mizzgracielou59 karma2013-09-02 23:45:13 UTC
As a victim, it never fully goes away even after his dead. It's worse when you have a daughter of your own and you can't trust anybody. Not even your husband. It jades you from everything and it truly sucks. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I truly feel your pain (9-13 years old I was). I pray that he lives with this guilt every aingle day. I was two months into my trial and he shot himself in the head. Coward! I resented not being able to tell the world how evil he truly was. I was not his first victim but I was his last and for that I'm grateful.
I understand the insecurities and being with people who don't deserve you. I never knew what love was until I had a child. I still think about it to this day and it affects my intimacy with my husband. He says he understands but one can't truly fathom what you went through unless you had the same thing happened. I'm happy you were brave enough to prosecute. I'm sure you saved many girls from the same horrible fate. Good luck and God bless.
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mizzgracielou17 karma2013-09-03 00:08:14 UTC
Thank you! I'm glad you sought therapy. I never did and always thought about it. I'm glad to hear you're in a better place. It pisses me off to hear he hurt those girls. I hope he gets beat up everyday in jail for the remainder of his time. Enough to have lasting psychological effects that way he can at least know what it feels like to be a victim.
mizzgracielou12 karma2013-09-03 00:46:49 UTC
I can't speak for all abused victims, but I felt that way. I felt dirty and used. I felt that I didn't deserve anything that was good. One time, I refused to get close to him, and he stated, "I've already had the best of you". That statement alone drug the knife deeper, sort of speak. I felt like I had nothing good left to offer. I smoked weed and drank heavily at age 17 and was in a very abusive relationship for five years, off and on. I was suicidal for the longest time because, somedays, I couldn't find the strength to go on. I went from one abusive relationship to another. Abusive as in physically and mentally abused. I was so insecure and felt worthless. It ruins you!
mizzgracielou8 karma2013-09-03 00:20:34 UTC
We can always hope...
mizzgracielou6 karma2013-09-03 13:25:38 UTC
Thank you. It takes realizing and confronting what happened to you to be open about it. Maybe that ex wasn't ready to confront them and move past them. Holding secrets that great truly takes a toll on you...
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