schizophrenic hippie lady who didn't (still doesn't) take meds for it.

Oh, and just for fun so no one starts believing this shit is a cakewalk?

Adoptive father: Pedophile who liked little boys (he's in jail)

Adoptive mother: Bitchy authoritarian fat Mormon girl.

Both appeared to be in it for the stipend. Neither were qualified, grownups or realistic. They were guided by their upbringings (probably fucked up too) and dog training books. They didn't punish us with corporal punish unless it didn't leave a mark, but they did take away everything we owned - we foster kids are touchy about our things because it's hard to keep them in sudden moves from home to home, and between clepto foster brothers. We were forced to do useless manual labor (move cinderblock back and forth from end to end of the yard, repeat), to sit in rooms with no entertainment and a sleeping bag on a hard room (this was "being grounded" for us) to stare at the ceiling and knock for bathroom breaks ("No, you're faking it"), and any attempts to leave these environments or speak were given another week. Solitary confinement. Always attrition. We were like horses to break or something. Corner standing for hours ("nose in the corner" and smell the paint or you get another hour, bathroom runs cost you another hour "faker") and yes ma'am yes sirs or you get all the chores in the house. Clip your nails or nails painted to go to school tomorrow. Copy the same page in the book over and over again.

There are geneva conventions against this shit, and that's what I got out of the system. We got barely any justice out of it. Do you think these assholes feel ashamed? "The system" of social workers and caretakers is dealing with so many cases exactly like mine that it doesn't register drop for the bucket. I can't sue Washington State for compensation.. Hell, I can't legally prove much of this shit happened to me. But it did. So I remain pretty much completely cynical about foster care and adoption systems.

As far as creative non-corporal punishment, it was the same situation for our other foster parents, but they weren't as bad. I suppose the amount of oversight has changed... Maybe mandatory psychiatrist appointments would reveal the secret sexual abuse not disclosed since our new "real" parents decided this was best left undisclosed.

But anyway, if you ever talk to somebody who has needed social workers, they have worse life stories than soap operas. They're like greek tragedy. To answer your question.

Meh. I sound novel, but I'm not that special.

I'm just bitter. It's a Holden Caulfield thing - a large part of me thinks everyone must be phony to feel optimistic about this adoption bullshit.

Like.. For example, the word "adoption" was how I'd win staring contests in elementary school and junior high. I could let all the happiness run out of my face and frown when I thought of "adoption," or also "foster care." It's no picnic, but maybe it's getting better.